Whether you had plans for your business, career, family, or personal life, COVID has probably derailed it to some point. Today, we talk about pivoting during the pandemic and turning our setbacks into new opportunities.
Ben Rector is a singer, songwriter, and record producer. Ben has appeared and performed on various television shows like Jimmy Kimmel Live!Conan, Live with Kelly and Ryan, and others. His songs make appearances on shows like American Idol, Ellen DeGeneres Show, World of Dance, Pretty Little Liars, and Castle.
In this episode, Ben talks about his music journey and how he’s had to restrategize his plans since the pandemic. He also shares his parenting insights and how he hits his reset button to stay on track.
What You’ll Learn
The Musician’s Journey
Ben had a humble beginning. He had no model to follow with no one in his family being musically-inclined. He grew up never thinking that music is something he would consider a job. He only started to embrace music professionally during college.
Ben loves playing any keyboard instrument or guitar.
Ben’s Appreciation for His Father
Ben appreciates his father for being stern while caring. His dad always showed up.
Ben witnessed his dad’s selflessness. He never doubted the love, care, and trust his dad had in him.
Pivoting during the Pandemic
Ben wants to make the best out of everything. He does not feel like there is any other option. Things will be difficult and challenging, and he will never be able to do any of it without his wife, Hillary.
The pandemic was the first time Ben was forced to slow down. It was the time he felt genuinely powerless. When his twins were born in such a time, it was peaceful yet weird for Ben.
Ben owns many aspects of his music. Any artist feels the sting in their income if they are highly-dependent on their record labels since they do not “own” the music.
Being honest with his feelings about situations has always been helpful for Ben. He is thankful that he and his wife have always been open with each other.
Being able to say out loud and name your difficulties is an affirmation that they exist and you are facing it. Everybody goes through challenges, and this rough time is a challenge for Ben and his wife—they are determined to take the challenge.
Ben hopes to do an excellent job of letting his children know that he cares, loves, and supports them, just like how his father was for him. He hopes to gain their respect and to never doubt the love he has for them. He admires his father for the stern but caring approach, and he hopes to do the same thing.
What’s Next for Ben?
Ben envisions finishing his new record in the winter of 2022. His music and tours have been delayed due to the pandemic.
This pandemic was a luxury for Ben because, unlike pre-pandemic when things were chaotic, he now has space. He and his team take time to plan things out. Ben looks forward to being a dad, husband, and to moving around more before things start to get crazy again.
https://gooddadproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/TT-258-Pivoting-During-the-Pandemic-with-Ben-Rector.jpeg360706Christa Wojciechowskihttps://gooddadproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/GDP-enfold-header-logo.pngChrista Wojciechowski2021-04-07 20:00:062021-04-08 08:43:34Pivoting During the Pandemic with Ben Rector
In this episode of the Dad Edge Podcast, our guest is Dr. Nicole LePera. She was trained in clinical psychology at Cornell University and the New School for Social Research. She also studied at the Philadelphia School of Psychoanalysis.
As a clinical psychologist in private practice, she often found herself frustrated by traditional psychotherapy’s limitations. She began a journey to develop a united philosophy of mental, physical, and spiritual health that equips people with the tools necessary to heal themselves.
Nothing short of a paradigm shift, her teachings empower individuals to break free from trauma cycles and create who they want to become.
Today, she talks with us about how to do the work when it comes to resolving childhood traumas, dealing with anxiety, building resiliency, and becoming a greater example for our children.
How to Do the Work
From Dr. Nicole LePera, creator of “the holistic psychologist”—the online phenomenon with more than two million Instagram followers—comes a revolutionary approach to healing that harnesses the power of the self to produce lasting change.
Now, Dr. LePera is ready to share her much-requested protocol with the world. In How to Do the Work, she offers both a manifesto for SelfHealing as well as an essential guide to creating a more vibrant, authentic, and joyful life. Drawing on the latest research from a diversity of scientific fields and healing modalities, Dr. LePera helps us recognize how adverse experiences and trauma in childhood live with us, resulting in whole body dysfunction—activating harmful stress responses that keep us stuck engaging in patterns of codependency, emotional immaturity, and trauma bonds. Unless addressed, these self-sabotaging behaviors can quickly become cyclical, leaving people feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, and unwell.
In How to Do the Work, Dr. LePera offers readers the support and tools that will allow them to break free from destructive behaviors to reclaim and recreate their lives. Nothing short of a paradigm shift, this is a celebration of empowerment that will forever change the way we approach mental wellness and self-care.
What You’ll Learn
What Brings Dr. Nicole Joy and Happiness?
