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How to Make Your Wife Fall in Love with You Again and Again with Spencer Burnett

How to Make Your Wife Fall in Love with You Again and Again with Spencer Burnett

Why would we bring on a dating coach when most of our listeners are married? If we’re not mindful in our marriage, it will fizzle out. After so many years with the same person, we get comfortable, complacent, and lazy. Whenever we do try to do something new, our wives may reject us and we shut down.

Today we have dating coach and relationship expert Spencer Burnett on the show to talk about how to make your wife fall in love with you again and again. He shares his secrets on pursuing a woman confidently and from a place of service for better communication, intimacy, and attraction.

Married, divorced, and single dads will walk away from this show with a game plan for the relationship they want with the woman they truly desire.

'A good woman makes a good man great.'—@SpencerBurnett #men #dads #marriage #dating #relationships Click To Tweet

Spencer Burnett

It’s Spencer Burnett’s mission to help men embody the best version of themselves so that they can attract and keep the women they truly desire. His journey began when he was a successful guy with everything going for him. All he needed to complete his life was the girl he always dreamed of, a girl he had been close to for years. Spencer assumed she shared the same feelings for him, but when he finally professed his love to her, she told him she thought of him as a really, good girlfriend.

He was completely blindsided. Being friendzoned so harshly turned his world upside down. He wondered, what was he doing wrong? Spencer realized he was going along with what he’d been told by society to attract the woman he wanted, but it was a lie. The old alpha male persona wasn’t working. Spencer spent the next ten years trying to figure out how to stop impressing and start connecting with women. Now he is ten months into a new relationship with a woman he’s crazy about.

'True service is the highest form of empowerment.'—@SpencerBurnett #men #dads #fathers #husbands #wives #marriage #marriagetips Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • That men’s IQ lowers when they approach women
  • Why being programmed to breed as animals gives us conflicting thoughts
  • Why our hunting instincts turn off and we get lazy in relationships with the women we wanted so badly
  • Why we don’t see it coming when our wives are unhappy
  • Our role as conscious creators and kings
  • How to view ourselves as kings without taking on arrogance
  • How to see yourself as royalty and allow yourself to serve your queen
  • Changing to the mindset of service
  • The pointlessness of looking to the external world for validation
  • How to naturally emanate confidence (not arrogance)
  • How to create the evidence of your greatness to build unshakeable confidence
  • How taking away all worldly vices helps you to meet yourself
  • How today’s independent women don’t need the same alpha male type anymore
  • How men can cultivate more beta traits (vulnerability, listening, honesty) in an empowered way to give women what they need
  • Examples of communication starters and communication mistakes
  • The danger of avoiding ourselves
  • The mistake of diving into hobbies, habits, and work when things go wrong instead of connecting
  • How to start dating our wives again without seeming needy
  • Creative ideas for acts of service for your woman
  • How to have conversation with your wife on topics besides the kids
  • How to get more sex
  • Advice for divorced guys and single dads
  • How to put action behind your love instead of just words
'When you ask a woman for her help, she’s going to love you so much more.'—@SpencerBurnett #women #men #love #marriage #vulnerability Click To Tweet

 

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Approach Your Wife When You’re in Crisis

How to Approach Your Wife When You’re in Crisis


How should you approach your wife when you’re in crisis? When we men go into crisis, we have a tendency to shut down. We don’t want to appear like we don’t have it all under control. We don’t want our spouses to worry. Some might think that sharing all of our feelings of anxiety, stress, anger, or overwhelm with our spouse is the logical alternative, but this isn’t the answer either. Our wives shouldn’t have to shoulder all our problems.

Today, we have Alliance Member Alex Vanhouten on the show. He is the creator of Defining Dadbod, which aims to create a legacy of health and fitness for our kids. But he wasn’t always an entrepreneur. A few months ago, Alex was a successful employee who was terminated from his job without warning. Alex’s wife is a stay-at-home mom and he didn’t know what to do as the sole support for a single-income household. He tells us what he did before explaining his crisis to his wife to make sure that they both could cope with it in best way possible.

'Why would I go to my wife for validation when she has zero experience being a man?'—Alex Vanhouten @definingdadbod #men #marriage #manhood #brotherhood #tribe Click To Tweet

 

'You won’t be any better if you’re the only resource you have.'—Alex Vanhouten @definingdadbod #men #manhood #dads #fathers #fatherhood #brotherhood Click To Tweet


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Reignite Your Marriage After Having Kids

How to Reignite Your Marriage After Having Kids

When the kids are born, men focus on being a father. We cannot falter in our role as a provider and protector. Our spouses focus on being mothers, which is a twenty-four-hour, seven-days-a-week job. Our marriages inevitably suffer, but many parents feel guilty for leaving the kids.

On today’s short episode, I’m going share my personal experience and why you need to leave the kids behind and spend some time getting to know your spouse again.


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HOW TO IMMEDIATELY SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE AS A NEW DAD

This is a guest post by Allon Khakshouri of Business-dad.com

Enjoying a healthy sex life is a key ingredient to a thriving marriage. At the same time it is the one topic very few parents dare talk about, often leading to lots of frustration and anger to already challenged relationships.

 

Sex is so important because it is what makes you and your spouse more than just roommates. It requires you both to speak about the kind of intimate and emotional things that create a deeper sense of connection than you have with anyone else and helps strengthen trust between partners.

 

But lets face it: Becoming a dad triggers so many changes it can feel overwhelming: sleepless nights, endless fights and new responsibilities are just some of the challenges we all face and that can make sex quite unappealing. I remember how relieved I was knowing that my wife would need a few weeks to fully recover before she would request me to demonstrate my love making skills. I was sure that this would allow me to get adjusted to being a dad so that by the time my wife would be ready, I would feel revitalised and hungry for sex.

 

However, something strange happened: The more time that passed without having sex, the less I craved for it. Suddenly I felt concerned and unmanly: Was something wrong with me and our relationship?

I guess I was not the first to have such thoughts

 

According to studies conducted by the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, two thirds of marriages suffer a serious decline in their relationship satisfaction within the first three years of becoming parents. And the biggest victims of unhappy couples are the babies– two decades of research have shown that marital conflict is bad for babies and can affect their social and academic skills later on in life.

 

As John Gottman says:

 

“When there is a precipitous decline in relationship satisfaction and an increase in hostility, it transfers to the baby and affects the baby.”

 

And definitely the combination of having an unsatisfactory sex life and not speaking openly about it, is a big warning sign that the relationship is in trouble. So if you love your baby and you are committed to improving your relationship, addressing your sex life is a great place to start.

 

But let’s be honest: Feeling uncomfortable about becoming too physical after welcoming your baby is normal and especially common in the first few months after a mom gives birth. Since nobody dares to speak about their lack of sex, both husbands and wives start doubting themselves: Men lose confidence and feel rejected, while their spouses  feel unattractive, unwanted and unsexy. As a result, sex becomes another trigger for more conflicts and disputes, often enhancing arguments that are already evolving from role changes, lifestyle adjustments and even financial tensions.

 

YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY MAN WHO DIDN’T HAVE MUCH SEX LATELY!

 

What most of us don’t realize is that almost every couple struggles with intimacy after having their first baby. There are all sorts of reasons for this:

 

Initially, we need to give our partner time to physically recover. But when we stop hooking up with our partner, testosterone levels drop, which is why many men tend to crave less for sex. Women on the other hand feel touched out by their babies–and let’s face it– they suddenly transform from sexy studs into a supermoms. Add the fact that couples feel tired and exhausted, and it becomes apparent why so many of us experience longer periods of sexual abstinence.

 

Unfortunately, when we stop having sex for longer periods of time, we become lazy. We care less about how we look, ignore seduction attempts by our partner and over time even withdraw from her altogether. This is how so many dads end up feeling isolated and rejected when witnessing their wives spending so much time with their little one.

 

I remember how right after the birth of our son, it was extremely difficult for me to become intimate again. We were both feeling quite irritable and tired so it just didn’t seem right. Luckily I had the courage to speak to other couples about their relationships and realized that we are all in the same boat! Just because we argue more often, feel more exhausted and less sexy, does not mean something is wrong with our marriage. We sometimes forget we have just added a new person into our lives, and that takes some adjustments.

 

And if you haven’t had sex for a while, you are not alone. I met couples who needed weeks, others months and some even years to get back into their normal lovemaking routines. Don’t get me wrong– I am not advocating to accept having a poor sex life. To the contrary, what I am saying is that it is your responsibility to get out of your comfort zone and spice up your marriage, and in a minute I will tell you how. My point is that too many couples give up on their relationship way too quickly, whether they get divorced or simply live together feeling disillusioned and unhappy.

 

WARM UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP IMMEDIATELY

 

Let me tell you what I did when I realized that we needed to prioritize intimacy. Instead of panicking, I decided to work on our relationship and use the birth of our boy as an opportunity to upgrade our relationship, deepen our communication and reviving our sex life.

 

We started by integrating these simple practices into our life so that having regular sex would become much easier:

 

  • 7-8 hours Sleep You may think it is impossible. I did too. However, I made a few adjustments that made all the difference. I now go to sleep by latest 10pm on normal weekdays, and have a nighttime ritual that includes a soothing shower, no TV-and phone time at least an hour before going to sleep, that spending at least 30 minutes of quality time with my wife. These steps have made all the difference because it is hard to jumpstart your libido when you feel tired.

 

  • Speaking Time. As I mentioned above, my wife and I spend some time together before going to sleep. But even just 10 minutes of talking time will give you both have the opportunity to express feelings, needs and desires. Once you both reconnect again emotionally, good sex will follow.

 

  • Becoming More Physical. We have always been quite a physical couple. However, as parents we needed to redefine sex to include more than just penetration. My wife and I now use every opportunity to hug, kiss and cuddle together, and it triggers instant pleasure every time.

 

  • Flirting: This is something we forgot in the first 1-2 weeks after the birth of our son. But it’s amazing how just a few words can make such a difference. I try and surprise my wife every few days with a very thoughtful text message, a hidden note that she may find at a random moment, or by sending her flowers with a handwritten card, and every single time these little surprises make her glow from joy.

 

  • Asking Questions. I wanted to find out how it felt for my wife to be a mom, what her biggest struggles were, what she was dreaming about for the future, and what her deepest desires looked like. She reciprocated by asking me about how this change of becoming a dad felt like. These moments of sharing were extremely bonding,

 

  • Listening. Sometimes women just want to be heard, so I really made an effort to become more patient and try and relive the words that my wife was sharing. By learning to empathize with your partner and all she goes through, you will instantly become her superhero again.

 

RITUALIZE INTIMATE TIME TOGETHER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

 

Of course, some things will work better for you than others. And it is up to you to fine tune the details. But they will definitely help you rekindle our relationship. I see these actions as a kind of foreplay that needs to be in place before addressing our sex lives.

 

However, if you are serious about spicing up your love life, you need to have regular sex. So how can you do that, now that you are busier than ever with a whole family to take care of?

 

Well, here is the thing. Like with other areas in your life, it all comes down to creating habits that help you live the lifestyle you want. This doesn’t need to be too difficult, but it takes consistency. Like going to the gym, starting a new hobby, or waking up earlier, every beginning or new start is a bit more difficult. However, once we overcome the initial resistance, we start finding joy in our new behavior.

 

In the same way, it is essential to create routines of spending intimate moments together. The trick that really made all the difference to us was scheduling our time together in the same way we schedule anything else. Initially that meant planning the day, time and place that we would spend some quality time together in advance.

 

Yes, I know this sounds premeditated and unromantic.  However, it works wonders, because only by ritualizing time for ourselves, do we build up the kind of stamina that allows us to overcome all the obstacles that can make intimacy so difficult for new parents. Even an hour per week can make all the difference. I remember how my wife and I used to find excuses all the time why not to have sex, until we made sex become an integral part of our lifestyle again that we both crave for.

 

By scheduling your time together, you can address any obstacles that could distract you both from enjoying your time together. For example, you may want to leave your baby with your parents and create the kind of romantic setting that will allow your wife and yourself to switch off from everything else that is going on in your life.

 

HOW TO HAVE AMAZING SEX LIFE

 

So now that you know about the importance to intimate time together, let me share with you 6 tips that will help you regain a vibrant sex life without any further delay:

 

  • Avoid feeling pressurized: During your time together, be romantic and have fun, without experiencing the need to have full-blown sex. Teasing and taunting each other with kisses, massages and anything else that pleases both of you qualifies as intimate time.

 

  • Have date nights together: If you can, add weekly date nights for the two of you to enjoy quality moments together. This is your time alone together, to experience a romantic ambience and to become real lovers again. The quicker you start with this, the easier it will be to revive your sex life.

 

  • Create a romantic atmosphere: Small details like candle lights and clean sheets can make your time together more bonding and fun. Stimulate the senses by using aroma sticks for a pleasant smell, and playing sensual music.

 

  • Be flexible: Scheduling intimate time in advance may sound premeditated. But there is room for some creativity as to when, where and how you both engage with each other. For example, I often feel exhausted in the evenings, my wife and I enjoy planning our time together on weekends that our son is with my parents, so we have time for ourselves in the afternoon. Also be open minded and experiment what gives you both joy and pleasure.

 

  • Be a giver: Focus on making your wife feel desired and attractive, and giving her the kind of joy that will make her want to reciprocate. By treating her like your queen, you will soon become a true king.

 

  • Clear your head: It can be hard to switch off from distractions like thinking about your business, your kids, or anything else that is circulating your mind. However, try to make this your “us time”, and commit to being fully present, playful and open with your partner.  The more you can do this, the better and more fun your sex life will become.

 

You will discover that spending time together in this kind of intimate setting will help you both communicate more openly, share both vulnerabilities and desires and create a deeper more trusting connection between each other. You will find out that this kind of intimacy is the bread and butter for better sex.

 

The best part is that once you have rekindled your sex life, other areas of your relationship will improve as well. You will feel more confident, happy and energized. All of a sudden, being a dad will become the most enjoyable time of your life!

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If you are interested to learn more about how you can become a true Business Dad who combines professional success with becoming a super engaged and loving dad, visit www.business-dad.com

 

Armando Cruz_The R.I.C.H. Man Experience & How to Connect with Your Spouse

The R.I.C.H. Man Experience & How to Connect with Your Spouse – GDP011

“The R.I.C.H. Man Experience & How to Connect with Your Spouse” Episode Overview

Larry Hagner and Shawn Stevenson interview Armando Cruz about the R.I.C.H. (Respect, Inspired, Connected, Happy) Man Experience. Armando has developed a program to take dads to a new level and how to connect with your spouse or partner.

Key Take-Aways

  • Learn about the R.I.C.H. (Respect, Inspired, Connected, Happy) Man Experience
  • How to balance your work life and family life
  • How to recognize the love language of your partner and speak hers/his vs. our own

 

Guest: Armando Cruz

Armando Cruz_The R.I.C.H. Man Experience & How to Connect with Your Spouse

Armando Cruz is a husband, father, entrepreneur, adventurer, lifestyle physical therapist, ultra-runner, and performance coach. He is the owner of Cruz Country Fitness & Physical Therapy and the creator of the R.I.C.H. Man Experience.

Armando has climbed mountains, has ran over 50 miles in a day in the swamps, has lived out of his car, and has rollerbladed and surfed in hurricanes but his biggest adventure has been fatherhood. He is the proud dad of 3 amazing children and has been married for 8 years to his beautiful wife Christian.

After coaching and working with many different clients, Armando realized his passion and unique capabilities were to help fathers that are entrepreneurs live happier, more connected, and more fulfilled lives. Thus, he created the R.I.C.H. Man Experience: an immersive coaching program for fathers that are entrepreneurs to improve connection to their life purpose, their health, their wife, their kids, and their adventure. The aim is so that they show up daily as the greatest and grandest version of who they are for themselves, for their family and for their legacy.

Be the Greatest Version of You: R.I.C.H. Man Experience

Armando created the R.I.C.H. Man Experience as way to use a compass on a day-to-day basis to check himself and help become the greatest version of himself.

R – Respected:

  • Trustworthy
  • Authentic
  • What you’re saying and what you’re doing are all in alignment

I – Inspired: If you think back, when you were inspired, there was no need to motivate yourself. in fact, there may have been people trying to stop you.

