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nell gibbon daly men women and sex

The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly

A healthy sex life is crucial to a happy and harmonious relationship, but sex is one of the most difficult things for men to talk about. Today our second ever female guest, Nell Gibbon Daly, talks with us frankly about sex and how we can make breakthroughs in communication to improve intimacy and experience amazing sex. (EXPLICIT)

Nell Gibbon Daly

Nell Gibbon Daly is a psychotherapist, author, TV commentator, and TEDx speaker. She frequently appears on FOX news and other networks and is reaching 19 million viewers a month. She has sat through 20,000 hours as a psychotherapist and her practice now consists of about 80% male patients. She  enjoys helping men specifically and caters to highly successful executives and artists. Nell is a divorced mother of three who grew up in an Irish immigrant family. Surrounded by alpha male older brothers, she’s been used to navigating through tough guys all her life. Nell considers it a gift to learn how the male psyche works, and wants to act as a translator between men and the women of the world.

Lack of Sex: what’s missing?

Some members of our private The Dad’s Edge Facebook group have shared the fact that they have gone long periods without having any sex with their spouses. This is not as uncommon as you might think, but most of us are reluctant to bring up the lack of sex because we’re afraid to hurt our wife’s feelings or trigger an argument. This lack of communication builds resentment, and resentment leads to the destruction of intimacy and a poor sex life.

Why don’t we communicate?

Men have no idea how to ask for what they want and need. We are afraid of appearing vulnerable, especially to those closest to us. Maybe we want to confide, but we don’t want to seem weak. Instead of venting our stresses and fears, we turn to food, alcohol, or TV to bury the pain. These coping mechanisms block opportunities for intimacy and distance ourselves even further from our partners.

How can we ease the pressure?

Women have no idea how much pressure a man is under because we hide it so well. Our egos can’t handle the thought of people knowing that maybe we’re not on top of everything. Nell Gibbon Daly explains that while women value themselves for beauty, men value themselves by how much money they make. The tremendous financial pressure, especially when there are children to take care of, can be crushing. Men feel ashamed to expose their vulnerability and are afraid to go into the pain. In this modern age, men have lost their community and are isolated. We bury our pain with addiction and sex. We suffer depression and anxiety, and this infiltrates our home life and relationships, all the way to the bedroom.

Nell Gibbon Daly says that if you don’t face the pain, you will never get out of it, and if you don’t feel comfortable talking to a spouse, friend, or family member, you need to find a therapist to help you work through your issues.

What are we doing wrong?

Seeing a woman really into sex is the biggest turn on for a man, and Nell Gibbon Daly says the biggest complaint she hears from men is that their wives don’t seem to be enjoying sex. Believe it or not, your wife’s lack of enthusiasm might have nothing to do with your looks or physical performance. “If you have resentment in marriage, she’s not going to look like she’s into giving a blowjob.”

Nell also reveals that during all her hours listening to women’s stories, their most common complaint was that their men were too controlling. Women need to be relaxed to enjoy sex, and your wife cannot relax if you’re uptight.

She further warns men not to assume that the way you’re touching her feels good. Your partner may be lying because she doesn’t want to hurt you. But protecting each other’s egos prevents husbands and wives from getting to the truth and couples are not having great sex because they’re not talking about it.

How do we approach our partners about sex?

Couples will have sex in a certain way for years. Both might find it routine and unsatisfying, but will endure for a lifetime rather than risk hurting the other’s feelings. How can we approach our partner if we want something different? How do we explore each other’s fantasies? Here are a few tips from Nell Gibbon Daly.

  • Create a space where your partner feels safe to talk – Make sure you’re alone. Send the kids to their grandparents. Find an environment to inspire open communication, like the freedom of the outdoors.
  • Build up intimacy beforehand – spend quality time with your spouse to create a sense of closeness and safety before bringing up a difficult subject.
  • Let go of your ego – don’t be afraid to let your guard down. Making yourself vulnerable gives your partner power to do the same.
  • Don’t underestimate your partner’s ability to expand – Will she see me as a failure? Will she think I’m perverted? Will she judge me? These are thoughts that prevent us from sharing our fears, desires, and fantasies with our wives, but how will you know how she will feel about it unless you tell her?

What do we say?

Nell Gibbon Daly says to begin the conversation as best friends – not as man and woman, but as two human beings. Have a more complex conversation, not just focusing on your needs, but hers. For example, “Is there something I’m not doing for you inside and outside the bedroom to make you feel sexier and want to be intimate anymore?”

This level of honesty is not without risk

It’s possible that confronting issues that have been so long buried will be the demise of your relationship. Once you say it out loud, you can’t take it back, but hiding these things will kill the relationship eventually anyway. Daly says you must break each other down in order to grow and that the “pain can become a place of eroticism.”

In the end, just be authentic

The most incredible men Nell Gibbon Daly has met were the ones who were vulnerable. There’s nothing worse than someone who is boring, and boring people are the ones obsessed with being perfect or looking perfect. You are who you are. Be yourself. “There’s nothing sexier than owning it.”


