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relentless success

Relentless Success Through Triumph and Tragedy with Todd Stottlemyre

As you know, Todd Stottlemyre is a 3-time World Series MLB pitcher. You loved his last interview on The Good Dad Project. In this powerful episode, I sit with Todd face-to-face as he opens up about the most painful moment in his life, how he fought the enemy within himself, and what elements have helped him in his pursuit of relentless success.

Todd Stottlemyre

Todd Stottlemyre, author and speaker, has a passion for coaching how to win at the highest levels in business and personal life. Todd’s process demonstrates how lofty ambitions are achievable when you follow the sequential steps in his proven success system.

Todd is a former major league baseball pitcher where he played for 15 seasons and participated in three World Championships. He played for the Toronto Blue Jays, Oakland Athletics, St Louis Cardinals, Texas Rangers, and the Arizona Diamondbacks. Todd received the prestigious Branch Ricky Award and the Lou Gehrig Award. After his baseball career, Todd had a career in finance building an asset management business at a high-profile Wall Street firm. Todd lives in Phoenix, Arizona with his wife Erica and their five beautiful children.

The second you become prey to others’ opinions, your goals and dreams become the dreams of those people.

Todd spent his childhood going to Yankee Stadium with his dad, Mel Stottlemyre. He grew up amid other legendary baseball players and considers himself very lucky to have had such a wonderful experience. His father never pushed his brother and him to become baseball players. His parents wanted them to focus on doing whatever it was they enjoyed, but Todd wanted nothing more than to become a pitcher like his dad, and he did.

Despite having a childhood many boys would dream of, the family endured an unfathomable loss when Todd’s younger brother, Jason, was diagnosed with leukemia. Jason went through a few years of treatments and remission periods, but eventually the disease hit full-force and a bone marrow transplant was the only hope. Todd was the best match and went into surgery to have his marrow removed and given to his brother.

The transplant appeared to be a success. His brother was running around the hospital and the doctors were preparing for Jason to go home, but Todd would never get his little brother back. Two days before his release, Jason fell into a coma and died shortly afterward. Todd says that driving back home without his brother was the worst drive a person could ever make, and that beyond the sadness was hatred and guilt that his bone marrow was rejected by his brother’s body.

Todd says his brother was his greatest teacher because he never felt sorry for himself, he never quit. Todd decided he would never give up on anything and was determined to not let anything keep him from his dreams. This became his greatest driver in all his pursuits in live, but he did also have to get some help to move past his guilt and pain.

He taught me how to die.

Todd talks about the lives of all the others that poured into his – his dad, his mentors, and those who contributed to his success and helped him through his failures. His book, Relentless Success: 9-Point System for Major League Achievement is coming out on July 1st, 2017.

Listen to Todd’s first interview – Breaking the World of Impossible with Todd Stottlemyre


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Why Kids Quit Sports

The Hidden Secrets to Why Kids Quit Sports

Playing sports teaches our kids life lessons, but today, 70% of kids quit sports by the age of thirteen. We’re going to Coach Jim and Coach Steve from Coach Baseball Right to talk about the hidden secrets to why kids quit sports and how we, as parents or coaches, can change our strategies to encourage and motivate them in the right way.

The shocking trend is that most kids quit sports before high school. Many kids give up because they don’t view it as fun or do not get along with the coach. How can we dads encourage our own athletes or coach a whole team?

We all have the best intentions with our kids, but what if our encouraging words weren’t so encouraging, and what we’re saying isn’t what they’re hearing? What if we actually put more pressure on them?

Where We Get It Wrong

We want kids to win. Of course, we do. We shout in the stands and push them to work hard, but we make a mistake when we focus on the result. There will be inevitable losses and disappointments. When our kids feel the only point of playing sports is competing and winning, they lose interest when they can’t meet these expectations. The best way to begin changing this mindset is to ask ourselves, what do we want our kids to get out of sports?

In the popular youth sports culture today, many parents want kids to play sports for the future. They use games and events as a place to showcase their kid’s skills. They make sure their children are among the best players to have better chances for exposure to get into college. It’s not even about the team anymore, but the individual.

This takes the fun out of sports. The things parents hope they’re going to achieve and the money they’re spending for a collegiate sport experience are often unrealistic. Most kids will not grow up to be a professional athlete, and it might be better to ease up on the performance pressure and focus on enjoying the journey.

We Miss What Sport Can Do for Our Kids

The real reason for getting our kids into sports is to see that they’re happy, healthy, and running around. They are experiencing difficult life lessons, learning to be part of a team, and learning how to win and lose.

