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digital distraction

How to Raise Indistractable Kids with Nir Eyal


Digital distraction is a critical problem for parents today. It seems like social media, tech, and video games are hijacking our kids’ lives, but what if the amount of time our kids spend on devices is a symptom of a much deeper issue?

Today we have Nir Eyal on The Dad Edge Podcast. He is a professor at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business and the author of international bestseller, Hooked—How to Build Habit-Forming Products. His upcoming book, Indistractable—How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life, is a guidebook for getting the best of tech without letting it get the best of us.

Nir Eyal knows better than anyone about how people get sucked into the rabbit hole of digital distraction, but what he’s going to tell us today will blow your mind. Listen as he outlines the psychology of distraction and how to address the true source of the problem so that kids don’t feel the need to overuse technology.

It’s not about what you’re doing, it’s if you planned to do it.—Nir Eyal

Nir Eyal

Nir Eyal became acutely aware of the problem of digital distraction after his daughter was born. He remembers some of her first words were, “iPad time! iPad time!” After many years helping companies make habit-forming products, he struggled with the idea of parenting in this age of distraction.

This drove him to research all he could find on the topic of distraction and technology. Nir was surprised to find out that the information propagated in the media did not align with the academic research. The tech companies weren’t the villains like most people thought. It was our own lack of “psychological nutrients.”

From then on, Nir’s mission was to learn and teach how to be an indistractable parent and raise indistractable kids.

What You’ll Learn

  • What makes a habit-forming technology?
  • The difference between a habit and an addiction
  • The “hook” business model: Trigger, action, reward, investment
  • How companies understand what makes you tick and click better than you know yourself
  • How to “hack back” and put tech in its place
  • The difference between traction and distraction
    • When an activity is aligned with your values, it’s traction
    • When it’s not, it’s distraction
  • The internal and external triggers that prompt us to take action
  • How all human motivation is geared to avoid discomfort
  • The root of all distraction: kids trying to avoid psychologically uncomfortable situations
  • How to give your kids the tools to fight distraction themselves
  • Why it’s not the tech’s fault that you or your kids are distracted
  • The 4 steps to become indistractable
    • Master internal triggers
    • Make time for traction
    • Hack back external triggers
    • Make pre-commitments to prevent distraction
  • Why we do things we know we shouldn’t do and avoid things that are in our best interest
  • The psychological nutrients children need for mental well-being: a sense of mastery, autonomy, and relatedness
  • If they don’t receive psychological nutrients in the real world, they will look for them in the virtual world
  • How video games give kids a sense of mastery
  • How free play is a record lows
  • The myth of the rebellious teenager
  • How free play with peers develop children’s sense of relatedness
  • How to set tech boundaries together with your kids
  • How to get kids to enforce their own rules around tech
  • Why you don’t just want to raise a rule follower, but a kid who can make the best decisions for themselves.
  • At what age kids should be allowed to go on social media
  • How to know if your kids are ready for certain to technology
  • How to prioritize kids’ time for free play with friends in the real world by teaming up with likeminded parents
  • How free play prevents anxiety and depression
  • Why parents have to walk the walk themselves
  • How we are sabotaging ourselves by blaming tech companies for taking over our brains

MENTIONED EPISODES

Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less with Greg McKeown

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair

 


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Nir Eyal’s Links

nirandfar.com

Get the Indistractable Preorder Bonus Bundle!

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Your Kids and Technology_

The Truth About Your Kids and Technology: Exclusive Dad Edge Alliance Q&A with Cal Newport


We’re just beginning to understand the impact of the internet and smartphones on society. Our time and attention are sucked away, and we look at a screen instead of our real lives. Energy for valuable activities is drained from us and we have nothing left for creative thinking. The long-term effects technology has on our kids’ wellbeing and development is even more alarming, leading to mental health issues and addictive behavior.

