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The Anatomy of Marriage Part 2: The Man’s Side

Are you white-knuckling it through your marriage? Sometimes the relationship with our spouse gets off track and it seems beyond repair. We wonder how long we can hold on, but it’s not because the marriage is hopeless. It’s that we don’t possess the right tools to make it work.

Today’s guest is Seth Studley, the other half of The Anatomy of Marriage podcast and app for couples. If you listened to the show with his wife Melanie, you’ll remember that their marriage was so bad that she ended up giving him a black eye.

Seth is a Licensed Family Therapist and he gives us the man’s perspective on marriage. He tells us the signs that his relationship was headed for disaster, how it totally derailed, and the emotional labor he had to do to piece it back together.

For those men who are tired of fighting their way through marriage, this show is a game changer. Listen now or download for later!

 

 

The Anatomy of Marriage

A great marriage is built little-by-little over time. AOM Radio is a fun and engaging daily show that will help you create a fulfilling, sexy, fun and life-giving marriage. And hey, it’s cheaper than marriage counseling!

No one person has the answers for every marriage, that is why Seth and Melanie Studley bring on amazing guests and have REAL CONVERSATIONS about sex, money, kids, marriage counseling, relationships, and so much more!

Seth and Melanie believe that marriage help shouldn’t be boring so we created the Anatomy Of Marriage App, the Couples Counseling App that’s fast, fun and NEVER BORING! Better relationships in the blink of an eye and WAY CHEAPER then marriage counseling!

Download the Anatomy of Marriage app.
Use promocode Dadedge.

What You’ll Learn

  • Seth and Melanie were emotionally immature and arguing all the time.
  • 7 years into their marriage, Melanie gave Seth a black eye when she found out he had been lying about watching porn.
  • You shouldn’t look to partner for self-worth.
  • Being super introspective is the first step to repairing your marriage.
  • Nobody’s got it all together, not even Seth who is a couples’ therapist.
  • Men are used to white-knuckling it alone.
  • Not knowing yourself or your feelings effects your marriage.
  • Men need to do the work. Emotional labor. Get real with yourself.
  • How talking out loud to someone will help you figure out what’s going on with yourself.
  • How to create healthy transition time between work and family
  • What is cognitive dissonance and how it creates turmoil
  • We think we can do it alone, but if we could do it on our own, we would’ve done it by now. That is why men need a coach, therapist, or group.
  • The things are men not talking about when it comes to marriage problems.
  • We are capable of superman moments if we give ourselves a chance.
  • Don’t put off addressing the problems in your relationship. You can be your own guru.
  • Get comfortable admitting your struggling to your wife. She wants the emotional connection, which cultivates intimacy.
  • If you want to change, don’t give yourself a way out.

Download the Anatomy of Marriage app.
Use promocode Dadedge.

 

MENTIONED EPISODES:

The Anatomy of Marriage with Melanie Studley

#75Hard: Start Reaching Your Goals with an Accountability Partner

 


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Seth Studley and the Anatomy of Marriage

anatomyofmarriage.com

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coaching@anatomyofmarriage.com

ANATOMY OF MARRIAGE APP (Use promocode Dadedge)

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gary chapman

Love Languages and Other Marriage Tips for the Pandemic with Gary Chapman


Gary Chapman is the author of one of the most popular books on marriage in the world, The 5 Love Languages. Today he talks about his new book, 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage: …When You’re Stuck at Home Together.

Whether it has been challenging or delightful for you to be spending more time with your spouse during COVID-19, it’s the perfect time to troubleshoot and renew your love. If you have a good marriage, this will make it better. If you have a troubled marriage, this will tear down the walls and help you start rebuilding.

Get on the fast track to a loving, harmonious marriage with these 5 simple tips!

“Love is a choice you make every day.” – Dr. Gary Chapman

 

Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of the bestselling The 5 Love Languages® series, which has sold more than 12 million worldwide and has been translated into 50 languages. Dr. Chapman travels the world presenting seminars on marriage, family, and relationships, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. He lives in North Carolina with his wife, Karolyn.

