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screen kids

Taking Your Kids Back from Their Screens with Arlene Pellicane


It has been extremely difficult during lockdown and virtual schooling to limit screen time for our kids. That is why we have Arlene Pellicane back on the show to talk about Screen Kids, the latest book she’s co-written with Gary Chapman.

Arlene Pellicane tells us what too much screen time will do to our kids’ brains. She explains us how the internet trains kids to become accustomed to instant gratification and how that affects their wellbeing and behavior over time. Most importantly, she teaches us how to set non-negotiable boundaries around computers and devices in our homes.

Learn how to keep screen time balanced for you and your kids once and for all in this episode!

 

Arlene Pellicane

If you didn’t get to listen to Arlene’s first show, The Cool, Calm, and Connected Family, click here. She is a speaker and author of several books including Parents Rising, 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom, and Calm, Cool and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life. Arlene has been featured on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Focus on the Family, and FamilyLife Today. She’s the host of the Happy Home Podcast and regular contributor to Proverbs 31 Ministries.

Now she’s co-written Screen Kids and Grandparenting Screen Kids with Gary Chapman.

Arlene lives in San Diego with her husband James and their three children. You too can have a happy home – Arlene’s books will show you how.

Screen Kids: 5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World

Has Technology Taken Over Your Home?

In this digital age, children spend more time interacting with screens and less time playing outside, reading a book, or interacting with family. Though technology has its benefits, it also has its harms.

In Screen Kids Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane will empower you with the tools you need to make positive changes. Through stories, science, and wisdom, you’ll discover how to take back your home from an overdependence on screens. Plus, you’ll learn to teach the five A+ skills that every child needs to master: affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention. Learn how to:

  • Protect and nurture your child’s growing brain
  • Establish simple boundaries that make a huge difference
  • Recognize the warning signs of gaming too much
  • Raise a child who won’t gauge success through social media
  • Teach your child to be safe online

This newly revised edition features the latest research and interactive assessments, so you can best confront the issues technology create in your home. Now is the time to equip your child with a healthy relationship with screens and an even healthier relationship with others.

What You’ll Learn

  • Your device is designed to be sticky. Everything is created on purpose so you and your child will check it frequently.
  • A bicycle is a tool that waits for you to use it. Tech is not. It keeps prompting you to pick it up.
  • You’re not a bad parent and your kid is not without self-control. But it’s up to you to empower yourself.
  • None of Arlene’s kids have smartphones. How does she do it?
  • Children want devices to be like everyone else.
  • Kids gauge their worth on how many followers and fans they have.
  • There is an increase of suicide, depression, and self-harm in kids. Followers are not friends. The relationships are not satisfying.
  • Boys can be exposed to porn.
  • Girls are exposed to social media that always makes them feel less-than.
  • There are workarounds to raising kids with no devices.
  • Every kid is different. Some kids can limit themselves and others can’t.
  • Parents must set separate rules for each child if necessary.
  • It’s okay to show kids that life can be unfair.
  • Teach your kids to use the phone for a purpose.
  • When wondering if your child should be online, ask yourself are youR kids consuming or creating? Is what they’re doing digital vegetable (learning, creating) or digital candy (passive consumption, gaming)?
  • Screen time reduces kids’ tolerance to waiting, and they are used to being entertained all the time.
  • There is a difference between watching movies together as a family and your kids watching what they want by themselves.
  • Dopamine can be overdone. That’s why kids who are amused by games all day are moody and unhappy.
  • When your kid plays a video game that triggers flight or flight, blood flow to the prefrontal cortex is reduced. The decision-making center for self-control is dark.
  • When kids are constantly in survival mode, they lose practice of the executive center of their brains.
  • Devices are too accessible. Location is the key to regulation.
    • Make barriers.
    • Collect phones at night.
    • Keep screens in common areas.
    • Delay giving your child a device for as long as you can.
    • Take a digital sabbath, one day completely screen free. If your kids freak out during 24 hours without WIFI, you know you have a problem

