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battling porn and sexual addiction

Going Deeper: Battling Porn and Sexual Addiction with Eddie Capparucci


Pornography has never been so unbelievably accessible, but what starts out innocently enough can eventually take over our lives. We know this is a huge issue for men today because our episodes on battling porn and sexual addiction top the charts.

Today we talk to an expert who has an approach to porn and sexual addiction that you haven’t heard before.

Eddie Capparucci is licensed counselor and the author of Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction. He tells us how men’s struggle with porn is linked to how we dealt with pain in our childhood. He reveals why too much porn can ruin our sex lives psychologically as well as physiologically. Eddie also gives us a step-by-step example of how casual porn consumption can descend into the destruction of a family.

Kids are being exposed to sexual content as young as 8 years old. Whether you are struggling with an addiction to pornography or not, this is a show every father needs to listen to.

Eddie Capparucci

Eddie Capparucci, LPC, CSAS, CPCS, specializes in treating sexual and pornography addictions. Among his many clients, Eddie has worked with professional athletes including NFL and MLB players and television personalities. He also serves as the clinical director for the National Decency Coalition, an organization working with state governments to help limit the access of pornography to minors.

In addition to being a prominent sexual and pornography addiction therapist, he has spoken to numerous organizations regarding the harmful impact pornography has on individuals, relationships, and society.

Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction

If you have been battling a sex/porn addiction you understand how frustrating it can be to fail time and time again. This book provides a new and proven treatment method that will empower you to take control and finally manage your addiction. The key is understanding the road to recovery from a sex/porn addiction goes through your childhood. Why? Because it’s your inner child who is running the show. The Inner Child Recovery Process has proven successful with a large majority of clients in my counseling practice. It has changed the lives of many individuals who felt helpless and hopeless due to their addiction. And it can do the same for you. Endorsed by many leaders in the sex/porn addiction field, the Inner Child Recovery Process is a game changer and can be the solution you have been seeking when it comes to breaking free from your sex and porn addictions.

What You’ll Learn

  • Porn addiction really has nothing to do with sex or a lack of sex.
  • Eddie talks about his traumatic childhood and how he turned to sex and pornography.
  • He destroyed two marriages and left a trail of broken hearts.
  • What is attachment disorder and how does it affect our sexual relationships?
  • Most men he deals with lack emotional intelligence, which means they cannot tell what feelings they’re experiencing.
  • As men, when we learn to attach and bond with true intimacy, we don’t need the sexual stimulation and validation from pornography.
  • Being vulnerable is a skillset that boys aren’t taught.
  • We need to let our kids to feel emotional pain.
  • The road to recovery from pornography or any kind of sexual addiction goes back to childhood.
  • Negative events connect us to pain from the past.
  • We need to learn to identify core triggers.
  • The nine child-types, their different pain points, and accompanying triggers.
  • The dangerous mindset that you’re not hurting anybody when you consume pornography.
  • Porn from a young age is teaching boys that it’s okay to objectify little girls.
  • Girls get the message it’s okay to be objectified.
  • With regular porn use, a man will lose interest in his wife. He will find her less attractive and less sexually satisfying. He’ll look for more than she’s willing to give.
  • In almost 50% of men, pornography escalates into darker territory. The brain builds a tolerance and needs more extreme stimulation.
  • Men start to withdraw and distance themselves from family.
  • Physically, chronic masturbation has an effect on erection and ability to ejaculate.
  • How to recover from porn and sexual addiction:
    • Get some accountability.
    • Surround yourself in community
    • Own it. Fess up, at least to yourself
    • Sit down with someone to find out why you do it in the first place.
  • Advice to men when they are triggered to use porn
  • The disorder will not go away. Take action and learn to manage it.

