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How to Raise a Teen in Today's World

How to Raise a Teen in Today’s World with Marc Fienberg


Navigating the turbulent waters of raising a teenager is different now than when our parents raised us. With technology, they are exposed to so much more than they are ready for. We also are facing new challenges like the pandemic and societal issues.

In this episode, Marc Fienberg is going to teach us how to raise a teen in today’s world. He is the bestselling author of Dad’s Great Advice for Teens and we talk about the tough conversations we need to have with our kids. He tells us why we should encourage our kids to not focus on making us happy.

He also tells us how to get our kids to open up about sex, drugs, and other uncomfortable issues so that they can make the best decisions even when we aren’t around.

You have to change your strategies and reinvent yourself as a parent all the time.

Mark Fienberg

It doesn’t matter that Marc Fienberg is an author, movie director, strategy consultant, entrepreneur, owner of The Great Advice Group, husband, and all-around nice guy. What matters is that he is the father of four kids, two of whom are teens. He has served as a life coach to his kids for more than sixteen years, and since none of them have been rushed to the emergency room or spent a night in jail yet, it seems like his Great Advice is working.

Dad’s Great Advice for Teens: Stuff Every Teen Needs to Know About Parents, Friends, Social Media, Drinking, Dating, Relationships, and Finding Happiness

Being a teen ain’t easy. Luckily, Dad’s Great Advice for Teens provides 25 short pieces of unorthodox Great Advice, filled with humor, wisdom, and inspirational quotes, to help teens:

  • Build confidence
  • Make good decisions
  • Stay positive when problems arise
  • Be productive with their time
  • Take action toward their goals
  • Develop close relationships
  • Create new, positive habits
  • Follow their passion
  • Trust their gut
  • Take smart risks

What You’ll Learn

08:00

Marc began writing advice for his own four kids who needed different guidance at different stages. Each would receive their own book of advice on their 13th birthday.

09:21

Marc’s career as a Hollywood director.

13:15

Push kids to find out what makes them happy.

Even though you share your genes with your parents. You don’t share your dreams with your parents.

What is a condom virgin?

No one waits till marriage anymore. Sex is an adult thing to do, because the repercussions are adult. Kids need to know the real consequences of disease and pregnancy.

27:50

How to reconnect with a teen who is drifting away from you.

Marc says the later he stays up with his kids, the more likely they are to share.

As a parent, you will get the most information when you don’t look at them.

34:50

Dealing with the pandemic

Don’t shield your kids from the news. They need to know how serious this is. People are dying.

42:30

How to give kids the tools they need to make good decisions when we’re not with them

Tell your kids to go with their gut. There is science behind the instincts we feel.

Talk to your kids about the bad decisions you’ve made. They can learn vicariously through your mistakes and it also helps them feel like they can be honest with you.

Marc Fienberg’s Link

greatadvicegroup.com

 


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Our biggest regrets in life happen
when we’ve lost our patience. 

how to have more patience

Stop Reacting and Start Living

Do the work. Make a plan. Follow along with simple, yet powerful exercises and tap into the patience that is within you.

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screen kids

Taking Your Kids Back from Their Screens with Arlene Pellicane


It has been extremely difficult during lockdown and virtual schooling to limit screen time for our kids. That is why we have Arlene Pellicane back on the show to talk about Screen Kids, the latest book she’s co-written with Gary Chapman.

Arlene Pellicane tells us what too much screen time will do to our kids’ brains. She explains us how the internet trains kids to become accustomed to instant gratification and how that affects their wellbeing and behavior over time. Most importantly, she teaches us how to set non-negotiable boundaries around computers and devices in our homes.

Learn how to keep screen time balanced for you and your kids once and for all in this episode!

 

Arlene Pellicane

If you didn’t get to listen to Arlene’s first show, The Cool, Calm, and Connected Family, click here. She is a speaker and author of several books including Parents Rising, 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom, and Calm, Cool and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life. Arlene has been featured on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Focus on the Family, and FamilyLife Today. She’s the host of the Happy Home Podcast and regular contributor to Proverbs 31 Ministries.

Now she’s co-written Screen Kids and Grandparenting Screen Kids with Gary Chapman.

