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fulfilling marriage

How to Build a Ridiculously Fulfilling Marriage with Nate Bagley


Marriages have taken a beating during the pandemic. We are under a constant generalized stress that keeps our nerves on edge and lowers our emotional capacity. But we can use this time to build a ridiculously fulfilling marriage, and our guest today teaches us how.

Nate Bagley is a marriage researcher, educator, husband, and a new dad. He is the founder of the Growth Marriage Community and podcast and his mission is to rid the world of mediocre love.

Nate has an incredible story. Before he got married, he quit his job and toured the country to gather information that 99% of us do not get. What do madly in love couples do that everyone else is missing out on?

Let’s find out!

 

What You’ll Learn

  • Nate sold everything he had, rose 30K on Kickstarter, and went cross-country to interview 100 couples.
  • Your marriage is the sum of all the couples you’re surrounded with.
  • Just because people are married doesn’t mean they have a good marriage.
  • Most fulfilled couples don’t pursue happiness. The goal is not to be happy. Pursue growth and happiness will be the result.
  • You cannot depend on your partner to validate your existence.
  • Going through struggles together increases joy and connection.
  • It’s your job to make you happy, not your partner’s.
  • Our body chemicals trick us into expecting happiness from our partner because that’s what we experience when we first fall in love.
  • We go from yearning to earning affection.
  • There are different stages of love that we must accept.
  • The idea that couples are supposed to become one is mistaken. That is codependency or enmeshment.
  • You are two separate individuals with different desires who support each other.
  • How to tell if you are integrated with your partner in an unhealthy way
  • The paradox of marriage—you have to meet opposing needs at the same time.
  • Sometimes you need swing from closeness to independence, or from novelty to predictability, and back again.
  • If you’re not having great sex, your marriage is probably not great.
  • There is an emotional and spiritual aspect of sex beyond physical satisfaction.
  • When marriage becomes like work, it’s important to make sex a priority.
  • Find a balance between safety and pleasure in the bedroom.
  • Most people have stale sex lives because it consists of whatever they’re comfortable with without rocking the boat.
  • Sex becomes a routine that feels boring because it feels safe. Expand your comfort zone to improve your sex life.
  • Manage your anxiety. Self-soothe. Learn to recognize what is legitimate fear. Then you can tolerate uncomfortable conversations and be curious instead of anxious about new experiences in the bedroom.
  • Part of having a great sex life is to handle rejection with grace.

RELATED EPISODES:

Secrets to an Awesome Marriage with Dr. Kim Kimberling

How to Fix Your Unhappy Marriage with Seth and Melanie Studley

Love Languages and Other Marriage Tips for the Pandemic with Gary Chapman

 


Our biggest regrets in life happen
when we’ve lost our patience. 

how to have more patience

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Nate Bagley’s Links

areweroommates.com

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AWESOME marriage

Secrets to an Awesome Marriage with Dr. Kim Kimberling

Marriage is one of the most challenging and important relationships in our lives, yet most of us come into it completely unprepared. So many men struggle to connect with their wives. Maybe we’re giving it all we have, and it seems like nothing works. We might wonder if it was ever meant to be, and we must decide whether we should divorce or settle for a lifelong roommate.

We want neither.

We want an awesome marriage.

Today we have Dr. Kim Kimberling on the show to reveal the secrets to an awesome marriage. He is going to teach us to empower ourselves with simple tools that we can use everyday to build trust, communication, and sexual intimacy.

A strong marriage is the best gift we can give our kids.

It’s time to build an awesome marriage you believe in.

Dr. Kim Kimberling

Dr. Kim has been a professional counselor for over thirty years. He holds a Ph.D. and a Doctor of Ministry in Christian Counseling. He also holds Masters Degrees in Christian Ministry and Theological Studies, and a Bachelors of Business Administration. Dr. Kim is President and co-founder of Awesome Marriage. Awesome Marriage reaches thousands of people each month with God’s plan for marriage and relationships.

Dr. Kim has been married to his lovely wife Nancy for over 40 years. Together they have two adult married children and five awesome grandchildren.

7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage: Strengthen Your Most Intimate Relationship

All of us want an enduring marriage, a beautiful marriage we can believe in. That kind of marriage happens through intimacy. Intimacy requires hard work and a guide. Dr. Kim Kimberling is that guide and this book and its tools will show you how communication and intimacy in marriage can be yours.