5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage …When You’re Stuck at Home Together

Let Sheltering in Place Together be an Opportunity to Renew Your Relationship
The COVID-19 pandemic has affected all facets of life. The health crisis has overwhelmed medical workers, business closings have exacerbated financial stress, and—perhaps most unexpectedly—sheltering in place has placed married couples in endless, unprecedented proximity.

Whether this has been challenging or delightful for you and your spouse, let this time be an opportunity to renew your love. Learn how to do so in 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage… When You’re Stuck at Home Together by Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages®. This guide will help enrich your time stuck together by teaching you and your spouse how to:

  • Call a truce on throwing word bombs
  • Tear down emotional walls
  • Discover and speak each other’s love language
  • Learn the value of teamwork
  • Have a daily “sit down and listen” time

What You’ll Learn

  • Practice your spouse’s love language, not yours.
  • The biggest challenge is when your spouse’s love language is something you haven’t received as a child. But you can learn to speak them even if you didn’t receive them.
  • How to get back to loving each other intentionally
  • When we’re under stress, we throw verbal bombs at each other.
  • Verbal bombs burst inside the hearts of our spouses.
  • Call a truce, and vow not say anything negative for a week.
  • Replace negative comments with compliments.
  • Even if your spouse doesn’t agree to refrain from negative comments, call the truce on your side. It will automatically help.
  • Daily Sit Down and Listen Time (not Talk Time)—Ask your spouse to share 3 things that happened today and how they felt about them.
  • Even if you live together, you don’t know the person’s thoughts and how they feel about what’s going on.
  • Listening says, “I care about you.”
  • Listen long enough so you can honestly say that you understand. You do not have to agree.
  • Don’t criticize the way your partner feels.
  • Your spouse will be more likely to affirm you if you’ve taken the first step.
  • Use your energy to solve the problem instead of winning the argument.
  • How to be accommodating without becoming a doormat
  • If you win an argument with your spouse, you’ve created a loser. It’s no fun to live with a loser.
  • You’re a team. Each player on the team does something different. Use an attitude of service and play your strengths.
  • Love stimulates love.
  • There are no perfect husbands. When we fail in word or deed, we need to apologize to our spouses.
  • When we apologize and seek to speak her love language, it starts a process.
  • Don’t sit around waiting for a person to change. We as men, should make the decision to lead.
  • We can influence our spouse in a positive way using their love language.
  • Make a 6-month commitment to using these 5 tips.
  • When you start moving in a positive direction as a couple, you are likely to continue moving forward.

RELATED EPISODES:

Strong Fathers, Strong Kids with Meg Meeker

How to Argue and Other Marriage Tips with Zach Brittle

The 5 Love Languages and How They Made My Marriage Thrive

 


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Gary Chapman’s Links

5lovelanguages.com

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Personal Evolution Through Trauma with Stefanos Sifandos


How far have you evolved as a person? Are you still struggling with the same issues you’ve had all your life? Are you turning to vices to distract and soothe you? Do you avoid those hard conversations with people who are important to you?

Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of all other aspects of your life, and if you haven’t confronted your demons, you will never be able to take your personal evolution to the next level.

Stefanos Sifandos is a relational alchemist, international speaker, author and change-maker dedicated to helping men create a life of meaning and purpose.

Not long ago, he was egotistical, dishonest, unfaithful, and above all, scared. He discovered that unresolved trauma from his toxic father was unconsciously and destructively influencing his behavior.

Today, Stefanos shares his journey into the depth of pain, and how we can drill to the truth of ourselves to become completely integrated and self-reliant.

He also reveals 6 steps that we can take to process, heal, and expand from the wounds of the past.

“Unconsciously, I used my childhood—my trauma, my wounding—as an excuse to be an asshole.”—Stefanos Sifandos

Stefanos Sifandos

Stefanos is a trained educator and relationships expert with a background in behavioral science. He is passionate about leading people closer to their highest potential and each other.

