Posts

Counting the Reps to Resistance with Dan Johnson

Dan Johnson

Dan Johnson is a husband, father, and founder of the website New Paths. During his younger years, Dan was introduced to pornography by a friend. As he got older, the addiction intensified. During his college years, Dan used the internet as a way of accessing porn and felt the guilt and shame of his actions.

Before Dan got married, he told his then girlfriend that he was addicted to pornography. After the couple got married, they implemented filters on their devices to prevent him from falling into temptation. Unfortunately, he was unable to resist, and he fell off the wagon again. Once Dan realized that he had to make a change, he joined a peer group to keep him accountable.

With any addiction, it can be easy to fall back into temptation and continue the cycle. However, having a sense of community drives you to be better and helps you to understand that you are not alone. With porn especially, comes a great amount of guilt and shame. What Dan has done is implemented a three-step process that helps you recognize those urges, process them, and actively count the reps of your resistance. The action of recognizing the urges, saying them out loud, and then counting each rep that you resisted the urge to watch porn has allowed Dan and many other men to overcome their addiction.

What You’ll Learn: 

[5:08]

Dan recalls his childhood and how he had the best childhood ever; he was raised in the Church and attended youth group regularly. When he got to junior high, his friend showed him pornography on his computer.

[10:16]

Dan recalls his college years when he really got into pornography at an addicting level.

[12:10]

Dan talks about confessing to his wife of his addiction before he proposed.

[15:42]

Dan recalls confessing years later that he was still watching pornography. It takes a lot of courage to bring up a topic like that with your spouse.

[17:34]

After his first daughter was born, Dan’s wife had cancer in her uterus and had to have a hysterectomy. The couple looked at adoption and there was a question about sexual addiction in the application. Dan decided that it was time to tell the truth and come clean to his wife.

[20:45]

Community can make the biggest difference. Dan joined a peer group and saw a counselor.

[22:24]

In order to stop an unwanted behavior (such as watching porn), stopping the behavior is not the hard part. The difficult part has to do with the feeling you are left with when you don’t do the behavior.

[29:14]

When you feel the desire to do something, and you decide not to do it, you have to try to resist it. This relies on willpower, which can vary from day to day.

[30:30]

Instead of relying on willpower and rejecting that feeling, turn toward the feeling and face it head on. Acknowledge the urge and let it be there. The more you fight against the urge, you tend to turn toward it and give in.

[32:48]

Emotions and feelings are messengers. They have a message that wants to be heard. If you fight against it, you’re going to get more resistance.

[33:21]

There is a three-step process that allows you to process these messages and make decisions. Step one – You notice the feeling is there, and you acknowledge it. This allows to step outside the feeling and separate yourself from the feeling.

[35:56]

Step two is immediately setting a timer for 10 minutes. During this time, you allow that intense feeling to be there. You’re not going to give into it, but you’re also not going to try to resist it or push it away. You give it permission to be there and scream its message at you.

[39:02]

The third step is to count each rep that you’ve done so that you can see your progress, just like at the gym. Each of those reps is like a step to freedom.

[43:09]

Dan talks about replacement behaviors, which entails taking those emotions and directing them somewhere else.

[46:40]

Know when you’re going to be triggered and have a plan in place.

[48:45]

With porn, you tend to feel like no one else struggles with it, which generates a lot of shame. Community takes the edge off the struggle. It makes you feel like you aren’t alone and that other people are struggling with you.

RELATED EPISODES:

Porn Detox – The Truth Will Set You Free with Ted Shimer

Going Deeper: Battling Porn and Sexual Addiction with Eddie Capparucci

Everything Men Need to Know About Porn with J.K. Emezi

 


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.



Dan Johnson

Website

Follow The Dad Edge


Don’t settle for a mediocre life.

Join over 531 men becoming their best selves
in The Dad Edge Alliance.

APPLY HERE!

 


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge

Stop Being the “Nice Guy” with Dr. Robert Glover

Many of us take pride in being the “nice guy.” But could being the nice guy be ruining our lives?

We are all probably guilty of Nice Guy Syndrome on some level. We sometimes give only to receive in a passive attempt to get what we want without directly asking for it. We avoid conflict to get the acceptance, validation, approval, and even the sex that we need. Some of us might not even realize we suffer from Nice Guy Syndrome and wonder why we are anxious and unhappy.

Dr. Robert Glover is back on The Dad Edge for a discussion we all need to hear. He talks about how to stop being dependent on external things for our happiness. He shows us how to reclaim our identities after losing ourselves in relationships. He also explains why we need to get comfortable with our existential fears to become empowered men.

Stop being a nice guy and start living true to yourself!

If you have to give up anything that’s important to you to be in a relationship, it’s going to create a toxic environment.