Arlene lives in San Diego with her husband James and their three children. You too can have a happy home – Arlene’s books will show you how.

Screen Kids: 5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World

Has Technology Taken Over Your Home?

In this digital age, children spend more time interacting with screens and less time playing outside, reading a book, or interacting with family. Though technology has its benefits, it also has its harms.

In Screen Kids Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane will empower you with the tools you need to make positive changes. Through stories, science, and wisdom, you’ll discover how to take back your home from an overdependence on screens. Plus, you’ll learn to teach the five A+ skills that every child needs to master: affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention. Learn how to:

  • Protect and nurture your child’s growing brain
  • Establish simple boundaries that make a huge difference
  • Recognize the warning signs of gaming too much
  • Raise a child who won’t gauge success through social media
  • Teach your child to be safe online

This newly revised edition features the latest research and interactive assessments, so you can best confront the issues technology create in your home. Now is the time to equip your child with a healthy relationship with screens and an even healthier relationship with others.

What You’ll Learn

  • Your device is designed to be sticky. Everything is created on purpose so you and your child will check it frequently.
  • A bicycle is a tool that waits for you to use it. Tech is not. It keeps prompting you to pick it up.
  • You’re not a bad parent and your kid is not without self-control. But it’s up to you to empower yourself.
  • None of Arlene’s kids have smartphones. How does she do it?
  • Children want devices to be like everyone else.
  • Kids gauge their worth on how many followers and fans they have.
  • There is an increase of suicide, depression, and self-harm in kids. Followers are not friends. The relationships are not satisfying.
  • Boys can be exposed to porn.
  • Girls are exposed to social media that always makes them feel less-than.
  • There are workarounds to raising kids with no devices.
  • Every kid is different. Some kids can limit themselves and others can’t.
  • Parents must set separate rules for each child if necessary.
  • It’s okay to show kids that life can be unfair.
  • Teach your kids to use the phone for a purpose.
  • When wondering if your child should be online, ask yourself are youR kids consuming or creating? Is what they’re doing digital vegetable (learning, creating) or digital candy (passive consumption, gaming)?
  • Screen time reduces kids’ tolerance to waiting, and they are used to being entertained all the time.
  • There is a difference between watching movies together as a family and your kids watching what they want by themselves.
  • Dopamine can be overdone. That’s why kids who are amused by games all day are moody and unhappy.
  • When your kid plays a video game that triggers flight or flight, blood flow to the prefrontal cortex is reduced. The decision-making center for self-control is dark.
  • When kids are constantly in survival mode, they lose practice of the executive center of their brains.
  • Devices are too accessible. Location is the key to regulation.
    • Make barriers.
    • Collect phones at night.
    • Keep screens in common areas.
    • Delay giving your child a device for as long as you can.
    • Take a digital sabbath, one day completely screen free. If your kids freak out during 24 hours without WIFI, you know you have a problem

RELATED EPISODES:

The Cool, Calm, and Connected Family with Arlene Pellicane

Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair

Love Languages and Other Marriage Tips for the Pandemic with Gary Chapman

 


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


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Arlene Pelicane’s Links

arlenepellicane.com

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Fighting the Busyness Epidemic

Fighting the Busyness Epidemic


Most of us are busy all the time. We feel stuck and overwhelmed. This is because being busy is not necessarily being productive. Fighting the busyness epidemic starts with setting boundaries and being disciplined about what’s most important.

People want something from us every minute of every day, and we don’t know how to say no. We get sucked into a vortex of email, social media, and phone calls. We waste our time and energy on obligations and distractions that don’t move our lives forward. The most meaningful aspects of our lives are neglected.

If your marriage is heading toward a bad place, how much time are you spending learning how to reconnect with your wife? If you find yourself losing patience with your kids because you’re overwhelmed, are the things using up your time and energy worth it? What about your finances? What have you done to be proactive about budgeting, saving, and investing?

Today, we’re going to talk about fighting the busyness epidemic with a simple morning ritual that will help you discern what’s important to you, set boundaries with yourself and others, and say no to anything that does not serve you.

