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Everything MEN NEED to KNOW About PORN

Everything Men Need to Know About Porn with J.K. Emezi

Today our show is about porn, sex, and masturbation addiction. This subject constantly comes up in The Dad Edge community and our episodes about pornography have massive downloads. In this age where we can watch it anytime and anywhere on our phone, it is becoming a huge problem. This crucial, controversial topic is not discussed enough because of the taboo, but porn addiction is real and we need answers.

J.K. Emezi is a sex and porn addiction coach for the last 9 years and is the founder of Elevated Recovery, where he helps men overcome sexually compulsive disorders. He tells us everything men need to know about porn—how it changes our brains, affects our relationships, and alters our perspectives. He gets real about how to tell if porn is a problem and what to do about it. He also tells us how we can prepare our kids for their inevitable encounter with porn, which is happening at startlingly earlier ages.

Pornography changes your values as a man.—J.K. Emezi

 

The Porn Addiction Problem

When it comes to internet porn, we have no idea what we’re up against. In the olden days, porn was hard to get. It was in the magazine rack behind the counter or the back room of a video store. Now it is available at anytime of day, in any place, at the tip of our fingers. J.K. Emezi says the most common place men watch pornography is at work.

The most disturbing thing about internet porn is that our kids are being exposed to it before they understand what they are looking at. In decades past, kids may not have run into porn until their teens, but in 2016, 11 was the average age of a child’s first exposure. Now, the age is 8.

J.K. Emezi had his own struggle with pornography and discovered that many of the men he worked with did too. Forums were filled with men who were seeking help, but there weren’t any resources. J.K. first began blogging anonymously about recovering from his porn addiction, but he eventually came out into the open to help others end their out-of-control behavior with porn, sex and masturbation.

What You’ll Learn

  • J.K. Emezi’s background as a bible salesman
  • Where and when the porn problem begins
  • How parents are getting too lax with computers and devices
  • How there is actually Minecraft porn now
  • Why one talk with your kids about porn is not enough. It must be randomly brought up from time to time.
  • Why porn is just as bad as drugs or alcohol
  • When porn is okay
  • Why men watch porn, especially at work
  • The role of brain chemicals in porn addiction
  • How to rewire your brain for monogamy
  • How to reconnect and become aroused again by your partner
  • How porn addiction, little by little, destroys your values
  • Why some women view porn as cheating and suffer ‘betrayal trauma’
  • How to define a compulsive sexual behavior
  • If, when, and how to disclose a porn problem to your spouse
  • Why masturbation is normal, but porn is not
  • What can men do when their wife is pregnant or has just given birth and can’t have sex
  • Why watching unrealistic bodies is unfair to your wife
  • How to use a rubber band to snap out of physical urges
  • How to anchor yourself in the morning to stick to your recovery goals
  • How to clean up your online environment to avoid triggers
  • How to interrupt porn urges by journaling and visualization
  • Advice for men in sexless marriages

 

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly

Porn Addiction and Affair Recovery Mentoring

How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography with Kristen Jenson

Video Game, Porn, and Social Media Addiction with Cam Adair


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J.K. Emezi’s Links

elevatedrecovery.org

Private Facebook Group

Instagram

Youtube

Twitter

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June 6th – 8th 2019

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legendary marriage individual

4 Elements of a Legendary Marriage Part 1—The Individual

50% of marriages end in divorce. Out of the half that stay together, 1/3 report being happy, 1/3 are “happy enough” and the other 1/3 are miserable. We actively plan our businesses, goals, and finances, but most of us keep our marriage on auto-pilot and expect it to maintain itself. Communication breaks down, resentment builds, and the love slowly dies.

We are dedicating this month to designing our relationships with our spouses. Lance Salazar from Legendary Couples is back on the show. He has just released The Miracle Morning for Legendary Couples which he coauthored with Hal Elrod. He breaks down the 4 Elements of a Legendary Marriage for us:

  1. The Individual
  2. The Partnership
  3. Becoming Friends
  4. Becoming Lovers

Today, we talk about the first element, which is the individual. In order to be the best partners and parents, we have to work on ourselves first. Two people need to be able to stand on their own before they can love another. As a couple, spouses need to be interdependent, not codependent. Nothing is more attractive than a confident person who knows what they want and need in life. That is why, even though it sounds counterintuitive, the first step is to put the marriage on the shelf and let each person retreat in order to deal with their own baggage. Listen to how Lance and Brandy Salazar did it in this episode!

