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From Trauma to Transformation

From Trauma to Transformation

Unresolved trauma from our childhood affects every part of our lives, but the only way to be free from the pain of the past is to face it. When we acknowledge that we’ve been hurt, we can heal ourselves from within by starting with a few, small, brave steps.

We warn you that today’s show may be disturbing for some listeners.

Longtime Dad Edge Alliance member, Kevin Gilroy, is the author of The Kid Upstairs, his story about overcoming trauma and sexual abuse. Kevin went through most of his life avoiding the darkness, numbing the unease in destructive ways. Now he is a new man, and courageously tells us how he finally confronted his childhood and carved his own path from trauma to transformation.

 

The Kid Upstairs by Kevin Gilroy

Becoming a father 3 years ago was the greatest accomplishment of my life. I was full of hope, happiness and gratitude that I was able to raise my daughter alongside my wife. This was the dream: to start a family.

It was soon after that the anxiety and depression hit — 27 years worth. Up until that point, I had pushed away dealing with my past: the loss of two brothers, sexual abuse before the age of 12 and coming to grips with my decisions thereafter.

I let these events dictate what happened next in life and it was time to face the music again. I had the choice to either face them head on or continue to live in my own shadows. I decided to finally face them, which is why this book exists.

The Kid Upstairs is my journey to re-write the narrative of the past from a negative to a positive. This is my own conscious reparenting to see the story from all angles, understand my part in it and then releasing the emotions attached to it. These chapters are my therapy sessions.

The book is not intended to be a self-help instruction manual for others to follow. Rather, it is a story of someone who felt like there were no answers left and — with the support of a few key people — was able to turn the table and step into a better future.

My goal in sharing this raw journal is to inspire other men to dig deep into their pasts and release the emotions tied to their own life-shaping events. Maybe there is healing to be found in writing a book, talking to a friend, seeing a therapist, all of the above or none of the above, but however you choose to acknowledge your story, you are not alone. Better days are possible. Here’s how I came to realize mine.

What You’ll Learn

  • The ways in which Kevin’s trauma projected onto his normal life
  • Kevin didn’t know that what he experienced was sexual abuse until he was an adult.
  • How his abuser normalized what he did to Kevin
  • Kevin numbed and isolated himself from a young age without really knowing why he was so angry
  • Kevin was one of 8 kids and his parents were unaware of his issues.
  • How Kevin took his healing into his own hands
  • The specific steps he took to address and recover from his trauma
  • What Keven’s life is like now as a husband and the father of two
  • How he forgave his abuser

RELATED EPISODES:

Making Peace with a Toxic Father

Personal Evolution Through Trauma with Stefanos Sifandos

Why Should I Forgive? with Derek Stone


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


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Kevin Gilroy

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armor down daddy up

Armor Down/Daddy Up


We show up best when we are fully present in the moment, but we have a tendency to live in defense-mode based on fears from the past. It’s not that we’re not capable of being more open and mindful. It’s that we don’t know how. Today, Ben King gives us the skillset to armor down and daddy up.

Ben King is an Iraq War veteran and Purple Heart recipient who has helped hundreds of veterans “armor down” with mindfulness, meditation, and yoga practices. He tells us how he changed his perspective on what it means to be strong and how that has transformed him as a man and father. He explains how to get out of the stories we tell ourselves and get into our bodies to experience life more objectively. He also teaches us how to hone our skills of empathy and patience so that we can move with life instead of against it. Armor Down. Daddy Up!

Our greatest assets show up when we are fully present in the moment.–Ben King, Armor Down/Daddy Up

Armor Down/Daddy Up

The Armor Down/Daddy Up!™ (AD/DU!) program is designed to assist veterans and active-duty warriors with reentering their families in the most productive and rewarding ways possible. It is also designed to be of value to others who have been impacted by trauma-related experiences.

What You’ll Learn

  • Our skillset fails, not our patience.
  • Surviving on approval can create panic.
  • We often model parents’ triggering.
  • Down-regulate patterns that are built into your system.
  • Defeating meathead patterns.
  • Men are viewed as protectors, using physicality and violence in gesture.
  • How Ben King changed his idea of what it meant to be strong. It used to be a presentation. This had its limitations.
  • Identify the mindfulness tools that help you. What are the most efficient? Keep bringing them back.
  • Train every day to hone your skills on a regular basis.
  • As you become more mindful, the layers of being a father and a man become more nuanced and exciting.
  • Operating from the intellect and the culturally articulated idea of masculinity is ineffective.
  • Getting out of the way of our bodies.
  • The driver is the heart. Become heart-focused.
  • Ben discovered that the greatest version of himself was not the armored version, but the one that flowed.
  • Your story about yourself determines how you will act
  • If you’re operating from a place of threat, you cannot use your mind’s high-functioning processors.
  • Align your spine, straighten your shoulders to stimulate your parasympathetic system.
  • Love by its very nature conquers fear.
  • Trauma ruptures your relationship with what was a predictable normal life.
  • The rupture gets filled with maladaptive habits that are flawed.
  • Give your kid access to the information given them by their body when they are experiencing emotions. Tell them, “It’s okay to feel what your feeling. Let’s look at it.”
  • Press your kids to their edge and then let them take the next step on their own.
  • Ben’s simple but genius candy strategy to make sure “the walk home” after an event with your kids ends on a positive note.

