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Porn Detox – The Truth Will Set You Free with Ted Shimer

Ted Shimer

Ted Shimer, author of the Freedom Fight, is a 30 year veteran of a National Collegiate Disciplinary Ministry who has helped thousands of young individuals in their pornography addiction. His book The Freedom Fight is also a no-cost internet program that uses the power brain of science to outgrow porn and heal from the addiction.

In the early 2000s, Shimer witnessed firsthand what pornography does to not only married couples, but to young adults as well. After the rise of the iPhone, becoming addicted became an even easier feat amongst millions of individuals. Countless studies have been conducted that state the detrimental effects of pornography in relationships, marriages, and even children. Shimer uses a faith-based approach in talking about the effects of porn and how it draws us further and further away from the truth of God’s word and His will for our lives. In order to deepen our connection with God, we have to repress those sinful behaviors and replace it with healing behaviors such as an accountability partner or connecting with the Word of God.

In our society, men tend to justify porn by stating that it’s not as bad as doing drugs or drinking heavily. However, addiction is addiction no matter how you swing it. The impact of pornography on husbands and fathers has been known to cause divorces two to three times greater than if there was no porn involved. There has to be a point where you admit that you have an addiction, then find the right people and resources to help you outgrow the addiction.

What You’ll Learn: 

Pornography in Young Adults

[7:46]

In 2007, Ted recalls he started learning about the pornography problem in America. After the iPhone came out, the struggle for ministering to young, vulnerable men became a much more difficult challenge.

Accessibility of Pornography

[13:55]

The accessibility of pornography in today’s society is exponential compared to 30 years ago. Smart devices have allowed pornography to become a lot more prevalent. 

How Pornography Impact Families

[15:18]

Deny. Minimize. Rationalize. We can be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin and we need to recognize that. 

[17:18]

Pornography impacts our spiritual commitments. If somebody is using porn, that person is less committed to their spiritual disciplines.

[20:51]

Sociology Professor Samuel Perry conducted a study that found that if either the husband or wife started to watch porn, the couple was two to three times more likely to divorce. It brings less relational connection to your significant other and your kids. 

[24:23]

Shame is a huge part of pornography and it can lead parents to avoid talking about spiritual things with their children because they are ashamed. There is a direct correlation between watching porn and the person’s involvement in their church, as discovered by Dr. Perry. 

The Birth of an Addiction

[28:05]

When a person watches porn, the brain releases a significant amount of dopamine. An addiction is birthed when a person starts using that high to medicate the negative emotions they have. 

How Porn Affects the Intimacy Between a Husband and Wife

[33:33]

The porn industry tries to sell porn to married couples by stating that it adds sizzle to their relationship. However, the problem with porn in marriages is that it may bring a sizzle in the beginning, but it eventually dies out and creates a strain in the marriage. 

Solutions to the Addiction

[41:52]

When you repress one behavior, you have to replace it with another in order to break the addiction. There are six roots to a pornography addiction that have to be addressed if the person wants to achieve freedom.

[43:57]

You need to build a new pathway that is connected to God’s word, an accountability partner, escaping the situation, etc. When you are triggered, you need to move toward God and others. 

[44:58]

You don’t just quit a porn habit. You have to outgrow a porn habit. You have to renew your mind.

[47:08]

Before God’s truth sets us free, it changes us. Because it changes us, the freedom lasts

What Does Detox Look Like?

[49:22]

Detox is asking the question, “What do I need to do to get radical about removing temptation?” It’s not enough to just have behavior modification and take these steps. Our hearts need to grow in our conviction for personal holiness as well. Holiness isn’t a list of rules, but rather pursuing what is God’s best for me. 

Accountability

[53:03]

Recognizing that the first step to healing is confession and coming out of the shadows. Moving from the shadows to the light is where healing begins.

RELATED EPISODES:

Battling Porn and Sexual Addiction with Eddie Capparucci

Porn Addiction and Affair Recovery Mentoring

Porn-Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly


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surviving suicide dads

Surviving Suicide: A Dad’s Story


Suicide is the number one killer among men aged 35-50. The World Health Organization reports that suicide represents half of all male violent deaths worldwide. Why are men at such risk and what can we do about it?

Men are more likely to go for desperate measures for several reasons. Our culture teaches men to internalize emotions and hide distress. At the same time, men tend to lose their close friends and support systems as they step into the role of a provider. They’re also reluctant to seek help when struggling with anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts.

The first step in fighting suicide among men is raising awareness. Today, one of our Dad Edge Alliance Commanders courageously steps up to share his story of surviving suicide.

Nick Sotelo recounts his intense battle against rage, darkness, and suicide. He also tells us how to interrupt the negative scripts that run through our heads and what to do when overwhelmed with shame and hopelessness.

