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digital distraction

How to Raise Indistractable Kids with Nir Eyal


Digital distraction is a critical problem for parents today. It seems like social media, tech, and video games are hijacking our kids’ lives, but what if the amount of time our kids spend on devices is a symptom of a much deeper issue?

Today we have Nir Eyal on The Dad Edge Podcast. He is a professor at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business and the author of international bestseller, Hooked—How to Build Habit-Forming Products. His upcoming book, Indistractable—How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life, is a guidebook for getting the best of tech without letting it get the best of us.

Nir Eyal knows better than anyone about how people get sucked into the rabbit hole of digital distraction, but what he’s going to tell us today will blow your mind. Listen as he outlines the psychology of distraction and how to address the true source of the problem so that kids don’t feel the need to overuse technology.

It’s not about what you’re doing, it’s if you planned to do it.—Nir Eyal

Nir Eyal

Nir Eyal became acutely aware of the problem of digital distraction after his daughter was born. He remembers some of her first words were, “iPad time! iPad time!” After many years helping companies make habit-forming products, he struggled with the idea of parenting in this age of distraction.

This drove him to research all he could find on the topic of distraction and technology. Nir was surprised to find out that the information propagated in the media did not align with the academic research. The tech companies weren’t the villains like most people thought. It was our own lack of “psychological nutrients.”

From then on, Nir’s mission was to learn and teach how to be an indistractable parent and raise indistractable kids.

What You’ll Learn

  • What makes a habit-forming technology?
  • The difference between a habit and an addiction
  • The “hook” business model: Trigger, action, reward, investment
  • How companies understand what makes you tick and click better than you know yourself
  • How to “hack back” and put tech in its place
  • The difference between traction and distraction
    • When an activity is aligned with your values, it’s traction
    • When it’s not, it’s distraction
  • The internal and external triggers that prompt us to take action
  • How all human motivation is geared to avoid discomfort
  • The root of all distraction: kids trying to avoid psychologically uncomfortable situations
  • How to give your kids the tools to fight distraction themselves
  • Why it’s not the tech’s fault that you or your kids are distracted
  • The 4 steps to become indistractable
    • Master internal triggers
    • Make time for traction
    • Hack back external triggers
    • Make pre-commitments to prevent distraction
  • Why we do things we know we shouldn’t do and avoid things that are in our best interest
  • The psychological nutrients children need for mental well-being: a sense of mastery, autonomy, and relatedness
  • If they don’t receive psychological nutrients in the real world, they will look for them in the virtual world
  • How video games give kids a sense of mastery
  • How free play is a record lows
  • The myth of the rebellious teenager
  • How free play with peers develop children’s sense of relatedness
  • How to set tech boundaries together with your kids
  • How to get kids to enforce their own rules around tech
  • Why you don’t just want to raise a rule follower, but a kid who can make the best decisions for themselves.
  • At what age kids should be allowed to go on social media
  • How to know if your kids are ready for certain to technology
  • How to prioritize kids’ time for free play with friends in the real world by teaming up with likeminded parents
  • How free play prevents anxiety and depression
  • Why parents have to walk the walk themselves
  • How we are sabotaging ourselves by blaming tech companies for taking over our brains

MENTIONED EPISODES

Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less with Greg McKeown

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair

 


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Nir Eyal’s Links

nirandfar.com

Get the Indistractable Preorder Bonus Bundle!

Twitter

Resources

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Your Kids and Technology_

The Truth About Your Kids and Technology: Exclusive Dad Edge Alliance Q&A with Cal Newport


We’re just beginning to understand the impact of the internet and smartphones on society. Our time and attention are sucked away, and we look at a screen instead of our real lives. Energy for valuable activities is drained from us and we have nothing left for creative thinking. The long-term effects technology has on our kids’ wellbeing and development is even more alarming, leading to mental health issues and addictive behavior.