Stefanos’ philosophy merges the best of eastern and western methodologies to promote spiritual balance and empower people in life and love. From trauma release to navigating the murky waters of modern masculinity, to helping women understand the men in their lives, he helps people escape negative patterns and cultivate a positive sense of self.

Stefanos has worked with thousands of men and women from all walks of life; special forces soldiers, Olympic gold medalists, elite fighters, and everyday people have relied on him to restructure and reframe their relationships with themselves and their loved ones.

What You’ll Learn

  • Stefanos had a tumultuous childhood with a physically and emotionally abusive father.
  • He witnessed his dad and mom have a volatile relationship.
  • His life growing up was full of uncertainty, judgement, control, and pressure.
  • Many of us suppress our childhood memories.
  • Hate, anger, and fear are constrictive. Feeling is freeing, and freedom allows us to expand.
  • How Stefanos grieved his childhood, learned to accept his father, and let go of who he expected him to be.
  • Taking responsibility for dealing with your trauma.
  • Stefanos was hyper-aggressive, arrogant, and egotistical.
  • His business fluctuated and he had volatile relationships.
  • How he became aware of his unhealthy patterns
  • How men can stay on the path of ignorance or become aware and choose a new path
  • How Stefanos used physical challenges to begin growing his self-worth
  • 4 years ago, Stefanos was cleaning toilets and sweeping floors because he didn’t want the commitment of a business.
  • How we use the dopamine from vices to suppress emotions.
  • Other tools men use to cope—avoidance, projecting, codependency, and blame
  • Stefanos says that he had to go through multiple ego deaths to get to where he is.
  • Why “the masculine wants to be empty”
  • The one thing a woman needs most from a man is trustworthiness.
  • We can’t be trustworthy if we don’t do what we say.
  • Why you must have guides and support when you decide to go within.
  • You won’t solve your issues with the same perspective as you developed them.
  • Feeling is your way through the pain.
  • The 6 Step Cyclical Process of Healing
    • Depth-feeling – getting inside your emotions
    • Grounding – pull yourself out, immerse yourself in nature
    • Release – journal, empty your head
    • Reprieve – self-care, healthy pleasure
    • Introspection – stillness and silence
    • Social – reconnecting with friends and loved ones and being seen, respected, and appreciated
  • Why you should talk face to face with your woman.
  • Our issues with other people have little to do with them. We must deepen the connection to ourselves.
  • Confidence is a gate to self-worth.
  • How to improve your confidence level
  • Care less about what people think and more about being true to yourself.

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Their Needs Met

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

 


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If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

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Stefanos Sifandos’s Links

stefanossifandos.com

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marriage tips

How to Argue and Other Marriage Tips with Zach Brittle


Today, we’re going to give you marriage tips that you can use to turn your marriage around or make it even better than it already is.

Many of us might say we have good marriages, but we don’t hear about a lot of great marriages that are full of happiness, connection, intimacy, and sexual desire. This is probably because most couples wait 6 years to seek help when they feel unhappy in their marriages, and by that time they’re often ready to give up.

Today we have Zach Brittle on The Dad Edge. He is a marriage counselor and the co-host of the Marriage Therapy Radio podcast. Zach is going to give us some marriage tips we’ve never heard before. We discuss the DNA of conflict, ingenious ways to navigate arguments, and how to break the same frustrating relational patterns. He also tells us how to create a marriage with absolutely no sexual rejection. All married men (and women) will benefit from the marriage tips in this episode!

 

 

RELATED EPISODES:

5 Rules for an Unshakable Marriage

Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage with Mort Fertel

One Extraordinary Marriage with Tony & Alisa DiLorenzo

 


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Zach Brittle

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MarriageTherapyJournal.com

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Fixing Your Marriage

Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage with Mort Fertel

We think that if our marriages take work, something’s wrong. Our culture makes love out to be a mystery. We believe we have to be lucky in love to find a happy relationship.

Today, we are going to debunk that mindset. There is a methodology to fixing your marriage.