RELATED EPISODES:

The Cool, Calm, and Connected Family with Arlene Pellicane

Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair

Love Languages and Other Marriage Tips for the Pandemic with Gary Chapman

 


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


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Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

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Arlene Pelicane’s Links

arlenepellicane.com

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The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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Arlene Pellicane

The Cool, Calm, and Connected Family with Arlene Pellicane


We all want to live in a happy home, have a deep relationship with our spouse, and confident and capable kids. But how do we create the home life we dream of in today’s world?

Arlene Pellicane shows us how. She is an author and speaker whose mission is to encourage families. Among her books are Parents Rising, 31 Days to a Happy Husband, and Cool, Calm, and Connected. Arlene helps parents raise kids who are ready for life (not just playing video games), and also helps couples take their so-so marriage to a joyful one.

Arlene Pellicane talks about what a man needs most from his wife and how a couple can fall in love again. She explains the complementary roles of mothers and fathers and how to leverage the strengths of each. Arlene also tells us how to raise obedient, respectful children, and how we can live with more purpose, and less screen time.

You can live in a happy home. Listen to discover how.

“The home works best when children obey their parents.”—Arlene Pellicane

Arlene Pellicane

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of several books including Parents Rising, 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom, and Calm, Cool and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life. Arlene has been featured on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Focus on the Family, and FamilyLife Today. She’s the host of the Happy Home Podcast and regular contributor to Proverbs 31 Ministries.

Arlene lives in San Diego with her husband James and their three children. You too can have a happy home – Arlene’s books will show you how.

31 Days to a Happy Husband

What does a man need most from his wife? Arlene Pellicane, author of 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife, asked numerous husbands that question. Based on their answers, Pellicane identified five keys that will give wives a new appreciation and understanding of how to love and care for their mates.

Parents Rising: 8 Strategies for Raising Kids Who Love God, Respect Authority, and Value What’s Right

Do you feel like you’re fighting a losing battle? Against the culture, against the busyness, sometimes even against your spouse and kids… Often it seems like everything is against you as a parent, and your everyday life can feel far from joy-filled. But it doesn’t need to be that way. Parents Rising will show you eight cultural trends that parents are up against today and what you can do to claim victory.

What You’ll Learn

  • Even if you didn’t have a happy home growing up, you can create one.
  • The 5 keys that will give wives a new appreciation and understanding of how to love and care for their husbands.
    • Domestic tranquility–A husband needs a peaceful haven.
    • Respect–A husband needs to be honored in his home.
    • Eros–A husband needs a fulfilling sex life.
    • Attraction–A husband needs to be attracted to his wife.
    • Mutual activities–A husband needs to have fun with his wife.
  • Before, kids were seen and not heard. The dynamic has flipped.
  • Amusement is not the highest priority.
  • Dads are good at taking charge.
  • Moms tend to over-accommodate and overcomplicate.
  • The differences between the mother and father is good and complimentary. Leverage these qualities.
  • Don’t let your wife stop you from being the leader.
  • How to speak to your wife about how she is managing the kids without upsetting her.
  • How screen time prevents kids from enjoying simple pleasures
  • What screen time does to a child’s brain—it’s like eating candy all day long.
  • Devices are programmed to be addictive. We would not hand a child a beer or cigarette.
  • During video games, the prefrontal cortex doesn’t get blood flow.
  • How to tell if your child is a casual, at risk, or addicted video gamer
  • Devices prevent neural pathways from being built. It’s just one-way passive consumption.
  • Devices prevent kids from learning social skills, like looking someone in the eye or carrying on a conversation.
  • Why you should not let your kids have their own devices
  • Will kids be left behind technologically if they don’t spend time on the internet?
  • QUIZ: Is my child getting too much screen time?