RELATED EPISODES:

Everything Men Need to Know About Porn with J.K. Emezi

How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography with Kristen Jenson

Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly


Protect your kids with the Bark App

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Eddie Capparucci’s Links

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5 Practices to Make You a Mentally Tougher Man with Dominick Quartuccio

5 Practices to Make You a Mentally Tougher Man with Dominick Quartuccio

The only thing we can count on in life is change, and that means having the mental toughness for life’s challenges. We don’t want to spend our entire lives reacting out of fear and frustration. We want to know that no matter what happens, we can handle anything.

Dominick Quartuccio returns to The Dad Edge. He is a speaker, coach, and the author of Design Your Future: 3 Simple Steps to Stop Drifting and Take Command of Your Life. He is going to share 5 practices to make you a mentally tougher man so you can train your body and mind to operate from a place of power, presence, and resourcefulness.

Get ready to work out your mental toughness muscles!

Dominick Quartuccio

Dominick Quartuccio is a keynote speaker, trainer and executive mentor. He’s dedicated his life to helping the best-of-the-best accelerate individual and team performance. He’s the author of Design Your Future: Stop Drifting and Start Living.

Drawing upon 15 years of experience as an executive for Fortune 100 financial services firms, Dominick saw the demands on leaders go up every year, forcing those leaders to sacrifice the most important areas of their lives: personal health, personal relationships and personal freedoms.

That model is broken. The consequences to leaders, their families and their businesses are unsustainable.

Dominick offers a new way. He works with high performance individuals, teams and businesses (small and large) to accelerate them to the next-level by aligning the most important areas of work and life. Dominick is a student of life, constantly disrupting himself in pursuit of raising performance and living a definiteness of purpose.

What You’ll Learn

  • Most men wildly overestimate their mental toughness.
  • Men think they are handling a situation, but they are collapsing in some way.
  • When men are triggered by a stressful situation, they divert their emotions with porn, fantasy, food, drugs, alcohol, isolation, avoidance, and overworking. Either that, or they shoulder everything and let it kill them in the process.
  • Dom’s addiction to sex and porn lead him to cheating on the only woman he ever loved.
  • By building mental and emotional capacity, the breadth of what you can endure increases and their are few situations you cannot handle from a place of power, presence, and resourcefulness.
  • How to be disciplined about how much pornography you consume
  • 5 Practices to Make You a Mentally Tougher Man
    1. The Breath Hold Challenge – Hold your breath as long as you can. Wait till you start to feel your fight or flight response to kick in. Try to assume a place of stillness despite your chaotic thoughts.
    2. The Cold Shower Challenge – Most of us can’t anticipate or get past the initial shock of an uncomfortable situation. Train yourself to brace for the blast with a cold shower. Breathe into it and wait for the shock to pass.
    3. The 100 Push Up Challenge – Try to do 100 consecutive push ups with your only relief being able to take a break in plank before continuing. This changes your relationship with pain, allowing you to look at it and disassociate from it.
    4. The Meditation Challenge – This long form stillness builds your endurance for pain. Sit and meditate without moving. Watch your feelings without judgement.
    5. Temporary Abstinence – What are the things you crave? What habits do you lean on to get through the day? Junk food, porn, Netflix, alcohol? Removing the crutch quickly illuminates why it was there in the first place. Then you can work on the source of the craving and reintroduce these elements in a healthier way.


MENTIONED EPISODES:

A Good Dad Masters These 5 Life Skills – Larry Hagner on A Man Amongst Men

Get Lit: Forget the Pressure to Find Your Why with Dominick Quartuccio

Stop Drifting and Consciously Design Your Future with Dominick Quartuccio

The Secrets to Achieving Wildly Important Goals with Mark Divine

What Doesn’t Kill Us with Scott Carney


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Everything MEN NEED to KNOW About PORN

Everything Men Need to Know About Porn with J.K. Emezi

Today our show is about porn, sex, and masturbation addiction. This subject constantly comes up in The Dad Edge community and our episodes about pornography have massive downloads. In this age where we can watch it anytime and anywhere on our phone, it is becoming a huge problem. This crucial, controversial topic is not discussed enough because of the taboo, but porn addiction is real and we need answers.