Today we have a fascinating conversation with our previous guest, Cal Newport, the author of Digital Minimalism. He joined our Dad Edge Alliance Mastermind to answer questions about:

  • The unknown effects of too much screen time on our kids
  • How the best way to shape the way kids use technology is to be an example
  • Why screen time is especially dangerous when used for escape
  • How to set practical boundaries around device use
  • How to use boredom to unlock creative juices
  • How to get kids on board with limiting device time
  • The disturbing effects of social media on teenage girls
  • Why multiplayer games are creating the worst addictions
  • How tech subverts our human drives
  • What to do when kids need tech for school work
  • How to teach kids to deploy tech for useful purposes, not entertainment and avoidance
  • What to do when your kids want to start their own social media audience, like a YouTube channel

RELATED EPISODES

Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport


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Cal Newports’s links

Website

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport


Today’s show is about distraction. Tech can be our best friend and worst enemy. Our devices are no longer normal telephones. They’ve become our constant companions. Texts, emails, social media and loads of content compete for our attention every hour of the day. We are more distracted and overwhelmed than ever before. It not only affects our work life but can do irreparable damage to our family life as well. Will our kids grow up missing their parents who are always on their phone?

Cal Newport is a bestselling author and the father of three boys. You won’t find him on any social media, because he doesn’t have any. He the author of six books, including, most recently, the New York Times bestseller, Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World.

Cal is going to tells us how tech is engineered to keep us on our phones and steal time away from our lives. He also talks about how it affects our memory and anxiety levels. Cal teaches us what boundaries to set for screen time with our kids and gives us a 30-Day plan to step away from tech and rebuild our digital lives in a way that serves us.

Don’t waste another minute being distracted from the things that are most important to you.

If you demonstrate to your kids that you’re always on the phone, there is damage from that.

 

Cal Newport and Digital Minimalism

Minimalism is the art of knowing how much is just enough. Digital minimalism applies this idea to our personal technology. It’s the key to living a focused life in an increasingly noisy world.

Digital minimalists are all around us. They’re the calm, happy people who can hold long conversations without furtive glances at their phones. They can get lost in a good book, a woodworking project, or a leisurely morning run. They can have fun with friends and family without the obsessive urge to document the experience. They stay informed about the news of the day, but don’t feel overwhelmed by it. They don’t experience “fear of missing out” because they already know which activities provide them meaning and satisfaction.

Common sense tips, like turning off notifications, or occasional rituals like observing a digital sabbath, don’t go far enough in helping us take back control of our technological lives, and attempts to unplug completely are complicated by the demands of family, friends and work.

Cal Newport shows how digital minimalists are rethinking their relationship to social media, rediscovering the pleasures of the offline world, and reconnecting with their inner selves through regular periods of solitude. He then shares strategies for integrating these practices into your life, starting with a thirty-day “digital declutter” process that has already helped thousands feel less overwhelmed and more in control.

Technology is intrinsically neither good nor bad. The key is using it to support your goals and values, rather than letting it use you.

 

It was much more recently than we remember that we were reprogrammed into a relationship with our phone where we look at it all the time.

What You’ll Learn

  • The unintentional consequences of technology in the workplace, and the scarier and more impactful consequences to our personal lives
  • How the smartphone of today was not what Steve Jobs had intended
  • How today’s internet culture is the outcome of business model (Facebook) to reengineer apps so that people want to take their phone out of their pockets all the time.
  • How as our economy shifts toward knowledge work, one of the most important skills is to concentrate and any company who makes focus a priority will have the upper hand
  • Preserving and practicing the ability to concentrate
  • What constant screen time does to our memory
  • How screen time affects our ability to do spatial location
  • How it affects our ability to concentrate even when we’re not on the internet
  • How tech deprives us of insights and self-reflection
  • What it does to our anxiety levels
  • How solitude is a maintenance mode for our brain
  • How up until 10 years ago, we had many moments alone with our own thoughts
  • Your brain can always be processing info from other minds
  • Our hardware is not equipped to handle the constant processing of information from other minds
  • To extract insight from content for your own life, you need time to think about the information
  • How setting a 1 to 1 ratio of content intake to contemplation to extract 5X more value
  • Is there an ideal number of minutes per day of screen time?
  • Breaking the idea that the phone is what you do when you don’t have anything to do
  • The digital minimalism philosophy
  • Using tech only for big wins on what you really care about
  • Why maximalism is not a winning path
  • Why it’s much better to deal with the problem of your kid being mad for not being allowed to have a phone rather than him being up till 4am playing Fortnite
  • Why boys are more susceptible to game addiction
  • Why girls are more susceptible with social media, leading to self-harm and suicide
  • Why teenagers should not get cell phones
  • The “phone foyer” method
  • What can parents do when their kids will not get off the phone
  • Teaching kids how to build a good day instead of using the phone
  • Teaching them high friction activities, like mastering an instrument or sport
  • Cal Newport’s 30-Day Plan to digital minimalism
  • Examples of what kind of apps serve you and which do not
  • The leisure renaissance that makes it easier to participate in high quality activities
  • Simplest thing to do take all apps off the phone. Don’t save your passwords. Use your computer a designated time
  • Leaving a legacy, memories, experiences by putting the phones down
  • Cal Newport’s upcoming book, A World Without Email