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Protecting Your Family from Gaming Addiction with Cam Adair

Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Arlene Pelicane’s Links

arlenepellicane.com

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


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in The Dad Edge Alliance.

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digital distraction

How to Raise Indistractable Kids with Nir Eyal


Digital distraction is a critical problem for parents today. It seems like social media, tech, and video games are hijacking our kids’ lives, but what if the amount of time our kids spend on devices is a symptom of a much deeper issue?

Today we have Nir Eyal on The Dad Edge Podcast. He is a professor at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business and the author of international bestseller, Hooked—How to Build Habit-Forming Products. His upcoming book, Indistractable—How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life, is a guidebook for getting the best of tech without letting it get the best of us.

Nir Eyal knows better than anyone about how people get sucked into the rabbit hole of digital distraction, but what he’s going to tell us today will blow your mind. Listen as he outlines the psychology of distraction and how to address the true source of the problem so that kids don’t feel the need to overuse technology.

It’s not about what you’re doing, it’s if you planned to do it.—Nir Eyal

Nir Eyal

Nir Eyal became acutely aware of the problem of digital distraction after his daughter was born. He remembers some of her first words were, “iPad time! iPad time!” After many years helping companies make habit-forming products, he struggled with the idea of parenting in this age of distraction.

This drove him to research all he could find on the topic of distraction and technology. Nir was surprised to find out that the information propagated in the media did not align with the academic research. The tech companies weren’t the villains like most people thought. It was our own lack of “psychological nutrients.”

From then on, Nir’s mission was to learn and teach how to be an indistractable parent and raise indistractable kids.

What You’ll Learn

  • What makes a habit-forming technology?
  • The difference between a habit and an addiction
  • The “hook” business model: Trigger, action, reward, investment
  • How companies understand what makes you tick and click better than you know yourself
  • How to “hack back” and put tech in its place
  • The difference between traction and distraction
    • When an activity is aligned with your values, it’s traction
    • When it’s not, it’s distraction
  • The internal and external triggers that prompt us to take action
  • How all human motivation is geared to avoid discomfort
  • The root of all distraction: kids trying to avoid psychologically uncomfortable situations
  • How to give your kids the tools to fight distraction themselves
  • Why it’s not the tech’s fault that you or your kids are distracted
  • The 4 steps to become indistractable
    • Master internal triggers
    • Make time for traction
    • Hack back external triggers
    • Make pre-commitments to prevent distraction
  • Why we do things we know we shouldn’t do and avoid things that are in our best interest
  • The psychological nutrients children need for mental well-being: a sense of mastery, autonomy, and relatedness
  • If they don’t receive psychological nutrients in the real world, they will look for them in the virtual world
  • How video games give kids a sense of mastery
  • How free play is a record lows
  • The myth of the rebellious teenager
  • How free play with peers develop children’s sense of relatedness
  • How to set tech boundaries together with your kids
  • How to get kids to enforce their own rules around tech
  • Why you don’t just want to raise a rule follower, but a kid who can make the best decisions for themselves.
  • At what age kids should be allowed to go on social media
  • How to know if your kids are ready for certain to technology
  • How to prioritize kids’ time for free play with friends in the real world by teaming up with likeminded parents
  • How free play prevents anxiety and depression
  • Why parents have to walk the walk themselves
  • How we are sabotaging ourselves by blaming tech companies for taking over our brains


MENTIONED EPISODES

Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less with Greg McKeown

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair

 


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.

CLICK HERE.

 


Nir Eyal’s Links

nirandfar.com

Twitter

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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APPLY HERE!

 


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Protecting Your Family from Gaming Addiction with Cam Adair

Protecting Your Family from Gaming Addiction with Cam Adair

We are just beginning to understand the impact of video games on child development and behavior. Never has our culture been so immersed in gamification. Games like Minecraft and Fortnite have become part of social culture. According to statistics, the average amount of time kids spend on video games is now 20 hours a week. 72% of all American households regularly play video games and 40% play to escape from the real world, which is a coping mechanism associated with addiction.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has documented that violent videos games cause children to show a greater propensity to be aggressive in real life. Frequent gaming also results in poor grades and a difficult relationship with parents.

So how can we protect our family from gaming addiction?

Today we are grateful to have Cam Adair from GameQuitters.com back on The Dad Edge. He is a former gaming addict who now helps kids and their parents find solutions for gaming addiction. He tells us how we can set healthy limits and boundaries around video games, and what activities we can implement into our daily lives to make sure our kids are fulfilled and less susceptible to compulsive gaming.

'There’s a tsunami of addiction coming that we’re not prepared for.'—@camerondare #gaming #videogames #gamingaddiction #parenting Click To Tweet

Cam Adair

Cam Adair first turned to video games as an escape when he began getting bullied in school. As he got older, the problem became so serious that he quit school and pretended to have jobs so his parents wouldn’t know about his problem.

Cam began suffering from anxiety and depression. It was a vicious cycle of gaming to escape problems he avoided fixing. He was completely isolated, and even got to the point of suicide. Luckily he survived and now has started a movement to educate kids and parents about the insidious destructiveness of video games.

What You’ll Learn

  • How to avoid technology when we are constantly connected to it
  • How kids start gaming as early as toddlers
  • The impact every year earlier kids are exposed the more damaging
  • How games give the instant gratification we don’t get in real life
  • How the brain becomes used to the high level of stimulation
  • How video games prevent kids from developing intangible skills—social skills, independence, creativity, and the art of being bored
  • Generational shift from being willing to work, our kids don’t feel the hunger
  • Cam’s dad’s “milkshake run” technique to have serious talks with kids
  • What it is about screens that make us addicted to them
  • The role of FOMO in screen addiction
  • How apps, gaming, social networks are designed to make us feel like we need to constantly be online
  • Screen time and business—the correlation between how forgetful and distracted we get while having the massive urge to get these things done
  • How your phone just being near you will make you less productive
  • How to prioritize notifications
  • The Fortnite crisis
  • How to be consistent and firm with gaming boundaries
  • How parents must accept that there will be a period of ugliness when putting limits on games
  • How to use the game withdrawal period as an opportunity to stand with your kids through a difficult time
  • What to do when kids want to spend money on game items, like skins for Fortnite
  • How the game skin business model is similar to gambling
  • How Facebook scammed kids out of money through gaming
  • How spending money on games can make kids more deceptive and also makes them more invested in the game
  • Choosing games with an end
  • How much time should your child be playing video games according to age group
    • Under 12 – none
    • Above 12 – 30 minutes
    • Teen – 1-2 hours
  • Rewarding kids for game-free days
  • Why it’s better to have completely game-free days than to set a daily time limit
  • Becoming aware of the excuses you’re making to let your kids play games
  • How teaching entrepreneurship to your children (using money to make more money) can help kids prioritize game spending
  • How to come together as a couple around gaming
  • Navigating co-parenting challenges
  • Finding a way to play video games with your kids to get more involved or redirect them to game design, or some other more creative aspect
  • Making sure kids have multiple options to fulfill all the needs video games instantly provide—escape, achievement, competition, relaxation, and social interaction
  • The importance of maintaining a family structure.
  • How isolation breeds as problem
  • The importance of self-care for you and our partner in combating screen time issues
  • Cam’s best advice to parents who are trying to control gaming and screen time—Give yourself a break. Mistakes happen. Keep trying!
'You can only show up as powerfully to your kids as you’re showing up for yourself.'—@camerondare #gaming #videogames #gamingaddiction #parenting' Click To Tweet

 

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair

Video Game, Porn, and Social Media Addiction with Cam Adair

How to Raise Money-Empowered Kids with John Lanza

How to Have Amazing Sex in Your Marriage with Dr. Emily Morse


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.