J.K. Emezi is a sex and porn addiction coach for the last 9 years and is the founder of Elevated Recovery, where he helps men overcome sexually compulsive disorders. He tells us everything men need to know about porn—how it changes our brains, affects our relationships, and alters our perspectives. He gets real about how to tell if porn is a problem and what to do about it. He also tells us how we can prepare our kids for their inevitable encounter with porn, which is happening at startlingly earlier ages.

Pornography changes your values as a man.—J.K. Emezi

 

The Porn Addiction Problem

When it comes to internet porn, we have no idea what we’re up against. In the olden days, porn was hard to get. It was in the magazine rack behind the counter or the back room of a video store. Now it is available at anytime of day, in any place, at the tip of our fingers. J.K. Emezi says the most common place men watch pornography is at work.

The most disturbing thing about internet porn is that our kids are being exposed to it before they understand what they are looking at. In decades past, kids may not have run into porn until their teens, but in 2016, 11 was the average age of a child’s first exposure. Now, the age is 8.

J.K. Emezi had his own struggle with pornography and discovered that many of the men he worked with did too. Forums were filled with men who were seeking help, but there weren’t any resources. J.K. first began blogging anonymously about recovering from his porn addiction, but he eventually came out into the open to help others end their out-of-control behavior with porn, sex and masturbation.

What You’ll Learn

  • J.K. Emezi’s background as a bible salesman
  • Where and when the porn problem begins
  • How parents are getting too lax with computers and devices
  • How there is actually Minecraft porn now
  • Why one talk with your kids about porn is not enough. It must be randomly brought up from time to time.
  • Why porn is just as bad as drugs or alcohol
  • When porn is okay
  • Why men watch porn, especially at work
  • The role of brain chemicals in porn addiction
  • How to rewire your brain for monogamy
  • How to reconnect and become aroused again by your partner
  • How porn addiction, little by little, destroys your values
  • Why some women view porn as cheating and suffer ‘betrayal trauma’
  • How to define a compulsive sexual behavior
  • If, when, and how to disclose a porn problem to your spouse
  • Why masturbation is normal, but porn is not
  • What can men do when their wife is pregnant or has just given birth and can’t have sex
  • Why watching unrealistic bodies is unfair to your wife
  • How to use a rubber band to snap out of physical urges
  • How to anchor yourself in the morning to stick to your recovery goals
  • How to clean up your online environment to avoid triggers
  • How to interrupt porn urges by journaling and visualization
  • Advice for men in sexless marriages

 

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly

Porn Addiction and Affair Recovery Mentoring

How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography with Kristen Jenson

Video Game, Porn, and Social Media Addiction with Cam Adair


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J.K. Emezi’s Links

elevatedrecovery.org

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How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography

How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography with Kristen Jenson


Kristen Jenson is the author of Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids. In this show, she tells us how to initiate a healthy conversation with our kids about pornography according to age group. She also gives a 1, 2, 3 action plan for kids so they know what to do if they see pornography.

Kristen explains the brain science behind pornography addiction and how it warps the mind. She also explains how it can lead to relationship problems and even erectile dysfunction.

This is a scary topic, but it’s up to parents to start the conversation as early as possible before kids get the wrong ideas about sex and intimacy from the internet. Save this episode!

'If you want your kids to have a healthy view of sex and intimacy, then you have to step it up and have these conversations at a young a before they see it on the internet.' – @ProtectYM #kids #children #parenting #pornaddiction Click To Tweet

Kristen Jenson

Kristen Jenson never planned on writing a book about pornography until she met the mother of a large family who was doing her best to raise her kids with healthy values. Then the woman discovered her 17-year-old son molested all of his siblings, from the ages of 14 to 4. He had been into pornography.

Pornography has never been more accessible. Now, all that’s needed is an internet connection to see anything and everything that is out there. Our kids are on electronics devices all the time and even if we have filters in place, we cannot control what they see outside the home.

