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Changing Your Relationship with Alcohol with Ruari Fairbairns

Changing Your Relationship with Alcohol with Ruari Fairbairns


Alcohol is embedded into our society. Besides its traditional use as a social lubricant and its presence in nearly every celebration, the alcohol industry has psychologically programmed us to crave alcohol. But is it really adding to our enjoyment of life?

Today we have Ruari Fairbairns back on the show. He is the cofounder of One Year No Beer, a massive, global alcohol-free movement. Ruari started in a job where drinking was part of a successful career, but he when he became a dad, the late nights and hangovers threatened his relationship with his family. He quit alcohol and was surprised to find how it revolutionized his life. His story comes full circle with a recent encounter with the Dalai Lama.

Ruari talks about rewiring your brain and changing your relationship with alcohol. Whether it’s the occasional binge or a few daily beers after work, alcohol has a huge impact on your mental and physical wellbeing. He also tells us how to combat the stigma associated with not drinking and how to be alcohol-free and still have fun.

One Year No Beer

Society has conditioned you that you need alcohol to be successful, to be cool, to be sexy, to have fun, to relax, the list goes on and on. How will you fare going up against years of social conditioning, second-hand peer pressure and self-doubt, all on your own?

The key difference between One Year No Beer challenges and just “stopping drinking” is that we teach you to have a mindset shift. We help break down the habits associated with drinking, the same habits that can help change multiple areas of your life.

What You’ll Learn

  • Alcohol is the most harmful drug in existence to individuals and society
  • How Ruari had the chance opportunity to meet the Dalai Lama
  • The Dalai Lamas surprising answer to Ruari’s question, “What would you say to somebody who is trying to change their relationships with addictions?”
  • Why we have to involve alcohol in social settings
  • The trillions of dollars the alcohol industry has spent on marketing
  • How our identity and tribalism are associated with alcohol
  • How society will soon shift away from promoting alcohol, just like cigarettes
  • The idea behind OYNB
  • How to fight peer pressure to drink
  • Stealth drinking (pretending to drink)
  • The “FEAR” behind quitting alcohol (False Evidence Appearing Real)
  • How to not be the boring sober person
  • How OYNB uses social media as a step to change
  • How if you’re drinking more than 5 or 6 beers a week regularly, the OYNB program will have a huge impact
  • How a low amount of alcohol can have a massive impact without you realizing it
  • How long it takes to process alcohol
  • How alcohol is literally poison—ethanol, a colorless flammable liquid
  • How the liver must process alcohol before anything else, including fat
  • Alcohol is a known depressant
  • Why hangovers last longer as you get older
  • Most people don’t know who they are or who they can be until they detox
  • Why choosing to quit is different from being forced to quit
  • What can dads expect who rely on a beer to chill out after work
  • How to still enjoy beer while being alcohol free
  • How drinking alcohol-free beer releases dopamine and helps you relearn how to relax without alcohol
  • How Ruari does drink sometimes
  • When quitting alcohol, think of what you’ll gain. If you come from a place from abstaining from something you love, it reaffirms that you’re making a sacrifice
  • The details of all One Year No Beer challenges
  • How to switch off a stressed brain at night
  • Freeing yourself from other addictions by starting with quitting alcohol—it will change your relationship with all things
  • How going alcohol free will help you be a better dad, husband, and man

When there’s pain, if you invest your time, energy, and resources where that pain is, it will most likely evolve and flourish.

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Mentioned Episodes: 

The Life Lessons Learned from Going One Year Without Drinking

How to Conquer Alcohol Addiction with Ruari Fairbains


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How to Use Problems as Opportunities

How to Use Problems as Opportunities


Life is full of challenges. We all will go through times of adversity. If we’re going through them alone, we might feel hopeless and cope in negative ways. How can we get away from a fearful victim mentality, and instead, use problems as opportunities?

Thursday Throwdown is our short show where we feature regular dads. Today we have Jason Palmer as our guest. He has faced adversity and loss, including the death of a child.

At first, he reached for alcohol to ease the pain, often drinking a whole bottle of whiskey just to be able to sleep at night. But deep down inside, he knew that he was meant for more. Life didn’t have to be this way.

Then Jason discovered our episode about giving up alcohol. It inspired him to give up drinking and join the Dad Edge Alliance.

He tells us how he took ownership of his life and trained himself to look at his problems as opportunities and to move from fear-based to solution-based thinking.

'You have to sit down an intentionally focus on what’s serving you and what’s not.'—Jason Palmer, The Dad Edge Alliance #dads #men #fathers #alcohol #drinking Click To Tweet

MENTIONED EPISODES: 

How Giving Up Alcohol Will Revolutionize Your Life with Ruari Fairbairns

The Life Lessons Learned from Going One Year Without Drinking

How to Conquer Alcohol Addiction with Ruari Fairbains

 

Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.