Being really present in her life is what brings Dr. LePera joy and happiness. Little did she know how she wasn’t present in her life for the better part of 30 years. Receiving, seeing, experiencing, and feeling how it translates into her work is what lights her up.
Dr. Nicole’s Favorite Quote
“Life is lived in moments.” Dr. LePera understood it as a concept, yet she didn’t understand how to practice it. She later realized that she’s now embodying the quote and learning to be present in her moments.
Advice to her Past Self
Gear up for the challenge of growing—challenging personal beliefs embedded in the subconscious and challenging herself to show up differently in the world.
Nicole was born into a family with a lot of anxiety. A lot of worry was present whether it was medical concerns or issues. Anxiety was an implicit part of her childhood experience. It became a large motivator in her desire to understand people.
Dr. Nicole says that a lot of us consider ourselves wounded healers. The way she understands her desire to go into the healing profession is really from that understanding to relieve the symptoms of others.
Anxiety and tension
Anxiety and tension in her family weren’t talked about. It was this inner experience that they were all sharing without labeling it or speaking about it.
Her mother and father’s relationship
Dr. Nicole doesn’t know if she thought about it because it was her normal. This happens to a lot of us. We just see, and we’re modeled relationships which becomes a format for our own personal relationships.
Dr. Nicole would have thought everything was fine and great and close in her parents’ relationship until she realized that she was repeating the same patterns in her relationships. She didn’t necessarily feel that depth of connection.
Relationship with her Father
Her dad was very active in her life. She has many memories of her dad playing with her, and they spent a lot of time together. They had points of connection, but not necessarily in terms of depth and emotion.
Dr. Nicole’s goal for everyone is to hold space and to acknowledge that some of us might come to the realization that our relationship a parent is one in which we need to stop engaging. She can see both sides of understanding and a parent’s limitations because they are humans, too. They were impacted by what they were taught.
Writing her book
Writing a book wasn’t something Dr. Nicole necessarily thought was a need. After the evolution of working as a traditional therapist, she came by this new holistic method that she now uses through her own healing and then began sharing it with others. She was considering the theory and beginning to put it out on Instagram.
Dr. Nicole had an office where people and clients would come week after week. They would have incredibly insightful conversations about all the things that aren’t working in life and all the things they will do differently to manage the symptoms or make their relationships more fulfilling. She had many people who had all of this insight but could not create change in their life.
Many of us are operating from a deeper part of our mind called the subconscious. We are running on almost a blind autopilot. What we’re doing in that unconscious state is repeating all of these habits and patterns that aren’t serving us.
We must gain the tools to begin to create a more conscious, intentional experience of creating a future that’s different from the past.
Bridging the Gap between the subconscious and conscious mind
We need to check and identify how unconscious we are. At that moment, we want to begin to fire up a new part of our brain. We want to teach ourselves how to be present in our given moment. We can access our senses. We can tune in to what’s actually here and hook our attention on that instead of where it typically is for many of us lost in our mind somewhere else.
When something external inflicts a change upon us, we have a chance to go into a new space, a pattern-interrupt where we can become conscious and make new choices in that moment, or we can slide right back into autopilot.
Being Present and Intentional
Outside of using what’s present in our environment, we always have access to our senses. If you are at dinner, instead of focusing on what happens after dinner, you’re focusing on the taste of the food. We can always access the present moment, and it’s a practice.
Emotions feel unsafe for a lot of males in general.
We sit in judgment of our feelings. Some of us have a general belief that feelings, whatever they are, are bad. And that’s not the reality. Feelings are a natural human occurrence.
We can teach ourselves and show ourselves through living the experience of regulating our emotional body through our breath.
We have to practice breath before we really need it. We have to build it into our day. For Dr. Nicole, it begins every morning where she created the intention of just practicing how to breathe from her belly.
Gratitude for many of us is what’s present, and that is often what’s right in front of us.
We now know that our heart is incredibly powerful. Our heart energy not only affects our whole system but communicates with our brain. It affects everyone around us. When we begin embodying these feelings, we can become really powerful in creating our future.
The Inner Child
The deepest part of our subconscious that impacts us into adulthood is the area called our inner child.
We all have childlike parts of ourselves, even though we’re running around in different aged adult bodies. The inner child accumulates things that have happened in such a distant past that they feel so far, yet because we house all of these patterns in our subconscious, and we operate largely through them. Many of us find ourselves into adulthood, repeating some of these older habits and patterns that don’t serve us.
Children are much more receptive to how they’re watching us. Navigating our feelings is going to be so impactful for them. Our brain actually has something called mirror neurons that fire when we’re watching people around us. This includes our emotional experiences.
Modeling into your emotional experiences and expressing them, and letting them out for your children to see usually is going to be the much more impactful way to teach children emotional resilience.
