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dr. nicole lepera

How to Do the Work with Dr. Nicole LePera

In this episode of the Dad Edge Podcast, our guest is Dr. Nicole LePera. She was trained in clinical psychology at Cornell University and the New School for Social Research. She also studied at the Philadelphia School of Psychoanalysis.

As a clinical psychologist in private practice, she often found herself frustrated by traditional psychotherapy’s limitations. She began a journey to develop a united philosophy of mental, physical, and spiritual health that equips people with the tools necessary to heal themselves.

Nothing short of a paradigm shift, her teachings empower individuals to break free from trauma cycles and create who they want to become.

Today, she talks with us about how to do the work when it comes to resolving childhood traumas, dealing with anxiety, building resiliency, and becoming a greater example for our children.

How to Do the Work

From Dr. Nicole LePera, creator of “the holistic psychologist”—the online phenomenon with more than two million Instagram followers—comes a revolutionary approach to healing that harnesses the power of the self to produce lasting change.

Now, Dr. LePera is ready to share her much-requested protocol with the world. In How to Do the Work, she offers both a manifesto for SelfHealing as well as an essential guide to creating a more vibrant, authentic, and joyful life. Drawing on the latest research from a diversity of scientific fields and healing modalities, Dr. LePera helps us recognize how adverse experiences and trauma in childhood live with us, resulting in whole body dysfunction—activating harmful stress responses that keep us stuck engaging in patterns of codependency, emotional immaturity, and trauma bonds. Unless addressed, these self-sabotaging behaviors can quickly become cyclical, leaving people feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, and unwell.

In How to Do the Work, Dr. LePera offers readers the support and tools that will allow them to break free from destructive behaviors to reclaim and recreate their lives. Nothing short of a paradigm shift, this is a celebration of empowerment that will forever change the way we approach mental wellness and self-care.

What You’ll Learn

What Brings Dr. Nicole Joy and Happiness?

[11:07]

Being really present in her life is what brings Dr. LePera joy and happiness. Little did she know how she wasn’t present in her life for the better part of 30 years.  Receiving, seeing, experiencing, and feeling how it translates into her work is what lights her up.

 Dr. Nicole’s Favorite Quote

[12:07]

“Life is lived in moments.” Dr. LePera understood it as a concept, yet she didn’t understand how to practice it. She later realized that she’s now embodying the quote and learning to be present in her moments.

Advice to her Past Self

[13:18]

Gear up for the challenge of growing—challenging personal beliefs embedded in the subconscious and challenging herself to show up differently in the world.

Growing Up

[14:21]

Nicole was born into a family with a lot of anxiety. A lot of worry was present whether it was medical concerns or issues. Anxiety was an implicit part of her childhood experience. It became a large motivator in her desire to understand people.

 Wounded Healer

[15:20]

Dr. Nicole says that a lot of us consider ourselves wounded healers. The way she understands her desire to go into the healing profession is really from that understanding to relieve the symptoms of others.

Anxiety and tension

[16:12]

Anxiety and tension in her family weren’t talked about. It was this inner experience that they were all sharing without labeling it or speaking about it.

Her mother and father’s relationship

[18:42]

Dr. Nicole doesn’t know if she thought about it because it was her normal.  This happens to a lot of us. We just see, and we’re modeled relationships which becomes a format for our own personal relationships.

[19:36]

Dr. Nicole would have thought everything was fine and great and close in her parents’ relationship until she realized that she was repeating the same patterns in her relationships. She didn’t necessarily feel that depth of connection.

 Relationship with her Father

[20:04]

Her dad was very active in her life.  She has many memories of her dad playing with her, and they spent a lot of time together. They had points of connection, but not necessarily in terms of depth and emotion.

Goal

[21:49]

Dr. Nicole’s goal for everyone is to hold space and to acknowledge that some of us might come to the realization that our relationship a parent is one in which we need to stop engaging. She can see both sides of understanding and a parent’s limitations because they are humans, too. They were impacted by what they were taught.

Writing her book

[23:44]

Writing a book wasn’t something Dr. Nicole necessarily thought was a need. After the evolution of working as a traditional therapist, she came by this new holistic method that she now uses through her own healing and then began sharing it with others.  She was considering the theory and beginning to put it out on Instagram.

Aha Moment

[25:30]

Dr. Nicole had an office where people and clients would come week after week. They would have incredibly insightful conversations about all the things that aren’t working in life and all the things they will do differently to manage the symptoms or make their relationships more fulfilling. She had many people who had all of this insight but could not create change in their life.

[26:27]

Many of us are operating from a deeper part of our mind called the subconscious. We are running on almost a blind autopilot. What we’re doing in that unconscious state is repeating all of these habits and patterns that aren’t serving us.

