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staring down the wolf leadership

Staring Down the Wolf with ex-Navy SEAL Mark Divine


Each day, we have a choice to do things the way we’ve always done them, or to stare down the wolf of fear until he backs off.

Even if we’re not a former Navy SEAL Commander like today’s guest, as fathers, we are the heads of our families. We need to learn how to operate like an elite leader for them, and more importantly, ourselves.

This means we need to be strong enough to face our insecurities, confront our shadows, admit where we’re wrong, adopt a learning mindset, and be willing to ask help.

We are truly honored to have ex-Navy SEAL, Mark Divine, on the show for his fourth time. Among his many accomplishments, he is the creator of SEALFIT and the author of Unbeatable Mind. His new book is Staring Down the Wolf: 7 Leadership Commitments That Forge Elite Teams.

Today Mark talks about how becoming an elite leader starts with a deep understanding of who we are and why we behave the way we do. He reveals that elite leadership is not about pretending we’re perfect and indestructible. It’s about being honest about our weaknesses and failures.

Mark also teaches us how to get a team to commit to one cause and align communication on an intuitive level so that we can better our lives as well as generate a positive change in the world.

Mark Divine

Mark Divine is an expert in elite performance, mental toughness, and leader-team development. His renowned SEALFIT and Unbeatable Mind training programs have transformed tens of thousands from all walks of life.

Mark’s own leadership skills were initially honed in the SEALs, where he was the honor man of his BUDS class while leading his entire boat crew to success — which has never been repeated in BUDS history. He later built several successful operations, two of which have scaled into 8-figure businesses. His mission now is to lead 100 million to the path of integrated development through his motivational speaking, Unbeatable Mind podcasts and books, by 2045. The SEAL students he teaches make it through training with a 90% success rate, and the breathing, visualization and concentration practices he has taught are now standard at BUDS and in Air Force Special Ops training. Mark helps others to motivate in order to achieve maximum levels of success, mentally and physically.

Mark addresses integration and training of the whole body-mind-spirit system in his approach which he calls the Five Mountains. He teaches this unique philosophy to executives, corporate and elite sports teams and entrepreneurs through motivational speeches. His keynotes and training have all been rated five stars or “best ever” – with topics he draws from his best selling books including The Way of the SEAL, Unbeatable Mind and Staring Down the Wolf.

Staring Down the Wolf

What does it take to command a team of elite individuals? It requires a commitment to seven key principles: Courage, Trust, Respect, Growth, Excellence, Resiliency, and Alignment. All of these are present in an elite team which commits to them deeply in order to forge the character worthy of uncommon success.

Retired Navy SEAL Commander, entrepreneur and New York Times best-selling author Mark Divine (founder of SEALFIT, NavySeal.com, and Unbeatable Mind) reveals what makes the culture of an elite team, and how to get your own team to commit to serve at an elite level. Using principles he learned on the battlefield, training SEALs, and in his own entrepreneurial and growth company ventures, Mark knows what it is to lead elite teams, and how easily the team can fail by breaching these commitments.

Elite teams challenge themselves to step up everyday to do the uncommon. Developing the principles yourself and aligning your team around these commitments will allow you to thrive in VUCA (volatility, uncertainty, complexity, ambiguity) environments, no matter your background or leadership experience. Drawing from his 20 years leading SEALs, and 25 years of success and failure in entrepreneurship and 10 years coaching corporate clients, Mark Divine shares a very unique perspective that will allow you to unlock the tremendous power of your team.


What You’ll Learn

  • Leaders should never try to act like they are perfect.
  • If you show up as the strongest, smartest, and most perfect, you will shut your team down.
  • Your team will prefer if you admit when you’re scared and don’t have all the answers
  • We are all flawed humans, but when we commit to a team, we can execute impossible missions.
  • Mission success depends on making the team members grow as people.
  • True leadership is in the messy parts.
  • Leading an elite team in the civilian world is a lot harder than in the military.
  • In all cases, YOU become your biggest limiting factor.
  • Emotional development is the biggest and most avoided obstacle for leaders. It’s also the most important.
  • Emotional baggage from your childhood becomes part of your shadow.
  • Most people won’t face the trauma from their past.
  • Look at emotional work just like a fitness, diet, or business plan.
  • Confront codependence and people pleasing.
  • The importance of a meditation practice
  • How we create protective masks to cover our shadow side
  • Mark Divine admits that he could’ve easily become a highly successful, materialistic jerk.
  • What’s the primary purpose of life? It’s not to fulfill a calling. That is the secondary mission.
  • The primary purpose of life is to evolve, to uncover our negative qualities and cultivate positive ones so that we can serve others.
  • How to be humble and transparent without holding yourself and others from risk
  • Don’t blame others when the team fails. Tell them, “I’m in charge. It’s my responsibility. How can we learn from this?”
  • Showing up as your true self
  • Being supportive of your team instead of taking all the glory
  • Mark’s experience with his adopted son
  • Why kids lose trust in their parents
  • How to trigger accelerated growth
  • Bringing mindfulness exercises into your team culture
  • Alignment is how you communicate and create shared consciousness amongst the team. The team becomes the new leader.
  • How operating as an elite leader will benefit you, the world, and the planet.
  • You will always get more profit from serving others first.
  • Communicate your alignment daily.
  • Developing world-centric care and concern
  • Post COVID: How can we do this better and not go back to the way we were before?
  • Create a new “uncommon” normal
  • Why Mark Divine does not have email in his phone
  • Taking every other week off the internet to remove distraction
  • The clever auto-responders Mark uses when he’s detoxing from the office