Our brains and our whole bodies really are neuroplastic and are changeable. All of us, whoever we are, as we change, all of the relationships around us change. The beautiful endpoint of this conversation is so much change as possible. Even if you’re a parent with older children, as you begin to do differently, it has so much more of an impact than we realize.
https://gooddadproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/TDE-308-How-to-Do-the-Work-with-Nicole-LePera.jpg360706Christa Wojciechowskihttps://gooddadproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/GDP-enfold-header-logo.pngChrista Wojciechowski2021-03-07 20:00:262021-03-06 15:53:12How to Do the Work with Dr. Nicole LePera
Do you feel like a slave to your to-do list? Are the things you spend your time and energy on bringing you any closer to becoming the man you can be? Today we’re going to talk to an everyday dad about how to become the master of your schedule.
David Pickering is the married father of two and a member of the Dad Edge Alliance. He lived an average, comfortable life, but he didn’t feel like he was in charge of it. Every day was the same. He was “tubing down the river of life,” drifting wherever the current took him.
Learn what David did to take charge of his daily schedule, lose 60 pounds, and actively step into the bigger vision he has for himself and his family.
What You’ll Learn
How David unintentionally lost 60 pounds just by changing his daily habits
The importance having a daily routine
How to set the tone for the rest of the day
Being mindful and being intentional about your habits
The unexpected rewards of the #75Hard challenge
How he got his wife on board to do workouts with him
How to find the time for the requirements of #75Hard
How accountability partners help you experience breakthroughs
What kids will learn watching you discipline yourself
How to live through peer pressure or environments where you’re surrounded by your old bad habits, like drinking and junk food
How mastering your habits and your schedule can help you change lives
https://gooddadproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/TT-238-How-to-Become-the-Master-of-your-Schedule2.jpg360706Christa Wojciechowskihttps://gooddadproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/GDP-enfold-header-logo.pngChrista Wojciechowski2020-11-18 20:00:082020-11-18 11:09:35How to Become the Master of Your Schedule
Life can often feel like a cage fight. Punches fly at us from every angle. We’re swept off of our feet and tackled to the ground. Sometimes we’re straight up knocked out. And if we aren’t prepared to battle, we might never get back up.
Today’s guest is MMA fighter Josh Tyler. He is also the co-founder of Savage Gentleman, a retail brand and ethos that believes that men are both savages and gentlemen.
Josh is here to reveal his secret to remaining calm in the chaos of the cage. He tells us how to employ emotional intelligence, communication, and self-awareness in a masculine way. Josh also talks about how he’s applied what he’s learned as an MMA fighter to family life.
“The world is full of savages and gentlemen. Rare is it to find a man who can be both.”
Josh Tyler and the Savage Gentleman
“The world is full of savages and gentlemen. Rare is it to find the man who can be both. It is not ideal void of all traits of masculinity, nor is it suitable to succumb to one’s every base desire. There must be a balance struck between the two sides of the same coin that is manhood. This is the plight of the savage gentlemen, to cultivate both aspects of his being and achieve his full potential.”
What You’ll Learn
Growing up, Josh was not athletic. He wanted to become a scientist.
How Josh managed to remain internally calm during the external chaos of the ring
How to perform a stress evaluation
Your body doesn’t recognize the difference between stresses.
You can take the stress tolerance from the situations you’re used to and apply it to other areas.
Use times of success in the past as reference points.
Seek new experiences to push your limits further.
How marriage is like a cage fight
How to balance the savage gentleman
Learning how to operate in tandem with another human being (like in marriage) can help in business and other relationships.
Men are woefully ill-equipped to enter into a partnership with someone of the opposite sex.
Just like in the world of fighting, how can you win in marriage when you don’t know the rules or spent enough time training? You have no context to realize what you’re good at and where you need work.
Knowing where your weak spots are allows you to solve those problems.
Ignoring your feelings prevents you from finding the root cause.
You have to take responsibility to learn how to communicate better.
You do feel stuff, whether you admit it or not, and you will receive what you put out.
The secret is to understand where your anger is coming from.
Most people go through life with very little thought and reflection on the what and why.
Self-awareness and personal development are not for wusses.
Pay attention and notice the cues of where you need to focus your awareness.
There are appropriate times to be vulnerable.
In marriage, if you don’t let someone in to know you on a deep level, you end up growing apart and not knowing who each other are anymore.
Bitterness and resentment change your perception of someone.
Sometimes the best thing in marriage is to have the fight.
Avoiding confrontation and letting stuff go for too long destroys the chance of ever getting back on track.
Develop a Standard Operating Procedure for how to handle tough arguments with your spouse.
