Many of us take pride in being the “nice guy.” But could being the nice guy be ruining our lives?
We are all probably guilty of Nice Guy Syndrome on some level. We sometimes give only to receive in a passive attempt to get what we want without directly asking for it. We avoid conflict to get the acceptance, validation, approval, and even the sex that we need. Some of us might not even realize we suffer from Nice Guy Syndrome and wonder why we are anxious and unhappy.
Dr. Robert Glover is back on The Dad Edge for a discussion we all need to hear. He talks about how to stop being dependent on external things for our happiness. He shows us how to reclaim our identities after losing ourselves in relationships. He also explains why we need to get comfortable with our existential fears to become empowered men.
Stop being a nice guy and start living true to yourself!
If you have to give up anything that’s important to you to be in a relationship, it’s going to create a toxic environment.
Dr. Robert Glover
Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life. Dr. Glover is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. He is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in numerous local and national publications. As a result of his work, Dr. Glover has helped thousands of Nice Guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males. Along with these personal changes have come similar transformations in these men’s professional careers and intimate relationships. Dr. Glover is the creator of Dating Essentials for Men, the director of TPI University, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of Washington. Dr. Glover divides his year between Bellevue, WA and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.
What You’ll Learn
- Nice Guy Syndrome, at its core, is codependency.
- Borrowed functioning means your wellbeing depends on the happiness of those around you.
- It’s an anxiety and shame-based disorder. You manage people and situations to avoid anxiety or feelings of worthlessness.
- Losing ourselves in relationships is not healthy, even though we’ve been taught that it’s noble to throw ourselves on the sword for our wives and kids.
- The difference between fusion and differentiation
- What most of us call “intimacy” is losing ourselves in another person so much that there is no distinct otherness anymore.
- Fusion kills sexual passion.
- The “Alpha Male” in human society who takes all is a myth. Things (including women) were shared.
- Marriage emerged much more recently with the patriarchy.
- Up until 100 years ago, marriage was an economical arrangement. Romantic love is a new idea.
- Pair bonding in modern times doesn’t work well for happiness.
- What you can count on in a relationship is that your childhood baggage is going to reveal itself.
- Tension is healthy. Anytime there is tension, there is growth.
- It used to take a whole tribe to meet our needs. Expecting one person to fulfill all our needs is impossible and unfair.
- Differentiation is two complete adults who choose to be together.
- If we are acting as an independent person, we are more attractive to the opposite sex.
- Almost no one is sexually monogamous, even if they aren’t physically cheating on their spouse.
- Men give up control in their marriage and then get resentful. Then we sneak around to get our needs met.
- Friends are often the first thing men sacrifice.
- Angst from being disconnection from our tribe
- It’s human nature to try to find connection because we’re afraid of disappearing into nothingness. Practice getting comfortable with existential fears to be more self-reliant.
- Men load up their to-do lists, don’t get everything done, go to bed stressed, and wake up the next day with even more to do. If we stay busy, we don’t have to feel anything.
- Learn to be with stillness.
- Schedule unscheduled time. Build chunks of time into your day for unscheduled things and things that matter.
- Appreciate life right now. Today is the best day of your life.
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