MENTIONED EPISODES

The Challenges of Being a Military Veteran Dad

Staring Down the Wolf with ex-Navy SEAL Mark Divine

The Real, Transparent, Imperfect Dad with Tim Kennedy

 


Our biggest regrets in life happen
when we’ve lost our patience. 

Stop Reacting and Start Living

Do the work. Make a plan. Follow along with simple, yet powerful exercises and tap into the patience that is within you.

PLUS 1 Free Month in the Dad Edge Alliance

Create an action plan to help you thrive in life and build the legacy you want.

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE


Ben King’s Links

dadvocacyconsultinggroup.com

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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

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toxic father

Making Peace with a Toxic Father

Our relationship with our fathers determines how we will be as fathers. But we have a choice. We can either repeat the cycle or use it as a lesson on how not to parent.

Forgiveness seems impossible when it comes to someone who hurt us so badly during the time that we needed them most, but it is the only way to not let the anger rule us as parents. Today we talk about making peace with a toxic father.

Justin Chester’s father was absent most of the time. When his dad was home, he was cold and mean. He’d lock Justin outside during rainstorms and pin him to the wall for not knowing how to tie his shoes.

Now Justin has been married for 3 years and is the father of two sons, a one-year-old and a newborn. He knew that holding onto the resentment and trauma was holding him back in life. In a heroic act of forgiveness, he reached out and confronted his dad to bury the pain. His toxic father cannot take back the past, but Justin is no longer letting it poison his future.

“Stay out of your head. Be okay with the unexpected. Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone, and enjoy life where you’re at.”

What You’ll Learn

  • Operate within the man that you are.
  • When it comes to a toxic father, what could be instead of what was done to me?
  • Children are supposed to need their fathers, but sometimes the roles reverse and the parent needs the relationship with the child more than the child does.
  • Holding onto anger doesn’t benefit either of person or their situation in life.
  • Justin didn’t seek agreement from his toxic father. He decided to move past it for himself.
  • How to defeat the victim mentality.
  • Stop getting stuck in thoughts about how angry you are. Stop buying into your obsession. Move past and get to a better place so it is no longer holding you back in life.
  • Getting back to having real, naturally flowing conversations with your spouse.
  • Working towards what you want together instead of what you alone want.
  • How to be excited about the adventure of marriage and fatherhood

MENTIONED EPISODES

How to Unf*ck Yourself with Gary John Bishop

Why Should I Forgive? with Derek Stone

Personal Evolution Through Trauma with Stefanos Sifandos

One Last Talk: Your Truth Matters with Philip McKernan


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


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adam schafer

The Highly-Evolved Father with Adam Schafer from MIND PUMP


Today we talk to a previous guest whose story about his father’s suicide is one of our top shows ever in the history of The Dad Edge. Adam Schafer from the hugely popular Mind Pump Podcast is back. He wasn’t a father the first time he was on the show, but now he’s the proud new dad to his one-year-old son Maximus!

Adam talks about how having a baby has changed his lifestyle and relationship with his wife for the better. He opens up about his struggles with empathy, trauma, and childhood insecurities. He also talks about manufacturing adversity for our kids so that they will build resilience and character.

You’ve never heard this side of Adam Schafer before. This show is full of insights that will take your fathering skills to the next level. Listen now!

Adam Schafer

Adam had a lot of adversity to overcome as a child. He lost his father to suicide at the age of seven and bounced around to nine different homes by the time he was seventeen. Adam was bullied in school which ultimately led to him being home-schooled.

In the midst of his childhood turmoil one constant in Adam’s life was his love for sports. He was a natural athlete who loved snowboarding, water skiing, basketball and anything else sports related. Adam’s love for sports led him down the path of learning about fitness and nutrition.

Adam got started with his career in fitness in 2001. His first entrepreneurial venture was as a child of ten so it seemed natural for Adam to become an entrepreneur in fitness. As a part of his ongoing quest to learn and grow in his career Adam has obtained certifications from top fitness training institutions. Adam has found a way to train and teach even more people through Mind Pump.

Adam found that combining his passion and expertise with that of his Mind Pump cohosts, Sal, Justin, and Doug, gives him the opportunity to make a big impact on the fitness industry.

What You’ll Learn

  • How to approach parenthood with intention instead of reaction
  • Will having a baby make you lose your identity as a couple?
  • Will you still find your wife attractive when she is pregnant?
  • Can sex actually be hotter after the baby?
  • Having a child brought Adam and his wife Catrina closer together.
  • As a couple, they knew that raising a new human being was going to change the awesome lifestyle they had created for themselves—dining out, going to sports events, traveling.
  • Even though they don’t do their favorite things anymore, they don’t feel like they’re missing out.
  • Marriage should not go on the back burner when the kids come. Your spouse must come before kids.
  • Most of us react based on the neurosis and insecurities we developed as a child. We must deal with unresolved anger towards our parents.
  • Be aware of displaying negativity as a couple in front of the kids. Do not react in front of the child. Show alignment.
  • There is always work to be done in a relationship.
  • Developing self-awareness and emotional intelligence is the key to evolving as a man and father.
  • We must make the choice to use trauma to become better instead of an excuse to be worse.
  • Why we have to manufacture adversity for today’s kids who have everything
  • Adam’s hacks on how to make sure you show appreciation to your partner.
  • Why Adam doesn’t say “I love you” without a deeper reason behind it.

MENTIONED EPISODES

When a Father Commits Suicide

Creating a Rite of Passage Experience for Your Son


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Don’t settle for a mediocre life.

Join over 420 men becoming their best selves
in The Dad Edge Alliance.

APPLY HERE!


Adam Shafer’s Links

mindpumpmedia.com

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube

iTunes

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

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Personal Evolution Through Trauma with Stefanos Sifandos


How far have you evolved as a person? Are you still struggling with the same issues you’ve had all your life? Are you turning to vices to distract and soothe you? Do you avoid those hard conversations with people who are important to you?

Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of all other aspects of your life, and if you haven’t confronted your demons, you will never be able to take your personal evolution to the next level.

Stefanos Sifandos is a relational alchemist, international speaker, author and change-maker dedicated to helping men create a life of meaning and purpose.

Not long ago, he was egotistical, dishonest, unfaithful, and above all, scared. He discovered that unresolved trauma from his toxic father was unconsciously and destructively influencing his behavior.

Today, Stefanos shares his journey into the depth of pain, and how we can drill to the truth of ourselves to become completely integrated and self-reliant.

He also reveals 6 steps that we can take to process, heal, and expand from the wounds of the past.

“Unconsciously, I used my childhood—my trauma, my wounding—as an excuse to be an asshole.”—Stefanos Sifandos

Stefanos Sifandos

Stefanos is a trained educator and relationships expert with a background in behavioral science. He is passionate about leading people closer to their highest potential and each other.

Stefanos’ philosophy merges the best of eastern and western methodologies to promote spiritual balance and empower people in life and love. From trauma release to navigating the murky waters of modern masculinity, to helping women understand the men in their lives, he helps people escape negative patterns and cultivate a positive sense of self.

Stefanos has worked with thousands of men and women from all walks of life; special forces soldiers, Olympic gold medalists, elite fighters, and everyday people have relied on him to restructure and reframe their relationships with themselves and their loved ones.

What You’ll Learn

  • Stefanos had a tumultuous childhood with a physically and emotionally abusive father.
  • He witnessed his dad and mom have a volatile relationship.
  • His life growing up was full of uncertainty, judgement, control, and pressure.
  • Many of us suppress our childhood memories.
  • Hate, anger, and fear are constrictive. Feeling is freeing, and freedom allows us to expand.
  • How Stefanos grieved his childhood, learned to accept his father, and let go of who he expected him to be.
  • Taking responsibility for dealing with your trauma.
  • Stefanos was hyper-aggressive, arrogant, and egotistical.
  • His business fluctuated and he had volatile relationships.
  • How he became aware of his unhealthy patterns
  • How men can stay on the path of ignorance or become aware and choose a new path
  • How Stefanos used physical challenges to begin growing his self-worth
  • 4 years ago, Stefanos was cleaning toilets and sweeping floors because he didn’t want the commitment of a business.
  • How we use the dopamine from vices to suppress emotions.
  • Other tools men use to cope—avoidance, projecting, codependency, and blame
  • Stefanos says that he had to go through multiple ego deaths to get to where he is.
  • Why “the masculine wants to be empty”
  • The one thing a woman needs most from a man is trustworthiness.
  • We can’t be trustworthy if we don’t do what we say.
  • Why you must have guides and support when you decide to go within.
  • You won’t solve your issues with the same perspective as you developed them.
  • Feeling is your way through the pain.
  • The 6 Step Cyclical Process of Healing
    • Depth-feeling – getting inside your emotions
    • Grounding – pull yourself out, immerse yourself in nature
    • Release – journal, empty your head
    • Reprieve – self-care, healthy pleasure
    • Introspection – stillness and silence
    • Social – reconnecting with friends and loved ones and being seen, respected, and appreciated
  • Why you should talk face to face with your woman.
  • Our issues with other people have little to do with them. We must deepen the connection to ourselves.
  • Confidence is a gate to self-worth.
  • How to improve your confidence level
  • Care less about what people think and more about being true to yourself.

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Their Needs Met

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

 


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Stefanos Sifandos’s Links

stefanossifandos.com

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube

Free Resources

FREE chapter: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

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