Child-on-child sexual abuse and porn addiction numbers are rising. After Kristen saw this problem affecting so many kids, she researched to see what books were available on the topic. She couldn’t find any. This compelled her to do something about it. Her first book has been a bestseller on Amazon for the better part of three years.

'If you become their wiling expert on sex, they’re going to go to you.' – Kristen Jenson #sex #sexed #kids #children #parenting #dads #fathers Click To Tweet


What You’ll Learn

  • How using a book is an easier way to jump into the subject of pornography with your kids
  • Other ways to segue into conversations about sex and pornography
  • Why it’s easier to talk about pornography with your kids when they are younger
  • The common denominator of all porn addicts
  • How you are competing with the porn industry in the sex education of your child
  • What to do if you don’t know how to answer a question about pornography
  • How to keep your kids from sharing things they learn about sex and pornography with friends or younger siblings
  • How much detail to give about sex and pornography
  • Why it’s important to explain that sex is more than just for reproduction
  • How porn acts like a drug on the brain
  • Why people who use porn are less satisfied in their marriage and are more likely to be unfaithful
  • How porn can lead to erectile dysfunction
  • The difference between the thinking brain and the feeling brain
  • Why you should be wary of allowing your children to have their own devices
  • Resources for parents on how to protect your kids
'If you wait till your kids come to talk to you (about sex and pornography), you put a huge burden on them.' – Kristen Jenson #kids #children #communication #parents #parentingtips #family Click To Tweet

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Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly

Pornography – It’s pervasive in our culture today. 70% of men between the ages of 30 to 60 look at online pornography weekly. Still, no one wants to talk about it. Today I have psychotherapist and relationships expert, Nell Daly, on the show with me to answer what most guys are dying to know – how much porn is too much? And how do we stop when it becomes a problem? Don’t miss this honest (and explicit) discussion on the truth about porn addiction.

Porn is Not Always a Problem

Pornography isn’t always a bad thing. It can be healthy for couples who want to expand their sexual lives or for single people who want to explore their own fantasies. But pornography can be a problem when it begins interfering with other aspects of life, like work and relationships.

Why Porn is Addictive

A pornography habit usually starts innocently, but Nell Daly says watching porn but what used to satisfy in fifteen minutes takes an hour. Watching pornography teaches the body and mind new sexual triggers. Eventually, it takes more to activate those triggers. More time is spent watching pornography and more graphic and varied fantasy scenarios are needed to achieve the same effect. We build a tolerance to pornography like any other addiction.

Porn is a distraction from worries or problems. It’s a way to self-soothe and relieve stress and tension. Porn addiction can be used to

  • Self-medicate
  • Disassociate (from people, problems, feelings)
  • To make up for a lack of emotional intimacy in a marriage or relationship
  • To make up for a lack of physical sex

How to Face Porn Addiction

Nell Daly says that sexual awareness is a huge part of who we are, and the brain is the most important sex organ in the body. Sex is the bond that keeps relationships together. Relationships keep us happy. The happier we are, the better parents, husbands, and workers we are. If porn is interfering with daily functions in your life, or if you have anxiety over how much porn you are watching, chances are you have a problem. Here are three ways to address a pornography habit and to start making changes.

  1. Record your habits – keeping a record helps us to see just how much time is spent on porn and how it affects other areas of your life. What are you missing out on because of it? Family time, intellectual pursuits, other healthy habits? Observe yourself in a non-judgmental way
  2. Share the shame – we connect through vulnerability. Sharing is the first step to healing. Join a support group in your community. If you’re not comfortable with that, join an online group.
  3. Replace the habit – Start replacing the time spent watching porn with another positive activity. Exercise helps to relieve physical tension and stress. Meditation has amazing self-soothing benefits.

Pornography, like any bad habit, is going to be a difficult change. No one will get better overnight, but Nell Daly says it can be a great spiritual teacher. Anything that’s hard to address, any issue that brings us to our knees, helps us evolve.

Did you catch Nell Daly’s last episode? The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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Nell Gibbon Daly

thedaly.com

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