Mort Fertel is the creator of Marriage Fitness, the most successful marriage crisis program in the world. He tells us that marriage is not something that comes naturally. It’s something that must be, and can be, learned.

Mort reveals the elements that destroy a marriage and gives us the tools we need to take our parenting and relationship skills to the next level.

We also invite listeners to a 30-day challenge that will make effective relationship behaviors a solid habit. Get the secrets to fixing your marriage and more in this episode!

Marriage is like anything else in life—hitting a golf ball, shooting a jump shot, arguing a case in court, or performing an operation. If we can understand and practice, we are more likely to succeed.—Mort Fertel

Mort Fertel

Mort Fertel is the creator of Marriage Fitness, a relationship renewal system that’s been used by millions of people in marital crisis. In addition to his success with couples, he pioneered the “Lone Ranger Track,” which offers people with an obstinate spouse a path to reconciliation.

People from all over the world schedule private tele-sessions with Mort Fertel and seek his counsel by joining the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp, the most comprehensive relationship home learning program in the world. Mort Fertel is the author of Marriage Fitness Audio Learning System and the host of the “Fix Your Marriage” podcast. Over 3 million people have subscribed to his free report “7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage.”

Mort Fertel is the subject of Back from the Brink, a documentary written and directed by Toroes Thomas, which chronicles people in marriage crisis.

Mort Fertel graduated from the University of Pennsylvania in 1987, was the CEO of an international non-profit organization, and a former marathon runner. He lives with his wife and 5 children (including triplets!) in Baltimore, Maryland.

We have to become experts at catching our spouse doing something right.—Mort Fertel

What You’ll Learn

  • Marriage and relationships work according to universal laws, like gravity.
  • Why people are resistant to get help when their marriage is in trouble
  • Why humility is the number one a quality you should look for in a partner
  • Three Cs that destroy a relationship, leading to the 4th C, cancer of the marriage:
    • Criticize
    • Condemn
    • Complain
  • How to discipline ourselves to not complain and criticize our spouses and children
  • How to express feelings and disappointment without condemning
  • Avoiding “You always… You never…” phrases
  • “The remember when…” technique to encourage more of what you want from your wife
  • How to set your wife up to be your hero
  • Highlight what she’s doing right.
  • Why we should never lie to our kids
  • How to parent our kids without being critical
  • A lack of self-esteem is the root of personal problems in adult life.
  • Punishment creates distance.
  • Connection is the most important thing in parenting.
  • It’s not possible to control a child, only to influence them.
  • Some moments with our kids are not teachable.
  • Sometimes the best thing for a parent to do is nothing.
  • When it comes to time with our kids, both quality AND quantity are important
  • Why we should let a child experience and see the natural consequences of their behavior
  • Always speak in a calm voice. Dignified people never yell.
  • The secret of practicing gratitude and appreciation in marriage.
  • Why we become numb to the qualities of our spouse that first attracted us
  • We pick out all the faults instead of what our spouse is doing right.
  • Being grateful and appreciative does not absolve our spouses from doing things we don’t like, but we should highlight and encourage the good.
  • Forming a new habit takes a tremendous amount of energy initially, but once we get momentum we keep going.
  • What it means to blend ourselves on the inside to stand out on the outside
  • Why we shouldn’t be flashy or behave in ways to try to attract attention to our external appearance.
  • Dress modestly to not make a statement and force people to get to know you inside.
  • Focus on becoming a tower of moral authority and a man of substantial character.
  • The ultimate fulfillment in life springs from character development, not physical and material accomplishments.
  • Gratitude, humbleness, discipline are the most important character traits.
  • The energy we spend on looking good on the outside should be spent reading, being introspective, and in prayer. Working on our flaws.
  • The quickest and easiest thing a guy can do to boost their marriage—catch your wife doing something right every day and make a big deal out of it.
  • The 30-day Challenge—add a reminder in your Google calendar every day to find something wonderful about your spouse and tell her.

MENTIONED EPISODES:

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
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Mort Fertel’s Links

mortfertel.com/gooddad

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==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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