Turning SHAME and REGRET into POWER

Turning Shame and Regret into Power

All of us at some time in our lives will face a time of darkness and despair. It could be financial ruin, divorce, a health crisis, or a shameful mistake. Chances are that when we are struggling through a difficult time, we won’t let anyone know about it. When someone asks us how we are, we’ll say, “I’m fine.”

In this case FINE means:

  • F*cked up
  • Insecure
  • Neurotic and
  • Emotional

We tend to take our frustrations out on those around us, blind to the damage we are causing. Addictions can take over when we feel like there is no other way to calm the chaos.

We’re excited to bring Joe Burnham back on the show. He is a Dad Edge Alliance mastermind member who was on the podcast previously to talk about his life after getting arrested in a prostitution sting.

Today he tells us how no one is beyond redemption and that it is possible to recover from a downfall by turning shame and regret into power.

MENTIONED EPISODE: A Dad’s Recovery from Sex Addiction

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fear as father

How to Defeat the Number One Fear as a Father – GDP031

Episode Overview:

In this episode, Larry and Shawn go over some key takeaways from Larry’s Amazon #1 Best Seller, “The Dad’s Edge.”

Key Takeaways:

  •             Learn how to overcome fear as a father
  •             Discover how fear as a father are based on the meaning we give them
  •             Learn how to rewrite your meaning and perspective
  •             Discover how you can take your game to the next level

How to Defeat Fear as a Father

You what really makes us miserable at times?

The answer may surprise you.  It’s you.  That’s right.  It’s ourselves.  It’s me.  It’s you.  It’s absolutely positively ourselves.

Unfortunately, so many of us have negative inner chatter. As men and Dads, we have a tendency to put an enormous amount of pressure on ourselves. We can’t screw up. Not even once. We need to be exceptional. No, we need to be more than exceptional. We need to be perfect.

I want you to take a moment and really think about your daily inner chatter. What do you say to yourself quietly? Do you build yourself up or tear yourself down?  Learning how to defeat fear is absolutely critical to the success of our dad journey.

Most of us have a voice that can tear us down

  •             It’s the voice that constantly tells you that you are doing it all wrong
  •             It tells you that you are not enough
  •             You are not a lovable person

  •             You don’t deserve something or someone
  •             You can’t

  •             You never will

  •             You aren’t good at your job

This inner self-talk not only destroys our enjoyment of being a good dad, but all aspects of life.  Your inner self-talk can magnify our fear as a father.

Our Worst Fear as a Father

I will let you in on a secret: There is one ultimate fear we humans share. It is a fear that we all have in common whether you are a father, a mother, a son, a daughter, a grandparent, an employee, or a business owner. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do. We ALL share the same ultimate fear that is so incredibly deeply rooted. If you look at “things” in life that we are afraid of, it literally all boils down to just ONE CORE FEAR.

And here it is:


Think about it for a moment: Take anything that you are afraid of or something that is causing you stress. For instance, think about your job for a minute. What really scares you or stresses you out about your job?

You might say:

  • “It’s the workload…it’s hard for me to keep up.” 

  •  “I lost a customer or a big client. How will I make up for that?” 

  •  “I am afraid of making a mistake and being let go.” 
  •   “My boss is always all over my case.” 

Then ask yourself why you stress about that in particular? It’s because at the root of that perceived stress there is an underlying fear that “YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH AT YOUR JOB AND YOU WON’T BE NEEDED and THEREFORE LET GO.”

Fear as a father and troubled relationships

Think about a troubled relationship. What really scares and causes you stress about a troubled relationship? Certain things may come to mind such as: 

  •        “We fight about everything.” 

  •        “I feel like I am being taken for granted.” 

  •        “I feel I am not respected.” 

  •        “I don’t get the affection that I truly desire.” 

  •        “I don’t get the recognition and appreciation that I deserve.” 

All of these perceived stressors can be rooted in one common FEAR: ”Ultimately, I am not enough for this other person, they won’t love me, and will leave.” 
Are you beginning to see a pattern here? 

The Solution to Defeating your Worst Fear as a Father:

In order to change this debilitating fear that all humans share, we must do two things.

First, we have to change the story we keep telling ourselves over and over.  We have to re-write our story of defeat and replace it with a winning mentality.

The real question is how to defeat fear?

Second, you need to develop a daily and weekly strategy to sharpen the necessary skills for a fulfilling life and fatherhood journey.

Check out this episode and grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge for several solutions that will empower several aspects of your life…not just fatherhood…but all areas.

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS


Thank You!

Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!