Connect with Jason Palmer

Facebook

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

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We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

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How Giving Up Alcohol Will Revolutionize Your Life with Ruari Fairbairns

How Giving Up Alcohol Will Revolutionize Your Life with Ruari Fairbairns

Ruari Fairbairns from One Year No Beer is back to talk about his relationship with alcohol before and after he gave it up. In this episode, you’ll learn how giving up alcohol will revolutionize your life mentally, physically, and socially. You will also be given the tools you need to control your drinking with confidence and inspire people around you.

BEFORE ALCOHOL-FREE LIVING

Ruari Fairbairns was twelve years old the first time he got drunk. He saw adults do it and copied them. As he got older, he became the center of the party and the last man standing at the end of the night.

Ruari says he doesn’t think he had a bad relationship with alcohol. He didn’t drink alone at home. He never felt he needed it, but alcohol was part of his lifestyle, his career, and his social life. Even when he met his wife, they partied hard together.

But when it came time to start a family, it caused friction in his life. Ruari went out to binge drink two times a week, and his wife wasn’t happy about him coming home at four o’clock in the morning.

At first, he couldn’t see a way around living without alcohol. Alcohol was part of entertaining his clients. Drinking was part of being a man. Then Ruari became involved in an anger management program where he learned that caffeine and alcohol were the two biggest instigators. It was then that he decided to quit drinking for ninety days.

Ruari says that during that 90 days his whole life changed. A fog had been lifted away. He felt excitement and passion for life again. His ADHD and depression where gone. He couldn’t believe something so simple as not drinking could have such a profound effect on his life.

He decided to keep going and went two years without alcohol. Now his mission is to help others experience a more productive and fulfilling life without alcohol.

MOST PEOPE THINK “THIS IS GOING TO SUCK”

The fears most people have about quitting alcohol is that they will be bored and socially excluded. They’re thinking, No one’s going to like me. How am I going to have a good time? How am I going to go out with my wife and not have a cocktail?

But Ruari says that everything you’re thinking right now about why you can’t quit is bullshit. You’ll realize that when you get past it. Think back to when you were a kid. Did you need alcohol to have a good time? To stay up and play all night

ONE YEAR NO BEER

The One Year No Beer challenge educates people on how to exist and survive without drinking for 30 days to 90 days and beyond. The strategy is not to hide away. It’s to change your relationship with alcohol by creating new neuropathways in your brain.

Key to this thing is tribalism. One of the reasons people react negatively when you stop drinking because you are appearing to leave the tribe. People are made to question their own habit and that makes them fearful.

You are the total of the 5 people you spend the most time with. If you’re hanging around friends who drink, chances are you will be dragged into it. One Year No Beer builds a tribe for you so you have support while you’re doing the challenge. They have video groups, a Facebook group, and a forum community. They send daily emails and have courses. You’re able to belong to something while you step away briefly from your own tribe until you are strong enough to be among people who drink again.

DRINKING AND YOUR KIDS

As parents, we must lead by example. You can say what you like to your kids, but they will follow your actions before your words.

In the US 11% of alcohol consumed is by 12 to 20-year-olds. 90% of this consumption is in the form of binge drinking. It has been shown that young people who start early drink more heavily and more frequently than those who delayed their first drink. We know our kids are modeling our behavior. That is why it’s especially important for dads to set a good example by not relying on alcohol.

YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Many people feel like they need alcohol to bond with their spouses, but drinking actually kills your relationships. So many fights and arguments are triggered and spiral out of control when alcohol is involved. Going out and drinking together doesn’t build a long-term sustainable relationship.

Ruari says that step one for couples in distress is 90 days without booze. You can’t face any problems when you’re numbing yourself. You can connect on a deeper level when sober.

MONEY

Have you ever added up the money you spend on alcohol? Not just cost of drinks, but the taxis to drive you home, the junk food you consume when your drunk, the price of the inevitable health consequences. Saving money is one more reason to take on a One Year No Beer Challenge.

THIS IS NOT FOREVER

Ruari decided two years was enough abstinence for him. Sometimes he drinks, but in total control. One Year No Beer challenges put control back in your hands so you can choose when you want to drink and when you don’t want to.

JOIN THE CHALLENGE!

Join the Good Dad Project community in a 28-Day Alcohol-Free challenge and rewire your brain so that YOU are in control of your drinking. Your family, your career, your liver and your pocket will thank you!

You’ll get

  • daily email support
  • daily motivational videos
  • support and accountability on the go

Go to oneyearnobeer.com/gdp and get signed up for 20% off.

Don’t worry if you’ve caught this episode later. This discount will always be available for GDP listeners.