Today we have a fascinating conversation with our previous guest, Cal Newport, the author of Digital Minimalism. He joined our Dad Edge Alliance Mastermind to answer questions about:

  • The unknown effects of too much screen time on our kids
  • How the best way to shape the way kids use technology is to be an example
  • Why screen time is especially dangerous when used for escape
  • How to set practical boundaries around device use
  • How to use boredom to unlock creative juices
  • How to get kids on board with limiting device time
  • The disturbing effects of social media on teenage girls
  • Why multiplayer games are creating the worst addictions
  • How tech subverts our human drives
  • What to do when kids need tech for school work
  • How to teach kids to deploy tech for useful purposes, not entertainment and avoidance
  • What to do when your kids want to start their own social media audience, like a YouTube channel

RELATED EPISODES

Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport


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Cal Newports’s links

Website

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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Protecting Your Family from Gaming Addiction with Cam Adair

Protecting Your Family from Gaming Addiction with Cam Adair

We are just beginning to understand the impact of video games on child development and behavior. Never has our culture been so immersed in gamification. Games like Minecraft and Fortnite have become part of social culture. According to statistics, the average amount of time kids spend on video games is now 20 hours a week. 72% of all American households regularly play video games and 40% play to escape from the real world, which is a coping mechanism associated with addiction.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has documented that violent videos games cause children to show a greater propensity to be aggressive in real life. Frequent gaming also results in poor grades and a difficult relationship with parents.

So how can we protect our family from gaming addiction?

Today we are grateful to have Cam Adair from GameQuitters.com back on The Dad Edge. He is a former gaming addict who now helps kids and their parents find solutions for gaming addiction. He tells us how we can set healthy limits and boundaries around video games, and what activities we can implement into our daily lives to make sure our kids are fulfilled and less susceptible to compulsive gaming.

'There’s a tsunami of addiction coming that we’re not prepared for.'—@camerondare #gaming #videogames #gamingaddiction #parenting Click To Tweet

Cam Adair

Cam Adair first turned to video games as an escape when he began getting bullied in school. As he got older, the problem became so serious that he quit school and pretended to have jobs so his parents wouldn’t know about his problem.

Cam began suffering from anxiety and depression. It was a vicious cycle of gaming to escape problems he avoided fixing. He was completely isolated, and even got to the point of suicide. Luckily he survived and now has started a movement to educate kids and parents about the insidious destructiveness of video games.

What You’ll Learn

  • How to avoid technology when we are constantly connected to it
  • How kids start gaming as early as toddlers
  • The impact every year earlier kids are exposed the more damaging
  • How games give the instant gratification we don’t get in real life
  • How the brain becomes used to the high level of stimulation
  • How video games prevent kids from developing intangible skills—social skills, independence, creativity, and the art of being bored
  • Generational shift from being willing to work, our kids don’t feel the hunger
  • Cam’s dad’s “milkshake run” technique to have serious talks with kids
  • What it is about screens that make us addicted to them
  • The role of FOMO in screen addiction
  • How apps, gaming, social networks are designed to make us feel like we need to constantly be online
  • Screen time and business—the correlation between how forgetful and distracted we get while having the massive urge to get these things done
  • How your phone just being near you will make you less productive
  • How to prioritize notifications
  • The Fortnite crisis
  • How to be consistent and firm with gaming boundaries
  • How parents must accept that there will be a period of ugliness when putting limits on games
  • How to use the game withdrawal period as an opportunity to stand with your kids through a difficult time
  • What to do when kids want to spend money on game items, like skins for Fortnite
  • How the game skin business model is similar to gambling
  • How Facebook scammed kids out of money through gaming
  • How spending money on games can make kids more deceptive and also makes them more invested in the game
  • Choosing games with an end
  • How much time should your child be playing video games according to age group
    • Under 12 – none
    • Above 12 – 30 minutes
    • Teen – 1-2 hours
  • Rewarding kids for game-free days
  • Why it’s better to have completely game-free days than to set a daily time limit
  • Becoming aware of the excuses you’re making to let your kids play games
  • How teaching entrepreneurship to your children (using money to make more money) can help kids prioritize game spending
  • How to come together as a couple around gaming
  • Navigating co-parenting challenges
  • Finding a way to play video games with your kids to get more involved or redirect them to game design, or some other more creative aspect
  • Making sure kids have multiple options to fulfill all the needs video games instantly provide—escape, achievement, competition, relaxation, and social interaction
  • The importance of maintaining a family structure.
  • How isolation breeds as problem
  • The importance of self-care for you and our partner in combating screen time issues
  • Cam’s best advice to parents who are trying to control gaming and screen time—Give yourself a break. Mistakes happen. Keep trying!
'You can only show up as powerfully to your kids as you’re showing up for yourself.'—@camerondare #gaming #videogames #gamingaddiction #parenting' Click To Tweet

 

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair

Video Game, Porn, and Social Media Addiction with Cam Adair

How to Raise Money-Empowered Kids with John Lanza

How to Have Amazing Sex in Your Marriage with Dr. Emily Morse


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
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CLICK HERE.