Dr. Robert Glover

Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life. Dr. Glover is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. He is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in numerous local and national publications. As a result of his work, Dr. Glover has helped thousands of Nice Guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males. Along with these personal changes have come similar transformations in these men’s professional careers and intimate relationships. Dr. Glover is the creator of Dating Essentials for Men, the director of TPI University, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of Washington. Dr. Glover divides his year between Bellevue, WA and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

What You’ll Learn

  • Nice Guy Syndrome, at its core, is codependency.
  • Borrowed functioning means your wellbeing depends on the happiness of those around you.
  • It’s an anxiety and shame-based disorder. You manage people and situations to avoid anxiety or feelings of worthlessness.
  • Losing ourselves in relationships is not healthy, even though we’ve been taught that it’s noble to throw ourselves on the sword for our wives and kids.
  • The difference between fusion and differentiation
  • What most of us call “intimacy” is losing ourselves in another person so much that there is no distinct otherness anymore.
  • Fusion kills sexual passion.
  • The “Alpha Male” in human society who takes all is a myth. Things (including women) were shared.
  • Marriage emerged much more recently with the patriarchy.
  • Up until 100 years ago, marriage was an economical arrangement. Romantic love is a new idea.
  • Pair bonding in modern times doesn’t work well for happiness.
  • What you can count on in a relationship is that your childhood baggage is going to reveal itself.
  • Tension is healthy. Anytime there is tension, there is growth.
  • It used to take a whole tribe to meet our needs. Expecting one person to fulfill all our needs is impossible and unfair.
  • Differentiation is two complete adults who choose to be together.
  • If we are acting as an independent person, we are more attractive to the opposite sex.
  • Almost no one is sexually monogamous, even if they aren’t physically cheating on their spouse.
  • Men give up control in their marriage and then get resentful. Then we sneak around to get our needs met.
  • Friends are often the first thing men sacrifice.
  • Angst from being disconnection from our tribe
  • It’s human nature to try to find connection because we’re afraid of disappearing into nothingness. Practice getting comfortable with existential fears to be more self-reliant.
  • Men load up their to-do lists, don’t get everything done, go to bed stressed, and wake up the next day with even more to do. If we stay busy, we don’t have to feel anything.
  • Learn to be with stillness.
  • Schedule unscheduled time. Build chunks of time into your day for unscheduled things and things that matter.
  • Appreciate life right now. Today is the best day of your life.

 

RELATED EPISODES:

Love Languages and Other Marriage Tips for the Pandemic with Gary Chapman

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Their Needs Met

 


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Dr. Robert Glover’s Links

drglover.com

Facebook

Twitter

 


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EMAIL SERIES: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


Don’t settle for a mediocre life.

Join over 457 men becoming their best selves
in The Dad Edge Alliance.

APPLY HERE!

 


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge

battling porn and sexual addiction

Going Deeper: Battling Porn and Sexual Addiction with Eddie Capparucci


Pornography has never been so unbelievably accessible, but what starts out innocently enough can eventually take over our lives. We know this is a huge issue for men today because our episodes on battling porn and sexual addiction top the charts.

Today we talk to an expert who has an approach to porn and sexual addiction that you haven’t heard before.

Eddie Capparucci is licensed counselor and the author of Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction. He tells us how men’s struggle with porn is linked to how we dealt with pain in our childhood. He reveals why too much porn can ruin our sex lives psychologically as well as physiologically. Eddie also gives us a step-by-step example of how casual porn consumption can descend into the destruction of a family.

Kids are being exposed to sexual content as young as 8 years old. Whether you are struggling with an addiction to pornography or not, this is a show every father needs to listen to.

Eddie Capparucci

Eddie Capparucci, LPC, CSAS, CPCS, specializes in treating sexual and pornography addictions. Among his many clients, Eddie has worked with professional athletes including NFL and MLB players and television personalities. He also serves as the clinical director for the National Decency Coalition, an organization working with state governments to help limit the access of pornography to minors.

In addition to being a prominent sexual and pornography addiction therapist, he has spoken to numerous organizations regarding the harmful impact pornography has on individuals, relationships, and society.

Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction

If you have been battling a sex/porn addiction you understand how frustrating it can be to fail time and time again. This book provides a new and proven treatment method that will empower you to take control and finally manage your addiction. The key is understanding the road to recovery from a sex/porn addiction goes through your childhood. Why? Because it’s your inner child who is running the show. The Inner Child Recovery Process has proven successful with a large majority of clients in my counseling practice. It has changed the lives of many individuals who felt helpless and hopeless due to their addiction. And it can do the same for you. Endorsed by many leaders in the sex/porn addiction field, the Inner Child Recovery Process is a game changer and can be the solution you have been seeking when it comes to breaking free from your sex and porn addictions.