Tips for Eliminating Busyness

  • Every morning, create a handwritten plan of the essential things you need to do. Stick to these items to avoid being a victim to whatever people want from you in the moment. List 3 professional goals and 3 personal goals for your day.
  • Define high-value activities in your life and prioritize time for them. E.g. learning, reading, fitness, diet, family, and spiritual time.
  • Do not check email or social media when you first wake up. Designate a time period each day for answering emails and messages.
  • Limit social media and other internet activities using a timer.
  • Don’t pick up the phone every time it rings. Set aside a time to return calls.
  • Learn to say NO. If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no!

RELATED EPISODES:

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less with Greg McKeown

Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport


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your super powers

Seeking Your Super Powers with Dr. Richard Shuster


What’s holding you back from becoming your best self?

What about your environment is keeping you from growing?

How can you assess your life and your abilities to discover your super powers?

Today we have Dr. Richard Shuster on the show. He is a Clinical Psychologist, Information Technology Expert, founder of a non-profit called Every Kid Rocks, and the host of The Daily Helping Podcast.

Dr. Shuster shares the story of the near fatal crash that radically shifted his aim in life. He discusses the destructive “trophy case” effect of the internet and what parents should and should not share about their family life on social media.

He also talks about how to create an environment that forces you to grow and how to do a comprehensive assessment of your life so that you can use your super powers to be part of the change process for others.

If the people around you are not singing the message you need to hear, then you need to change your circle.—Dr. Richard Shuster

 

 

Dr. Richard Shuster

In his early twenties, Richard Shuster was the Executive Director for an Information Technology consulting firm where he provided solutions for such clients as the United States Army, state agencies, and Fortune 500 companies. He had no interest in a wife and kids. He was after the dollar and believed he was on his way to becoming the next Tony Stark. It was everything he wanted, or so he thought.

One ordinary Saturday, Richard was in a near-fatal crash that broke his spine. The recovery process was long and grueling. During this period, he had time to reflect. He imagined if he had died and how his parents would react when they got that call. When he thought about this scene, he was filled with shame. He hadn’t accomplished anything meaningful in his life.

This lead him on the path to helping people in a larger way by doing social work and pursuing degrees in psychology to help abused children. He also began The Daily Helping Podcast, which is helping people to become the best version of themselves. He’s now married with two boys and committed to a life of service.

On top of that, Dr. Richard Shuster runs Every Kid Rocks, a charity that gives kids an extra little push to reach their full potential. He also has launched MARS Industries, a firm that offers personal and corporate assessments that transform lives.

What You’ll Learn

  • How his accident wiped away the layers of nonsense in his life
  • His mission to be part of the change process for others
  • His insights as a dad from working with sexually and physically abused children
  • How his podcast will leave hundreds of hours of his legacy behind for his sons
  • The deceptive “trophy case” persona people curate for the internet
  • How those who post the most self-aggrandizing content on social media are the least happy
  • How technology hinders our personal growth
  • How we create an online world that reinforces our viewpoint, even when it’s wrong
  • How this restricts our cognitive flexibility, preventing us from learning and growing
  • How to use social media without getting into the comparison trap
  • What about your personal and family life is appropriate to post on social media
  • Why you and your spouse must agree on boundaries about posting family pictures on the internet
  • How mirror neurons attract us to certain people
  • The miracle story of Richard’s son and how they overcame his developmental challenges
  • Why we need to break free from the grind and pursue something greater so our kids won’t settle for unhappiness
  • His 21 dimensional psychological assessment that will give you a report on how successful you are in life overall

DISCOVER YOUR SUPER POWERS. GET YOUR ASSESSMENT!


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Dr. Richard Shuster’s Links

The Powers Assessment

Every Kid Rocks

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The Daily Helping Podcast

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Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport


Today’s show is about distraction. Tech can be our best friend and worst enemy. Our devices are no longer normal telephones. They’ve become our constant companions. Texts, emails, social media and loads of content compete for our attention every hour of the day. We are more distracted and overwhelmed than ever before. It not only affects our work life but can do irreparable damage to our family life as well. Will our kids grow up missing their parents who are always on their phone?

Cal Newport is a bestselling author and the father of three boys. You won’t find him on any social media, because he doesn’t have any. He the author of six books, including, most recently, the New York Times bestseller, Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World.