 

Mentioned Episodes: 

The Life Lessons Learned from Going One Year Without Drinking

How to Conquer Alcohol Addiction with Ruari Fairbains


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Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Ruari Fairbairns’s Links

Oneyearnobeer.com

Facebook

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going one year without drinking

The Life Lessons Learned from Going One Year Without Drinking

Alcohol has affected everyone in some way. We drink to reduce stress, to be more social in social settings, and to reward ourselves after a long, hard day at work. But what if drinking is actually bringing more stress into our lives? What if it’s causing us to miss business opportunities and is harming our relationships?

You’ll discover amazing insights into these questions in today’s podcast as I celebrate a whole year without drinking with three special guests who’ve all decided to live alcohol free. We discuss our experiences with alcohol, what kind of drinkers we used to be, what we didn’t see in our lives when we were drinking, and how our work lives, or social lives, and our family lives were dramatically improved when we took alcohol out of the equation.

Today’s Guests

Shane Ramer

Shane is the host of That Sober Guy podcast, where he discusses alcoholism, addiction, and recovery, and provides a platform for guests to speak their mind, tell their story and share their experience.

Ruari Fairbairns

Ruari grew up on the Isle of Mull in Scotland, and is a successful broker in London. After a few failed attempts, Ruari quit drinking and it fundamentally changed his life. Together with a colleague they decided to create something to change the peer pressure around giving up drinking, One Year No Beer.

Jason MacKenzie

Jason is an expert on peak human performance. He’s a father, speaker, author and coach, and the author of The Dadly Book of Open. He teaches audiences around the world how cultivating vulnerability will liberate the strength, wisdom and courage we already possess.

What was keeping us from quitting drinking?

Whether you’re a social drinker, a daily drinker, or a binge drinker, most of us are afraid to give up alcohol because of one or more of the following reasons.

  1. Fear of job issues – drinking is part of the corporate culture of many jobs.
  1. Fear of social awkwardness – how is it remotely possible to have fun without alcohol? Will we become a dull, boring person?
  1. Fear of losing friends – are we going to make other uncomfortable when we refuse to drink with them?
  1. Fear of anxiety – how do we cope with the stress of everyday life without the comfort of alcohol?

The Reality of Quitting Drinking

Shane, Ruari, Jason, and I debunked all these fears. Here is what we noticed when we gave up alcohol:

  1. Fear of job issues – productivity multiplies, business relationships improve, success is inevitable.
  1. Fear of social awkwardness – It was awkward at first, but we discovered that you don’t need alcohol to have a good time and you can connect with people on a deeper level when you’re not drunk.
  1. Fear of losing friends – Don’t make a big deal of not drinking. Other people will get used to it, and most don’t care as much as you think.
  1. Fear of anxiety – Alcohol increases anxiety. It can make you paranoid about how your drinking habits appear to others. It creates stress because you’re not being your best, authentic self.

Other Benefits of Giving Up Alcohol

  • Find out who you really are – Without alcohol to numb your feelings or weigh you down, you discover your authentic self and what you’re truly capable of.
  • Stop holding yourself back – Quitting drinking frees you from self-limiting and self-destructive beliefs and habits.
  • Exponential improvement in fitness results – Living a sober lifestyle reduces your caloric intake, makes life easier on your organs, and allows you to maximize workouts since you’re not hungover.
  • Increased confidence – Knowing you can deal with life without relying on alcohol is extremely empowering.
  • Feeling more relaxed – When you feel that you are more productive and capable, that your relationships are on the right track, and that you truly know yourself, stress and anxiousness is reduced.

Keys to Stop Relying on Alcohol

  • Connection – Johann Hari said in his TEDx talk that the opposite of addiction is connection. When we don’t have connection with others, we connect to alcohol or other substances instead.
  • Communication ­– Talking openly and honestly with those close to us keeps relationships healthy. Make yourself vulnerable so that you can be helped and help others.
  • Join a Tribe – Men thrive in packs. Don’t isolate yourself. Find a group of likeminded men that you can join for support.

How an Alcohol-Free Life Affects Each of Us as Fathers

Jason MacKenzie

Jason can make himself vulnerable and open about his experiences. He shares them with his children so they can make more informed choices.

Shane Ramer

Shane has found peace in the ability to give up control of everything and everybody. He is present with his family, listening and talking and being willing to put the work in.

Ruari Fairbairns

Ruari says don’t pay for counseling if your relationship is in trouble; just drop alcohol. When you’re drinking, you always point the finger at someone else and adopt a victim mindset. Now Ruari enjoys a rich life with his family and likes to be with his kids on their level, which he could never do when he was numbed by alcohol.

Larry Hagner

Your habits set an example for your kids. They do take notice about how you behave when you drink, and they will notice how much better it is to be with you when you are sober.


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


 Guest Links

Ruari Fairbairns

Oneyearnobeer.com

Shane Ramer

Thatsoberguy.com

Jason MacKenzie

Thebookofopen.com