“5 Ideas on How to Connect with Your Spouse” Episode Overview
Larry Hagner and Shawn Stevenson share five ideas on how to connect with your spouse. They discuss some of the common challenges of marriage and how to overcome them with easy strategies.
Intimacy gets lost when we get too busy and don’t make the time to truly connect with our spouse. The best way to connect with her/him is through communication, having a real conversation. Larry and Shawn discuss some of the common challenges of marriage and how to overcome lost connection and intimacy with five easy strategies.
The Problem: Limited Time to Connect
We have limited time in the day to connect with our spouse. We have demands of work, homework, extra curricular activities with kids, our health, hobbies, quality time with our kids and family.
At times, there is very little time to connect during the day. We can be exhausted from the day. We burn the candle on both ends. We “check out” when we get home. When we don’t make time for our spouse, we can potentially lose our connection. We lose intimacy.
Idea #1: Go on Once a Month (or More) Dates
Couples who do not take time with each other one-on-one can lose their connection. Your dates have to be something that gives you a platform where you can communicate and catch up. You should be in a situation where you will be able to hear each other and hold a conversation.
One suggestion would be to have Date Night more than once a month. Another suggestion would be to have an annual Date Day, where you spend the whole day and evening together. A third suggestion would be to have a mini date night or day, where you spend a few hours together. You could go out to dinner or just hang out together doing something simple.
Here are some tips to have a successful Date Night or Date Day:
- You must schedule it.
- Book a babysitter.
- Make reservations for dinner at your favorite place.
- No movies, concert, or plays: It must be interactive between the two of you.
Idea #2: Take 10 Minutes Every Day Before Bed to Catch Up
This time is sacred. Before bed may be the only time you and your spouse have to really connect with one another by having a meaningful conversation. A huge driving force for women, especially, is to be heard. There is something special and transformative about lying in bed together and having real pillow talk.
Here are some tips to have a fulfilling 10 minutes:
- Ask open ended questions: What; When; Why; How. The more questions your spouse can answer without simply answering “yes” or “no”, the better.
- Hold hands or physically touch (ex., give a backrub/massage) during your conversation.
- No TV, iPad, or phones during your 10 minutes.
Jack Canfield (author of Chicken Soup for the Soul series) wrote a book called The Success Principles. In his book, Jack mentions that he and his wife share five things they appreciate about each other every night before bed.
Verbally acknowledge 3-5 things you appreciate about each other. Feeling significant is a human need, and hearing those things are powerful.
Idea #3: Talk or Text Throughout Your Day
Communicate on a daily basis or throughout the day. Call or text during the day to “check in” and let your partner s/he is in your thoughts. A useful tip would be to keep your interaction lighthearted and make your spouse laugh or make your spouse feel appreciated. Long-term happiness is related to gratitude and appreciation.
A suggested number of times is at least three times per day. We generally eat three times a day. Why not take some time there to communicate with our life partner?
Here are two helpful suggestions when talking/texting:
- Make it a point to communicate via text or phone call to pay a compliment about something specific.
- Don’t just give a simple “l love you.” The communication has to be something with more thought and specifics. Why do you love your spouse?
Idea #4: Pay a Genuine Compliment at Least 3 Times a Day (For 1 Week)
This strategy ties in with Idea #3: Talk or Text Throughout Your Day. Be aware of your spouse and her/his needs.
Of course, feel free to pay daily genuine compliments for more than just one week. One week is simply a good starting point to help turn the act of paying a genuine compliment into a positive habit.
Here are two important guidelines when giving compliments:
- It has to be something specific.
- It must be something important, empowering, and impactful for your spouse.
Idea #5: Choose to Love Your Spouse
The first 90 days or so of a relationship are linked to primal chemistry, the initial stage of the honeymoon phase where flaws are commonly overlooked. Love is more than a feeling. To really love someone is to make a purposeful choice.
Learning to love is a skill. Love is a practice, something you have to cultivate and take care of in your relationship. You have to take loving your partner upon yourself by making love a study. Learn from examples of others whose relationships who are more than happy and who you admire. Read books and seek out advice.
Choose to look at your spouse with gratitude and appreciation. Choose to be positive and have a happy perspective. Choose love.
Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE
Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE
Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS
- Amazon Bestselling Book: The Dad’s Edge – 9 Simple Ways to Have: Unlimited Patience, Improved Relationships, and Positive Lasting Memories
- Larry’s New Course: The Dad’s Edge – 6 Strategies to Achieve: Unlimited Patience, Improved Relationships, and Positive Lasting Memories
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- Shawn’s Website
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