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Nell Gibbon Daly

Nelldaly.com

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5-love-languages

The 5 Love Languages and How They Made My Marriage Thrive

Miscommunication is responsible for many relationships problems, but showing love isn’t just about saying the words.

Today, my wife Jessica is our very special guest! She joins me to discuss the book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and why it’s so important to learn your spouse’s love language.

In this episode we share our personal experience and

  1. what the 5 love languages are.
  2. what happened in our relationships when we showed love in the wrong love language.
  3. how communicating in each other’s love language allowed our relationship to thrive.

 

RESOURCES

Download this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Get a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

strategic gifts with John Ruhlin

The Art of Giftology: Energize Your Business and Personal Life With Strategic Gifts with John Ruhlin

Strategic Gifts are what we call “Thoughtful Thoughts.”  Giftology author John Ruhlin tells us about the science of strategic gift giving and how it can galvanize your business and personal relationships for years to come.

About John Ruhlin

John Ruhlin is the founder of The Ruhlin Group, a gift logistics company that helps clients like the Chicago Cubs, Wells Fargo, Caesar’s Entertainment, Miami Dolphins, Morgan Stanley, and The John Maxwell Company execute year-round gifting strategies.

John’s unique approach to relationships led him to become the #1 salesman for a $250 Million direct sales company. He now speaks widely about strategic gifting and relationship building and helps CEOs and sales teams drive referrals and open doors to elusive decision makers.

John Ruhlin’s Story

John Ruhlin grew up on an Ohio farm milking goats. An overachiever all his life, John didn’t know exactly what he wanted to do. All he did know was that he didn’t want to be working on a farm for the rest of his life.

John Ruhlin says it only takes one mentor to change your life. As a young man, his mentor was his girlfriend’s dad who showed him what happens with acts of radical generosity. When John got an internship with the Cutco knife company, he achieved great success, not by selling knives, but by applying the psychology of deepening relationships by giving strategic gifts.

Now John Ruhlin sends out $250,000 a year in gifts, spending $200-500 per gift. This may sound crazy, but he says that his prospects’ time is worth that much. His small eight-person firm has landed monstrous companies by radical generosity, and when you take into account how much you might spend on restaurants and events entertaining prospects, Ruhlin’s gift expenditures are not so out of proportion. Colleagues, associates, and clients may not remember the steak they ate or the wine they drank, but a treasured gift will make them remember you again and again. It may be mind-blowing, but it’s actually smarter to reallocate resources for generous gifts instead of spending on trade shows or expensive dinners.

The Philosophy of Giftology

Did you know that giving strategic gifts can make a huge difference in your work and family life? For most men, trying to think of thoughtful gifts feels awkward. This is why guys usually ask wives to choose the gifts. So how can you choose a gift that will leave a meaningful impression that lasts?

The last thing people need is more crap. Most of us are overwhelmed by stuff we don’t need or want. But we all have room in our lives for more artifacts – the types of gifts you would save from a fire or pass down as an heirloom. This type of gifting is not a new idea. It’s old school. Our grandfathers and fathers did it. We’ve just forgotten.

Gifting Fundamentals

  • Get the spouse and family in on it – Knives are used every day in a family’s home to prepare food. This is a very intimate ritual and that is why John has had such success in selling engraved knives. His gifts became part of people’s lives. He says “try to find a gift that becomes part of the fabric of the being of that person.”
  • Make everyone look better – Giving gifts that make an executive look like a hero in front of his wife will win you extra points. Likewise, giving your wife an extraordinary surprise in front of one of her friends will amplify the effect of the gift that much more
  • No logo or promotional slogans – Adding branding or contact info to a gift defaces it.
  • No strings attached – Don’t cheapen the thought be hinting at getting something in return. Make it about the other person and they’ll put the spotlight on you.

More Strategic Gift Tips

  • Personalize the gift with the recipient’s and the spouse’s or family’s name.
  • Make sure the gift is accompanied by a handwritten note.
  • Make sure the gift is the best in its class and will last a lifetime or more.

Gifting your family

It’s more difficult to gift on a personal side, and John Ruhlin admits that he was horrible at gifting his wife, but he also says that men don’t really suck at gifting. They just suck at putting time and attention towards it.

Strategic Gift Tips for Family

  • Gift according to love language – Does your spouse appreciate your time, experiences, time for herself? What are those things your kids always want to do that you never have time for?
  • Gift outside normal times – Giving a gift on Christmas and birthdays is expected. Giving gifts on a random day has more impact because it’s not obligatory.
  • Take notes throughout the year – John Ruhlin listens to his wife and kids whenever they mention things they might like and uses Evernote to save gift ideas for later.

Parting wisdom on being a good dad

John Ruhlin is a traveling entrepreneur and a husband, but he also has three little girls all under the age of 5. As a family, they devote a lot of time and attention to cultivating faith.

He, like many parents, sometimes wondered if it’s sticking, but he has seen the power of pouring in core values at a super early age. His advice is that children’s minds can process much more complex concepts than we give them credit for. “Don’t treat them like they can’t understand.”

 

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

 

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

 

Connect with John Ruhlin

JohnRuhlin.com

Facebook

Twitter

LinkedIn

YouTube 

Giftology on Amazon