Cam Adair’s Links

gamequitters.com

GAME OVER Documentary

List of Activities to Replace Gaming

Facebook Page

Facebook Group

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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What Happens When You Take Away Your Kids’ Devices

What Happens When You Take Away Your Kids’ Devices


We have no idea what we’re up against when it comes to the longterm effects of technology. With the viral popularity of games like Fortnite and gaming disorder being declared a mental health condition, video game addiction has become a hot topic. That’s why we had Cam Adair on The Dad Edge for the past two episodes to talk about how devices affect our brains and what we can do to mitigate unhealthy habits when it comes to our digital lives.

Cam’s interview inspired me to make some changes in my own home when it came to devices. With four young boys, it was a challenge. At first, life without tablets and video games was miserable for all of us. I also realized that I was part of the problem and that I had to work on my habits to set an example to my family.

Listen to what happens when you take away your kids’ devices and how it can change your family life for the better.

Thinking about planning a digital detox with your family? Here's what happened when I tried it. #devices #parenting #gamingdisorder #dads #men #fathers Click To Tweet

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair

Dad Edge Alliance Q&A: Video Game, Porn, and Social Media Addiction with Cam Adair


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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Dad Edge Alliance


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video game addiction

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair


This is a hugely important episode. Video games are part of almost every kids life, but there is a difference between playing for fun and using them to replace real life. Games like Minecraft and Fortnite have become part of our popular culture and make up a large part of kids’ social lives.

According to the World Health Organization, video game addiction is now an official mental health condition. It changes a child’s brain chemistry and can lead to depression and isolation.

In this episode, TEDx speaker Cam Adair talks about his experience with gaming disorder. He also tells us why video games are so addictive, how to recognize the signs of video game addiction in our kids, and how parents can set healthy boundaries for gaming.

'Kids are always going to push your boundaries, but you have to stay firm. And especially for parents, you have to do your own emotional intelligence work yourself.'—@camerondare #gaming #gamingdisorder #videogameaddiction #kids… Click To Tweet

 

About Cam Adair

Cam was raised by a loving mother and father, but he always struggled with anxiety and depression. He used video games as an escape, and they provided him relief for a time. The problem was that escaping his mental health issues didn’t fix anything. Cam became so depressed that at nineteen years old, he didn’t feel like there was any point in continuing his life anymore. He wrote a suicide note and was going to kill himself that night.

Luckily, his friends invited him to go watch a movie. That was enough to distract him from his plans so he could think about what he was doing. He knew that there was a big difference between thinking about suicide and actually planning it. It was serious, and he went home to ask his father to get him counseling.

Cam still struggles with his issues but has found healthier ways to deal with them. He’s also founded GameQuitters.com, a resource for parents and teens on how to prevent video game addiction and how to detox from gaming to get back into a real, fulfilling life.

'The thing that’s always kept me alive is knowing my parents’ love and knowing that ending my life wasn’t just about me…'—@camerondare #dads #men #fathers #moms #mothers #parenting #suicide Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • That 13% of kids between grades 7 and 12 have reported a problem with game addiction
  • The negative impact on the brain every year earlier a child starts with games and screen time
  • How gaming prevents kids from developing the intangible skills they need
  • Why video games are entertaining and fun, but cannot fulfill us in life
  • The paradigm of instant gratification that makes normal life boring
  • The emotional needs gaming and tech fulfill
    • escape
    • social connection
    • measurable progress
    • certainty and purpose
  • How the stimulation of gaming far exceeds what you can get in real life
  • Why kids addicted to video games experience withdrawal
  • The 3 structural brain changes that take place during video game addiction
    • Numbed pleasure response
    • Hyper reactivity
    • Willpower erosion
  • How it takes 90 days for brain to come back to normal levels after quitting gaming
  • Which games are more addictive than others and why
  • The incorporation of ads, in-game offers, and gambling type games online
  • How kids face being a social outcast if they don’t participate in gaming
  • Is there a healthy way to game?
  • What can parents do?
  • The dangers of video game binging
  • Why you should let your kid get bored
  • How to help kids during transition phases during the day
  • How to talk to your child about video game addiction
  • Why knowing what you stand for as a parent will help your child
  • Why you should connect with other parents who share the same goals
'Parents need to live an inspired life to be an example to their kids.'—@camerondare #parenting #parents #moms #dads #children #kids #gaming #fortnite #minecraft Click To Tweet

Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
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Cam Adair’s Links

gamequitters.com

Facebook Page

Facebook Group

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

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