Thomas Fiffer, divorced dad

Essential Parenting Tips for the Divorced Man with Thomas Fiffer – GDP016

Essential Parenting Tips for the Divorced Man

Larry and Shawn were extremely grateful to have Thomas Fiffer on the show.  Thomas is an author and the Executive Editor of The Good Men Project.  Thomas oversees over 200 published articles per week from several different writers.  The site is dedicated to be a shining example of the modern man.  The Good Men Project is one of the most popular sites for men and women generating over 3 million unique visitors per month.  It offers several resources, blogs, articles, and links to books that help men and women simply understand each other better.

Key Take-Aways

In this episode, Thomas gives us several key strategies to help any divorced man:

  • Overcome common challenges of divorced Dads

  • How to model healthy relationship behavior to our kids

  • How to Dismantle the stereotypical incompetent father stereotype

Advantages to being a Divorced Man

The divorce rate is nearly 47% in the US.  Unfortunately, being a divorced man in the 20th century comes with several challenges.  However, Thomas shares a few insights that can be advantageous.

1.  There can be “relief and peace” within divorce. Meaning, once a relationship is beyond repair, divorce can offer an opportunity for each individual to heal from a troubled relationship.
2.  Divorce can also allow us to show up better as a parent without the constant stress and presence of a troubled relationship.
3.  Limited time with with kids allows the divorced man to give 100% of his attention to his children while he is in their presence.

Model Healthy Relationship Behavior

Modeling healthy relationship behavior to our kids can certainly be a challenge when divorced dads have limited time with kids.  Tom shares his insights about what it means to model healthy relationship behavior being a divorced man.

  • Respect:  Respect is the foundation of any relationship.  Ensuring we are teaching our kids through example about respect.  Finally, ensuring that we are demonstrating what “self-respect” is to our kids through example.

  • Control the Controllables:  The only people we can truly control are ourselves.  Don’t waste time or energy trying to control someone else in a relationship.

  • Be The Best for the Ex:  As difficult as that may sound, it will eventually make everyone’s life easier.  That doesn’t mean that a divorced man has to be the best for his ex.  It also means the divorced woman has to do the same.  This is a mutual agreement between both people to simply be their best for each other to achieve the same goal of raising healthy kids.

How to recognize a rotten relationship before it’s too late

Thomas wrote an article several years ago that gained a lot of attention on the internet.  The article really hit home with a lot of people.  It was entitled The 7 Deadly Signs of a Dysfunctional Relationship

Below are the 7 Deadly Signs:

1. Tedium: You have the same argument over and over again and never resolve it. This is perhaps the most obvious sign that something is wrong.

2. Blame: Everything is always your fault. And I mean everything. Dysfunctional partners avoid accountability like the plague.

3. Guilt: You’re constantly apologizing, even for things you didn’t do. Keeping the peace requires you to suck it up—every single time. It becomes a joke, the way you take the fall for everything, but it’s not funny, and you begin to feel worthless and ashamed.

4. Tension: When things are good, you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

5. Uncertainty: You never know who’s going to be there when you get home. One night, your partner is sweet, kind, and forgiving. The next, you can do no right.

6. Frustration: Getting even the simplest things done is hugely complicated. Despite your best efforts, you’re always butting heads and can’t work with your partner as a team. If you try to lead, you’re attacked. If you try to follow, you’re never doing enough of the scutwork.

7. Hopelessness: You feel like there’s a dark cloud over your life that won’t go away—a permanent weather system that obscures the sun. This is the saddest feeling of all. You lose your optimism, your light, the spark that keeps you going.

Read Thomas Fiffer’s Full Article Here:  The 7 Deadly Signs of a Dysfunctional Relationship

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS


Links Mentioned In This Episode

Books Mentioned In This Episode

perfect-supplements-banner3.png Thank You! Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!

Hal Elrod, being a good dad, the morning miracle

Being a Good Dad with “The Miracle Morning” – GDP012

“Being a Good Dad with ‘The Miracle Morning’” Episode Overview

Larry and Shawn interview Hal Elrod. Hal is one the world’s most popular and sought after success coaches. Hal goes in depth of how he uses “The Miracle Morning” strategies to be a more purposeful father.

Key Take-Aways

  • How dads can utilize “The Morning Miracle” to improve their lives
  • Learn about the “5 Minute Rule” and how it can improve your mentality and positivity
  • Learn about 6 powerful development characteristics (S.A.V.E.R.S.) that will help enrich a balanced and fulfilled life


Guest: Hal Elrod

Hal Elrod, being a good dad, the miracle morning

Hal Elrod is a best selling author, international keynote speaker, ultra-marathon runner, one of the most sought after success coaches in the world, and a father. He currently teaches people how to get the most out of life by using a strategy called “The Miracle Morning”.

Early in life, Hal learned that if you want something, you have to earn it. It’s a lesson he instills in his own children. He also learned that you can get paid doing something that you love. Although a self-described “non high-level achiever” in academics and athletics compared to Hal’s peers growing up, he found within himself the power to say, “Why not me? Why can’t I do that?” — and so, he broke a company all-time sales record held for 50 years for the western division of its national region, during his first 10 days working with a mentor. Breaking record after record, Hal started being recruited to speak at events at company where he worked and at others. Then, Hal began his career as a motivational speaker and his other endeavors followed.

What’s Your Wheelchair?

Hal was traveling back from a speaking engagement where he received a standing ovation, and he went from feeling on top of the world to feeling like the world was ending. Listen to the podcast as Hal shares his story of surviving a near-fatal car crash, in which he lost so much blood that he was clinically dead for 5-6 minutes.

Now that Hal is a dad himself, he has come to understand a part of his own story that he didn’t come to realize before: the unimaginable pain and emotions his own parents went through with his accident and recovery. After coming out of a coma 6 days later, doctors told Hal that he would never walk again. While his parents were distraught, Hal wasn’t. He told his parents that if the doctors were right, then he would be the happiest, most grateful person in a wheelchair. Because you can either be miserable in the wheelchair or not be miserable. Either way, you’re still going to be in a wheelchair.

What’s your circumstance in your current state or past that is out of your control? Or, maybe you can control the circumstance, but it’s going to a lot of time to turn it around? What’s your wheelchair: What is the circumstance that you’re letting hold you back from true happiness, fulfillment, success, everything that you want? Because you can choose to be the happiest, most grateful, most productive person even in the midst of the most difficult time in your life.

“The Miracle Morning”

Listen to the podcast to hear why and how Hal created “The Miracle Morning” for himself.

These are things Hal does for his “Miracle Morning”:

  • He wakes up a couple hours early — first thing in the morning when his brain is fresh mentally and emotionally, a clean slate. The time enables him to tackle his biggest ambitions, goals, dreams, and highest priorities in his life and/or business before his kids wake up.
  • He exercises every morning to put himself in a peak physical, mental, and emotional state.
  • He listens to an audiobook that challenges him to be a better person (business, personal growth, improving relationships, etc.).
  • The combination of listening to something extremely positive while putting yourself in a peak physical state is critical.
  • Then, applying what you have learned into your daily life every day.

This quote turned Hal’s life around:

“Your level of success will seldom exceed your level of personal development because success is something you attract by something you become.” – Jim Rohn

If you want Level 10 success in life, then you have to assess where you are at in your personal development in all areas of your life. Hal defines “personal development” as “you as a person, who you are”: your knowledge, confidence, skills, energy, enthusiasm — literally, every component of you who are, that’s your personal development.

For example: If your level of knowledge of being a dad is at a Level 2, you’re wondering why you’re being not being a good dad, and you want to be at Level 10, then you have to grow yourself as a person. Make being a better dad a personal daily study to improve your knowledge and skills of how to be better dad. It’s not about what you are doing, but who you are becoming and aspire to become. Yet ironically, it’s what we’re doing that’s determining who we are becoming.

The 5 Minute Rule

Hal learned about The 5 Minute Rule through his mentor and now friend during his sales training class. He explains how dads can get out of their own heads and into positivity by using it.

Hal’s mentor/friend explained The 5 Minute Rule to him like this:

1. You’re going to go out there and experience failure, rejection, and all that you encounter in sales — and in life, period. You’re going to encounter a lot of this, and it’s OK to be negative sometimes.
2. Don’t bottle feelings up; don’t shove them down. Don’t pretend that your feelings are not there and try to avoid them. Feel them, but set the timer on your phone to 5 minutes to moan, complain, vent, feel sorry for yourself, cry, etc.
3. After 5 minutes, you have to realize that there’s no value in dwelling on something that’s out of your control. You can’t go back in time and change it, so there’s no value in feeling bad wishing that you could.

Hal shares these insights about The 5 Minute Rule to help shift your mindset and perspective:

  • To the degree that you wish something didn’t happen to you, it’s a resistance to that reality.
  • To the degree that you resist your reality, it’s the degree that you will create emotional pain for yourself.
  • Emotional pain has little to nothing going on around you, and it has everything to do with what’s going on inside of you.
  • Realize what you can and cannot change.
  • Accept the things you cannot change and don’t focus on them. There is no point, no value, in focusing on things you cannot change.
  • As you practice The 5 Minute Rule more and more, you’ll realize that it will be become easier for you to typically take less than 5 minutes to do. You’ll notice that the 5-minute timeframe needed to be negative and express your feelings will begin shrink into less time, in general.
  • Eventually, The 5 Minute Rule will evolve for you. You’ll begin to understand that every negative emotion that you feel is self-created, and you can choose to not self-create negative emotion.
  • Accept life before it happens.


Life S.A.V.E.R.S.

6 Most Powerful Developmental Practices – Life S.A.V.E.R.S.:

1. Silence:  Meditation/Prayer or both.
2. Affirmations: Written statements of what you want, why you want them, and how you will achieve them with clarity. (Hal’s favorite part of S.A.V.E.R.S.) For Hal, it’s not about lying to yourself of tricking yourself. It’s about programming your subconscious with a clear vision and clarity over what you’ve got to commit to do in order to ensure achievement and going in the direction you want to go.
3. Visualization: Not just visualizing the end result, but also taking action.
4. Exercise: Benefits of exercise puts you in a peak physical, mental, and emotional state to “win” your day, especially in the morning.
5. Reading: Read self development books every day. Hal says this is one of the fastest ways to become the person you want to be in every area of your life.
6. Scribing: 5 minute journal — in other words, write for 5 minutes. Gratitude journals are a great way to record, reflect, and remember the positive things and people in your life. Hal uses an app called “5 Minute Journal”, making morning and evening entries. You can also buy a physical journal or notebook, which gives the added neurological benefits from physically going through the motions of writing.

In the end, if you want to be a great parent, simply strive to become a great person. Become a Level 10 human being.

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS


Links Mentioned In This Episode


Books Mentioned In This Episode

perfect-supplements-banner3.png Thank You!

Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!

How to connect with your spouse

5 Ideas On How To Connect With Your Spouse – GDP003

“5 Ideas on How to Connect with Your Spouse” Episode Overview

Larry Hagner and Shawn Stevenson share five ideas on how to connect with your spouse. They discuss some of the common challenges of marriage and how to overcome them with easy strategies.

Key Take-Aways

Intimacy gets lost when we get too busy and don’t make the time to truly connect with our spouse. The best way to connect with her/him is through communication, having a real conversation. Larry and Shawn discuss some of the common challenges of marriage and how to overcome lost connection and intimacy with five easy strategies.

The Problem: Limited Time to Connect

We have limited time in the day to connect with our spouse. We have demands of work, homework, extra curricular activities with kids, our health, hobbies, quality time with our kids and family.

At times, there is very little time to connect during the day. We can be exhausted from the day. We burn the candle on both ends. We “check out” when we get home. When we don’t make time for our spouse, we can potentially lose our connection. We lose intimacy.

Idea #1: Go on Once a Month (or More) Dates

Couples who do not take time with each other one-on-one can lose their connection. Your dates have to be something that gives you a platform where you can communicate and catch up. You should be in a situation where you will be able to hear each other and hold a conversation.

One suggestion would be to have Date Night more than once a month. Another suggestion would be to have an annual Date Day, where you spend the whole day and evening together. A third suggestion would be to have a mini date night or day, where you spend a few hours together. You could go out to dinner or just hang out together doing something simple.

Here are some tips to have a successful Date Night or Date Day:

  • You must schedule it.
  • Book a babysitter.
  • Make reservations for dinner at your favorite place.
  • No movies, concert, or plays: It must be interactive between the two of you.


Idea #2: Take 10 Minutes Every Day Before Bed to Catch Up

This time is sacred. Before bed may be the only time you and your spouse have to really connect with one another by having a meaningful conversation. A huge driving force for women, especially, is to be heard. There is something special and transformative about lying in bed together and having real pillow talk.

Here are some tips to have a fulfilling 10 minutes:

  • Ask open ended questions: What; When; Why; How. The more questions your spouse can answer without simply answering “yes” or “no”, the better.
  • Hold hands or physically touch (ex., give a backrub/massage) during your conversation.
  • No TV, iPad, or phones during your 10 minutes.

Jack Canfield (author of Chicken Soup for the Soul series) wrote a book called The Success Principles. In his book, Jack mentions that he and his wife share five things they appreciate about each other every night before bed.

Verbally acknowledge 3-5 things you appreciate about each other. Feeling significant is a human need, and hearing those things are powerful.

Idea #3: Talk or Text Throughout Your Day

Communicate on a daily basis or throughout the day. Call or text during the day to “check in” and let your partner s/he is in your thoughts. A useful tip would be to keep your interaction lighthearted and make your spouse laugh or make your spouse feel appreciated. Long-term happiness is related to gratitude and appreciation.

A suggested number of times is at least three times per day. We generally eat three times a day. Why not take some time there to communicate with our life partner?

Here are two helpful suggestions when talking/texting:

  • Make it a point to communicate via text or phone call to pay a compliment about something specific.
  • Don’t just give a simple “l love you.” The communication has to be something with more thought and specifics. Why do you love your spouse?


Idea #4: Pay a Genuine Compliment at Least 3 Times a Day (For 1 Week)

This strategy ties in with Idea #3: Talk or Text Throughout Your Day. Be aware of your spouse and her/his needs.

Of course, feel free to pay daily genuine compliments for more than just one week. One week is simply a good starting point to help turn the act of paying a genuine compliment into a positive habit.

Here are two important guidelines when giving compliments:

  • It has to be something specific.
  • It must be something important, empowering, and impactful for your spouse.


Idea #5: Choose to Love Your Spouse

The first 90 days or so of a relationship are linked to primal chemistry, the initial stage of the honeymoon phase where flaws are commonly overlooked. Love is more than a feeling. To really love someone is to make a purposeful choice.

Learning to love is a skill. Love is a practice, something you have to cultivate and take care of in your relationship. You have to take loving your partner upon yourself by making love a study. Learn from examples of others whose relationships who are more than happy and who you admire. Read books and seek out advice.

Choose to look at your spouse with gratitude and appreciation. Choose to be positive and have a happy perspective. Choose love.


Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS


Perfect Supplements, our Good Dad Project Sponsor

Thank You!

Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!