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MENTIONED EPISODES

Becoming a Legendary Couple After the Kids

Being a Good Dad with “The Miracle Morning”


Lance Salazar’s Links

Relationship Planning Guide

legendarycouples.com

Facebook

Instagram

Amazon: The Miracle Morning for Couples: Create Legendary Connections One Morning at a Time

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

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We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

APPLY HERE!


Learn More About Our Live Event!

June 6th – 8th 2019

CLICK HERE.


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sexy marriage

Simple, Sexy Marriage with Dr. Corey Allan

Today we have Dr. Corey Allan on the show. He is a marriage and family therapist and the host of the Sexy Marriage Radio podcast, which has been going strong for seven years. Dr. Allan outlines most common problems couples bring to his office, including sex. In this conversation, we get granular about sex issues along with intimacy and pornography.

In his experience, Dr. Corey Allan estimates that that man has the higher desire for sex in 70% of marriages, but men tend to follow a script and don’t get creative with their wives. He tells us what we’re doing wrong when it comes to trying to get more sexual with our spouses and how to talk about it without putting them on the defense. He also talks about the 30% of marriages in which the woman has the higher desire for sex and how couples can manage that.

You may be surprised by his advice. Download this episode because you’ll want to listen to it again!

'A woman knows very well if the goal for the day is in her pants.'—Dr. Corey Allan @simplemarriage #marriage #sex #intimacy Click To Tweet

'We’re quick to blame our spouse for our troubles.'—Dr. Corey Allan @simplemarriage #marriage #sex #intimacy Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • How to improve the marriage you have
  • How to stop the blame cycle
  • Why you need to stop trying to fix your wife and instead fix yourself
  • How to invite good changes into your life
  • The main complaints from women
  • How the fear of rejection is magnified to a woman
  • How to be a student of your wife
  • Non-sexual touch
  • The 4 Most Common Marriage Problems:
    • Sex
    • Money
    • In-laws
    • Children
  • How to succeed by respecting your wife’s differences rather than trying win her over to your way of thinking
  • The danger of being attached to outcomes
  • The difference between functional sex and sex for intimacy
  • Two components of intimacy:
    • Knowing your partner
    • Being known yourself
  • How intimacy can be just as likely comfortable as uncomfortable
  • Why there’s nothing wrong with a wife who doesn’t want to have sex
  • How the higher desire spouse has to recognize the lower desire spouse
  • How women were wired to be responsive, not initiative
  • How men often try to manufacture a way to penetrate instead of encouraging a response
  • Why you have to live a life beyond your wife, a life that’s inspiring to her
  • If you’re with her, be present with her. Quality time is more effective than the quantity of time
  • Why you shouldn’t hover around your wife waiting for sex
  • How foreplay is a long play in marriage
  • Why a fully turned on woman can be terrifying for men
  • The debilitating effects of porn
  • How women want to be led their husbands
  • How the way you conduct yourself in life translates in the bedroom
'Everything we do in marriage communicates. Everything we do NOT do in marriage communicates.'—Dr. Corey Allan @simplemarriage Click To Tweet

RELATED EPISODES

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood

Black Belt Husband with Quentin Hafner


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If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
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Corey Allan’s Links

sexymarriage.net

Twitter

 

 

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGEHERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

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guide to women

Ultimate Guide to Demystifying Women with Robert Kandell


Men are supposed to be strong and silent, right? We think if we work hard and provide we will be rewarded. This is what our culture has taught us, and this is what we think women want. But this idea is becoming obsolete in today’s society.

The world has changed drastically when it comes to the roles of men and women. The patriarchy humans lived in for thousands of years has shifted. Women have evolved but men have stayed the same. It’s time for us to catch up.

Today’s guest, Robert Kandell, is the host of the Tuff Love podcast and the author of the upcoming book unHIDDEN: A Book for Men & Those Confused by Them. He gives us the ultimate guide to demystifying women and tells us how to connect to ourselves so that our women can have what they want most, which is all of us.

'Women want the evolved man. The complicated man. The dynamic man ... They want to see all of you.'—@RobertKandell #men #marriage #women #relationships #vulnerability #masculinity Click To Tweet

Robert Kandell

Robert Kandell is a veteran of many worlds. He has spent time in corporate America, a start-up, a small computer shop, and then built an international 8-figure business based on relationship, intimacy and sexuality. He currently runs a successful consulting firm helping small businesses to become marketable and profitable. In addition to his business and management skills, Robert is an accomplished teacher, coach, and lecturer, helping men find themselves and utilize their internal power.