People are getting worse at interfacing with each other in meaningful ways because of technology and distraction.
But first, we need to learn how to interface with ourselves better.
What are the best ways to build mental resilience? Today’s guest teaches us how to create weird and wonderful challenges to push through resistance and overcome anxiety.
Ben Aldridge is the bestselling author of How to be Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable: 43 Weird & Wonderful Ways to Build a Strong, Resilient Mindset. Ben’s crippling anxiety prevented him from living fully. In his search for a solution, he discovered that the more he tested himself in controlled environments, the more his anxiety diminished. Since then, he continues to push himself by accomplishing the strange and seemingly impossible.
In this episode, Ben explains how to plan mental, physical, and skill-based challenges that will accelerate our growth and develop a tolerance for being uncomfortable. He talks about how we can leave our comfort zones, face our fears, and increase our confidence. He also tells us how we can help our kids build mental resilience with weird and wonderful challenges!
Are you ready to get uncomfortable and build a more resilient mindset?
Ben Aldridge is a writer, teacher and musician from the UK. He writes about practical philosophy, comfort zones, mental health and adventure. His first book “How to Be Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable: 43 Weird & Wonderful Ways to Build a Strong Resilient Mindset” is an exploration of unique ways to leave our comfort zones and face our fears. Heavily influenced by Stoicism, Buddhism, Popular Psychology and CBT, Ben’s challenges encourage us to get uncomfortable and experience the personal growth that we can only gain from pushing ourselves to the limit.
Ben’s interests are extremely diverse. You’ll find him climbing mountains, learning Japanese, running marathons, solving Rubik’s cubes, eating bizarre food, taking ice baths and sleeping in unusual places. The challenges that he sets for himself and his readers are often quirky, fun and demanding.
How to Be Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable: 43 Weird & Wonderful Ways to Build a Strong, Resilient Mindset
After debilitating anxiety and panic attacks began to impact his daily life, Ben Aldridge decided to tackle his mental health issues in a creative way. His journey led him on a year of completing weird and wonderful challenges in the name of self-improvement. By deliberately leaving his comfort zone and enduring difficulties, Ben completely changed his life.
Ice-cold showers, eating repulsive insects, running marathons, sleeping in unusual places, wearing ridiculous clothes and learning to solve the Rubik’s cube in under a minute are some of the ways Ben has pushed his body and mind to learn more, endure more and conquer more.
Varying in length, difficulty and category, Ben explains how to complete each challenge, how it changed his life and how you can push yourself with this practical method of self-development.
From learning a new language to climbing a mountain, see how far you can challenge yourself to overcome your fears and self-imposed limitations.
Packed with useful tips and tricks from Stoicism, Buddhism, CBT and popular psychology, this book encourages us to face our fears, embrace adversity and leave our comfort zones.
What You’ll Learn
The variety challenges Ben has conquered.
Through these challenges, Ben went from a gray, fear-based existence to a colorful life.
The 3 types of challenges you should practice:
Physical (like working up to running a marathon)
Skill-based (like leaving your academic-intellectual comfort zone)
Mental (practicing discomfort, like cold exposure)
Struggling is good for the mind. You should put yourself in frustrating situations.
Pay attention to your thoughts when under stress and anxiety so you can develop strategies for dealing with them.
The stoics of ancient Greece and Rome would deliberately sleep on the floor to practice discomfort. Ben tried “bivvying” where he slept outside in a bag in scary environments.
You receive a boost in confidence each time you conquer a challenge.
Lean into your fears instead of avoiding them.
Why we should look at our anti-bucket list instead of our bucket list
Go where there is huge mental resistance. Ben had acupuncture because he was afraid of needles.
Prepare for chaos and in life because it will come.
These challenges are an insurance policy against future adversity.
How Ben climbed Mount Everest … on his stairs in his home during lockdown. Ben also ran a marathon in his yard.
Start small and break up your routine. Find pockets of time to challenge yourself.
Have something on the calendar you are working towards, like an event to train for.
Bring friends in with you to help with accountability.
Children should see parents step out of their comfort zones.
Inviting your kids to do challenge with you creates a special bond.
Using downtime for adventure instead of TV.
Develop your own system to deal with adversity and anxiety and use challenges as a controlled environment to test these strategies.
https://gooddadproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/TDE-280-Weird-Wonderful-Ways-to-Build-Mental-Resilience-with-Ben-Aldridge.jpg360706Christa Wojciechowskihttps://gooddadproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/GDP-enfold-header-logo.pngChrista Wojciechowski2020-08-23 20:00:282020-08-20 11:01:49Weird & Wonderful Ways to Build Mental Resilience with Ben Aldridge