[28:18]

We must gain the tools to begin to create a more conscious, intentional experience of creating a future that’s different from the past.

Bridging the Gap between the subconscious and conscious mind

[29:38]

We need to check and identify how unconscious we are. At that moment, we want to begin to fire up a new part of our brain. We want to teach ourselves how to be present in our given moment. We can access our senses. We can tune in to what’s actually here and hook our attention on that instead of where it typically is for many of us lost in our mind somewhere else.

Pattern-interrupts

[31:35]

When something external inflicts a change upon us, we have a chance to go into a new space, a pattern-interrupt where we can become conscious and make new choices in that moment, or we can slide right back into autopilot.

 Being Present and Intentional

[35:55]

Outside of using what’s present in our environment, we always have access to our senses. If you are at dinner, instead of focusing on what happens after dinner, you’re focusing on the taste of the food. We can always access the present moment, and it’s a practice.

[37:06]

Emotions feel unsafe for a lot of males in general.

Judgments

[39:36]

We sit in judgment of our feelings. Some of us have a general belief that feelings, whatever they are, are bad. And that’s not the reality. Feelings are a natural human occurrence.

Deep Breaths

[40:58]

We can teach ourselves and show ourselves through living the experience of regulating our emotional body through our breath.

[44:00]

We have to practice breath before we really need it. We have to build it into our day. For Dr. Nicole, it begins every morning where she created the intention of just practicing how to breathe from her belly.

Gratitude

[46:03]

Gratitude for many of us is what’s present, and that is often what’s right in front of us.

[48:37]

We now know that our heart is incredibly powerful. Our heart energy not only affects our whole system but communicates with our brain. It affects everyone around us. When we begin embodying these feelings, we can become really powerful in creating our future.

 The Inner Child

[49:44]

The deepest part of our subconscious that impacts us into adulthood is the area called our inner child.

[50:00]

We all have childlike parts of ourselves, even though we’re running around in different aged adult bodies. The inner child accumulates things that have happened in such a distant past that they feel so far, yet because we house all of these patterns in our subconscious, and we operate largely through them. Many of us find ourselves into adulthood, repeating some of these older habits and patterns that don’t serve us.

Role Modeling

[1:00:44]

Children are much more receptive to how they’re watching us. Navigating our feelings is going to be so impactful for them. Our brain actually has something called mirror neurons that fire when we’re watching people around us. This includes our emotional experiences.

[1:01:22]

Modeling into your emotional experiences and expressing them, and letting them out for your children to see usually is going to be the much more impactful way to teach children emotional resilience.

[1:01:45]

Our brains and our whole bodies really are neuroplastic and are changeable. All of us, whoever we are, as we change, all of the relationships around us change. The beautiful endpoint of this conversation is so much change as possible. Even if you’re a parent with older children, as you begin to do differently, it has so much more of an impact than we realize.

Dr. Nicole LePera’s Links

Website: https://yourholisticpsychologist.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicole-lepera-phd-454b558

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/?hl=en

Twitter: https://twitter.com/theholisticpsyc?lang=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/the.holistic.psychologist/


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


 


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOKHERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EMAIL SERIES: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS


Our biggest regrets in life happen
when we’ve lost our patience. 

how to have more patience

Stop Reacting and Start Living

Do the work. Make a plan. Follow along with simple, yet powerful exercises and tap into the patience that is within you.

Get the Patience eCourse Plus 1 FREE Month in the Dad Edge Alliance

Create an action plan to help you thrive in life and build the legacy you want.

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE


Follow The Dad Edge


Don’t settle for a mediocre life.

Join over 531 men becoming their best selves
in The Dad Edge Alliance.

APPLY HERE!


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

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fatherhood skills

Critical Fatherhood Skills

You do not have to be a victim of you past. You can learn to pivot and become stronger. Today’s guest proves it.

Everyday dad and Dad Edge Alliance member Christopher Wilson grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father. He never knew what a normal, healthy family was supposed to look like.

Now he is a husband and a father and works for the inspirational fitness community, Critical Bench. Chris shares what he learned from his difficult childhood, how he deals with his own patience and anger issues, and the critical fatherhood skills he uses to make sure his home is a happy one for his wife and kids.

Chris Wilson

Chris Wilson, BS, CPT, SSN has worked in the fitness industry for 20 years. He began as a personal trainer at World’s Gym after college in 1998 working with clients face to face. After managing a fitness center for years, he wanted to reach more people and has continued his coaching helping people all over the world sharing his passion and enthusiasm for fitness, strength and health.

