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Bonding with Sons and Daughters

A Father’s Guide to Bonding with Sons and Daughters with Michael Gurian

According to Columbia University, children who have a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to drink, smoke, or use drugs. How we can strengthen the bond between father and son and father and daughter?

Michael Gurian is one of the world’s foremost experts on gender and the brain and has been called “The People’s Philosopher” for his ability to bring together people’s ordinary lives and scientific ideas. He is the NY Times bestselling author of thirty-two books, a keynote speaker, a husband and a father.

Michael tells us the top three reasons why today’s kids aren’t connecting with their dads. He teaches us to discover our assets as fathers and how to invite our kids to utilize them. He also shares the neuroscience behind the differences between bonding with sons and daughters, and how we be the best father to each gender.

Michael Gurian

Dr. Michael Gurian is the New York Times bestselling author of thirty two books published in twenty three languages. He provides counseling services in private practice.  The Gurian Institute, which he co-founded, conducts research internationally, launches pilot programs and trains professionals.

Michael has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, schools, corporations, and public policy. A number of his books have sparked national debate, including THE WONDER OF GIRLS, THE WONDER OF BOYS, BOYS AND GIRLS LEARN DIFFERENTLY!, THE MINDS OF BOYS and LEADERSHIP AND THE SEXES.

In the 1990s, Michael and his colleagues at the University of Missouri-Kansas City completed a two year pilot study that established best practices for educating boys and girls.  These strategies and Michael’s nature-based gender theory are now used in schools and communities worldwide.

One of the world’s foremost gender experts, Michael travels to approximately 25 cities per year to provide keynotes at conferences and speak at schools and in communities. Michael has served as a trainer and consultant to colleges, corporations, school districts, community agencies, faith communities, criminal justice personnel, and other professionals. His philosophy reflects the diverse cultures (European, Asian, Middle Eastern and American) in which he has lived, worked and studied.

Michael’s work has been featured in nearly all the major media, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, People Magazine, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes Magazine, Psychology Today, the Christian Science Monitor, Educational Leadership, the American School Board Journal, Family Therapy, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and on the Today Show, Good Morning America, the 700 Club, CNN, PBS and National Public Radio.

What You’ll Learn

  • Michael’s mom had mental illness, and he grew up in an environment of violence and sexual abuse.
  • Michael’s father was mostly absent in his life until his dad was eighty years old.
  • It took 10 years of therapy for Michael to process his trauma. Therapy helped him recover and inspired him to become a counselor.
  • He’s been married to his wife 34 years, who is also a mental health counselor. They have two girls, aged 29 and 26.
  • Michael’s marriage advice: Establish domains as a couple. Figure out what each of you are good at and give each other space to do that. This prevents you trying to control each other.
  • Why you should compliment your spouse publicly.
  • Michael’s book, The Stone Boys, and why he wrote a story about traumatized boys.
  • The brain is not gender neutral. It shows differences according to sex beginning in utero.
  • Why we need to understand the male experience better
  • How culture is over-judging males and has lost the sense of value in a fathers’ masculinity
  • Dads are 50% of their kids support and development. They need to claim role in their kids’ lives.
  • Why kids aren’t connecting with dads
    • Divorce and child custody processes typically vilify the father.
    • The father abdicates to the mother or others because he doesn’t understand his role. He is afraid to assert himself as a father.
    • The father fails to invite the child to utilize him for the assets he has. He must be a presence. It doesn’t have to be deep conversation. Fathers and kids can bond with sports, movies, video games, and other activities.
  • Don’t be too permissive. Kids want structure.
  • How to be authoritative, not authoritarian.
  • The structure of a boy’s brain is wired to be more active. More blood flow goes to the doing part of the brain.
  • Females have more blood flow to the front and top of the brain. They solve problems internally by thinking and connect to emotive parts of brain.
  • Why females create rumination loops, leading to depression and anxiety.
  • How dads can listen to their daughters for ruminating, find the right time to step in, do a reality check, and offer suggestions.
  • Boys don’t have as many words for feelings as girls.
  • How dads can help their boys get their feelings out
  • What special activities dads can do with their daughters and sons to make the bond strong.
  • Figure out who you are as a dad and what your assets are.
  • Find common interests with your kids. Ritualize doing these things with your kids so you can establish your presence as the dad.
  • Gauge what your spouse is doing. What has she got covered? Where can you fill in the gaps as a husband and father?
  • The difference between maternal and paternal nurturing
  • How trauma effects boys and girls
  • Signs of trauma—if your child suddenly becomes withdrawn, angry, or isolated, he or she may have been traumatized.
  • More kids are traumatized than we realize.
  • How the dad spirit organically works in the family dynamic. Trust it and embrace it.