Kimberling offers insights like connecting every day in spite of what’s in the way, learning how to fight in the right ways, stopping the insanity of doing the same thing over and over even when it isn’t working, and finding that the best sex ever is well within the context of Christian marriages.

Once these 7 secrets are a part of your marriage, you can stand together and fight anything that would ever try to tear your marriage apart.

Whether you have just celebrated your first anniversary or your fiftieth, 7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage by Dr. Kim Kimberling is for you.  If you have a good marriage, this book can help you have a great marriage.  If you are struggling, Kim Kimberling will help you turn the corner and make your marriage into what you want it to be.

What You’ll Learn

  • The best gift for kids is a strong marriage
  • Your kids need to see you dating
  • You can’t put your marriage on hiatus
  • We’re all vulnerable to affairs if we leave our marriage unattended
  • We work very hard to put the ring on the girl’s finger, but then we slack off.
  • We have to keep pursuing our wives.
  • Your wife wants to have a relational conversation with you. Communicate 30 minutes a day.
  • Be a good listener. Focus and respond and engage.
  • You have to know your spouse. What makes her feel loved and care for?
  • She must know that you are there for her today, tomorrow, and always.
  • Women must completely trust you to open up sexually
  • Affirm your spouse in public.
  • How to express your needs as a man without feeling shame, guilt, or needy
  • Do not minimize what is important to you.
  • Reinforce what you like from her.
  • Keep your expectations realistic.
  • Being a bad communicator is not in your DNA. You can learn how to communicate.
  • The simplest way to start communication is to ask basic questions. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? What’s the worst thing? How did you see God work in the world today?
  • It’s not her against you or vice versa. You’re a team.
  • Try this for 30 days and see what results you get.
  • How to evaluate if your marriage has improved?
  • Stay true to the values you share with your spouse.
  • Get an accountability partner to help you avoid temptation to pornography or other women.
  • Use this time of social distancing to grow your marriage instead of destroying it.

RELATED EPISODES:

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

Ultimate Guide to Demystifying Women with Robert Kandell

Sexploration and Intimacy Tips for Married Men with Dr. Corey Allan



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The Anatomy of Marriage Part 2: The Man’s Side

Are you white-knuckling it through your marriage? Sometimes the relationship with our spouse gets off track and it seems beyond repair. We wonder how long we can hold on, but it’s not because the marriage is hopeless. It’s that we don’t possess the right tools to make it work.

Today’s guest is Seth Studley, the other half of The Anatomy of Marriage podcast and app for couples. If you listened to the show with his wife Melanie, you’ll remember that their marriage was so bad that she ended up giving him a black eye.

Seth is a Licensed Family Therapist and he gives us the man’s perspective on marriage. He tells us the signs that his relationship was headed for disaster, how it totally derailed, and the emotional labor he had to do to piece it back together.

For those men who are tired of fighting their way through marriage, this show is a game changer. Listen now or download for later!

 

 

The Anatomy of Marriage

A great marriage is built little-by-little over time. AOM Radio is a fun and engaging daily show that will help you create a fulfilling, sexy, fun and life-giving marriage. And hey, it’s cheaper than marriage counseling!

No one person has the answers for every marriage, that is why Seth and Melanie Studley bring on amazing guests and have REAL CONVERSATIONS about sex, money, kids, marriage counseling, relationships, and so much more!

Seth and Melanie believe that marriage help shouldn’t be boring so we created the Anatomy Of Marriage App, the Couples Counseling App that’s fast, fun and NEVER BORING! Better relationships in the blink of an eye and WAY CHEAPER then marriage counseling!

Download the Anatomy of Marriage app.
Use promocode Dadedge.