What You’ll Learn

  • Abuse is a form of attention that children can learn to crave
  • How Chris got over anger and patience issues
  • Kids need to be part of something. Connection can help teens get through a rough life.
  • How Chris got through the why me victim moments
  • Even when Chris thought his dad didn’t love him, he knew God loved him and that got him through.
  • What Chris has learned about marriage.
  • Spouses become roommates when everything is about the kids.
  • As a man, be a sounding board for you wife. Women want to be heard.
  • If you don’t listen to you wife, she feels you don’t care.
  • Your wife needs you to show up at random moments.
  • When a woman’s unspoken needs are not fulfilled, she will reach a breaking point.
  • The importance of praise. Show your appreciation for all the little things.
  • How to stop taking things so personally in life
  • What to do about your inner bully
  • Don’t be too good to apologize to your kids.
  • Praise your kids for owning up to mistakes.

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Wild at Heart with John Eldredge

Dad Edge Alliance Q&A: The Modern Revolution of the Masculine Heart with John Eldredge


Our biggest regrets in life happen
when we’ve lost our patience. 

how to have more patience

 

Stop Reacting and Start Living

Do the work. Make a plan. Follow along with simple, yet powerful exercises and tap into the patience that is within you.

Get the Patience eCourse
Plus 1 FREE Month in the Dad Edge Alliance

Create an action plan to help you thrive in life and build the legacy you want.

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE


Chris Wilson’s Links

youtube.com/user/Criticalbench/

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOKHERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


LIVE LEGENDARY

Join over 457 men becoming their best selves
in The Dad Edge Alliance.

APPLY HERE!

 


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge

From Trauma to Transformation

From Trauma to Transformation

Unresolved trauma from our childhood affects every part of our lives, but the only way to be free from the pain of the past is to face it. When we acknowledge that we’ve been hurt, we can heal ourselves from within by starting with a few, small, brave steps.

We warn you that today’s show may be disturbing for some listeners.

Longtime Dad Edge Alliance member, Kevin Gilroy, is the author of The Kid Upstairs, his story about overcoming trauma and sexual abuse. Kevin went through most of his life avoiding the darkness, numbing the unease in destructive ways. Now he is a new man, and courageously tells us how he finally confronted his childhood and carved his own path from trauma to transformation.

 

The Kid Upstairs by Kevin Gilroy

Becoming a father 3 years ago was the greatest accomplishment of my life. I was full of hope, happiness and gratitude that I was able to raise my daughter alongside my wife. This was the dream: to start a family.

It was soon after that the anxiety and depression hit — 27 years worth. Up until that point, I had pushed away dealing with my past: the loss of two brothers, sexual abuse before the age of 12 and coming to grips with my decisions thereafter.

I let these events dictate what happened next in life and it was time to face the music again. I had the choice to either face them head on or continue to live in my own shadows. I decided to finally face them, which is why this book exists.

The Kid Upstairs is my journey to re-write the narrative of the past from a negative to a positive. This is my own conscious reparenting to see the story from all angles, understand my part in it and then releasing the emotions attached to it. These chapters are my therapy sessions.

The book is not intended to be a self-help instruction manual for others to follow. Rather, it is a story of someone who felt like there were no answers left and — with the support of a few key people — was able to turn the table and step into a better future.

My goal in sharing this raw journal is to inspire other men to dig deep into their pasts and release the emotions tied to their own life-shaping events. Maybe there is healing to be found in writing a book, talking to a friend, seeing a therapist, all of the above or none of the above, but however you choose to acknowledge your story, you are not alone. Better days are possible. Here’s how I came to realize mine.

What You’ll Learn

  • The ways in which Kevin’s trauma projected onto his normal life
  • Kevin didn’t know that what he experienced was sexual abuse until he was an adult.
  • How his abuser normalized what he did to Kevin
  • Kevin numbed and isolated himself from a young age without really knowing why he was so angry
  • Kevin was one of 8 kids and his parents were unaware of his issues.
  • How Kevin took his healing into his own hands
  • The specific steps he took to address and recover from his trauma
  • What Keven’s life is like now as a husband and the father of two
  • How he forgave his abuser

RELATED EPISODES:

Making Peace with a Toxic Father

Personal Evolution Through Trauma with Stefanos Sifandos

Why Should I Forgive? with Derek Stone


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Kevin Gilroy

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge

armor down daddy up

Armor Down/Daddy Up


We show up best when we are fully present in the moment, but we have a tendency to live in defense-mode based on fears from the past. It’s not that we’re not capable of being more open and mindful. It’s that we don’t know how. Today, Ben King gives us the skillset to armor down and daddy up.

Ben King is an Iraq War veteran and Purple Heart recipient who has helped hundreds of veterans “armor down” with mindfulness, meditation, and yoga practices. He tells us how he changed his perspective on what it means to be strong and how that has transformed him as a man and father. He explains how to get out of the stories we tell ourselves and get into our bodies to experience life more objectively. He also teaches us how to hone our skills of empathy and patience so that we can move with life instead of against it. Armor Down. Daddy Up!