For many parents, the instinct is to protect kids from feeling failure or disappointment. Other parents go crazy in the stands and want their kids to win no matter what.  Some parents feel shame or anger when their kids lose. They feel it’s a reflection on them and their parenting. This type of approach to sports is damaging. Children need to fail to learn. They also need to know they are loved and valued whether they win or lose. Winning is great, but not the most important thing. The key is to set helpful expectations.

Parents need to check their ego

As parents, we need to check our ego and remember that it’s not our time. It’s our kids’ time. It’s all about them, not about us or our ideas of what we want for them.

Anticipate beforehand that our kid is going to make mistakes, and whenever they do, they’re going to look up at us to see our reaction. No matter what happens, the most important thing to remember is this:

Your kid should always see the same you. Win or lose, when they look up, make sure you’re there with an encouraging smile.

We shouldn’t tell them where they went wrong, or berate them for mistakes. They will not take a chance on a shot or play if we look upset with their performance. We must simply enjoy the game, and be there for them. When it’s over, say “I really enjoyed watching you play.” Kids need to know the most important thing is 100% effort, and that we had fun and are proud of them for taking risks and giving it their all.

Our Monumental Roles as Mentors and Coaches

We undervalue the impact we have on kids’ lives, but just think about the impact coaches and mentors have had on your development. How did the good ones help you? How did the bad ones affect you? We need a better awareness of the cost of the decisions we’re making so that we’re more mindful of how we behave.

We must take the higher road for our kids. Our coaching should leave them so that they want more at the end of a season, not be glad that it’s over.

Coaches need to have honest talks with parents about expectations. We need to help all those people who are well-meaning but got it all wrong. There’s human way to handle it and a right way. Our children are watching how we behave. We need to set an honorable example.

Know why you’re there

Sports are to help kids prepare for life. Yes, we want to win, but we must focus on developing our kids. If we know why we’re there – to enjoy the ups and downs, the challenges, and the learning process – all our actions will fall into place. We’ll be aware of when we’re hard on our kids for making mistakes, and this will keep the ego in check. We need to give kids the chance to be successful on their own.

Don’t miss the teachable moments

There are opportunities to teach when bad things happen. We don’t want to miss the chance to use them as a lesson and set a good example. We must take advantage of a teachable moment. After the game, we can share what we did and why.

Dad Wisdom

From Coach Steve: Don’t try to keep your kids from failing. Just be there for them.

From Coach Jim: Try to see the world from your kids’ eyes. Things will go smoother and you can enjoy being a dad more.

 

Referenced episode: Breaking the World of Impossible with Todd Stottlemyre

 

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Resources

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GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

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win at losing

How to Teach Our Kids to Win at Losing with Sam Weinman

On today’s episode of The Good Dad Project, Sam Weinman tells us how to talk to our kids about failure and how to win at losing by using defeat as fertile ground for growth.

Sam Weinman

SAM WEINMAN is the digital editor of Golf Digest. Prior to that, he was a senior writer for The Journal News in Westchester County, New York, where he was honored with multiple national writing awards for his coverage of the PGA Tour and the National Hockey League. His work has also appeared in USA Today, Golf World, Yahoo! Sports, ESPN the Magazine, and Sports Illustrated. A graduate of the University of New Hampshire, he lives with his wife and two sons in Rye, New York, where he coaches multiple youth sports teams.

Win at Losing

Win at Losing is an engaging, inspiring exploration of the surprising value of setbacks—and how we can use them to succeed. Sam Weinman wrote this book with his kids in mind. He has two boys aged 9 and 11, and watched them struggle with losing. It was a theme he found himself revisiting with them whenever they experienced disappointment in school, sports, or friends. Sam knew that there was an upside to losing and he wanted to impress that concept on his boys with tangible examples. He set out to meet people who lost and benefitted from it, and this became the foundation for win at Losing.

Sam Weinman says he was always drawn to the losing athletes more than the winners and highlights examples of people who experienced epic failure, but persevered through it and became better people as a result.

Talking to Kids About Losing

Winning Isn’t Everything – To some degree we all live vicariously through our children and we sometimes enjoy their victories as much as they do. It’s human nature to celebrate success. Because of this, when our kids lose and there is no praise or celebration, it conveys a message that they aren’t worth as much. Don’t focus on the outcomes. Praise the effort. You may not even want to attend all your kids’ events so your children will know that their value is not derived from how they perform in school or sports.

Encourage Them to Try Their Best – It’s important for kids to learn to process disappointment in a way that’s not just self-pity and feeling worthless. As dads, we must learn how to effectively have conversations with our kids so they know that it’s okay to fail and that there is huge value in giving their best.

But Use “Try Your Best” Lightly – We need our kids to understand that life is about results. They will always be accountable to a grade or score. Just saying they did their best is not enough. There is effort, and there’s real effort. There must be exertion there, and the older ours kids get, the more they will be able to tell deep down inside whether they gave it their all or not.