RELATED EPISODES:

Taking Action as the Head of Your Family

Modern Manhood: What it Means to Be a Good Man Today with Cleo Stiller

Imposter Syndrome: Defeating Your Inner Bully with Dr. Jamie Hope


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Michael Gurian’s Links

MichaelGurian.com

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self-realization

Extreme Self-Realization with Chris Duffin


Are you the victim or the hero of your life? Did you know that the choice is yours? You have the power to leave the past behind and construct your own world by extreme self-realization.

Today’s guest is Chris Duffin. He is known as “The Mad Scientist of Strength” and holds the world record for dead lifts. He is also an entrepreneur and the author of The Eagle and the Dragon: A Story of Strength and Reinvention.

Chris Duffin has one of the most brutal childhood stories you will ever hear. His life was full of poverty, hardship, and confusion. But Chris refused to let the past define him and is now living the life he purposely created for himself, doing what he loves and thriving with his family.

Listen to Chris Duffin’s story of extreme self-realization and how you can decide who you want to be and how you will leave your mark on the world.

Chris Duffin

Chris Duffin is the Co-founder and Chief Engineer at Kabuki Strength, an organization devoted to optimizing human performance and making the world a better place through strength. He previously worked as a corporate executive and has turned around automotive, aerospace, heavy equipment, and high-tech manufacturing industries.

Chris was previously ranked number one in the world in various powerlifting disciplines and has held numerous world records. Now retired, he is known for his industry-changing innovations and education in the strength and clinical worlds. He’s a leading speaker on topics related to strength and human movement, and performs insane feats of strength to help charities and organizations whose work he believes in.

It’s very important to understand that the things that happen to you are not who you are.—Chris Duffin

The Eagle and the Dragon

The world may know Chris Duffin as “The Mad Scientist of Strength,” but you wouldn’t have ever guessed that if you saw the scrawny kid skinning rattlesnakes and chasing dragonflies in the early ’80s. The story of his unconventional life will take you from gripping tales of murder, trauma, heartbreak, and survival deep in the Pacific Northwest wilderness all the way to an idealization of the self-made man–still flawed, but never broken.

In The Eagle and the Dragon, you’ll follow one man’s journey into the darkness of his own heart and witness the transformation of alcoholism, pain, and defeat into vision, character, and victory. Through Chris’s powerful self-realization, you’ll see how the human spirit can be either shackled by circumstance or freed from it.

What You’ll Learn

  • Chris’s upbringing in a family of 7 living on $5,000 a year
  • He was homeless half his life, living in the wilderness among shady people who avoided society like murderers, serial killers, and human traffickers.
  • When Chris was in high school, they moved into a mobile home and he finally felt stability. It had no doors inside, and they had to cover the windows with plastic. When they moved out, the fire department burned it down because it was unlivable.
  • His mom grew marijuana for a living.
  • What it’s like reflecting back on his life and imaging his kids going through what he went through
  • Why Chris would still not change anything about his life
  • How Chris took custody of his three sisters while he was working through college
  • His mother was one of the strongest people he knows. She taught him discipline, perseverance, and how to live by your own rules. She was abused when she was younger and distrusted society, so she made a life off the grid.
  • Chris’s biological dad was a Mensa, intelligent and disturbed. He suffered major depression and alcoholism. They had a pen pal relationship.
  • How Chris watched his father attempt suicide
  • Chris’s stepfather was an artist, writer, and musician. He was a recovering heroin addict who got clean to be with Chris’s mom. Still, he had major mental health issues.
  • The impact of both Chris’s fathers dying in similar ways and leaving absolutely nothing behind to show for their lives.
  • When Chris realized he wanted to make his mark, to leave a legacy that he did good in the world
  • Chris’s mom wanted to create her own world, and she did. Chris followed her footsteps and created his own world, except one in society. Either way, it’s still freedom.
  • The stories we make up about ourselves take away our power. You’re the only one holding yourself back.
  • How to forgive people for their faults and look for positive things
  • The power of always looking to the future
  • You are defined by your actions and your response to your environment.
  • The story of the eagle—to break free from self-limitation and fly to the heights of what you can accomplish
  • How to begin the purposeful reinvention of oneself
  • Choosing who you are and taking the steps to become that version of yourself
  • Don’t dwell in the past. The only reason to look back is for evaluation.
  • Why you must understand your values before you set goals
  • Chris’s hobby of building custom vehicles
  • Why he doesn’t place job ads or look at resumes when hiring for his company
  • How men get blunted in a disengaged life.
  • Chris wants his children to know that they can form the world around them and shows this through his actions.
  • Why stress should NOT be avoided.
  • Strength is adapting to stress and makes us stronger and more resilient
  • Seeking physical, mental, emotional challenges to grow stronger.
  • Finding the balance to care for your children while teaching them strength and resilience
  • The key to success is finding the people with the same values.
  • Physical strength is the least important. Mental, emotional, and spiritual strength are the most valuable.

RELATED EPISODES

Wake Up the Hero with Wes Chapman


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Chris Duffins’s Links

kabukistrength.com

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Fighting the Battle Within with Chad Robichaux

Fighting the Battle Within with Chad Robichaux


Most of us have been in a dark place at some point in our lives. What is the first step to reclaiming ourselves? How can we find the courage to move forward when it seems like there is no way out?

Today’s guest is Chad Robichaux. He is a former Force Recon Marine, a professional MMA fighter, and a bestselling author. After coming home from deployment, he was diagnosed with PTSD.

Chad became lost, depressed, angry, and suicidal. It got to the point where his children were afraid of him and he and his wife were filing for a divorce.

But Chad experienced a moment of clarity that allowed him to make the choice to step out of the darkness and into his true purpose in life. Now he helps other men as they fight the battle within.

The definition of manhood—When you come to that point where you decide you’re not living yourself, but living for others.—Chad Robichaux

Chad Robichaux

Chad M. Robichaux is the President and Founder of the Mighty Oaks Foundation, a leading military non-profit serving the US Military active duty and veteran communities with highly successful peer-to-peer faith based combat trauma programs and combat resiliency conferences.

Chad and his team are dedicated to helping America’s military warriors and their families suffering from the “unseen wounds” of combat such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Their effort is on the front line to intercede and end the climbing 22 per day veteran suicide rate and the tragic divorce epidemic in military families. To date the program has over 1,000 alumni and has reached tens of thousands active duty service members through resiliency conferences.

Chad is a former Special Operations Force Recon Marine and DoD Contractor with eight deployments to Afghanistan as part of a Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC) Task Force. He has earned an MBA and is a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor with a focus on PTSD.

Chad and his wife, Kathy, have been married for 21 years, and have three children. After years of deployments their family personally faced the challenges of PTSD. They now share a story of a victory in Christ through the struggles our warriors face returning home and have dedicated their lives to sharing that story to mentor others like them.

Chad is a widely sought after public speaker and subject matter expert on PTSD, military and veterans’ issues. He has testified in Veterans’ Courts regarding combat trauma and PTSD, wrote a best-selling book on the subject and has been featured on such media outlets as Fox News, Forbes, The O’Reily Factor, USA Today, Christian Post, Focus on The Family, The 700 Club, and a short biography film by I Am Second.

In addition to Chad’s military service he has served our nation as a Special Agent with the US Federal Air Marshal Service and the US State Department as a Surveillance Detection Senior Program Manager. Chad is also a Medal of Valor Recipient for his bravery beyond the call of duty in law enforcement.

Outside of his work with veterans Chad and his sons train and teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. He is a 3 Degree Black Belt and a Former Pro MMA World Champion who has used his platform to advocate for civilian support of America’s Warriors returning home while competing in the sport’s biggest event.

If you have breath in your lungs, you have purpose. Despite what’s going on in your life, you can at any time step into that plan. All of this requires a choice, and intentionality, and calibrating your life to align with your purpose.

What You’ll Learn

  • Chad’s traumatic childhood and how it informed his military career
  • His start in martial arts
  • Why making a broad decision to change is not effective
  • How to segment your personal goals
  • How to make the decisions in advance before chaos strikes
  • Why Chad says that by nature, men are lazy and selfish. Men have to make a decision that it’s important to be a good dad and be intentional about it
  • How to raise our kids so that they can make healthy decisions and realign when they go off track in adulthood
  • Chad’s 2-point action plan when his kids do something wrong:
    1. Put time and space between when the incident happened and when you address it
    2. Find the lesson in it and pass on wisdom instead of acting out in anger
  • Why you should not take personal offense to your kids misbehaving
  • About his job as a Recon Marine
  • His story of being in a car chase with the Taliban and how it’s his metaphor for life
  • His unrelenting and terrifying experience with PTSD and his loss of identity
  • How he stayed with his internal battle for 3 years and almost lost everything
  • How his return to Jiu-Jitsu and success in MMA replaced the fix for his ego, but did nothing to repair the unseen wounds in his soul
  • Chad’s affair and near divorce
  • How he would sit in a closet with his family’s pictures on the floor holding a gun
  • The moment Chad realized he was the problem
  • What men need to do when they are hopeless and stuck
  • Why it’s a choice not to move forward
  • How he discovered that through all his tragedies and trauma, he did not have to let his past define his future
  • How he found hope and restoration in a new relationship with Christ
  • About his new book and upcoming film
  • His most humbling lessons he’s learned about fatherhood
  • Chad’s marriage advice
  • Using The Bible as the blueprint for marriage
  • His parting wisdom for men who are fighting the battle within
  • His mission to help military veterans find spiritual resilience


MENTIONED EPISODES

Episodes with SEALs

Episodes with MMA Fighters

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood


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Chad Robichaux’s Links

MightyOaksPrograms.org

Might Oaks Store

Free Help for Veterans

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Embrace the Past to Win Your Future Mark Crandall

Embrace the Past to Win Your Future with Mark Crandall


What is the story you‘ve been telling yourself over and over again that keeps you from stepping into the best self you can possibly be?

Mark Crandall is a Transformational Life Coach, host of the Purpose Chasers Podcast, and the author of Embrace Your Past Win Your Future: The Difference Between Being A Victim and Playing One. He was not a dad at the recording of this episode, but he will likely be one when it airs.

Mark has tremendous insight as a son who was abandoned by his biological parents and a man who is about to step into his role as a father.

Mark tells us how to:

  • detect and debunk self-limiting beliefs
  • change the toxic story you have about yourself
  • keep pushing through fear
  • resist the temptation to fall back into a destructive mindset
  • stop playing small and step into the role of the hero of your story

Get ready to win your future!

The men that you have around you, you will become.

Mark Crandall

“Mark’s is a story of uncommon adversity and triumph. At age three, Mark was taken from his biological mother by the Department of Youth and Families and placed in the foster care system. He lacked the tools and supports to manage both his grief and his new reality in society’s margins. From the pieces he conjured stories about his own worth. At around age 12 Mark began contemplating whether or not to just give up.

He began to engage in criminal activity, acting out his aggression at the expense of those closest to him and society at large. Mark began to self-medicate with substances; thus began his spiral into painful, chaotic addiction. Mark found himself in and out of youth detention centers and other correctional facilities. Though, even in his lowest moments, Mark recognized what others saw: There was greatness in even him.

In 2007, Mark found a spiritual program of action in which he began overcoming the many traumatic moments of his childhood. He also began the process of repairing the damage that he had caused others through his efforts to navigate life. Mark found freedom in an introspective process which informs his Transformational Life and Business Coaching and drug and alcohol Interventions. Mark is trained in some of the most powerful transformation practices available, all of which he uses in his work with others.”

What You’ll Learn

  • Mark’s estimate that 95% of society operates from a victim mentality
  • how society is coddling victims
  • how Mark was able to abuse drugs during his entire stay in prison
  • how Mark quit drugs and has stayed clean for 12 years
  • his longing for his biological parents to this day
  • the huge impact Mark’s adoptive father made in his life
  • how to keep growing and moving forward when your demons rear their ugly heads
  • why community is the key to staying on track
  • how to notice when we’re resorting to outside sources to feel adequate
  • why in reality, no one lacks motivation. They only lack belief in themselves to carry it out
  • the real reason we don’t invest in ourselves
  • how to strip everything you know about yourself and build a new story from scratch
  • how to chose to not to play the victim
  • why there are no such things as barriers, limitations, and judgements outside the ones you create in your own mind
  • why the “I already know” attitude prevents your from learning
  • why Mark as a dad wants to be constantly humbled so he can admit his faults and be a transparent, authentic dad

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Working to Live, Not Living to Work with Aaron Walker

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood

Battling Cancer as a Dad with Hal Elrod

 


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Mark Crandall’s Links

Website

Podcast

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Finding the Strength Through the Struggle

Today we talk to a man who never wanted to be a dad. The thought of fatherhood terrified him. He thought so little of himself, he didn’t think he was worthy to procreate. He thought that when his time was done on Earth, there should be no evidence that he even existed.

This man’s name is Mark Globowsky, and he is the host of the Strength Through the Struggle podcast. His beliefs of unworthiness and inferiority were the result of his upbringing with a physically and emotionally abusive father. But Mark stepped boldly into the dark, confronting his issues head on. He surrounded himself with the right people, men who showed him the truth about himself.

Now Mark has someone to call him ‘daddy’ for the rest of his life. Becoming a father was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to him. He shares how we can mine our pain and our past, finding strength through the struggle to become the man that we decide we want to be.

'Remember in the dark what you know to be true in the light.'—Mark Globowsky #men #dads #fathers #depression #adversity Click To Tweet

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Mark Globowsky

markgoblowsky.com

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

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