 

MENTIONED EPISODES:

The Mask of Masculinity with Lewis Howes

Everything You Need to Know About Identity Theft with Barry Russel

 


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
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Cal Newports’s links

Website

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

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Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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Learn More About Our Live Event!

June 6th – 8th 2019

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Protecting Your Family from Gaming Addiction with Cam Adair

Protecting Your Family from Gaming Addiction with Cam Adair

We are just beginning to understand the impact of video games on child development and behavior. Never has our culture been so immersed in gamification. Games like Minecraft and Fortnite have become part of social culture. According to statistics, the average amount of time kids spend on video games is now 20 hours a week. 72% of all American households regularly play video games and 40% play to escape from the real world, which is a coping mechanism associated with addiction.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has documented that violent videos games cause children to show a greater propensity to be aggressive in real life. Frequent gaming also results in poor grades and a difficult relationship with parents.

So how can we protect our family from gaming addiction?

Today we are grateful to have Cam Adair from GameQuitters.com back on The Dad Edge. He is a former gaming addict who now helps kids and their parents find solutions for gaming addiction. He tells us how we can set healthy limits and boundaries around video games, and what activities we can implement into our daily lives to make sure our kids are fulfilled and less susceptible to compulsive gaming.

'There’s a tsunami of addiction coming that we’re not prepared for.'—@camerondare #gaming #videogames #gamingaddiction #parenting Click To Tweet

Cam Adair

Cam Adair first turned to video games as an escape when he began getting bullied in school. As he got older, the problem became so serious that he quit school and pretended to have jobs so his parents wouldn’t know about his problem.

Cam began suffering from anxiety and depression. It was a vicious cycle of gaming to escape problems he avoided fixing. He was completely isolated, and even got to the point of suicide. Luckily he survived and now has started a movement to educate kids and parents about the insidious destructiveness of video games.

What You’ll Learn

  • How to avoid technology when we are constantly connected to it
  • How kids start gaming as early as toddlers
  • The impact every year earlier kids are exposed the more damaging
  • How games give the instant gratification we don’t get in real life
  • How the brain becomes used to the high level of stimulation
  • How video games prevent kids from developing intangible skills—social skills, independence, creativity, and the art of being bored
  • Generational shift from being willing to work, our kids don’t feel the hunger
  • Cam’s dad’s “milkshake run” technique to have serious talks with kids
  • What it is about screens that make us addicted to them
  • The role of FOMO in screen addiction
  • How apps, gaming, social networks are designed to make us feel like we need to constantly be online
  • Screen time and business—the correlation between how forgetful and distracted we get while having the massive urge to get these things done
  • How your phone just being near you will make you less productive
  • How to prioritize notifications
  • The Fortnite crisis
  • How to be consistent and firm with gaming boundaries
  • How parents must accept that there will be a period of ugliness when putting limits on games
  • How to use the game withdrawal period as an opportunity to stand with your kids through a difficult time
  • What to do when kids want to spend money on game items, like skins for Fortnite
  • How the game skin business model is similar to gambling
  • How Facebook scammed kids out of money through gaming
  • How spending money on games can make kids more deceptive and also makes them more invested in the game
  • Choosing games with an end
  • How much time should your child be playing video games according to age group
    • Under 12 – none
    • Above 12 – 30 minutes
    • Teen – 1-2 hours
  • Rewarding kids for game-free days
  • Why it’s better to have completely game-free days than to set a daily time limit
  • Becoming aware of the excuses you’re making to let your kids play games
  • How teaching entrepreneurship to your children (using money to make more money) can help kids prioritize game spending
  • How to come together as a couple around gaming
  • Navigating co-parenting challenges
  • Finding a way to play video games with your kids to get more involved or redirect them to game design, or some other more creative aspect
  • Making sure kids have multiple options to fulfill all the needs video games instantly provide—escape, achievement, competition, relaxation, and social interaction
  • The importance of maintaining a family structure.
  • How isolation breeds as problem
  • The importance of self-care for you and our partner in combating screen time issues
  • Cam’s best advice to parents who are trying to control gaming and screen time—Give yourself a break. Mistakes happen. Keep trying!
'You can only show up as powerfully to your kids as you’re showing up for yourself.'—@camerondare #gaming #videogames #gamingaddiction #parenting' Click To Tweet

