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Releasing Emotions in Front of the Kids

Releasing Emotions Safely in Front of the Kids

No matter how hard we try to separate home life from our jobs, work stress affects our families. Children pick up on all our cues and can become frightened if they see us behaving in ways they don’t understand. How do we release emotions safely in front of the kids?

Today we have Dad Edge Alliance member Jon McKinney on the show. He is an officer in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and deals with intense emotions and extreme stress on a daily basis. As a single dad, he has his own challenges to contend with. And as a cop, he also has to help resolve other people’s personal problems.

Jon gives us an intimate look at how he demonstrates bravery, perseverance, and resilience to his kids while also showing them that it’s okay to breakdown, let your emotions out, and share them with other people.

'Finding ways to leak out emotion in a healthy manner is safe, it’s okay, and it’s part of life.'—Jon McKinney #dads #men #fathers #fatherhood #manhood #stress Click To Tweet

 


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How to Commit to Life Goals

How to Commit to Life Goals the Navy SEAL Way with Thom Shea

Often when we confront obstacles – whether in work or at home – we want the map. We want the “how-to guide” to solving the problem. Today we have former Navy SEAL and author of Unbreakable: A Navy SEAL’s Way of Life, Thom Shea, to tell us why searching for the how-to is a waste of time and how to commit to our goals the Navy SEAL way.

Buckle your seatbelts, tie your shoes, because you’re really going to enjoy this show!

Thom Shea

Thom says he had a great childhood in southeast Indiana at a time when kids could do anything. He didn’t come from wealth, so if he wanted something he had to go out and get it, and he did.

At 10 years old, he had his own trap line to catch raccoons, muskrat, and other game. He kept a gun in his car and a knife on his hip. Now parents will get arrested for allowing their kids to carry weapons, but his parents were the best in the world. They told him, “As long as you can earn it, we endorse it.” This mentality took him all the way West Point and the SEAL teams. As long as he could accomplish it, they were supportive.

Of course, good support didn’t mean they agreed with his choices. They didn’t want him to go into SEAL teams. They were afraid of him being sent to war and getting killed. But, as a young man, he told them they could either support him or he wouldn’t come home. Now that Thom is a dad himself, he draws on that experience to inform his own parenting.

Your kids are going to do what they’re wanting to do. Keep encouraging them to be bold and brave. Say yes, instead of no.


Thom Shea has been married to his current wife of almost 13 years, Stacy. They have a boy named Chance who is going on eleven years old.  Thom also has two children from his first marriage, a seventeen-year-old son and a twenty-year-old daughter who is now attending West Point.

Thom said there is a huge difference between his first and second marriage. When Stacy came into their lives, everything changed. They all became better people.

If the woman is fully engaged as a mom, the kid flourishes. When the mom is checked out, the kid is checked out.

Thom says the are straightforward in their home life and that it’s the small things that keep the family together. They are physical and cuddly. His kids see mom and dad being affectionate. They eat as many family meals together as they can. They embrace failure because they know it’s the only way to learn and grow.

We love people making mistakes around here.

On Failure

Thom knows a lot about failure. He had to run home with his tail between his legs after flunking out of West Point. Then he had to endure BUD/s training five times in order to become a SEAL. He didn’t even know how to swim when he first signed up, but he didn’t bother on how to become a SEAL, he decided that a SEAL was who he was and committed to it until he succeeded.

Thom Shea says it’s never a matter of how-to. That’s not the place to look for the answer. The first place to look is at who you are is a human being. Being a dad is one of those challenges. When you become a dad, that is who you are and you must decide to commit to it. That means committing to your health, your business, your wife, and your spirituality.

It’s who you are and what you do. “How to” is tertiary.

Unbreakable

During deployment in Afghanistan, Thom didn’t know if he’d ever make it home alive. Each day, he wrote notes on what he was going through and what life lessons it taught him. At the end of a 6-month deployment, he had thirteen unbreakable lessons to share with his children.

After he came home, what would be a book sat on the shelf. His wife Stacy told him that she wanted him to complete the manuscript to print out five copies for immediate family. He organized his experiences and the lessons they taught him in a linear fashion and printed the first version.

They released it on Amazon and the book struck a chord with readers. It was soon picked up by a publisher and has been doing well ever since. Thom put the lessons online so every person can go through a guided process of the thirteen lessons outlined in Unbreakable. He also developed a course especially for executives.

Dad Advice

Thom Shea has a wealth of life-changing advice for men and dads, but his top words of wisdom are these:

  • Honor your word. Honor the fact that what comes out of your mouth is the most powerful thing you can give people.
  • Face everything that you’re afraid. Go do it.
  • Push beyond your self-imposed limitations and do it often.
  • Find love. Find a way to have love for the people in your life. Be one with the people around you and do it often.

 

Other SEAL Episodes

Chris Sajnog

Larry Yatch

Eric Davis

Mark Divine


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Daddy Will Always Love and Protect You

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finding life's purpose

Why Finding Your Life’s Purpose Won’t Get You Very Far

Everyone on the internet seems to be talking about finding your life’s purpose, or finding your why. Your why is supposed to be your moral compass. It keeps you motivated and on track, but today we’re going to totally deconstruct that idea.

I have a clip from a guest speaker we had in our Dad Edge Alliance, Thom Shea. He’s a retired navy SEAL instructor and author of the book Unbreakable: A Navy SEAL’s Way of Life. Tom gives us examples of why finding your life’s purpose won’t get you very far and what you need to work on instead.

Stop and really listen to this one. Replay it. Share it, because it’s a game-changer!

 



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James Krause

Pressure, Perseverance, and Fatherhood with UFC Fighter James Krause

What does an ultimate fighter and a good dad have in common? UFC fighter James Krause tells us about perseverance and pressure and how he thrives off uncertainty and challenge. He also talks about being a father to his 2-year-old girl and how he came to adopt his little sister.

James Krause is an American professional mixed martial artist and entrepreneur, currently competing in the lightweight division of the UFC. He’s also featured on FOX Sports’ reality show, The Ultimate Fighter.

James Krause was born in Newport News, Virginia. His parents divorced when he was two years old. His mother moved them to Missouri where they lived in extreme poverty, sometimes surviving on only $400 a month.

In school, James was physically behind. He was small and got picked on a lot.  At the age of nineteen or twenty, he decided to try mixed martial arts. He didn’t get into fighting with the intention of competing. He wanted to learn how to defend himself and build confidence. He fell in love with the physical act and the fact that a smaller person could defeat a larger person.

You don’t have to be talented to be great.

Perseverance

James Krause says that people don’t succeed because they stop learning. People forget what hard work is and their lives become stagnant.

James never stops learning. He trains every day for the UFC, and he applies the same model to all aspects of his life. Including business, marriage, and fatherhood. He believes in intelligent repetition can allow him to accomplish goals much faster, but it takes passion to persevere. If you want to become successful at something, you must be willing to do it for fee. Hard work beats talent.

If you do something long enough and you just don’t quit, you have no choice than to become good by default.

Pressure

As a fighter, James Krause is subjected to extreme pressure, not just from the challenge of fighting his opponent, but being in front of a live audience as well as on TV. How does he push through the pressure? James says uncertainty and challenge have become essential to his growth. The only way to deal with pressure is to continuously put yourself through it. Embrace and repurpose opportunity, and objectively look at the situation without emotions.

Fatherhood

James Krause’s daughter was born two years ago. When his stepfather died of cancer and his mother ended up in prison, he also adopted his little sister who has been living with him for almost a year. It wasn’t something he and his wife planned to do, but they have been making it work. He looks at it from a positive perspective and thinks it’s one of the best things that could’ve happened to his little sister. Now that she is with him, she can become a much greater person than she would have if she had been raised by his mother.

Life Lessons for His Girls

James Krause never went through phases of drinking and partying in his youth. He feels he learned life lessons before most other people, so he expects more from his kids in advance. He says that some people are a product of their environment and won’t change, but he also knows that everything can be taught and everything can be learned. Being a genuinely good person also goes a long way. James believes that whatever you put out into the world, you will get back.