Cal is going to tells us how tech is engineered to keep us on our phones and steal time away from our lives. He also talks about how it affects our memory and anxiety levels. Cal teaches us what boundaries to set for screen time with our kids and gives us a 30-Day plan to step away from tech and rebuild our digital lives in a way that serves us.

Don’t waste another minute being distracted from the things that are most important to you.

If you demonstrate to your kids that you’re always on the phone, there is damage from that.

 

Cal Newport and Digital Minimalism

Minimalism is the art of knowing how much is just enough. Digital minimalism applies this idea to our personal technology. It’s the key to living a focused life in an increasingly noisy world.

Digital minimalists are all around us. They’re the calm, happy people who can hold long conversations without furtive glances at their phones. They can get lost in a good book, a woodworking project, or a leisurely morning run. They can have fun with friends and family without the obsessive urge to document the experience. They stay informed about the news of the day, but don’t feel overwhelmed by it. They don’t experience “fear of missing out” because they already know which activities provide them meaning and satisfaction.

Common sense tips, like turning off notifications, or occasional rituals like observing a digital sabbath, don’t go far enough in helping us take back control of our technological lives, and attempts to unplug completely are complicated by the demands of family, friends and work.

Cal Newport shows how digital minimalists are rethinking their relationship to social media, rediscovering the pleasures of the offline world, and reconnecting with their inner selves through regular periods of solitude. He then shares strategies for integrating these practices into your life, starting with a thirty-day “digital declutter” process that has already helped thousands feel less overwhelmed and more in control.

Technology is intrinsically neither good nor bad. The key is using it to support your goals and values, rather than letting it use you.

 

It was much more recently than we remember that we were reprogrammed into a relationship with our phone where we look at it all the time.

What You’ll Learn

  • The unintentional consequences of technology in the workplace, and the scarier and more impactful consequences to our personal lives
  • How the smartphone of today was not what Steve Jobs had intended
  • How today’s internet culture is the outcome of business model (Facebook) to reengineer apps so that people want to take their phone out of their pockets all the time.
  • How as our economy shifts toward knowledge work, one of the most important skills is to concentrate and any company who makes focus a priority will have the upper hand
  • Preserving and practicing the ability to concentrate
  • What constant screen time does to our memory
  • How screen time affects our ability to do spatial location
  • How it affects our ability to concentrate even when we’re not on the internet
  • How tech deprives us of insights and self-reflection
  • What it does to our anxiety levels
  • How solitude is a maintenance mode for our brain
  • How up until 10 years ago, we had many moments alone with our own thoughts
  • Your brain can always be processing info from other minds
  • Our hardware is not equipped to handle the constant processing of information from other minds
  • To extract insight from content for your own life, you need time to think about the information
  • How setting a 1 to 1 ratio of content intake to contemplation to extract 5X more value
  • Is there an ideal number of minutes per day of screen time?
  • Breaking the idea that the phone is what you do when you don’t have anything to do
  • The digital minimalism philosophy
  • Using tech only for big wins on what you really care about
  • Why maximalism is not a winning path
  • Why it’s much better to deal with the problem of your kid being mad for not being allowed to have a phone rather than him being up till 4am playing Fortnite
  • Why boys are more susceptible to game addiction
  • Why girls are more susceptible with social media, leading to self-harm and suicide
  • Why teenagers should not get cell phones
  • The “phone foyer” method
  • What can parents do when their kids will not get off the phone
  • Teaching kids how to build a good day instead of using the phone
  • Teaching them high friction activities, like mastering an instrument or sport
  • Cal Newport’s 30-Day Plan to digital minimalism
  • Examples of what kind of apps serve you and which do not
  • The leisure renaissance that makes it easier to participate in high quality activities
  • Simplest thing to do take all apps off the phone. Don’t save your passwords. Use your computer a designated time
  • Leaving a legacy, memories, experiences by putting the phones down
  • Cal Newport’s upcoming book, A World Without Email


MENTIONED EPISODES:

The Mask of Masculinity with Lewis Howes

Everything You Need to Know About Identity Theft with Barry Russel

 


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.

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Cal Newports’s links

Website

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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Learn More About Our Live Event!

June 6th – 8th 2019

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