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Chris Voss

The Art of Negotiating with Your Kids with Chris Voss

Getting children to obey can be a challenge that wears our patience down to zero. Today’s guest is going to show us how to apply FBI hostage negotiation skills to discussions with our kids in ways that not only get them to do what we want them to do, but also help them become more resourceful and confident.

Chris Voss is the author of Never Split The Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It. He was the lead kidnapping negotiator for the FBI and is the founder of the Black Swan group, whose mission is to help achieve exceptional results in business and personal negotiations using hostage negotiation skills. He shares simple, clever tactics that we can use every day to have productive discussions with our kids while training our own brains to react constructively instead of with frustration.

This episode will totally shift your approach to everyday family squabbles. Get ready to take some notes!

'Even irrational people are predictable. Every human being acts in patterns.'—Chris Voss @vossnegotiation #men #negotiation #leadership #emotionalintelligence Click To Tweet

Chris Voss’s Story

Chris Voss planned on being on the SWAT team, but he injured his knee and had to find a new career path. His application to become a negotiator was rejected at first, but he was determined to get the job. He began his training process and acquired most of his experience working a suicide hotline. Chris says that the suicide hotline was an in-depth course on emotional intelligence. He learned how to deal with irrational people and keep himself from getting emotionally engaged. He ended up becoming the lead hostage negotiator for the Federal Bureau of Investigation and has worked 150 incidents internationally.

The secret to negotiations is exhausting the other side. @vossnegotiation #dads #men #fathers #parenting Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • The voice technique Chris uses to calm both himself and his subject down
  • The state of ‘flow’ and the brain chemicals it releases
  • Why gratitude is crucial to flow
  • Why flow is more important than physical capability
  • The neuroscience behind smiling and your mood
  • How to use flow to become a better father
  • How to wear your kids out mentally
  • How to plant images into your kid’s brain
  • How to use ‘mirroring’ to exhaust kids
  • How to negotiate with your kids to force them to think critically
  • How to remove triggers to losing your temper in discussions with your kids
  • How to build new neural pathways by ‘mirroring’
  • Beginning with low-stakes conversations
  • How to use ‘how’ and ‘what’ questions to encourage kids to start making decisions for themselves
  • Chris Voss’s greatest lessons as a father
  • His advice to married men!

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Chris Voss’s Links

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Traits of a Warrior - The Soft Traits

12 Traits of a Warrior Part II: The Soft Traits


Last month, former Navy SEAL Chris Sajnog told us about the hard traits of a warrior. They are the qualities we most often associate with elite teams like confidence and aggressiveness. Chris also warned us that too much focus on the hard traits leads to an imbalance that can cause all kinds of problems, including post traumatic stress.

Today, he tells us about the six soft traits of a warrior and how we can develop these traits for rapid learning, improved relationships, and better peace of mind. He also talks about how these traits can make us a better dad.

'If you get down to an emotional level with anything you want to learn or do in life, the more likely you are to get up in the morning and pursue that dream.'- @ChrisSajnog #motivation #success #learning #mindset Click To Tweet

'Learning is changing your mind. The only way to learn something new, is to change the beliefs that you had before.'- @ChrisSajnog #learning #humility #dads #men #fathers Click To Tweet

Chris Sajnog

For those of you who don’t know, Chris Sajnog is one the most elite Navy SEAL snipers in the world and the bestselling author of ‘How to Shoot Like Navy SEAL’ and ‘Navy SEAL Shooting’.

As a shooting instructor, Chris noticed how people who were trained in the military learned so much more quickly than civilians. He realized that it was their warrior mindset that gave them the edge and that in order for his civilian students to learn how to shoot, he needed to make them better at learning and dealing with anything. This led him to develop The 12 Traits of a Warrior.

What You’ll Learn

  • What are the soft traits and why we need to learn them
  • The amazing benefits of meditation
  • How to start practicing meditation
  • What his son said to him that made him change is mind about reenlisting for a 250K bonus
  • How he is technically 100% handicapped
  • How you’re training your body to be in pain
  • How to use your mind to relieve pain
  • Why patience is important to living like a warrior
  • How meditation improves patience
  • How humility speeds up learning
  • How loyalty keeps us in the right track, especially loyalty to yourself
  • How an imbalance of the hard traits can lead to terrorism
  • His new work with Deepak Chopra
'Whatever your loyalty is, you have to stick to that. It's so easy to live your life when you have this compass that's always pointing you in the right direction.' - @ChrisSajnog #dads #fathers #men #warriors Click To Tweet

LISTEN TO 12 TRAITS OF A WARRIOR PART I: THE HARD TRAITS

The 12 Traits of a Warrior Part 1: The Hard Traits with Chris Sajnog

 

RELATED EPISODES:

Dad Edge Alliance Q&A: Allowing Your Kids to Have Their Feelings with Chris Sajnog

Leading Our Family With Confidence with Chris Sajnog

 

We appreciate all the support!

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.


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Chris Sajnog’s Links

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Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Create an Epic Life

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Not Losing It with Your Kids

3 Seconds to Not Losing It with Your Kids


In our last episode with Amy Morin, author of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do, we discussed how to enhance mental toughness and emotional resilience in our kids. What does that mean for us dads?

As men, we are thrown so many things each day. Keeping up with work, finances, and family can be exhausting. It’s easy to become irritable and susceptible to knee jerk reactions, especially when our kids don’t listen to us. We usually yell and shout, and then feel terrible.

In this episode, I teach you how to use three seconds to create a mental space in your mind and use questions to give your kid a choice to obey.

'Most of the time our kids will fight us. They want to defend their ground just to have some power. You can get them to listen to you by giving them a choice.' #kids #parenting #dads #fathers Click To Tweet

MENTIONED EPISODE: How to Raise Mentally Strong Kids with Amy Morin

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If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!


THE DAD EDGE SUMMIT 2018

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Are you looking to connect to like-minded Dads that want to come together to strengthen and grow in their abilities both personally and professionally?
The Dad Edge 2018 Summit (Live Event) will set you up to do exactly that.

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Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance

Uncovering the Truth About Anger with Peter Sacco

Most men struggle with anger daily. Our tempers flare at work and at home with our wife and kids. Some of us are like Bruce Banner. Some of us turn into the Incredible Hulk. Canada’s psyche doctor, Peter Andrew Sacco tells us the secrets to where anger comes from, how to manage it, and so much more. You don’t want to skip this mind-blowing episode!

We are full-time workers, dads, and husbands. As men, it’s sometimes hard to control our anger. Discovering what type of temperament we have will help us find better ways to manage our anger, improve our relationships, and set an example for our kids on how to deal with their emotions too.

Peter Sacco

Peter Sacco, author of What’s Your Anger Type? is a psychology professor, a former private practitioner and is a regularly featured guest on television and radio. He is also an award-winning executive producer and has hosted many documentaries on relationships, psychological issues, and children’s issues. Peter Sacco has done extensive work in support groups and in anger management, especially with dads who are abusive towards kids and spouses.

Anger is a normal

Anger is a normal emotion. It’s how we deal with it that can be destructive.

Anger makes a person seem more authoritative and powerful, but the truth is that people with an anger problem actually feel they have no control in their lives. A lot of this aggression comes from unresolved issues in childhood and from shame or rage from being rejected as a kid.

Anger can be addictive

Anger is like a drug. When a person gets incensed, they experience an adrenaline rush. Being angry gives the sensation of dominance and control. It overpowers the fear that lies beneath it and gives a person a sense of power because it’s a stronger emotion than depression.

Is there hope for men with anger issues?

Some men who’ve come from a chaotic childhood feel doomed. They believe they’re broken and can’t be fixed. But Peter Sacco says there is tremendous hope for people with anger issues, but they have to do the work.

“You’ve got to want to be the change in your own life”

The Anger Cycle

Just like a soldier who has experienced PTSD, a person with a traumatic or abusive past might cope with unresolved emotions in different destructive ways. Some may use drugs and alcohol, some might vent their rage on certain races, others will withdraw or play the victim.

“Today’s catchers are tomorrow’s pitchers.”

A person who has anger issues will be more likely to take it on one his family. If your relationships fall apart and your work life is full of turmoil, the common denominator is you. It may be time to seek help.

Anger and bullying

Bullied kids lack self-esteem and confidence. They suffer from anxiety and depression. Some overcome it through counseling and become normal. Some cope by learning to be helpless and withdraw. Others develop a superiority complex and become bullies themselves, using aggression, rage, or passive aggression on others.

Why Kids are Suffering from Anxiety and Depression

Parents spend 2.5 to 6.5 minutes talking to their kids each day. In this small amount of time, the communication is usually corrective or punitive. It’s not at a deep intimate level because parents shy away from intimacy from their kids. ADHD has gone up. Divorce rates have risen. Peter Sacco believes it’s this lack of intimacy that’s more responsible than toxins in the environment or ingredients in food. Communication is the key.

Tips for improving communication with your kids

  1. How to start the conversation – If you feel uncomfortable speaking with your kids, find a situation where you’re most comfortable. Dinner is the best and most traditional forum for families to talk. Sit at the table. Make your kids accountable. Every day, ask them to give five things they’re grateful for. Then tell them to talk about one or two things they didn’t like. This will open up communication.
  2. Don’t start out questions with WHY – “Why” pushes someone in a corner. Be a facilitator, don’t treat kids as miniature adults. Don’t say why was your day bad? Say, if your day could go anyway you wanted, what would that be?
  3. Be more creative with questions – Do not be so direct. Maybe some things they’re facing will come out.
  4. Make yourself the go-to guy – Fathers are the breadwinners, and many feel that as long as they provide for their children, they’re doing their job as a parent. Most dads will plan adventures or bond over sports, but these activates focus on the event, not the father/child relationship. Dads should sit down with their kid and ask, “I’m Dad and you’re my child – let me ask you a question. What do I mean to you as a father? How do you see me? The all-knowing problem solver? Nagger? Coach? Disciplinarian? Teacher? How can I be a better dad?”
  5. How to talk about bullying – Kids won’t talk about being bullied because they’re afraid their parents will be ashamed of them. If you suspect bullying, don’t think that nothing’s happening and wait for it to go away on its own. It will wreck a child’s self-esteem. It’s crucial for kids to know that bullying happens in all walks of life. There is nothing to be ashamed of and that they can talk to you about it.

When Dads Get Angry

Even on our best days, our patience will run out. Peter Sacco says that the best way to communicate anger is to tell your kids you’re not feeling well. Tell them you just need a few moments. Instead of making it worse, treat anger like you have an upset stomach or like you’re going to vomit. You don’t want to talk about it. You want to be left alone. You’re not lying by saying you’re not feeling well because anger is a feeling. In a half hour, the emotions pass, and you’ll be in rational mindset to talk.



Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Peter Sacco’s Links

PeterSacco.com

BullyingisfortheBirds.com

Twitter

Facebook


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance

dads develop patience

3 Secrets for Dads to Develop Patience and Reduce Stress

Dads are pulled in a thousand different directions each day. We are constantly trying to meet the demands of our work and family life, and we seldom reach out for help. This leads to pressure and frustration. Today I list 3 secrets I use to develop patience and reduce stress.

In this episode I tell you how to enhance your patience by:

  1. Making self-care a priority.
  2. Identifying your core values and finding your purpose.
  3. Joining a community of like-minded men like the Dad Edge Facebook group.

 


We appreciate all the support!

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review. We read a review on the show every week, so don’t forget to sign your name.

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RESOURCES

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links