Our greatest assets show up when we are fully present in the moment.–Ben King, Armor Down/Daddy Up

Armor Down/Daddy Up

The Armor Down/Daddy Up!™ (AD/DU!) program is designed to assist veterans and active-duty warriors with reentering their families in the most productive and rewarding ways possible. It is also designed to be of value to others who have been impacted by trauma-related experiences.

What You’ll Learn

  • Our skillset fails, not our patience.
  • Surviving on approval can create panic.
  • We often model parents’ triggering.
  • Down-regulate patterns that are built into your system.
  • Defeating meathead patterns.
  • Men are viewed as protectors, using physicality and violence in gesture.
  • How Ben King changed his idea of what it meant to be strong. It used to be a presentation. This had its limitations.
  • Identify the mindfulness tools that help you. What are the most efficient? Keep bringing them back.
  • Train every day to hone your skills on a regular basis.
  • As you become more mindful, the layers of being a father and a man become more nuanced and exciting.
  • Operating from the intellect and the culturally articulated idea of masculinity is ineffective.
  • Getting out of the way of our bodies.
  • The driver is the heart. Become heart-focused.
  • Ben discovered that the greatest version of himself was not the armored version, but the one that flowed.
  • Your story about yourself determines how you will act
  • If you’re operating from a place of threat, you cannot use your mind’s high-functioning processors.
  • Align your spine, straighten your shoulders to stimulate your parasympathetic system.
  • Love by its very nature conquers fear.
  • Trauma ruptures your relationship with what was a predictable normal life.
  • The rupture gets filled with maladaptive habits that are flawed.
  • Give your kid access to the information given them by their body when they are experiencing emotions. Tell them, “It’s okay to feel what your feeling. Let’s look at it.”
  • Press your kids to their edge and then let them take the next step on their own.
  • Ben’s simple but genius candy strategy to make sure “the walk home” after an event with your kids ends on a positive note.

MENTIONED EPISODES

The Challenges of Being a Military Veteran Dad

Staring Down the Wolf with ex-Navy SEAL Mark Divine

The Real, Transparent, Imperfect Dad with Tim Kennedy

 


Our biggest regrets in life happen
when we’ve lost our patience. 

Stop Reacting and Start Living

Do the work. Make a plan. Follow along with simple, yet powerful exercises and tap into the patience that is within you.

PLUS 1 Free Month in the Dad Edge Alliance

Create an action plan to help you thrive in life and build the legacy you want.

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE


Ben King’s Links

dadvocacyconsultinggroup.com

Facebook

YouTube

Instagram

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge

toxic father

Making Peace with a Toxic Father

Our relationship with our fathers determines how we will be as fathers. But we have a choice. We can either repeat the cycle or use it as a lesson on how not to parent.

Forgiveness seems impossible when it comes to someone who hurt us so badly during the time that we needed them most, but it is the only way to not let the anger rule us as parents. Today we talk about making peace with a toxic father.

Justin Chester’s father was absent most of the time. When his dad was home, he was cold and mean. He’d lock Justin outside during rainstorms and pin him to the wall for not knowing how to tie his shoes.

Now Justin has been married for 3 years and is the father of two sons, a one-year-old and a newborn. He knew that holding onto the resentment and trauma was holding him back in life. In a heroic act of forgiveness, he reached out and confronted his dad to bury the pain. His toxic father cannot take back the past, but Justin is no longer letting it poison his future.

“Stay out of your head. Be okay with the unexpected. Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone, and enjoy life where you’re at.”

What You’ll Learn

  • Operate within the man that you are.
  • When it comes to a toxic father, what could be instead of what was done to me?
  • Children are supposed to need their fathers, but sometimes the roles reverse and the parent needs the relationship with the child more than the child does.
  • Holding onto anger doesn’t benefit either of person or their situation in life.
  • Justin didn’t seek agreement from his toxic father. He decided to move past it for himself.
  • How to defeat the victim mentality.
  • Stop getting stuck in thoughts about how angry you are. Stop buying into your obsession. Move past and get to a better place so it is no longer holding you back in life.
  • Getting back to having real, naturally flowing conversations with your spouse.
  • Working towards what you want together instead of what you alone want.
  • How to be excited about the adventure of marriage and fatherhood

MENTIONED EPISODES

How to Unf*ck Yourself with Gary John Bishop

Why Should I Forgive? with Derek Stone

Personal Evolution Through Trauma with Stefanos Sifandos

One Last Talk: Your Truth Matters with Philip McKernan


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


Don’t settle for a mediocre life.

Join over 420 men becoming their best selves
in The Dad Edge Alliance.

APPLY HERE!


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge