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no more mr. nice guy

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

Why are we not getting our needs met when we seem to be going out of our way for everyone? Dr. Robert Glover talks to us today about Nice Guy Syndrome and why it’s actually not so nice for you and for those around you. This show will change everything you thought you knew about being Mr. Nice Guy.

Dr. Robert Glover

Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life.

Dr. Glover is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. He is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in numerous local and national publications.

Through his book, online classes, workshops, podcasts, blogs, consultation, and therapy groups, Dr. Glover has helped change the lives of countless men and women around the world.

As a result of his work, Dr. Glover has helped thousands of Nice Guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males. Along with these personal changes have come similar transformations in these men’s professional careers and intimate relationships.

Nice Guy Syndrome

Dr. Glover started discovering the dynamic of Nice Guy Syndrome in his thirties. He was in an unhappy marriage and couldn’t figure out what was wrong. He was doing everything to try to make his wife happy and avoid conflict. Somehow, no matter what he did it was never good enough. She was moody and had lost all interest in sex. Dr. Glover was bewildered why being a nice guy wasn’t working.

The problem was that being a nice guy on the outside made him hold in his frustrations. He became resentful and passive aggressive. His wife actually told him she’d rather be with an outright asshole than to be with him. He wanted to stay married so he went to support groups and therapy and began to understand what had happened to him.

A key piece to the development of Dr. Glover’s Nice Guy Syndrome was his childhood. He and his father were close and spent lots of time together, but there was one problem–his father was extremely moody. He would get angry for no reason and stay that way for weeks. Dr. Glover was determined not to be like his dad. He wanted to be different from all the jerks that women complained about. He would be the nice guy and women would desire him because of that.

Core of Nice Guy Syndrome

Nice guys live by three covert contracts. The problem is, no one knows they are operating by these unspoken rules.

  1. If I’m a good guy, I will be liked and loved (and women will desire me).
  2. If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
  3. If I do everything right, I’ll have a smooth problem free life.

When nice guys don’t get the results they hoped for, they don’t give up. They tend to double-down and try harder. That’s when they need to look outside for help.

Some Nice Guy Traits

  • seek the approval of others.
  • hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
  • put other people’s needs and wants before their own.
  • sacrifice their personal power and play the role of a victim.
  • tend to be disconnected from other men and from their own masculine energy.

How to Reclaim Your Personal Power

  1. Don’t try to do it alone.
  2. Don’t try to do it with your intimate partner.
  3. Find a safe person or safe place (friend, therapist, coach, mentor, support group).
  4. Practice talking about things you’ve hidden about yourself.
  5. Keep connected with a tribe.

 


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How to Argue with Your Spouse with Peter Sacco

Most of us men have a tendency to accumulate build-up of anger and emotions. It’s easy for us to lose our temper and let a discussion turn into an argument. When we are angry, we can’t think logically. This is when we’re endanger of saying things or behaving in ways we regret towards our partner. Today, Peter Sacco is back on the show to tell you how to argue with your spouse without drama, anger, and resentment.

The most common problems with anger and fighting

It may sound cliche, but most anger problems arise from lack of communication, or poor quality communication. When a couple first meets, the guy tends to be the pursuer, and will tell the woman everything and anything to get her attention. A new couple can’t make enough time to spend together and they talk about everything.

Months, years, decades later, the conversation becomes mundane and repetitive. They think they have nothing to learn about each other anymore. They stop asking questions. It’s not just communication, it’s the quality of it. Simply put, anger and fighting result from procrastination, laziness, redundancy, complacency. It’s important to have the skills to bring up difficult subjects before they fester and blow up or silently destroy the relationship.

Getting out of the rut

How can we be more comfortable with being proactive and less complacent when it comes to things that are hard for us to talk about? At the beginning, when we’re intimate with somebody, we maintain boundaries. We hide a lot. As the relationship progresses, we start to release more and more stuff. We may not have farted or swore in front of our spouse at first, then we gradually let it go. We stretch those boundaries, and a couple must be willing to accept new things learned about each other and adapt.

Part of love is unconditional. People change and evolve. One partner may have grown, while the other one has remained the same. Two people have to refind each other.

How to argue without anger

What are the rules and boundaries for a disagreement between a couple? First of all, don’t have a meaningful or deep discussion if you’re angry. It won’t go anywhere or make it worse. Go away and cool off before talking about what’s upsetting you.