What You’ll Learn

  • Porn addiction really has nothing to do with sex or a lack of sex.
  • Eddie talks about his traumatic childhood and how he turned to sex and pornography.
  • He destroyed two marriages and left a trail of broken hearts.
  • What is attachment disorder and how does it affect our sexual relationships?
  • Most men he deals with lack emotional intelligence, which means they cannot tell what feelings they’re experiencing.
  • As men, when we learn to attach and bond with true intimacy, we don’t need the sexual stimulation and validation from pornography.
  • Being vulnerable is a skillset that boys aren’t taught.
  • We need to let our kids to feel emotional pain.
  • The road to recovery from pornography or any kind of sexual addiction goes back to childhood.
  • Negative events connect us to pain from the past.
  • We need to learn to identify core triggers.
  • The nine child-types, their different pain points, and accompanying triggers.
  • The dangerous mindset that you’re not hurting anybody when you consume pornography.
  • Porn from a young age is teaching boys that it’s okay to objectify little girls.
  • Girls get the message it’s okay to be objectified.
  • With regular porn use, a man will lose interest in his wife. He will find her less attractive and less sexually satisfying. He’ll look for more than she’s willing to give.
  • In almost 50% of men, pornography escalates into darker territory. The brain builds a tolerance and needs more extreme stimulation.
  • Men start to withdraw and distance themselves from family.
  • Physically, chronic masturbation has an effect on erection and ability to ejaculate.
  • How to recover from porn and sexual addiction:
    • Get some accountability.
    • Surround yourself in community
    • Own it. Fess up, at least to yourself
    • Sit down with someone to find out why you do it in the first place.
  • Advice to men when they are triggered to use porn
  • The disorder will not go away. Take action and learn to manage it.

RELATED EPISODES:

Everything Men Need to Know About Porn with J.K. Emezi

How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography with Kristen Jenson

Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Eddie Capparucci’s Links

innerchild-sexaddiction.com

Facebook

Twitter

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


Don’t settle for a mediocre life.

Join over 420 men becoming their best selves
in The Dad Edge Alliance.

APPLY HERE!


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge

how to protect your kids online

How to Protect Your Kids: Online Predators, Cyberbullying, and Sexual Content with Titania Jordan


As dads, we are the protectors, the warriors. But how can we protect our children when we don’t know what we’re up against? Whether it’s a tablet, phone, or computer—our kids are exposed to a minefield of predators, cyberbullies, and sexual content. We are the first generation with this problem. What is the best way to protect our children from this insidious danger?

This show is scary, but we are at war. As fathers, we have a duty and responsibility to keep our kids safe. We give our sons and daughters seatbelts in the car and helmets when they ride a bike. In this digital age, we need to give them the same kind of safety gear for navigating the internet.

Today we have Titania Jordan on The Dad Edge. She is the Chief Parent Officer at Bark, an app that helps families manage and protect their children’s online lives. She tells us the disturbing reality of what our kids are exposed to on the internet. She gives us a guide on how and when to talk to our kids about what they may encounter on the internet and the best way to protect them from online predators, cyberbullying, and sexual content.

This show will disturb and enrage you, but it’s the information parents desperately need. Don’t miss it!

Titania Jordan

As CPO, Titania drives Bark’s marketing, customer acquisition, and media relations efforts and is an industry-leading source of expertise and advice for the broader community. She has extensive experience at the intersection of families and technology, formerly serving as CMO at KidsLink, co-founder/CMO at Privet, and executive director of Band of Coders Girls Academy.

Titania holds a bachelor’s degree in marketing, and enjoys painting and building some pretty sweet LEGO cities with her family in her downtime.

Bark

As a busy parent, reading every text message, post, and email just isn’t realistic.

Instead, Bark was created by parents, for parents to offer a better, easier, and more effective way to keep children safe online.

Created in collaboration with child psychologists, youth advisors, digital media experts, and law enforcement professionals, Bark delivers a research-backed, kid-friendly solution for safeguarding families as technology changes how and where we communicate.