What You’ll Learn

  • Seth and Melanie were emotionally immature and arguing all the time.
  • 7 years into their marriage, Melanie gave Seth a black eye when she found out he had been lying about watching porn.
  • You shouldn’t look to partner for self-worth.
  • Being super introspective is the first step to repairing your marriage.
  • Nobody’s got it all together, not even Seth who is a couples’ therapist.
  • Men are used to white-knuckling it alone.
  • Not knowing yourself or your feelings effects your marriage.
  • Men need to do the work. Emotional labor. Get real with yourself.
  • How talking out loud to someone will help you figure out what’s going on with yourself.
  • How to create healthy transition time between work and family
  • What is cognitive dissonance and how it creates turmoil
  • We think we can do it alone, but if we could do it on our own, we would’ve done it by now. That is why men need a coach, therapist, or group.
  • The things are men not talking about when it comes to marriage problems.
  • We are capable of superman moments if we give ourselves a chance.
  • Don’t put off addressing the problems in your relationship. You can be your own guru.
  • Get comfortable admitting your struggling to your wife. She wants the emotional connection, which cultivates intimacy.
  • If you want to change, don’t give yourself a way out.

Download the Anatomy of Marriage app.
Use promocode Dadedge.

 

MENTIONED EPISODES:

The Anatomy of Marriage with Melanie Studley

#75Hard: Start Reaching Your Goals with an Accountability Partner

 


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Seth Studley and the Anatomy of Marriage

anatomyofmarriage.com

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coaching@anatomyofmarriage.com

ANATOMY OF MARRIAGE APP (Use promocode Dadedge)

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gary chapman

Love Languages and Other Marriage Tips for the Pandemic with Gary Chapman


Gary Chapman is the author of one of the most popular books on marriage in the world, The 5 Love Languages. Today he talks about his new book, 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage: …When You’re Stuck at Home Together.

Whether it has been challenging or delightful for you to be spending more time with your spouse during COVID-19, it’s the perfect time to troubleshoot and renew your love. If you have a good marriage, this will make it better. If you have a troubled marriage, this will tear down the walls and help you start rebuilding.

Get on the fast track to a loving, harmonious marriage with these 5 simple tips!

“Love is a choice you make every day.” – Dr. Gary Chapman

 

Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of the bestselling The 5 Love Languages® series, which has sold more than 12 million worldwide and has been translated into 50 languages. Dr. Chapman travels the world presenting seminars on marriage, family, and relationships, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. He lives in North Carolina with his wife, Karolyn.

5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage …When You’re Stuck at Home Together

Let Sheltering in Place Together be an Opportunity to Renew Your Relationship
The COVID-19 pandemic has affected all facets of life. The health crisis has overwhelmed medical workers, business closings have exacerbated financial stress, and—perhaps most unexpectedly—sheltering in place has placed married couples in endless, unprecedented proximity.

Whether this has been challenging or delightful for you and your spouse, let this time be an opportunity to renew your love. Learn how to do so in 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage… When You’re Stuck at Home Together by Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages®. This guide will help enrich your time stuck together by teaching you and your spouse how to:

  • Call a truce on throwing word bombs
  • Tear down emotional walls
  • Discover and speak each other’s love language
  • Learn the value of teamwork
  • Have a daily “sit down and listen” time

What You’ll Learn

  • Practice your spouse’s love language, not yours.
  • The biggest challenge is when your spouse’s love language is something you haven’t received as a child. But you can learn to speak them even if you didn’t receive them.
  • How to get back to loving each other intentionally
  • When we’re under stress, we throw verbal bombs at each other.
  • Verbal bombs burst inside the hearts of our spouses.
  • Call a truce, and vow not say anything negative for a week.
  • Replace negative comments with compliments.
  • Even if your spouse doesn’t agree to refrain from negative comments, call the truce on your side. It will automatically help.
  • Daily Sit Down and Listen Time (not Talk Time)—Ask your spouse to share 3 things that happened today and how they felt about them.
  • Even if you live together, you don’t know the person’s thoughts and how they feel about what’s going on.
  • Listening says, “I care about you.”
  • Listen long enough so you can honestly say that you understand. You do not have to agree.
  • Don’t criticize the way your partner feels.
  • Your spouse will be more likely to affirm you if you’ve taken the first step.
  • Use your energy to solve the problem instead of winning the argument.
  • How to be accommodating without becoming a doormat
  • If you win an argument with your spouse, you’ve created a loser. It’s no fun to live with a loser.
  • You’re a team. Each player on the team does something different. Use an attitude of service and play your strengths.
  • Love stimulates love.
  • There are no perfect husbands. When we fail in word or deed, we need to apologize to our spouses.
  • When we apologize and seek to speak her love language, it starts a process.
  • Don’t sit around waiting for a person to change. We as men, should make the decision to lead.
  • We can influence our spouse in a positive way using their love language.
  • Make a 6-month commitment to using these 5 tips.
  • When you start moving in a positive direction as a couple, you are likely to continue moving forward.

RELATED EPISODES:

Strong Fathers, Strong Kids with Meg Meeker

How to Argue and Other Marriage Tips with Zach Brittle

The 5 Love Languages and How They Made My Marriage Thrive

 


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Gary Chapman’s Links

5lovelanguages.com

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Personal Evolution Through Trauma with Stefanos Sifandos


How far have you evolved as a person? Are you still struggling with the same issues you’ve had all your life? Are you turning to vices to distract and soothe you? Do you avoid those hard conversations with people who are important to you?

Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of all other aspects of your life, and if you haven’t confronted your demons, you will never be able to take your personal evolution to the next level.

Stefanos Sifandos is a relational alchemist, international speaker, author and change-maker dedicated to helping men create a life of meaning and purpose.

Not long ago, he was egotistical, dishonest, unfaithful, and above all, scared. He discovered that unresolved trauma from his toxic father was unconsciously and destructively influencing his behavior.

Today, Stefanos shares his journey into the depth of pain, and how we can drill to the truth of ourselves to become completely integrated and self-reliant.

He also reveals 6 steps that we can take to process, heal, and expand from the wounds of the past.

“Unconsciously, I used my childhood—my trauma, my wounding—as an excuse to be an asshole.”—Stefanos Sifandos

Stefanos Sifandos

Stefanos is a trained educator and relationships expert with a background in behavioral science. He is passionate about leading people closer to their highest potential and each other.

Stefanos’ philosophy merges the best of eastern and western methodologies to promote spiritual balance and empower people in life and love. From trauma release to navigating the murky waters of modern masculinity, to helping women understand the men in their lives, he helps people escape negative patterns and cultivate a positive sense of self.

Stefanos has worked with thousands of men and women from all walks of life; special forces soldiers, Olympic gold medalists, elite fighters, and everyday people have relied on him to restructure and reframe their relationships with themselves and their loved ones.

What You’ll Learn

  • Stefanos had a tumultuous childhood with a physically and emotionally abusive father.
  • He witnessed his dad and mom have a volatile relationship.
  • His life growing up was full of uncertainty, judgement, control, and pressure.
  • Many of us suppress our childhood memories.
  • Hate, anger, and fear are constrictive. Feeling is freeing, and freedom allows us to expand.
  • How Stefanos grieved his childhood, learned to accept his father, and let go of who he expected him to be.
  • Taking responsibility for dealing with your trauma.
  • Stefanos was hyper-aggressive, arrogant, and egotistical.
  • His business fluctuated and he had volatile relationships.
  • How he became aware of his unhealthy patterns
  • How men can stay on the path of ignorance or become aware and choose a new path
  • How Stefanos used physical challenges to begin growing his self-worth
  • 4 years ago, Stefanos was cleaning toilets and sweeping floors because he didn’t want the commitment of a business.
  • How we use the dopamine from vices to suppress emotions.
  • Other tools men use to cope—avoidance, projecting, codependency, and blame
  • Stefanos says that he had to go through multiple ego deaths to get to where he is.
  • Why “the masculine wants to be empty”
  • The one thing a woman needs most from a man is trustworthiness.
  • We can’t be trustworthy if we don’t do what we say.
  • Why you must have guides and support when you decide to go within.
  • You won’t solve your issues with the same perspective as you developed them.
  • Feeling is your way through the pain.
  • The 6 Step Cyclical Process of Healing
    • Depth-feeling – getting inside your emotions
    • Grounding – pull yourself out, immerse yourself in nature
    • Release – journal, empty your head
    • Reprieve – self-care, healthy pleasure
    • Introspection – stillness and silence
    • Social – reconnecting with friends and loved ones and being seen, respected, and appreciated
  • Why you should talk face to face with your woman.
  • Our issues with other people have little to do with them. We must deepen the connection to ourselves.
  • Confidence is a gate to self-worth.
  • How to improve your confidence level
  • Care less about what people think and more about being true to yourself.

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Their Needs Met

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

 


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Stefanos Sifandos’s Links

stefanossifandos.com

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