RELATED EPISODES:

The Secrets to Achieving Wildly Important Goals with Mark Divine

Create an Unbeatable Mind, Body, and Become Sealfit with Mark Divine

How To Create An Unbeatable Mind with Navy Seal Mark Divine

 


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running your family as a team

Running Your Family as a Team with Marc Roberge from O.A.R.


Of a Revolution, or O.A.R., is a rock band that has been making music for over twenty years. Whether you know their name or not, chances are you’ve heard their songs on the radio. Today, we are honored to have O.A.R.’s lead singer Marc Roberge on the show for his second interview with The Dad Edge Podcast!

Marc talks about how dads can use this time of quarantine to reestablish the household hierarchy and start running the family as a team. He tells us what it’s like to be a dad on and off the road, how he keeps his marriage alive, and why he is open about his weaknesses and imperfections with his kids. He also shares stories about his own father and how the nostalgia of summers growing up in the neighborhood are the inspiration for his songs to this day.

This show is about the meaning of friends, family, and embracing the good and bad in life. Slow down and have a listen.

It takes work to run this household. If you work with me, it will run smoothly. If you battle me, we’re going to battle.—Marc Roberge

O.A.R.

What do you call a band whose twenty year-career spans sold-out stands at both Madison Square Garden and Red Rocks Amphitheater, millions of albums sold over the course of what will be nine full-length releases, and multiple chart-busting entries? In the case of O.A.R., two simple words suffice: “The Mighty.”

That’s the best way to sum up the Maryland quintet—Marc Roberge [lead vocals, rhythm guitar], Richard On [lead guitar, backing vocals], Chris Culos [drums], Benj Gershman [bass], and Jerry DePizzo [saxophone, guitar, backing vocals, additionally MikelParis [keys, backing vocals, percussion] and Jon Lampley [trumpet, backing vocals].

Since their emergence in 1996, the musicians have tirelessly delivered a signature brand of rock steeped in alternative scope, roots tradition, and pop ambition. Among many highlights, 2008’s All Sides yielded the platinum single “Shattered” and bowed in the Top 15 of the Billboard Top 200 a space they continually occupied with King [2011] and The Rockville LP [2014].

Beyond packing arenas and amphitheaters coast to coast, they’ve given inspiring performances on The Today Show, CONAN, the 2015 Special Olympics Opening Ceremony, the ESPYS, in addition to playing their hit song “Peace” at the coveted Times Square New Year’s Eve Celebration on the eve of 2016.

“Richie Sambora announced us at Red Rocks as ‘The Mighty O.A.R.’ a few years back,” recalls DePizzo. “Those two words just stuck with us, and Marc suggested we use it as the album title. We have a great sense of pride in the career we’ve had up to this point. The term wraps up who the band is in 2019. It feels good to us.”

“Our hope is everyone leaves our show feeling better than when they got there,” says Culos. “We make that happen by playing together as a unit, playing with a pulse. Through that pulse, we tell our story. It’s about friends and family – our brotherhood. The Mighty refers to our foundation.”

O.A.R. most definitely do that on their latest offering. They also tread uncharted territory. Rather than follow the same playbook and record during a set timeframe, they intermittently recorded throughout 2018, working on or writing a song only when inspired. Crafting all the songs simultaneously until the very last hours of the production deadline. In the studio, longtime producer Gregg Wattenberg would be joined by PomPom, who added a fresh take on the sound with an electronic sensibility and expanded soundscape.

“We used to rent a place for a month, go in, write music, take off for a break, and then record for another month,” says Roberge. “Thanks to Wattenberg, we now had access to a brand new studio and his guidance without the pressures of the clock. We could come and go when inspired, and fell into this comfortable experience. For the first time the schedule went out the window.”

