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Finding Your Inner Strength Through Adversity Comes from Within with Ben Newman

Ben Newman

Ben Newman is an author, public speaker, and financial advisor coach. He is famous for being the Mental Conditioning Coach for the Alabama Crimson Tide Football Team. Ben helps sales and sports teams around the world and specializes in mental toughness. He helps people build a stronger commitment to their purpose and process by educating them on building mental toughness. Taking ownership when you’re wrong is the first step to maturity. It allows you to look past your pride and admit that you messed up and that you want to make it right. Taking ownership also means figuring out what you want to do in or with your life and OWNING it.

Finding strength in adversity comes from within. It happens when you’re at the end of your rope, when you feel the most hopeless. You have a choice to make. Do you want to give up, or do you want to find your inner strength and push forward? 

Lastly, taking action. Taking action occurs when you least WANT to. It happens when you’re tired, and you don’t feel like doing anything, or you can’t find the motivation. After taking action, you begin to feel better and wonder what the big fuss was all about. This is the first step to CHANGE. 

What You’ll Learn: 

[4:20]

Ben talks about his childhood. He recalls how he had to grow up fast during his youth. His mother passed 11 days before his 8th birthday.

[9:17]

Ben recalls how he processed his mom’s death. He recalls being angry as a way to deal with the event.

[11:23]

Newman recalls the love he felt from the motherly figures in his life that gave him that connection he was missing.

[13:44]

Ben remembers how it was living with his father during his youth. He learned what it meant to work, and take care of himself.

[15:48]

Newman talks about basketball being the outlet of choice for him.

[19:07]

Ben recalls his post-performance talks with his dad.

[22:00]

Ben shares his hypothetical response toward his son if his son came to him, and said he didn’t want to play basketball anymore.

[26:04]

Ben gives advice for any parent that struggles to let their kids come to them first about sports, instead of using the harsh, yelling method.

[31:45]

Ben talks about his current relationship with his father.

[32:30]

Ben recalls the events during his teenage years, and how he dealt with not having a mother in his life.

[36:44]

Newman talks about how he came about to the work he does currently.

[40:53]

Ben talks about his life coach, and how his coach has helped him. His exposure to coaches led him to his current career.

[42:19]

We have 100% control over our mindset.

[47:08]

Ben talks about his high points over the course of his career.

[55:07]

Ben recalls how he keeps his marriage alive.

[58:59]

Ben talks about what it means to live legendary.

[1:02:14]

Ben talks about what he would hypothetically say to his mom if he were to have dinner with her one night.

[1:05:33]

Newman hypothetically talks about what his family would talk about around the dinner table in 30 years.

RELATED EPISODES:

How Overcoming Adversity Can Make You a Better Dad with Nick Dinardo

Weird & Wonderful Ways to Build Mental Resilience with Ben Aldridge

Finding the Strength Through the Struggle


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Ben Newman

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Living Your Most Authentic Self as a Husband, Father, and Business Owner with Scott Holman

Scott Holman

Scott Holman is a husband, father, business owner, and founder of the program Stop Clowning Around. Scott’s day job is the Director of Sales for national accounts for a very large security company. Scott’s organization, Stop Clowning Around, is about developing human beings into a level of mastery. He has also recently taken on two properties that he has flipped for financial investment.

Scott’s number one asset that he pushes is learning how to view things from someone else’s perspective. Perspective drives everything in life, especially our interactions. Everyone has a different set of lenses they see the world through, and we can’t change that. You will be much better as a person and as a business leader if you learn to look at things from someone else’s perspective.

Another thing that Scott practices regularly with his wife and children is communication. Communication is key to healthy marriage, along with being each other’s best friend. Communication and time are the key to raising your children to be strong men and women. Being there for your wife and kids, and not telling them how to do things or “fix it” for them is the driving factor in successful relationships.

Asking someone a series of questions that will lead them down the path of discovery is much better than fixing the problem for them. Most people don’t need us to tell them that we’re doing something wrong, they need us to walk the path with them and allow themselves to vocalize it, so they can take the action step at the end. This means, being intentional and allowing yourself to sit and listen, when you’d rather take control of the situation.

As men, we are the leaders and masters of 3 areas – ourselves, our families, and our businesses. In order to live legendary, we have to understand that life is always about the journey of mastery. It isn’t about the destination of mastery, and never having to learn. We are constantly learning along the journey, and that’s how we become legendary!

What You’ll Learn: 

[3:10]

Scott talks about how Monday’s are the best days, right after Friday’s because you don’t need to wait for a fresh start.

[4:32]

Scott talks about how he shifted his mindset about Monday’s.

[6:31]

Scott talks about his family and how he has one set of biological children, and another set of adopted biracial children. He has been married to his wife for over 24 years.

[9:22]

Scott talks about how he has been able to have such a successful marriage.

[11:42]

Scott talks about how his kids to be strong confident men and women.

[16:09]

Scott talks about how he has been successful with changing his perspective when he communicates with his wife.

[21:55]

Scott recalls the things that will be different in his marriage from now until his 25th year of marriage.

[24:18]

Scott talks about all of his current projects.

[28:01]

Scott talks about the secret behind his success.

[33:20]

Scott talks about what it means to live legendary.

[37:07]

Scott thinks about what his family would be talking about if they were to all sit around the table 25 years from now.

[39:12]

Scott talks about Stop Clowning Around.

[42:36]

Scott talks about what things have been happening in his life the past year.

[46:13]

Scott talks about the vision for his brand for the next 12 months.

