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Fighting the Busyness Epidemic

Fighting the Busyness Epidemic


Most of us are busy all the time. We feel stuck and overwhelmed. This is because being busy is not necessarily being productive. Fighting the busyness epidemic starts with setting boundaries and being disciplined about what’s most important.

People want something from us every minute of every day, and we don’t know how to say no. We get sucked into a vortex of email, social media, and phone calls. We waste our time and energy on obligations and distractions that don’t move our lives forward. The most meaningful aspects of our lives are neglected.

If your marriage is heading toward a bad place, how much time are you spending learning how to reconnect with your wife? If you find yourself losing patience with your kids because you’re overwhelmed, are the things using up your time and energy worth it? What about your finances? What have you done to be proactive about budgeting, saving, and investing?

Today, we’re going to talk about fighting the busyness epidemic with a simple morning ritual that will help you discern what’s important to you, set boundaries with yourself and others, and say no to anything that does not serve you.

Tips for Eliminating Busyness

  • Every morning, create a handwritten plan of the essential things you need to do. Stick to these items to avoid being a victim to whatever people want from you in the moment. List 3 professional goals and 3 personal goals for your day.
  • Define high-value activities in your life and prioritize time for them. E.g. learning, reading, fitness, diet, family, and spiritual time.
  • Do not check email or social media when you first wake up. Designate a time period each day for answering emails and messages.
  • Limit social media and other internet activities using a timer.
  • Don’t pick up the phone every time it rings. Set aside a time to return calls.
  • Learn to say NO. If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no!

RELATED EPISODES:

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less with Greg McKeown

Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport


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Resources

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The Power of a Side Hustle with Matt Miller


Personal finance is one of the most popular topics on this show, and in many of our previous episodes we’ve learned about the need to to diversify our income. Today we have side-hustle entrepreneur Matt Miller on the show. He has been a guest on the biggest podcasts out there, such as Pat Flynn (The Smart Passive Income Blog), John Lee Dumas (Entrepreneurs on Fire), and Jamie Masters Tardy (Eventual Millionaire).

Matt Miller is a husband and father of three who spent the majority of his life working for a W-2 job. Like most of us, any kind of work/life balance eluded Matt. He didn’t have much time with his family or as much income as he liked, so he decided to develop a side hustle by embarking on a business that is often overlooked – vending machines. He now lives life on his own terms and helps others do the same.

I define success as having control over time and money. - Matt Miller @ssvbusiness #passiveincome #money #finance Click To Tweet

Matt Miller

Matt Miller spent the first nine years of his career as an Air Force pilot before entering the corporate world. While a top performer for both companies, his long-term desire was to start a business and be his own boss.

A good friend one day mentioned the gumball machines he and his young daughters owned, and that conversation began a ten-year business quest that resulted in the creation and subsequent growth of School Spirit Vending.

Over the years, Matt’s diligent effort and entrepreneurial expertise has brought School Spirit Vending to the cutting edge of both the vending and school fundraising industries by combining these two ventures into one. At the same time, he has created an impressive stream of passive income that gives him the freedom, money, and time he always wanted.

Matt is devoted to sharing his expertise with others. Through many different venues, including podcasts and public speaking, Matt seeks to enable other entrepreneurs to chase their dreams as well.

Whatever is important to you, you will make time for. - Matt Miller @ssvbusiness #dads #fathers #men #goals Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • How the corporate world was like the military
  • How Matt’s career as a top-performing ad executive still left him without enough income
  • How he his financial situation was so bad that he had to deliver pizza after work
  • How he got out of the having to “trade time for money” mindset
  • How and why he quit his job as an ad executive even though he was at the top of his career
  • How Matt survived a heart attack at age 50
  • How he made time to develop his side hustle
  • How he included his kids in his new business
  • His game-changing secret to a happy marriage
  • Why his vending story is different
  • Why the vending business is overlooked
  • How he earns income while raising funds for the school
  • How Aaron Walker helped Matt take his business to the next level
  • How to start a new business without having to quit your job
  • How much revenue can be earned from vending machines
  • How to get into the vending machine franchise

 

MENTIONED EPISODES: Working to Live, Not Living to Work with Aaron Walker

 

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Connect with Matt Miller

ssvbusiness.com

schoolspiritvending.com

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Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Daddy Will Always Love and Protect You

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Stop the Guilt- Why Dads Need Time with Their Tribe

Stop the Guilt – Why Dads Need Time with Their Tribe

Guilt. So many of us walk around with guilt and it’s crippling. We feel guilty handing over our time and resources. We feel guilty about too much time with work. We have no time for friends. We even feel guilty for reading a book. The guilt eats away at us. Almost every single guy I talk to has not made new friends in years. Life is centered around family and work. We feel like me must be everything to every single person until we become nothing and no one to ourselves.

Let it go.

We don’t have to live that way. It’s okay to spend a little bit of money on ourselves. It’s okay to spend time doing something that will make us a better person. It’s good to spend time with friends. Otherwise, we get burnt out. No one likes the burnt-out version of us. Then we can show up better for everyone else around us, including our wives, children, and co-workers.

Do something for your health.

Buy that book you want to read.

Find a tribe of likeminded men to spend time with.

And don’t feel guilty about it.

Looking to join a tribe of likeminded men who want to live their lives on purpose? Check out The Dad Edge Alliance.

Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

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Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


REGIONAL ORDER OF MAN MEETUP:
Kansas City
This is a one-day experience designed to help you, as a man,
level up in every area of your life.

Featuring RYAN MICHLER, Founder of Order of Man and
STEPHEN MANSFIELD, Author of Building Your Band of Brothers

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sex life

HOW TO IMMEDIATELY SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE AS A NEW DAD

This is a guest post by Allon Khakshouri of Business-dad.com

Enjoying a healthy sex life is a key ingredient to a thriving marriage. At the same time it is the one topic very few parents dare talk about, often leading to lots of frustration and anger to already challenged relationships.

 

Sex is so important because it is what makes you and your spouse more than just roommates. It requires you both to speak about the kind of intimate and emotional things that create a deeper sense of connection than you have with anyone else and helps strengthen trust between partners.

 

But lets face it: Becoming a dad triggers so many changes it can feel overwhelming: sleepless nights, endless fights and new responsibilities are just some of the challenges we all face and that can make sex quite unappealing. I remember how relieved I was knowing that my wife would need a few weeks to fully recover before she would request me to demonstrate my love making skills. I was sure that this would allow me to get adjusted to being a dad so that by the time my wife would be ready, I would feel revitalised and hungry for sex.

 

However, something strange happened: The more time that passed without having sex, the less I craved for it. Suddenly I felt concerned and unmanly: Was something wrong with me and our relationship?

I guess I was not the first to have such thoughts

 

According to studies conducted by the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, two thirds of marriages suffer a serious decline in their relationship satisfaction within the first three years of becoming parents. And the biggest victims of unhappy couples are the babies– two decades of research have shown that marital conflict is bad for babies and can affect their social and academic skills later on in life.

 

As John Gottman says:

 

“When there is a precipitous decline in relationship satisfaction and an increase in hostility, it transfers to the baby and affects the baby.”

 

And definitely the combination of having an unsatisfactory sex life and not speaking openly about it, is a big warning sign that the relationship is in trouble. So if you love your baby and you are committed to improving your relationship, addressing your sex life is a great place to start.

 

But let’s be honest: Feeling uncomfortable about becoming too physical after welcoming your baby is normal and especially common in the first few months after a mom gives birth. Since nobody dares to speak about their lack of sex, both husbands and wives start doubting themselves: Men lose confidence and feel rejected, while their spouses  feel unattractive, unwanted and unsexy. As a result, sex becomes another trigger for more conflicts and disputes, often enhancing arguments that are already evolving from role changes, lifestyle adjustments and even financial tensions.

 

YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY MAN WHO DIDN’T HAVE MUCH SEX LATELY!

 

What most of us don’t realize is that almost every couple struggles with intimacy after having their first baby. There are all sorts of reasons for this:

 

Initially, we need to give our partner time to physically recover. But when we stop hooking up with our partner, testosterone levels drop, which is why many men tend to crave less for sex. Women on the other hand feel touched out by their babies–and let’s face it– they suddenly transform from sexy studs into a supermoms. Add the fact that couples feel tired and exhausted, and it becomes apparent why so many of us experience longer periods of sexual abstinence.

 

Unfortunately, when we stop having sex for longer periods of time, we become lazy. We care less about how we look, ignore seduction attempts by our partner and over time even withdraw from her altogether. This is how so many dads end up feeling isolated and rejected when witnessing their wives spending so much time with their little one.

 

I remember how right after the birth of our son, it was extremely difficult for me to become intimate again. We were both feeling quite irritable and tired so it just didn’t seem right. Luckily I had the courage to speak to other couples about their relationships and realized that we are all in the same boat! Just because we argue more often, feel more exhausted and less sexy, does not mean something is wrong with our marriage. We sometimes forget we have just added a new person into our lives, and that takes some adjustments.

 

And if you haven’t had sex for a while, you are not alone. I met couples who needed weeks, others months and some even years to get back into their normal lovemaking routines. Don’t get me wrong– I am not advocating to accept having a poor sex life. To the contrary, what I am saying is that it is your responsibility to get out of your comfort zone and spice up your marriage, and in a minute I will tell you how. My point is that too many couples give up on their relationship way too quickly, whether they get divorced or simply live together feeling disillusioned and unhappy.

 

WARM UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP IMMEDIATELY

 

Let me tell you what I did when I realized that we needed to prioritize intimacy. Instead of panicking, I decided to work on our relationship and use the birth of our boy as an opportunity to upgrade our relationship, deepen our communication and reviving our sex life.

 

We started by integrating these simple practices into our life so that having regular sex would become much easier:

 

  • 7-8 hours Sleep You may think it is impossible. I did too. However, I made a few adjustments that made all the difference. I now go to sleep by latest 10pm on normal weekdays, and have a nighttime ritual that includes a soothing shower, no TV-and phone time at least an hour before going to sleep, that spending at least 30 minutes of quality time with my wife. These steps have made all the difference because it is hard to jumpstart your libido when you feel tired.

 

  • Speaking Time. As I mentioned above, my wife and I spend some time together before going to sleep. But even just 10 minutes of talking time will give you both have the opportunity to express feelings, needs and desires. Once you both reconnect again emotionally, good sex will follow.

 

  • Becoming More Physical. We have always been quite a physical couple. However, as parents we needed to redefine sex to include more than just penetration. My wife and I now use every opportunity to hug, kiss and cuddle together, and it triggers instant pleasure every time.

 

  • Flirting: This is something we forgot in the first 1-2 weeks after the birth of our son. But it’s amazing how just a few words can make such a difference. I try and surprise my wife every few days with a very thoughtful text message, a hidden note that she may find at a random moment, or by sending her flowers with a handwritten card, and every single time these little surprises make her glow from joy.

 

  • Asking Questions. I wanted to find out how it felt for my wife to be a mom, what her biggest struggles were, what she was dreaming about for the future, and what her deepest desires looked like. She reciprocated by asking me about how this change of becoming a dad felt like. These moments of sharing were extremely bonding,

 

  • Listening. Sometimes women just want to be heard, so I really made an effort to become more patient and try and relive the words that my wife was sharing. By learning to empathize with your partner and all she goes through, you will instantly become her superhero again.

 

RITUALIZE INTIMATE TIME TOGETHER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

 

Of course, some things will work better for you than others. And it is up to you to fine tune the details. But they will definitely help you rekindle our relationship. I see these actions as a kind of foreplay that needs to be in place before addressing our sex lives.

 

However, if you are serious about spicing up your love life, you need to have regular sex. So how can you do that, now that you are busier than ever with a whole family to take care of?

 

Well, here is the thing. Like with other areas in your life, it all comes down to creating habits that help you live the lifestyle you want. This doesn’t need to be too difficult, but it takes consistency. Like going to the gym, starting a new hobby, or waking up earlier, every beginning or new start is a bit more difficult. However, once we overcome the initial resistance, we start finding joy in our new behavior.

 

In the same way, it is essential to create routines of spending intimate moments together. The trick that really made all the difference to us was scheduling our time together in the same way we schedule anything else. Initially that meant planning the day, time and place that we would spend some quality time together in advance.