Don’t Push Too Hard – We want to push encourage kids to succeed, and we should be critical about them not giving their full effort, but there is a fine line to be aware of. If we push too much, we can burn them out and turn them off. Sam says he checks in with his sons and asks them if he’s too hard on them. One his sons is receptive to being pushed and tells him it’s okay, while his other son takes too much pushing as criticism. Each child is different.

Remember This Above All – In a lifetime with your child, sports will likely be a small part of your relationship. Make sure you’re not damaging the overall bond you have with your child by pushing them to hard.

Sam Weinman’s Dad Wisdom

As dads, we need to resist the urge to try to solve all our kids’ problems. When we give into this urge, we are taking away their ability to solve problems on their own. They need the skills to work through challenges and the only way they learn this by making mistakes.


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The #1 Reason Kids Quit Sports is Because of the Coach

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praise effort and not results

Why Dads Should Praise Effort and Not Results

In episode 99 of The Good Dad Project, Larry Yatch from SEALed Mindset told us about the importance of instilling a growth mindset in our children. I think, like me, a lot of dads listening to that show experienced some major revelations about how we’ve been praising and encouraging our children. In this week’s Thursday Throwdown, I share my personal experience with my nine-year-old son and how I might have negatively impacted his attitude toward wrestling by praising him for the results instead of his effort.

Referenced Episode: Secrets of the Navy SEAL Mindset: Courage, Confidence, Perseverance and Resilience

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overcoming adversity

How Overcoming Adversity Can Make You a Better Dad with Nick Dinardo

Nick Dinardo draws on adversity to inform and inspire his life as a podcaster, personal performance coach, author, and dad.

Nick Dinardo is an entrepreneur, a consultant, and a public speaker who focuses on resilience, personal growth, and education. Nick is the author of bestselling book The Game of Adversity: 8 Practices to Turn Life’s Toughest Moments into Your Greatest Opportunities. He is also the host of The Sweet Adversity Podcast and has interviewed hundreds of experts on overcoming adversity, dealing with trauma and stress, and the critical role it plays in our cognitive development.

Nick has dealt with adversity his entire life. At the age of seven, his family went from the American dream to a foreclosed home, divorce, and mental illness. He spent a year sleeping on the floor in a one room apartment where his family shared a kitchen with seventeen other families.

Nick had a great dad, but was angry at his father for not understanding his mom and her mental illness. He still hoped and dreamed his parents would fall in love again, but that never happened. They moved from place to place until his mom got her life back together. During this disruptive time, Nick turned to sports for role models of those who went through hard times and still became great, successful people.

Sports is a microcosm of life

Nick Dinardo’s book, The Game of Adversity, uses sports as a Trojan horse to explore the psychological aspects of adversity and how high performers focus on process, not outcome. Coaches like John Wooden and Bill Belichick implemented this idea in their methods. Wooden made his players adhere to a very strict routine and told them not to think about basketball outside of practice. Belichick didn’t care about the score so much as he did about the team and their cognitive skill development. If the players prepared through the process, the win would come without consciously focusing on the goal.

Focusing on goals can make us unhappy

Goals are anti-presence because you’re focused on the end instead of what’s going on right in front of you. You can’t enjoy the moment because you’re always looking to the future, but you can establish a new norm for yourself and stop waiting till you reach any of your goals to be happy.

We have a choice

Men have evolved to be very results-focused, and we feel like a failure when we don’t achieve our goals. This creates stress and our response effects our cortisol levels, which effects our sleep and the function of our bodies. It triggers a chain reaction that goes all the way into how we treat people and how we approach our day.

Fighting our natural instincts to relentlessly push for our goals is tough, but when faced with a stressful situation, we can actually train ourselves how to respond in a positive proactive way instead of a negative reactive way.

Kids overcoming adversity

Nick says what’s important for kids to overcome extreme adversity is a positive relationship with one adult. Despite the hardship his family went through when he was young, he had a solid social circle of caring adults that acted as a foundation of strength.

Dad wisdom after a childhood of adversity

Nick Dinardo is the new dad of a 5-month-old boy. When Nick thinks about the things his father did for him, one thing stands out. It comes down to love. He remembers his dad always gave him hugs in kisses, even in front of his friends. His dad always told him he loved him multiple times a day. Nick says not to worry about the parenting books and the latest trends. When it comes to being a good dad, all things fall into place from love.

RESOURCES

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Connect with Nick Dinardo

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Website – NickDinardo.com

Amazon – The Game of Adversity: 8 Practices To Turn Life’s Toughest Moments Into Your Greatest Opportunities

The Sweet Adversity Podcast

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