“PomPom grew up around O.A.R. music,” DePizzo says. “To be able to bring someone into the fold who came up with your tunes and influence added a whole different perspective.”

Case in point is the first single, “Miss You All The Time.” Produced by Gregg Wattenberg and Derek Fuhrmann. Its lush keys and moving guitar riff uphold an orchestral admission, “I miss you all the time.” The emotionally charged send-off immediately resonated with fans as the official music video directed by Rudy Mancuso swiftly clocked over 5 million views on YouTube, and counting.

“Like anyone, we’ve seen tragic losses over the years,” says Roberge. “You have people in your life who are so important and influential, and then one day they’re gone. It happens quickly, and you’re left to pick up the pieces. We wanted to celebrate their greatness instead of mourn. ‘Miss You All The Time’ is a moment to honor those who aren’t with us anymore.”

Whether it’s the space and harmony of “Free”, the uplifting anthem “California”, or the addictive groove on “Knocking at Your Door,” O.A.R. ignite a bold, brilliant, and inspired next chapter.

“It’s a renewal of experiences,” says Roberge. “We’ve built the foundation, we’ve got the confidence to be who we are.”

And, who are they now?

Well, they’re The Mighty O.A.R.

What You’ll Learn

  • The tremendous influence of Stephen King and Stan By Me on Marc’s music
  • Through all the tours and fame, Marc always comes home “when the streetlights come on.”
  • Even as a successful musician on tour, Marc values being home with his wife and family above all.
  • Life encompasses moments of loss, sadness, weakness, but the moments in between are what counts and should be celebrated.
  • Marc admits that it’s hard to maintain the patriarchal role when he’s weak and flawed. It helps him to be open about this to his wife and kids.
  • As a dad, Marc believes dads shouldn’t float around and hope it all works out. Get in the trenches.
  • Why parents should encourage kids to do their own thing and get on board with it
  • When things go wrong, kids usually are afraid to tell their parents. How can we create a net of psychological safety so they will come to us first?
  • Marc talks about how he could go to his dad for anything, and so did the kids in his neighborhood.
  • How Marc’s father led by example—very few words, no BS.
  • How Marc maintains open communication in the home.
  • Cultivating the team mentality in the family
  • How running your family as a team helps siblings get along better
  • The most important habit for kids is learning to take responsibility.
  • How the quarantine situation has helped Marc’s family ignore little frustrations and learn how to communicate better
  • Marc sees this time as a silver lining to the virus. This is the most time many of us have ever spent with our family.
  • Fathers have time to reestablish the hierarchy in the house.
  • The best times Marc and his wife shared were not big, exotic vacations but simple road trips in the car.
  • Why his wife is his “final call” person
  • The purest songwriting experience Marc ever had
  • How O.A.R. has adapted to Covid-19 life by songwriting on Zoom and streaming concerts from home.
  • Marc’s plan for living through the coronavirus—stay home, write songs, take care of himself and his family

It’s all about neighborhood. It’s all about crew. It’s all about your friends. I believe in that stuff. We’re not alone.—Marc Roberge

RELATED EPISODES:

Of A Revolution with Marc Roberge

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood

 


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Applying TOP GUN Tactics to LIFE with Robert Cujo Teschner

Applying Top Gun Tactics to Life – Exclusive Dad Edge Alliance Q&A with Robert “Cujo” Teschner

We have a special show today! At least twice a month we invite one of our elite podcast guests to chat with our mastermind community. We’ve had Navy SEALs, pro-athletes, and NY Times bestselling authors. In this episode, we have former Top Gun instructor Robert “Cujo” Teschner back for an exclusive Dad Edge Alliance live Q&A with our members! Nearly 50 men participated in this virtual meeting.

Robert “Cujo’ Teschner talks about the strategies outlined in his Amazon bestselling book, Debrief to Win. After listening to this show you will know how to create teams and plan in advance to win at home and in the workplace. You’ll learn how to celebrate victories, praise your kids properly, and how to keep that no quit attitude no matter what adversity throws at you. You’ll also learn how to get out of the lull of complacency and how to stop blaming and shaming yourself for your shortcomings. Get ready to apply Top Gun tactics to your life!

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Debrief to Win with former Top Gun Instructor Robert “Cujo” Teschner

Exclusive Dad Edge Alliance Q&As


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Why Fathers Need to Ask for Help

Why Fathers Need to Ask for Help

As men, we hate to admit when we don’t know all the answers. We don’t want to seem weak and vulnerable, but fathers need to ask for help sometimes, and here is why.