 

Yes, I know this sounds premeditated and unromantic.  However, it works wonders, because only by ritualizing time for ourselves, do we build up the kind of stamina that allows us to overcome all the obstacles that can make intimacy so difficult for new parents. Even an hour per week can make all the difference. I remember how my wife and I used to find excuses all the time why not to have sex, until we made sex become an integral part of our lifestyle again that we both crave for.

 

By scheduling your time together, you can address any obstacles that could distract you both from enjoying your time together. For example, you may want to leave your baby with your parents and create the kind of romantic setting that will allow your wife and yourself to switch off from everything else that is going on in your life.

 

HOW TO HAVE AMAZING SEX LIFE

 

So now that you know about the importance to intimate time together, let me share with you 6 tips that will help you regain a vibrant sex life without any further delay:

 

  • Avoid feeling pressurized: During your time together, be romantic and have fun, without experiencing the need to have full-blown sex. Teasing and taunting each other with kisses, massages and anything else that pleases both of you qualifies as intimate time.

 

  • Have date nights together: If you can, add weekly date nights for the two of you to enjoy quality moments together. This is your time alone together, to experience a romantic ambience and to become real lovers again. The quicker you start with this, the easier it will be to revive your sex life.

 

  • Create a romantic atmosphere: Small details like candle lights and clean sheets can make your time together more bonding and fun. Stimulate the senses by using aroma sticks for a pleasant smell, and playing sensual music.

 

  • Be flexible: Scheduling intimate time in advance may sound premeditated. But there is room for some creativity as to when, where and how you both engage with each other. For example, I often feel exhausted in the evenings, my wife and I enjoy planning our time together on weekends that our son is with my parents, so we have time for ourselves in the afternoon. Also be open minded and experiment what gives you both joy and pleasure.

 

  • Be a giver: Focus on making your wife feel desired and attractive, and giving her the kind of joy that will make her want to reciprocate. By treating her like your queen, you will soon become a true king.

 

  • Clear your head: It can be hard to switch off from distractions like thinking about your business, your kids, or anything else that is circulating your mind. However, try to make this your “us time”, and commit to being fully present, playful and open with your partner.  The more you can do this, the better and more fun your sex life will become.

 

You will discover that spending time together in this kind of intimate setting will help you both communicate more openly, share both vulnerabilities and desires and create a deeper more trusting connection between each other. You will find out that this kind of intimacy is the bread and butter for better sex.

 

The best part is that once you have rekindled your sex life, other areas of your relationship will improve as well. You will feel more confident, happy and energized. All of a sudden, being a dad will become the most enjoyable time of your life!

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Get a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

If you are interested to learn more about how you can become a true Business Dad who combines professional success with becoming a super engaged and loving dad, visit www.business-dad.com

 

time effective

Make Your Time Effective and Unforgettable

Being Time Effective is the best way to be present with our families.  The trick is to be effective with our time and not need more time in the day.

Twenty four hours. That’s what we have. That’s it. We are all equal in this fact. The difference is made when we decide how to divide our given time. Many times, though, we don’t even know where our time went.

Time Effective Means Commit to the Time

When we go into a day without a specific plan, and allow various people, events and our personal devices to hijack our schedules, we find ourselves lost. But, if we decide how we are going to spend our time and stay true to our plans, we feel more accomplished and find that we are accomplishing our goals. At first, it might be a hard habit to establish, but over time, you will find this personal mandate pays off in great rewards.

What’s Important

It’s so easy to allow our personal devices and social media to distract from what we find most important. If time with our family is critical and we spend much of our time physically with our family, but at the same time on our phones, then it’s time to make a decision. Maybe make it a rule that when you are with your family the phones are put away. This action builds an expectation that time together is sacred and that you value each other.
Our lives are busy. Everyone’s life is. With this fact, it’s easy to allow outside factors intrude on our personal goals and the things and people we value. But if we choose to set boundaries with our time and make a concerted effort to value the time of the people we love and care about, then we own our twenty four hours again and take our life back.

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Links Mentioned in this Show

GDP Podcast with Jon Vroman

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

Check out our interview with Ruari Fairbains HERE

Thanks for checking out this week’s show on TIME EFFECTIVE powerfully present hacks.