 

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair

Video Game, Porn, and Social Media Addiction with Cam Adair

How to Raise Money-Empowered Kids with John Lanza

How to Have Amazing Sex in Your Marriage with Dr. Emily Morse


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
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CLICK HERE.


Cam Adair’s Links

gamequitters.com

GAME OVER Documentary

List of Activities to Replace Gaming

Facebook Page

Facebook Group

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

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the dad edge alliance


Learn More About Our Live Event!

June 6th – 8th 2019

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Stop Drifting and Consciously Design Your Future with Dominick Quartuccio


Neuroscience research shows that 95% of what we think and feel falls below our conscious detection, meaning almost all of what we do is beyond our conscious control. Instead of creating our lives, we drift. We fill our time with distractions and bad habits instead of living to our full potential.

Our guest today is author, speaker, and executive coach Dominick Quartuccio. He is here to talk about his book Design Your Future: 3 Simple Steps to Stop Drifting and Take Command of Your Life. He outlines how to upgrade our environments, discipline ourselves efficiently, and rewrite the narrative in our heads so that we can live to our ultimate potential.

The definition of hell—On your deathbed you meet the man you could’ve become.'—Dominick Quartuccio #men #dads #fathers #regret #mindset #potential #breakthrough Click To Tweet

Dominick Quartuccio

Dominick Quartuccio is one of the few guests we’ve had on The Dad Edge that is not a father yet. He is an aspiring dad who works with many high-performing family men.

Dominick spent fifteen years in the corporate arena. He was very successful, but something was missing. He felt a higher calling and in 2016 left his career to become a speaker and coach who helps men take command of their lives.

'Drift is the single greatest thing that keeps us off the path.'—Dominick Quartuccio #men #dads #fathers #distraction #technology #pornaddiction #selfdevelopment Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • Why many of us feel lost and uninspired in life because we’re not connected to what means most to us
  • How we drown out our existential anxiety using vices like porn, technology, and even workaholism
  • How apps, social media, and technology are designed with psychological hooks to keep you using them
  • How social media notifications use variable rewards to make them more addictive
  • Dominick’s own recovery from porn and sex addiction
  • The 3 Fs that shape our sexual development.
    • Family
    • Faith (or lack thereof)
    • Friends
  • The best way to prevent getting sucked into the internet vortex
  • How to design effective and efficient no-brainer boundaries for yourself that don’t tax your willpower
  • Why you should never use your cell phone as an alarm clock
  • How to relate to other men instead of compete with them
  • What it takes to break free from drift
    • Catalyze your own awakenings
    • Disrupt your patterns and habits
    • Replace with designing a conscious, intentional future
  • How to stop self-sabotage
  • How to curate a relationship with your inner self
  • How to rewire your inner-narrative to live to your full potential
It's easier for men to fight battles than to go inward.—Dominick Quartuccio #personaldevelopment #wisdom #selfdiscovery #selfsabotage Click To Tweet

RELATED EPISODES

ChooseFI: Stock Market, Tax, and Retirement Hacks with Brad Barrett

ChooseFI: 097R | The Good Dad Project

Turn On Your Superhero Brain with Jim Kwik

Wild at Heart with John Eldredge

 


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
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Dominick Quartuccio Links

Website

Facebook

Instagram

Buy the Book

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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