What You’ll Learn

  • Why men are so quiet about what’s going on in their minds
  • How most men know something is wrong with themselves and their relationships, but they can’t tell what it is
  • How hiding your fears and weaknesses from your woman hurts your relationship
  • How women want both Spartan strength and little-boy vulnerability at the right times
  • Why women want all aspects of their men
  • Why men need to connect to all aspects of themselves to give their woman everything she needs
  • What judgements block you from making those connections
  • How to get into the flow of self-discovery instead of fighting it
  • Confronting issues with your partner
  • Investigating different ways around communication
  • Practicing ways to implement new information
  • Integrating all you’ve learned into your life
  • Why withholding your struggles from your wife is an unconscious form of chauvinism
  • Difference between connecting with your wife and being a whiny baby
  • Why shaking things up is a huge turn on
  • The shame that runs our lives and blocks us from growing
  • Confronting sexual shame and guilt
  • How Robert Kandell opened up to his wife about his porn issue
  • The butterfly effect of free porn and how it leads to erectile dysfunction and prevents us from connecting with our wives
  • How porn activates the hunter and trains our brain to be addicted to novelty
  • The magical powers of communication
  • How to create communication containers
  • How to be a listener as well as a communicator
  • Robert Kandell’s most important advice as a dad raising two preteen step daughters

Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.

CLICK HERE.


Robert Kandell’s Links

Website

Prerelease Indiegogo

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGEHERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

APPLY HERE!

the dad edge alliance

 


What did you think of the show?

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Tag us when you share on social media!

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keep dating your spouse

The Infinite Game of Marriage with Cara Miller


If we think of marriage as a game, we immediately strategize on how to win our spouses’ hearts the way we did the very first time. The problem is that our partners grow and change throughout life. To keep dating your spouse like you did in the past is not going to work anymore. As you will hear on our show today, the game of marriage is infinite. The goal is not to win, but to keep playing.

Today we have our fourth female guest on The Dad Edge. Her name is Cara Miller and she a developmental coach with a unique academic background, including wealth of insightful knowledge about how people connect and feel that sense of belonging that is so important for a rich, fulfilling life.

In this episode, Cara Miller tells how to initiate change in our relationships by dating our spouses for who they are today instead of who they were when we first met them.  She reveals simple, actionable steps we can take to become experts on the people we love, including kids, friends, and coworkers.

'Dating in marriage is an infinite game.'—Cara Miller #marriage #relationships #dating #wife #husband #love Click To Tweet

About Cara Miller MDIV PHD

Cara T. Miller ​is a professor, executive developmental coach, organizational design and change consultant in the fields of leadership, organizational development, adult development, and spiritual formation. Cara received a Master of Divinity from Princeton Theological Seminary and a PhD in Leadership Studies at the University of San Diego.

Cara draws on developmental psychology to coach people in many contexts (executives, partnerships, teams), adaptive leadership theory to consult to diverse organizations engaging in change efforts (military, higher education, finance, ministry), and is committed to first, second, and third person, here-and-now practices that support the sustainability of this integrative work.

'Our families are a school of love.'—Cara Miller #family #dads #men #fathers #parenting #communication Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • Why we pursue learning, yet resist change
  • How we can build neural pathways to change our habits and thinking
  • Why in focusing on ‘being’ first, the doing will follow
  • Why it won’t work if you try to keep dating your spouse the way you did the first time
  • Why the goal of the game of marriage is not to win, but to continue playing
  • How to learn who your spouse is now
  • How to get out of the loop of expectation
  • How to make yourself date-able again to your spouse
  • How to fill the tank of your relationships ahead of time to prepare for stressful situations
  • How to fulfill her needs based on what you want from her
  • How you can practice these communication techniques on your wife before moving on to your kids
  • How to be an interesting father to each of your kids
  • How to warm up for a heavy conversation with a pre-conversation
  • How your relationship is not something you have, it’s something you’re in
  • Why guessing what your partner wants is not going to work
  • How to create a way to be together as a couple that is different than it was and fits who you are right now
'We are not the experts on the people that we love.'—Cara Miller #love #marriage #connection #communication Click To Tweet

 

YNAB. You Need a Budget

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Cara Miller’s Links

inquiryp.com

Instagram: @Developmentalcoach

Free Coaching Newsletter

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

APPLY HERE!

the dad edge alliance

 


What did you think of the show?

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Tag us when you share on social media!

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