We never know what is going to send us or someone we care about down a dark road. This is an episode every dad should listen to for himself and any boy or man he knows.

Get help:
SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE

RELATED EPISODES:

When a Father Commits Suicide

Getting Real About Insomnia, Depression, and Anxiety

Surviving the Dark Night of the Soul

Finding the Strength Through the Struggle

Fighting the Battle Within with Chad Robichaux

Triumphing Through Dark Times: Exclusive Dad Edge Alliance Q&A with Chad Robichaux


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Nick Sotelo

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how to live in the present

Do a Day: How to Live in the Present with Bryan Falchuk


Today’s show is all about how to live in the present. We always hear people talking about it, but how exactly is it done?

Most of us hold onto shame, guilt, and feelings of unworthiness from yesterday. At the same time, we feel constant anxiety when we think about what tomorrow might bring. This ruins any chance of making today a great day and keeps us in a state of fear that negatively effects our relationships at home and at work.

Bryan Falchuk is a life coach, TEDx speaker, and the bestselling author of Do a Day: How to Live a Better Life Every Day. He’s going to give us a formula to help us live in the present moment by confronting our past and removing anxiety about the future. Today is a new day. Go out and do it!

If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you’re pissing on the present.

 

Bryan Falchuk

Bryan is a best-selling author, speaker and life coach. He has faced major adversities and learned how to overcome and achieve. From obesity to running marathons, from career struggles to success as a CXO, from watching illness threaten his family to finding lasting health, he has been through many lessons he used to develop his unique approach to inspiring others succeed.

Bryan’s work has been featured in several top publications like Inc. Magazine, The LA Times, Chicago Tribune and more. He has spoken at multiple TEDx events, and has been a featured guest on over 100 podcasts and radio shows.

While Bryan lives in the US, he has worked and lived in numerous countries and cultures across the world, giving him a truly global perspective.

If you don’t deal with that weight that’s on you, it will deal with you.—Bryan Falchuk

What You’ll Learn

  • What happened to Bryan, the youngest of four kids, when his parents divorced
  • How he used food as a comfort mechanism when he was a child, leading to obesity
  • His love of mayonnaise sandwiches
  • How Bryan had the biggest boobs in school
  • His constant fear of putting weight back on
  • How he’s moved past the fat kid that lived inside of him
  • Now, Bryan exercises because he enjoys it, not because he’s afraid of being fat
  • How most of us carry someone else’s load on top of our own. We bury what we’re dealing with because we’re handling stuff for others.
  • The crucial importance of confronting your past
  • How Bryan failed his wife during the illness that nearly caused her death because he was too reactive
  • The defining moment when Bryan realized he was responsible to raise his son … and he was failing
  • How Bryan justified his anxiety by telling himself that his over-worrying was responsible for getting him this far
  • In reality, Bryan had no self-worth for many years
  • How living in yesterday ruined Bryan’s job
  • If you expect confrontation, you will get it.
  • Your fear makes you throw away the capability you have today.
  • The more you evolve and explore, the more opportunities you will have.
  • What’s most important for Bryan to do every day for his wife and kid
  • How to share your issues without taking the joy from others
  • How to take others’ issues without reacting
  • How Buddhism influenced him
  • The 4 Components of How to Live in the Present:
    • Self-love – the solid ground. Without self-love you will self-sabotage because you believe you’re not worth it
    • True motivation – will keep you moving no matter what. Deep within you, they are the things that choke you up. What will you always care about?
    • Look at your life – Where do you want it to be? What is serving you, what is not? Deal with your issues, past and future.
    • Make a plan for today – How are you going to react? What will you do to change the thoughts and habits that are not serving you?
  • The ongoing process of Do a Day

 

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and other special offers!


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Turning SHAME and REGRET into POWER

Turning Shame and Regret into Power

All of us at some time in our lives will face a time of darkness and despair. It could be financial ruin, divorce, a health crisis, or a shameful mistake. Chances are that when we are struggling through a difficult time, we won’t let anyone know about it. When someone asks us how we are, we’ll say, “I’m fine.”

In this case FINE means:

  • F*cked up
  • Insecure
  • Neurotic and
  • Emotional

We tend to take our frustrations out on those around us, blind to the damage we are causing. Addictions can take over when we feel like there is no other way to calm the chaos.

We’re excited to bring Joe Burnham back on the show. He is a Dad Edge Alliance mastermind member who was on the podcast previously to talk about his life after getting arrested in a prostitution sting.

Today he tells us how no one is beyond redemption and that it is possible to recover from a downfall by turning shame and regret into power.

MENTIONED EPISODE: A Dad’s Recovery from Sex Addiction


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June 6th – 8th 2019

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