“Very often if you need motivation to do something, it’s not really something that you want to do. Motivation is an external application towards you versus inspiration, which means quite literally to be filled with the spirit, coming from the inside out. And whenever you’re coming from the inside out, in inspiration, you’re more in alignment with your truth, with your passion, and you’re going to be more authentic.” – Armando Cruz

C – Connected:

  • Thing that unites us as spouses/partners and unites us with our kids in our relationships
  • Health — nutrition, exercise, mindset, spirituality, how you’re going into it, attitude, sleep, water/hydration; not just fitness, which is one dimensional

“If you don’t have your health and are not in the best shape, then you’ll be a fraction of what you could be because you don’t have the vitality, you don’t have that connection to your best self, and don’t have the clarity to become it. Being connected is being aligned with the people and things that matter most to you.” – Armando Cruz

H – Happy: Culmination of all three — Respected, Inspired, and Connected — when they’re in alignment, you’ll find yourself being more fulfilled and happy. But also, showing up: If you show up being happy, you’ll find something to be happy for and about — fake it until you make it.

Balancing Marriage, Fatherhood, Work

Armando says that “having it all” really means making the best choices. You really can’t have it all because when you choose something, it negates the rest. You can’t be one and the other. What you’re looking for is really what is going to serve you the best.

The balance is kind of a myth, according to Armando. Balance means that there’s not movement. When something is in balance, it’s in zero: It’s neither going forward nor backwards; it’s just there. For example, a pond that just sits there starts building up algae and bacteria, and it starts eating away at itself instead of growing.

Instead, what you’re looking for is movement, says Armando. In order for there to be movement, there are areas of imbalance. Imbalance is not a bad thing; it’s creating movement. The question is: Are you moving in the direction that you want? In the marriage or relationship with your partner and relationship with your kids, are you moving towards a healthier, more fulfilling, more connected relationships — and what does that mean to you? You need to define what it is that is healthy, fulfilling, and connected. By defining it, you can be more concrete. Make sure everyone is speaking the same language.

Shawn suggests replacing the word “balance” with “integration.” Movement creates progress, and progress is power. It boils down to clarity, getting clear on what it is you want versus what you think everybody is supposed to have or what you think you’re supposed to have. It’s important to take a step back, and write down 5-10 things that you really want yourself and not base it on consumerism. Once you can get clearer about what you want, you can find a much clearer path to get there.

Knowing When Coaching is Necessary

Armando often is asked what he does as a coach. Coaches don’t give answers. Instead, coaches ask people the right, best possible questions so that their clients can find the answers for themselves. Asking the right questions is the best, most powerful way of gaining clarity. Clarity gives you freedom because you can see and know what you want.

One process coaches use is a 3 step method for asking questions to get clarity:

1. Define: What does it look like? (ex. What does success in your marriage look like?) Create a vision for that.

2. Refine: What does it not look like? Sometimes there is difficulty in creating the vision of what it looks like, so asking what it doesn’t look like helps.

3. Align: How will I know when I’m not at the best? When I’m not showing up as the best version at that point (ex. in my marriage) — or, when I’m not there? How will I know when I am there? While those questions may all seem very similar, by giving you that contrast, you’re giving different perspectives. Perspectives give you a richer view of any situation.

There’s a difference between coaching and mentoring, and there are different types of coaching and mentoring. Armando explains that mentoring can be described as: “Do what I do. This worked for me, so this is a path that seems to be good.” Coaching, on the other hand, is a little bit different and it’s a luxury: Coaching is not something that you need in order to survive. We can figure our lives out without it, historically speaking. And for some people, good enough is good enough. When coaching becomes powerful and somewhat of a necessity is for men and women committed to excellence. If excellence is a must for you, if excellence and legacy are things that you strive for, then coaching is important because coaching provides perspective. Coaching comes from a place of gathering clarity not necessarily giving instruction.

“You can’t see the picture when you’re in the frame.” – Les Brown

 

Speaking the Same Love Language

A highly recommended book to read for both men and women is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, which was featured by Oprah on her shows. In a nutshell, the 5 Love Languages are: quality time; words of affirmation; physical touch; receiving gifts; and acts of service.

It’s critical to know how you and your partner, your kids, and others around you communicate. It’s important to get on the same page and understand one another since people communicate differently, especially when it comes to expressing love. Partners need to get together to talk about their top 2 love languages, and then implement some strategies to have the best communication with each other using both love languages. You need to have specific intent and have these conversations.

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

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Links Mentioned In This Episode

 

Books Mentioned In This Episode

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