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Counting the Reps to Resistance with Dan Johnson

Dan Johnson

Dan Johnson is a husband, father, and founder of the website New Paths. During his younger years, Dan was introduced to pornography by a friend. As he got older, the addiction intensified. During his college years, Dan used the internet as a way of accessing porn and felt the guilt and shame of his actions.

Before Dan got married, he told his then girlfriend that he was addicted to pornography. After the couple got married, they implemented filters on their devices to prevent him from falling into temptation. Unfortunately, he was unable to resist, and he fell off the wagon again. Once Dan realized that he had to make a change, he joined a peer group to keep him accountable.

With any addiction, it can be easy to fall back into temptation and continue the cycle. However, having a sense of community drives you to be better and helps you to understand that you are not alone. With porn especially, comes a great amount of guilt and shame. What Dan has done is implemented a three-step process that helps you recognize those urges, process them, and actively count the reps of your resistance. The action of recognizing the urges, saying them out loud, and then counting each rep that you resisted the urge to watch porn has allowed Dan and many other men to overcome their addiction.

What You’ll Learn: 

[5:08]

Dan recalls his childhood and how he had the best childhood ever; he was raised in the Church and attended youth group regularly. When he got to junior high, his friend showed him pornography on his computer.

[10:16]

Dan recalls his college years when he really got into pornography at an addicting level.

[12:10]

Dan talks about confessing to his wife of his addiction before he proposed.

[15:42]

Dan recalls confessing years later that he was still watching pornography. It takes a lot of courage to bring up a topic like that with your spouse.

[17:34]

After his first daughter was born, Dan’s wife had cancer in her uterus and had to have a hysterectomy. The couple looked at adoption and there was a question about sexual addiction in the application. Dan decided that it was time to tell the truth and come clean to his wife.

[20:45]

Community can make the biggest difference. Dan joined a peer group and saw a counselor.

[22:24]

In order to stop an unwanted behavior (such as watching porn), stopping the behavior is not the hard part. The difficult part has to do with the feeling you are left with when you don’t do the behavior.

[29:14]

When you feel the desire to do something, and you decide not to do it, you have to try to resist it. This relies on willpower, which can vary from day to day.

[30:30]

Instead of relying on willpower and rejecting that feeling, turn toward the feeling and face it head on. Acknowledge the urge and let it be there. The more you fight against the urge, you tend to turn toward it and give in.

[32:48]

Emotions and feelings are messengers. They have a message that wants to be heard. If you fight against it, you’re going to get more resistance.

[33:21]

There is a three-step process that allows you to process these messages and make decisions. Step one – You notice the feeling is there, and you acknowledge it. This allows to step outside the feeling and separate yourself from the feeling.

[35:56]

Step two is immediately setting a timer for 10 minutes. During this time, you allow that intense feeling to be there. You’re not going to give into it, but you’re also not going to try to resist it or push it away. You give it permission to be there and scream its message at you.

[39:02]

The third step is to count each rep that you’ve done so that you can see your progress, just like at the gym. Each of those reps is like a step to freedom.

[43:09]

Dan talks about replacement behaviors, which entails taking those emotions and directing them somewhere else.

[46:40]

Know when you’re going to be triggered and have a plan in place.

[48:45]

With porn, you tend to feel like no one else struggles with it, which generates a lot of shame. Community takes the edge off the struggle. It makes you feel like you aren’t alone and that other people are struggling with you.

RELATED EPISODES:

Porn Detox – The Truth Will Set You Free with Ted Shimer

Going Deeper: Battling Porn and Sexual Addiction with Eddie Capparucci

Everything Men Need to Know About Porn with J.K. Emezi

 


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Dan Johnson

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Embracing Fear and Living Life to the Fullest with Sal Frisella

Sal Frisella

Sal Frisella is a husband, father of three children, and the President of 1st Phorm Supplements, which was founded by his brother Andy. He was a Minor League Baseball player who was drafted by the St. Louis Cardinals and played for the Single A New Jersey Cardinals.

Sal went from a baseball player to selling copiers to medical sales where he worked for Johnson and Johnson as a successful sales agent. After these phases of his life, Sal realized that these jobs were not meant for him. Sal knew that he had to take a chance on himself and live the best possible life ever. Becoming the President of 1stPhorm gave him the best life that he could want.

However, Sal’s goals weren’t always clear. The fear of rejection and fear of the word “no” often held him back during his younger years. Yet, fear didn’t stop him from trying. Sal’s success in his life can attest to this because even through doubt and others negative opinions, he was able to push through and achieve the life he wanted. Sometimes, we are so afraid of rejection that we live with the regret of not trying at all.

Take advantage of every single day and live as if it were your last, or you’ll live with regret. The greatest strikeout of life is never stepping up to the plate. In order to live a fulfilling life, we have to embrace fear and live life to the fullest. 

What You’ll Learn: 

[3:45]

Sal begins talking about his wife and children.

[7:35]

Sal talks about the meaning behind his son’s name, “Enzo,” which means champion in Italian. He talks about how a name can be a unique identifier in a child’s life.

[11:29]

Time goes by so quickly when you have kids. Try to slow down and embrace the moments. Sal and his wife bought a farm to slow down in life.

[15:34]

COVID-19 caused a force to be present and break away from technology because we were home with our kids, and we had nothing but time to spend with them. Your phone becomes a pillar of your life and takes away your attention.

[17:53]

Sal talks about how he learned discipline when it comes to technology and putting the phone away in order to have quality time with his children.

[27:51]

Sal talks about how he makes his wife the Queen by letting her choose what they do because it’s her time to lead in the relationship. Setting boundaries is extremely healthy in a relationship.

[30:20]

Meeting in the middle goes a long way. It’s not always about being right. God gave you a mouth and two ears for a reason.

[32:44]

Guys don’t want to ask for help and admit that they’re struggling.

[38:04]

Sal talks about building a legacy so powerful that his stories and life lessons will live on beyond him. He wants to build relationships so meaningful that his kids will have someone to take care of them and tell them memories about their dad.

[43:37]

Sal talks about how he wasn’t always like this during his younger years. He recalls how he has been extremely blessed in the sense of having perspective. He says that his advantage has been being able to live a lot of really cool lives.

[45:58]

If you could treat every day as your last at bat, how hard would you swing?

[47:55]

Coming to 1st Phorm allowed Sal to go from being a jellyfish to being a shark; he got to hunt for what he wanted. With that, comes a little selfishness.

[50:01]

Most men are afraid of rejection and failure. You never know unless you try.

[53:33]

Sal says he would tell his younger self, 7 years ago, to be more adventurous in life. It gives you the opportunity to see what you like and what you don’t like.

[1:04:48]

Sal talks about what he and his family would be talking about in the next 25 years. He would want to say that he gave everything he could in order for them to have the best life.

RELATED EPISODES:

The Disease of Busyness

You Are More Than What You See with Darryll Stinson

How to Feed Your Courage and Starve Your Fear

 


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You Are More Than What You See with Darryll Stinson

Darryll Stinson

Darryll Stinson is a husband, father, former D1 athlete, motivational speaker, and founder of Second Chance Athletes. At a young age, Darryll had to take care of his younger sisters because his father was fairly absent in his life. Through custody battles and being teased at school, Darryll found sports which then became his identity.

After his career in sports ended, Darryll discovered his passion for helping former athletes find their identity after sports. It’s very common for athletes to use the sport that they play as a form of identity. However, Darryll is an advocate of identifying oneself with values, morals, or things you’re passionate about. After his mentor showed him this technique, he has been able to show others how to do the same.

Darryll reminds us that rejection can be used to thrust you into success. No one wants to be rejected, especially men. They even try to go out of their way to be accepted and receive affirmation. However, when we get rejected in life, it always points us in another direction that we never would have thought if we hadn’t been rejected.

“When you feel that moment of rejection, process that moment and make a better conclusion.” Instead of feeling inadequate or like the world is out to get you, recognize that it may be the other person’s insecurities that are driving their decision. Once you realize this, you can step back and come to a better conclusion that will leave you feeling content and secure in yourself.

What You’ll Learn: 

Humble Beginnings

[5:55]

Darryll recalls his childhood where his father wasn’t around much because he was a college athlete. He had to take care of his mother and his sisters so he was forced to grow up quickly.

[10:04]

Darryll recalls being teased for being the black kid that “talks and acts white.” He got rid of all his white friends and started living the street life.

[13:39]

Pride is just a mask that we put on so that we don’t have to deal with rejection.

[14:32]

Darryll was so driven to be good at sports because he didn’t want to be rejected. Without sports, he was afraid that people wouldn’t like him.

[15:03]

When your identity is attached to your activity, you make poor decisions. We identify who we are with what we do.

[15:48]

Start introducing yourself without telling people what your job is. We get so used to telling people what we do because we’re men and we’re providers – that’s what we identify with.

[22:50]

You don’t need to be more selfish, per se. You need to make time for yourself so that you can give more and make an impact.

[27:17]

Rejection vs projection.

[30:20]

When you feel that moment of rejection, process that moment and make a better conclusion.

[32:30]

Questions to ask to understand the difference between rejection and projection: Why? You can’t have emotional intelligence if you don’t process the emotions.

[36:45]

Darryll recalls his emotional intelligence in raising girls. Sometimes you don’t have to fix it; sometimes, you just have to sit with it.

[43:37]

Darryll talks about his new book Who Am I After Sports? : Athlete’s Roadmap to Discovering Purpose and Live Fulfilled. It’s for athletes who are trying to figure out who they are after their sports career ends. It talks about dealing with the transition.

[49:21]

Darryll recalls a pivotal moment in his life. “You are more than what you see.”

RELATED EPISODES:

7 Reasons Why Men Don’t Ask for Help

Emotional Intelligence Skills for Men with Dr. Nick Sotelo

Ultimate Mastery of Your Emotional State with Navy SEAL Andy Stumpf

 


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Darryll Stinson

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