CLICK HERE.


Cam Adair’s Links

gamequitters.com

GAME OVER Documentary

List of Activities to Replace Gaming

Facebook Page

Facebook Group

Twitter

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YouTube

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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APPLY HERE!

the dad edge alliance


Learn More About Our Live Event!

June 6th – 8th 2019

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Video Game, Porn, and Social Media Addiction with Cam Adair

Dad Edge Alliance Q&A: Video Game, Porn, and Social Media Addiction with Cam Adair


Technology is changing our lives and habits more quickly than ever before in history. We live a life of instant gratification and constant entertainment. Smart phones, tablets, and computers enrich our lives in many ways, but they can also be overstimulating and keep us from interacting with the real world. What can we do for ourselves and our families to prevent video game, porn, and social media addiction?

We had Cam Adair on last week to talk about the epidemic of gaming disorder. This topic is so important and we as a society are just beginning to understand the implications. And it’s not just video games. Pornography and social media can alter our brain chemistry in the same destructive ways. We asked Cam back to do a live Q&A session with the Dad Edge Alliance so real dads could share their concerns about raising kids in the digital age.

'I realized that if I never quit gaming I would never do anything else.'—@camerondare #gaming #gamingdisorder #addiction #videogames #kids Click To Tweet

'...that’s tragedy in this technology conversation. We’re not giving these kids the opportunity to just be kids, to have to figure it out and learn how to play.'—@camerondare #kids #children #parenting #techonolgy Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • The immersive powers of video games and the internet
  • Why kids go into meltdown mode when you take their devices
  • How to give kids the chance to develop skills to interact with the environment and people around them.
  • Strategies to control technology use outside the house or when coparenting:
    • Develop relationships that make it comfortable to have the tech conversation
    • Come up with ideas of other things kids can do without technology
    • Inspire your kids to take charge of thinking of alternative activities to do with their friends
    • Controlling duration and frequency of screen exposure
  • How gaming can be a gateway to pornography addiction
  • The effect of violent video games on children’s minds
  • The shocking statistic: the first viewing of porn starts at the age of 8 and regular porn viewing begins at age 11
  • How porn, gaming, internet, and social media are all linked to digital addiction
  • The harmful sexualization of women in games and media
  • The structural brain changes that occur in regular gaming, social media, and porn
    • Numbed pleasure response
    • Hyper reactivity
    • Willpower erosion
  • The detox symptoms such as cravings, anxiety, boredom
  • Why binging makes the problem worse.
  • Why the lack of a father figure is a huge risk factor for violence
  • Why empathy is stunted by gaming
  • The dangerous myth that gaming friends aren’t “real” friends
  • How to regulate screen time when schools are pushing techonology
  • How to be intentional about screen time in your home
    • Being open and honest
    • Keeping devices in a visible, central area of your home
    • Taking conversations about technology outside the home and away from the computer
    • Apps that help regulate screen time
    • Getting a your kid a flip phone instead of a smart phone
  • Why you need to be okay about allowing your kids to go through the process of being bored
  • Why you shouldn’t use technology to engage with your kids
  • Why entertainment leads to entitlement
  • How to empower kids to take control of their screen time
  • How to keep your kid’s playful spirit and love of the outdoors
  • 3 things you need to do to be proactive about gaming and screen time
    • Be aware of you own emotional experience
    • Encourage your kids to create instead of consume. Programming, designing,
    • Take action when you see red flags. It’s so much easier to prevent it than to try to find a way to deal with it once it becomes a problem.
  • How to help boys specifically
'Playing violent video games doesn’t mean you’re going to be the next school shooter. It does mean that you’re being desensitized, and that can be a risk factor.'—@camerondare #gaming #gamingdisorder #violence #isolation Click To Tweet

 

Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.


Cam Adair’s Links

gamequitters.com

Facebook Page

Facebook Group

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @good_dad_project