Power plays that will kill your communication, and ultimately, your marriage.

There are two ways couples use to overpower or manipulate each other.

Gunny sacking – Gunny sacking is the storing up of grievances and using them at a later date to try to get even. It’s a passive aggressive type of anger, and a way of reaching in and tearing out someone’s heart strings. Rather than address it rationally when you not so angry, you waiting for it to let it go, like a bomb.

Belt lining–  Belt lining is trying to gain power over the argument by being louder or physically intimidating. This can be done by raising the voice, screaming, yelling, or pounding fists. On the other end of the spectrum, crying or threatening self-harm can be used to manipulate the other person.

How to Walk Away from the Anger

How do we walk away saying, “I’m not going to talk about this right now,” without pissing someone off? You have to assume responsibility for your thoughts feelings and reactions. You can’t control how the other person is going to react. But you can be more detrimental by walking away. If someone storms off without a word, they are shutting down the argument and assuming control. This might leave the other person more hurt and angry.

Peter Sacco says that if you feel the anger welling up, say something like, “Right now I’m angry and I’m not thinking straight. I may say things I don’t mean, and you deserve better. I’m just going to go away and cool off.” In this way, you’ve assumed responsibility for your feelings, you’ve said it with integrity and dignity, and that’s the best you can do. Most people will say thank you in this case, and you’ll avoid a destructive blowout.

Low-blows 

What about couples who have a long history of name-calling or hitting below the belt? In a perfect world, both individuals would agree to fix the problem and get counseling. They would make sure they did not fight in front of the kids.

What do you do when you’re being verbally abused by your spouse? Look at the person who is calling you names. Turn it around and say, Thank you. That’s different. Are you talking dirty to me? Are you flirting? The person is going to be thrown from their axis. Their conditioned response will not be able to happen. They have to rethink what they’re saying. You shut down triggers for both of you.

Are Couples Supposed to Communicate Everything?

Two people who’ve been together for a long time will inevitably get on each other’s nerves. Are we really supposed to confront our partner about all the little things that drive us crazy?

Peter Sacco says that before broaching any touchy subject, take your emotions into account. Ask yourself, am I in a good place to have this discussion? Can my partner handle this right now? Don’t bring up a difficult conversation this before bed when you’re both tired. Don’t try it first thing in the morning before work. It could derail the whole day. Timing is everything.

Doomed Relationships

Are there relationships and marriages that are beyond help?  Peter Sacco says that if both people in the relationship are in denial that there is a problem and think there isn’t anything to be fixed, they are in trouble. Also, some couples have given up on trying. They are too set in their ways, and just do not care. However, he also says, that even if just one person in a couple wants it to work, there is hope. He or she might initiate a change in the other person.

Peter Sacco’s Special Offers

Anger Management, Bad Habits, and Addiction

Grab Peter Sacco’s Critically Acclaimed Anger Management Book
Plus 2 Other Books For Just $1. CLICK HERE.

Anti-bullying

Download Peter Sacco’s FREE Anti-Bullying Books! CLICK HERE.

Related episodes:

Uncovering the Truth About Anger with Peter Sacco

5 Ways to Prevent Angry Outbursts


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Peter Sacco’s Links

PeterSacco.com

BullyingisfortheBirds.com

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Breaking Destructive Habits

3 Steps to Breaking Destructive Habits

On this week’s Thursday Throwdown, we’re going to recap our wildly popular show with Nell Daly about a problem many men silently struggle with – online pornography. Nell Daly talked about three simple steps that can not only help those of us who struggle with porn addiction, but with any destructive habit or behavior like overeating, drinking, gambling, and more.

3 Steps to Breaking Destructive Habits

  1. Look at your behavior without shame or guilt. Objectively analyze your behavior. How often are you doing it? Why are you doing it? How do you feel before and after?
  2. Replace the bad habit with something positive. Do you have a McDonald’s addiction? What could you replace bad food with? Are you spending too much time watching online porn? What about replacing that time with a run?
  3. Keep track of your progress.  Ask yourself, how have I done this week? What replacements were successful? Build on those victories.

Did you catch our episodes with Nell Daly? 

Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly

The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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Aaron Walker

Working to Live, Not Living to Work with Aaron Walker

Can we live a life of purpose and still make a living to support our families? Can we do the work that we love and still be profitable? The answer is absolutely YES, and Aaron Walker from View from the Top is here to tell us how.

Aaron Walker

This is Aaron Walker’s second time on the Good Dad Project. You may remember his awesome episode The Ultimate Guide to Work/Life Balance way back in November 2015. For those of you who don’t know, Aaron Walker is a hugely successful businessman and life coach who has inspired many through his leadership, mentorship, and consistent pursuit of excellence. He enjoys helping others and believes experience is a great teacher.

Aaron values his time spent with family and friends. Sharing the past 36 years with his lovely wife Robin has been nothing short of spectacular. His two fantastic daughters and champion son-in-law have given Aaron & Robin five beautiful grandchildren. When time allows, Aaron enjoys hunting, fishing, golf, and is an avid reader.

Aaron Walker grew up in a dirt-poor family. They lived in a $6,500 house, which they eventually lost to bankruptcy when alcoholism took over his father’s life. His parents would fight about drinking, and to this day, Aaron despises alcohol. His mother gave his father an ultimatum: either quit or she and the kids would leave. Aaron said his father loved his family more than drinking. This helped his father to quit and turn the family around. Aaron says his dad was his best friend, and they hunted and fished together every day of his life. Still, Aaron wanted to make more of himself, and he did. He was so successful, he retired three times.

Relationships

Aaron admits that even he gets down and depressed. This is why we all need to have people around to encourage us and help us up. Sometimes we need people to slow us down. Sometimes we need people to speed us up. We need wise counsel. This is why Aaron has been doing mastermind groups for 20 years.

Isolation is the enemy of excellence.

Mindset

Aaron says that being positive is a choice. You can choose to be optimistic about circumstances, or pessimistic. You can lead a life of significance, or a life of ambition. Aaron knows from experience that chasing material things won’t satisfy you like you think it will. What matters most is people.

We work to live, we don’t live to work.

Build Boundaries

Aaron sets strict boundaries to make sure his life stays on track. He doesn’t allow women to connect with him on social media. He doesn’t get into a car or dine alone with women. This is a foolproof way to keep his marriage safe, but these boundaries need to be set in all areas of your life. What do you value the most? What do you wish to protect at all costs?

Whatever those boundaries are for you, set them.

Source of Energy

Joy and enthusiasm come through Aaron’s voice whenever he speaks. Aaron has a deep faith in God and he says he draws his energy from his worship. He reads scripture every day and is highly involved in church activities.

Aaron also suggests the following tips to protect your energy levels:

  • Make time to read.
  • Stop watching news, it’s not healthy.
  • Listen to music, blogs, podcasts, Ted Talks.
  • Choose what you put in your mind.
  • Choose the people you spend time with. Are they positive influences?
  • Choose who your kids are around.
  • Choose the mindset to set yourself free.

Dad Wisdom

One of the most important boundaries we as dads can set is to not allow anything to intrude on our time with our kids. Most dads get home and think they should use that time to send ten more emails, or call five extra clients. Aaron says to turn it off.

Don’t’ squander your kids’ time growing up.

 

Till June 20th Pre-order Aaron Walker’s book

and get two special bonuses!

Click here > viewfromthetop.com/book


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Aaron Walker’s Links

View from the Top: Website

Twitter

Facebook


 

talk about lack of sex

How to Talk About Lack of Sex with Your Spouse

In this week’s Thursday Throwdown, I follow up on Nell Gibbon Daly’s episode and give you the highlights of how to talk about lack of sex with your spouse.

Sex is a big deal in a relationship, but when two people are married for a long time it might rarely happen or even become nonexistent.

Men don’t want to bring up sex issues because they’re afraid it will start a fight. Women don’t say anything because they’re afraid they’ll hurt their partner’s ego, but not talking about it is the worst thing a couple can do.

The number one factor in a healthy sex-life is communication. In order to be able to talk about sex without hurting each other or fighting about it is to:

  1. Set your ego aside. Take your pride out of it and just listen.
  2. Be open to suggestions and solutions.
  3. Talks as friends. Don’t use a man vs. woman approach, but a friend to friend approach.

 

Referenced Episodes:

Level Up Your Life Through Ruthless Self Evaluation

The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly


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RESOURCES

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links