RELATED EPISODES:

Living Your Authentic Life

Parenting with Leadership with Stewart Friedman and Alyssa Westring

Communication with Your Wife: What You’re Missing


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If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

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Scott Holman

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change your perspective

How To Change Your Perception As A Parent To Have Less Stress And More Happiness – GDP021

How you can change your perception and change your life

Are you a “the glass is half full” or “the glass is half empty” type of Dad?  If you are half full, then you further ahead than most of us when it comes to perspective.

Perspective is the secret sauce to a happy life and a fulfilled journey as a Dad.  Our perspectives can make us or break us.  The right perspective can allow us to soar and the wrong perspective can make us crash and burn.  If our perspective is off, that is ok.  It’s being aware and knowing how to change your perspective that is critical.

Key Takeaways:

  • Why your perspective is your reality
  • How your reality is the world you live in
  • Learn how to change your world by changing your perception
  • Discover how to make a few simple tweaks to your everyday life that will help you to thrive instead of simply survive.
  • In this episode, Shawn and I really put ourselves out there with some drastic mistakes we were making on a daily basis.  These mistakes were destroying the enjoyment of fatherhood.
  • Shawn and I talk about some of the consequences we experienced just by not having the right perspective

 

Change your perception after a long day

I was a pain in the rear when I came home from work in the evening because I focused on all the wrong things.

Let me give you an example of how “pleasant” I used to be when I came home from work.  I am shocked to this day that Jessica take my head off for years.

I would come home on a daily basis (nearly every day) from work in a foul and defeated mood.  The days were long, I raced against deadlines, I had people needing something from me every minute of every day.  Eight to ten hours of this chaos wore my patience down to nothing.

I would come home expecting to walk into a sanctuary of peace and happiness.  For some crazy reason, I would expect that dinner might be done, laundry would be folded, and the house would be clean.  Let me make one thing clear,  I knew these expectations were lofty.  My wife is a busy stay at home mom who is doing an amazing job of raising three boys (9,7, and 2) during the day.  (Any of you with around this age reading this are probably laughing at how naive my expectations were.)   In a perfect world, I desired to have all these things (dinner, clean home, folded laundry, and the kids quiet) because I wanted to come home to peace after a long day.  However, with a busy family and three boys, this isn’t a possibility for the most part.  Moreover, shame on me for even expecting that it was.

This type of perspective was all wrong.  Not only was my perspective completely wrong, but it was caused me to look at all those things in a really negative way.  I saw crumbs on the floor, which meant I should probably clean them up.  I saw laundry that needed to be folded which meant more to do.  I saw dinner wasn’t done, which meant now I should help.  I saw toys everywhere which meant there was more to pick up.

I had it all wrong.

The Result:  When I would walk in after a long day, I would be more stressed than when I walked in.  I would immediately be cold and unwelcoming to my kids who greeted me at the door.  I would look past their smiles and see only a mess.  I would look past a wife that was happy to see me and see only a mess.

I had it all wrong.  I needed to change my perspective.

I finally learned that there was only one person that was making me miserable, and that was ME.  I decided to change my perspective.  Perspective is all about choice.  I had to ask myself, “are you going to see the negative or the positive?”

So, here is how I began to reframe it all.

When I saw crumbs under the table:  instead of seeing a mess, I now see that my job provided food for us to eat.

When I saw clothes that needed to be folded:  instead of being more stressed, I am now reminded our family has clothes to wear.

When I am greeted by my kids with smiling faces:  I now decide to see that, receive it, and enjoy it.

When I am greeted by my wife:  I am reminded that my job provides enough means for her to stay home and that our kids have a wonderful mom that can be there for them during the day.

How Shawn Changed His Perspective:

Shawn went through a similar learning process as a new husband when he first got married.  When he first got married, he was in the middle of the launch of his brand and business.  Shawn’s focus has always been on helping people become their best by optimizing their health.  Over the years, he has worked extremely hard to get where he is at today.  Shawn is a true entrepreneur through and through.  He thrives on living his passion.  He thrives on the uncertainty of being an entrepreneur.  Most of us are not wired like this.  Most of us really enjoy a financial life of certainty.  Not Shawn…he would rather risk certainty and help people.

In the beginning of his marriage to his lovely wife, Anne, he explains how he had his perspective all wrong.  When Anne and Shawn first met, it was love right from the start.  There was no wrong that either of them could do.  However, right after they got married, things started to change a bit.  Shawn started going in one direction with his career and Anne was going in another.  Shawn’s perspective was he would be very successful if Anne was on board with his mission of owning his own business.  Like so many of us, one of Anne’s needs is to feel safe and certain.  As we all know, the world of entrepreneurship can be anything but safe and certain.   As a result, it was difficult for her to be on board with his vision in the beginning.

Since Anne didn’t really seem on board with Shawn’s vision, he began to see her as more of an “anchor” holding him back.  Their relationship became strained and tensions were high from time to time.  It wasn’t until Shawn realized that his lifestyle of entrepreneurship and uncertainty made Anne pretty uncomfortable.  Once he realized one of her basic needs was to feel secure and certain, Shawn began to make a change in his perspective.

He learned he had to give first before expecting to receive support.  He noticed the more he paid attention to her need of certainty, the more supportive she became.  Presently, Anne is Shawn’s biggest fan and number one supporter.  Not only does she support him, but she pushes him to grow even further.

Shawn made one big change that many of us miss.  He decided give Anne what she needed instead of falling into a trap of resentment.

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

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