None of us want to be at a loss when it comes to what to do about job struggles and relationship issues. We especially don’t want to be failing as fathers. Parenting is an intimate thing. That’s why it’s so difficult to ask for help when we need it. But we need to learn that it’s okay to ask for help. We can’t do it all alone and we don’t have to.

We’ve had the honor of interviewing several Navy SEALs on The Good Dad Project. The SEALs are one of the most successful organizations in the world. They are elite performers who accomplish amazing goals in the most stressful and dangerous situations. How do they successfully complete these extreme missions?

As a team.

They work together solving problems and helping each other, and would not be able to do what they do without their teammates by their side.

Just striving to be a better father and man means you are part of an elite group of men too. Join a local group, a mastermind group, or our Dad Edge Private Facebook Group. Seek out a mentor or a friend. Find a place where you feel safe and ask for help.

 

Referenced Episode: Leading Our Family With Confidence with Chris Sajnog


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growth mindset in your kids Larry Yatch

How to Instill the Growth Mindset in Your Kids with Larry Yatch

Larry Yatch from the SEALed Mindset is back to share some mind-blowing insights on how to make our families work as high-functioning teams, how to instill the growth mindset in our kids, and how to persevere and show courage in the face of fear.

The SEALED MINDSET

The Navy SEALs are the most elite warriors on the planet. Larry Yatch and his partner, Eric Davis, worked together as SEALs and they now teach the SEALed Mindset proven performance principles. Larry is experienced with managing high-performing individuals and building high-functioning teams. He believes the most important team you’re on is your family.

What is a team?

SEALs couldn’t do anything without their team. It takes a whole group of people to help them accomplish their goals. When you’re in the SEALs it’s crucial that every team member does their part because your competition is trying to kill you. Imagine if one person slacks off for the day. The consequences could be deadly.

The same holds true in work and family. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are on several teams, in order to be a good team player we must first identify the teams we’re on.

A team must have:

  1. Common background of experience – Team members need to speak the same language so they can communicate.
  2. Common concerns and obligations – Team members must be worried about the same issues, or share issues that nest.
  3. The same future goal – All must want to achieve the desired end-state.

When a member of family doesn’t have one of these 3 things, the family becomes dysfunctional.

How to incorporate teams in family lives?

In a high-functioning team, everyone has to have the same definitions and expectations of the roles on the team. Just like in football and other sports, each player has a specific role. They know what they are supposed to and execute their job to the best of their ability. This allows the other team members to focus on their own duties.

The three functions of members in a family team or spousal unit are leading, managing, following. The leader calls the shots, the manager creates an environment in which the leader can successfully lead, and the followers execute the leader’s plan. This acceptance of team roles helps avoid family conflict and ensures goals are accomplished efficiently.

What is fixed versus growth mindset?

Our subconscious mind processes information exponentially faster than the conscious mind, and our mindset is the filter between conscious and subconscious. If we have a bad mindset, we’ll react to our environment with our ego and in a fearful way. If we have a good mindset, we will respond with confidence, perseverance, and responsibility.

A person with a fixed mindset believes their skills and intelligence are limited, and therefore fear failure and avoid challenges. A person with a growth mindset knows their skills and intelligence can grow as long as they work hard and don’t allow fear hold them back. They rise to challenges, learn from failure, and persevere until they succeed.

The fixed mindset doesn’t have to stay fixed.

The good news is that our mindset is not permanent. It is a habit of thinking and reacting, not a physiological trait. We can change the way we operate. However, if we’ve been using a fixed mindset since our childhood, it will take a long time and a great effort to change.

How can we instill a growth mindset in our kids?

Many of us have unknowingly brought our kids up with the same fixed mindset we were raised with. When kids are told they are good at a sport or smart at a subject, they expect to accomplish everything with ease. When they run into a challenging situation, they feel fear and shame. If the task wasn’t easy for them, they think they are a failure. Their ego can’t handle it. In the future, they will avoid challenges or quit soon after undertaking them to avoid failing again.

Children with a growth mindset are praised for their hard work and effort. Instead of believing they’re simply “good” at something and that there is nothing beyond that, they know that as long as they keep working hard, they can keep getting better. Instead of avoiding difficulties, challenges, and criticism, they turn them into opportunities to learn.

Amazingly, it only takes a changing a few words when you’re praising your children to begin to change the mindset. Stop telling them they are “good” or “smart” and start telling them what a great effort they put in and how courageous they were to try their best in the face of fear and failure.

Stop rewarding the result. Reward the hard work.

 

Referenced Episode: Secrets of the Navy SEAL Mindset: Courage, Confidence, Perseverance and Resilience

 

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The #1 Reason Kids Quit Sports is Because of the Coach