Get a 7-day free trial plus 10% off!
gooddadproject.com/barkbark free trial

What You’ll Learn

  • 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be the victims of sexual abuse in some shape or form before the age of 18.
  • Access frequency and points to the internet are exponential for our children.
  • 3 out of 4 tweens and teens are cyberbullied or have witnessed cyberbullying. Only 11% will talk to parents about it.
  • Half of tweens and 3 out of 4 teens engage in conversations on the internet about depression, self-harm, and suicide.
  • Suicide is 2nd cause of death 10 to 24-year-olds in US.
  • 70% of tweens (ages 8-12) and 84% teens have been exposed to sexual content.
  • 1 in 4 teens are sexting.
  • Your child can get into trouble for sending, receiving, or forwarding a nude of an underage peer.
  • Bark produced a documentary about what happened when a 37-year-old mom posed as young girl on social media. Watch it here.
  • Adult men, not women, are sexually exploiting children online.
  • Titania believes it’s our job as parents to raise men who do not become sexual predators.
  • Online predators do not look like criminals. They are often normal, everyday people—doctors, pastors, and fathers.
  • Some adult men abuse because they were abused themselves. These people need rehab, support, and therapy.
  • Kids are afraid to speak up because of shame or they’re afraid that their devices will be taken away.
  • Make sure your kids know it’s okay to come to you if they feel uncomfortable.
  • Be mindful of not only your child’s screen time, but also your own. Set the example.
  • With the Bark app, you will get an alert for suspicious activity, plus a report on how to discuss it with your child.

RELATED EPISODES:

How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography with Kristen Jenson

Protecting Your Family from Gaming Addiction with Cam Adair

The Truth About Your Kids and Technology: Exclusive Dad Edge Alliance Q&A with Cal Newport

 


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.



Bark

bark.us

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Online Predator Documentary: Social Media Dangers Exposed by Mom Posing as 11-Year-Old

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

LINKS


Hungry for more out of life?

Become one of the 350 men of The Dad Edge Alliance

APPLY HERE!


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge

Everything MEN NEED to KNOW About PORN

Everything Men Need to Know About Porn with J.K. Emezi

Today our show is about porn, sex, and masturbation addiction. This subject constantly comes up in The Dad Edge community and our episodes about pornography have massive downloads. In this age where we can watch it anytime and anywhere on our phone, it is becoming a huge problem. This crucial, controversial topic is not discussed enough because of the taboo, but porn addiction is real and we need answers.

J.K. Emezi is a sex and porn addiction coach for the last 9 years and is the founder of Elevated Recovery, where he helps men overcome sexually compulsive disorders. He tells us everything men need to know about porn—how it changes our brains, affects our relationships, and alters our perspectives. He gets real about how to tell if porn is a problem and what to do about it. He also tells us how we can prepare our kids for their inevitable encounter with porn, which is happening at startlingly earlier ages.

Pornography changes your values as a man.—J.K. Emezi

 

The Porn Addiction Problem

When it comes to internet porn, we have no idea what we’re up against. In the olden days, porn was hard to get. It was in the magazine rack behind the counter or the back room of a video store. Now it is available at anytime of day, in any place, at the tip of our fingers. J.K. Emezi says the most common place men watch pornography is at work.

The most disturbing thing about internet porn is that our kids are being exposed to it before they understand what they are looking at. In decades past, kids may not have run into porn until their teens, but in 2016, 11 was the average age of a child’s first exposure. Now, the age is 8.

J.K. Emezi had his own struggle with pornography and discovered that many of the men he worked with did too. Forums were filled with men who were seeking help, but there weren’t any resources. J.K. first began blogging anonymously about recovering from his porn addiction, but he eventually came out into the open to help others end their out-of-control behavior with porn, sex and masturbation.

What You’ll Learn

  • J.K. Emezi’s background as a bible salesman
  • Where and when the porn problem begins
  • How parents are getting too lax with computers and devices
  • How there is actually Minecraft porn now
  • Why one talk with your kids about porn is not enough. It must be randomly brought up from time to time.
  • Why porn is just as bad as drugs or alcohol
  • When porn is okay
  • Why men watch porn, especially at work
  • The role of brain chemicals in porn addiction
  • How to rewire your brain for monogamy
  • How to reconnect and become aroused again by your partner
  • How porn addiction, little by little, destroys your values
  • Why some women view porn as cheating and suffer ‘betrayal trauma’
  • How to define a compulsive sexual behavior
  • If, when, and how to disclose a porn problem to your spouse
  • Why masturbation is normal, but porn is not
  • What can men do when their wife is pregnant or has just given birth and can’t have sex
  • Why watching unrealistic bodies is unfair to your wife
  • How to use a rubber band to snap out of physical urges
  • How to anchor yourself in the morning to stick to your recovery goals
  • How to clean up your online environment to avoid triggers
  • How to interrupt porn urges by journaling and visualization
  • Advice for men in sexless marriages

 

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly

Porn Addiction and Affair Recovery Mentoring

How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography with Kristen Jenson

Video Game, Porn, and Social Media Addiction with Cam Adair


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.

CLICK HERE.


J.K. Emezi’s Links

elevatedrecovery.org

Private Facebook Group

Instagram

Youtube

Twitter

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

APPLY HERE!

the dad edge alliance


Learn More About Our Live Event!

June 6th – 8th 2019

CLICK HERE.


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge