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Breaking Destructive Habits

3 Steps to Breaking Destructive Habits

On this week’s Thursday Throwdown, we’re going to recap our wildly popular show with Nell Daly about a problem many men silently struggle with – online pornography. Nell Daly talked about three simple steps that can not only help those of us who struggle with porn addiction, but with any destructive habit or behavior like overeating, drinking, gambling, and more.

3 Steps to Breaking Destructive Habits

  1. Look at your behavior without shame or guilt. Objectively analyze your behavior. How often are you doing it? Why are you doing it? How do you feel before and after?
  2. Replace the bad habit with something positive. Do you have a McDonald’s addiction? What could you replace bad food with? Are you spending too much time watching online porn? What about replacing that time with a run?
  3. Keep track of your progress.  Ask yourself, how have I done this week? What replacements were successful? Build on those victories.

Did you catch our episodes with Nell Daly? 

Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly

The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

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Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly

Pornography – It’s pervasive in our culture today. 70% of men between the ages of 30 to 60 look at online pornography weekly. Still, no one wants to talk about it. Today I have psychotherapist and relationships expert, Nell Daly, on the show with me to answer what most guys are dying to know – how much porn is too much? And how do we stop when it becomes a problem? Don’t miss this honest (and explicit) discussion on the truth about porn addiction.

Porn is Not Always a Problem

Pornography isn’t always a bad thing. It can be healthy for couples who want to expand their sexual lives or for single people who want to explore their own fantasies. But pornography can be a problem when it begins interfering with other aspects of life, like work and relationships.

Why Porn is Addictive

A pornography habit usually starts innocently, but Nell Daly says watching porn but what used to satisfy in fifteen minutes takes an hour. Watching pornography teaches the body and mind new sexual triggers. Eventually, it takes more to activate those triggers. More time is spent watching pornography and more graphic and varied fantasy scenarios are needed to achieve the same effect. We build a tolerance to pornography like any other addiction.

Porn is a distraction from worries or problems. It’s a way to self-soothe and relieve stress and tension. Porn addiction can be used to

  • Self-medicate
  • Disassociate (from people, problems, feelings)
  • To make up for a lack of emotional intimacy in a marriage or relationship
  • To make up for a lack of physical sex

How to Face Porn Addiction

Nell Daly says that sexual awareness is a huge part of who we are, and the brain is the most important sex organ in the body. Sex is the bond that keeps relationships together. Relationships keep us happy. The happier we are, the better parents, husbands, and workers we are. If porn is interfering with daily functions in your life, or if you have anxiety over how much porn you are watching, chances are you have a problem. Here are three ways to address a pornography habit and to start making changes.

  1. Record your habits – keeping a record helps us to see just how much time is spent on porn and how it affects other areas of your life. What are you missing out on because of it? Family time, intellectual pursuits, other healthy habits? Observe yourself in a non-judgmental way
  2. Share the shame – we connect through vulnerability. Sharing is the first step to healing. Join a support group in your community. If you’re not comfortable with that, join an online group.
  3. Replace the habit – Start replacing the time spent watching porn with another positive activity. Exercise helps to relieve physical tension and stress. Meditation has amazing self-soothing benefits.

Pornography, like any bad habit, is going to be a difficult change. No one will get better overnight, but Nell Daly says it can be a great spiritual teacher. Anything that’s hard to address, any issue that brings us to our knees, helps us evolve.

Did you catch Nell Daly’s last episode? The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Nell Gibbon Daly

thedaly.com

Unscripted Podcast

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Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


SEALed Mindset Exclusive GDP Offer


Get access to the SEALed Mindset Membership Platform

Normal price: $150-$250 a month

DISCOUNT EXTENDED: $25 a month for GDP listeners (90% lifetime discount)

Extra bonus: For FREE new lesson click here> SMLdad.com

nell gibbon daly men women and sex

The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly

A healthy sex life is crucial to a happy and harmonious relationship, but sex is one of the most difficult things for men to talk about. Today our second ever female guest, Nell Gibbon Daly, talks with us frankly about sex and how we can make breakthroughs in communication to improve intimacy and experience amazing sex. (EXPLICIT)

Nell Gibbon Daly

Nell Gibbon Daly is a psychotherapist, author, TV commentator, and TEDx speaker. She frequently appears on FOX news and other networks and is reaching 19 million viewers a month. She has sat through 20,000 hours as a psychotherapist and her practice now consists of about 80% male patients. She  enjoys helping men specifically and caters to highly successful executives and artists. Nell is a divorced mother of three who grew up in an Irish immigrant family. Surrounded by alpha male older brothers, she’s been used to navigating through tough guys all her life. Nell considers it a gift to learn how the male psyche works, and wants to act as a translator between men and the women of the world.

Lack of Sex: what’s missing?

Some members of our private The Dad’s Edge Facebook group have shared the fact that they have gone long periods without having any sex with their spouses. This is not as uncommon as you might think, but most of us are reluctant to bring up the lack of sex because we’re afraid to hurt our wife’s feelings or trigger an argument. This lack of communication builds resentment, and resentment leads to the destruction of intimacy and a poor sex life.

Why don’t we communicate?

Men have no idea how to ask for what they want and need. We are afraid of appearing vulnerable, especially to those closest to us. Maybe we want to confide, but we don’t want to seem weak. Instead of venting our stresses and fears, we turn to food, alcohol, or TV to bury the pain. These coping mechanisms block opportunities for intimacy and distance ourselves even further from our partners.

How can we ease the pressure?

Women have no idea how much pressure a man is under because we hide it so well. Our egos can’t handle the thought of people knowing that maybe we’re not on top of everything. Nell Gibbon Daly explains that while women value themselves for beauty, men value themselves by how much money they make. The tremendous financial pressure, especially when there are children to take care of, can be crushing. Men feel ashamed to expose their vulnerability and are afraid to go into the pain. In this modern age, men have lost their community and are isolated. We bury our pain with addiction and sex. We suffer depression and anxiety, and this infiltrates our home life and relationships, all the way to the bedroom.

Nell Gibbon Daly says that if you don’t face the pain, you will never get out of it, and if you don’t feel comfortable talking to a spouse, friend, or family member, you need to find a therapist to help you work through your issues.

What are we doing wrong?

Seeing a woman really into sex is the biggest turn on for a man, and Nell Gibbon Daly says the biggest complaint she hears from men is that their wives don’t seem to be enjoying sex. Believe it or not, your wife’s lack of enthusiasm might have nothing to do with your looks or physical performance. “If you have resentment in marriage, she’s not going to look like she’s into giving a blowjob.”

Nell also reveals that during all her hours listening to women’s stories, their most common complaint was that their men were too controlling. Women need to be relaxed to enjoy sex, and your wife cannot relax if you’re uptight.

She further warns men not to assume that the way you’re touching her feels good. Your partner may be lying because she doesn’t want to hurt you. But protecting each other’s egos prevents husbands and wives from getting to the truth and couples are not having great sex because they’re not talking about it.

How do we approach our partners about sex?

Couples will have sex in a certain way for years. Both might find it routine and unsatisfying, but will endure for a lifetime rather than risk hurting the other’s feelings. How can we approach our partner if we want something different? How do we explore each other’s fantasies? Here are a few tips from Nell Gibbon Daly.

  • Create a space where your partner feels safe to talk – Make sure you’re alone. Send the kids to their grandparents. Find an environment to inspire open communication, like the freedom of the outdoors.
  • Build up intimacy beforehand – spend quality time with your spouse to create a sense of closeness and safety before bringing up a difficult subject.
  • Let go of your ego – don’t be afraid to let your guard down. Making yourself vulnerable gives your partner power to do the same.
  • Don’t underestimate your partner’s ability to expand – Will she see me as a failure? Will she think I’m perverted? Will she judge me? These are thoughts that prevent us from sharing our fears, desires, and fantasies with our wives, but how will you know how she will feel about it unless you tell her?

What do we say?

Nell Gibbon Daly says to begin the conversation as best friends – not as man and woman, but as two human beings. Have a more complex conversation, not just focusing on your needs, but hers. For example, “Is there something I’m not doing for you inside and outside the bedroom to make you feel sexier and want to be intimate anymore?”

This level of honesty is not without risk

It’s possible that confronting issues that have been so long buried will be the demise of your relationship. Once you say it out loud, you can’t take it back, but hiding these things will kill the relationship eventually anyway. Daly says you must break each other down in order to grow and that the “pain can become a place of eroticism.”

In the end, just be authentic

The most incredible men Nell Gibbon Daly has met were the ones who were vulnerable. There’s nothing worse than someone who is boring, and boring people are the ones obsessed with being perfect or looking perfect. You are who you are. Be yourself. “There’s nothing sexier than owning it.”


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Nell Gibbon Daly

Nelldaly.com

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