I don’t expect perfection, but I expect greatness.

 

Watch James Krause on The Ultimate Fighter
FOX Sports Wednesdays at 9pm CST

 



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growth mindset in your kids Larry Yatch

How to Instill the Growth Mindset in Your Kids with Larry Yatch

Larry Yatch from the SEALed Mindset is back to share some mind-blowing insights on how to make our families work as high-functioning teams, how to instill the growth mindset in our kids, and how to persevere and show courage in the face of fear.

The SEALED MINDSET

The Navy SEALs are the most elite warriors on the planet. Larry Yatch and his partner, Eric Davis, worked together as SEALs and they now teach the SEALed Mindset proven performance principles. Larry is experienced with managing high-performing individuals and building high-functioning teams. He believes the most important team you’re on is your family.

What is a team?

SEALs couldn’t do anything without their team. It takes a whole group of people to help them accomplish their goals. When you’re in the SEALs it’s crucial that every team member does their part because your competition is trying to kill you. Imagine if one person slacks off for the day. The consequences could be deadly.

The same holds true in work and family. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are on several teams, in order to be a good team player we must first identify the teams we’re on.

A team must have:

  1. Common background of experience – Team members need to speak the same language so they can communicate.
  2. Common concerns and obligations – Team members must be worried about the same issues, or share issues that nest.
  3. The same future goal – All must want to achieve the desired end-state.

When a member of family doesn’t have one of these 3 things, the family becomes dysfunctional.

How to incorporate teams in family lives?

In a high-functioning team, everyone has to have the same definitions and expectations of the roles on the team. Just like in football and other sports, each player has a specific role. They know what they are supposed to and execute their job to the best of their ability. This allows the other team members to focus on their own duties.

The three functions of members in a family team or spousal unit are leading, managing, following. The leader calls the shots, the manager creates an environment in which the leader can successfully lead, and the followers execute the leader’s plan. This acceptance of team roles helps avoid family conflict and ensures goals are accomplished efficiently.

What is fixed versus growth mindset?

Our subconscious mind processes information exponentially faster than the conscious mind, and our mindset is the filter between conscious and subconscious. If we have a bad mindset, we’ll react to our environment with our ego and in a fearful way. If we have a good mindset, we will respond with confidence, perseverance, and responsibility.

A person with a fixed mindset believes their skills and intelligence are limited, and therefore fear failure and avoid challenges. A person with a growth mindset knows their skills and intelligence can grow as long as they work hard and don’t allow fear hold them back. They rise to challenges, learn from failure, and persevere until they succeed.

The fixed mindset doesn’t have to stay fixed.

The good news is that our mindset is not permanent. It is a habit of thinking and reacting, not a physiological trait. We can change the way we operate. However, if we’ve been using a fixed mindset since our childhood, it will take a long time and a great effort to change.

How can we instill a growth mindset in our kids?

Many of us have unknowingly brought our kids up with the same fixed mindset we were raised with. When kids are told they are good at a sport or smart at a subject, they expect to accomplish everything with ease. When they run into a challenging situation, they feel fear and shame. If the task wasn’t easy for them, they think they are a failure. Their ego can’t handle it. In the future, they will avoid challenges or quit soon after undertaking them to avoid failing again.

Children with a growth mindset are praised for their hard work and effort. Instead of believing they’re simply “good” at something and that there is nothing beyond that, they know that as long as they keep working hard, they can keep getting better. Instead of avoiding difficulties, challenges, and criticism, they turn them into opportunities to learn.

Amazingly, it only takes a changing a few words when you’re praising your children to begin to change the mindset. Stop telling them they are “good” or “smart” and start telling them what a great effort they put in and how courageous they were to try their best in the face of fear and failure.

Stop rewarding the result. Reward the hard work.

 

Referenced Episode: Secrets of the Navy SEAL Mindset: Courage, Confidence, Perseverance and Resilience

 

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==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

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The #1 Reason Kids Quit Sports is Because of the Coach