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modern manhood

Modern Manhood: What it Means to Be a Good Man Today with Cleo Stiller


Do you consider yourself to be one of the “good guys?” What is the truth about masculinity? What does it mean to be a good man in today’s rapidly changing society? The old ideas of the male being a lone pursuer, protector, and provider are evolving, leaving many men confused about their role in family and society.

Today we have Cleo Stiller on The Dad Edge. She is the author of Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today. Cleo has had conversations with men all over the cultural, economic, and geographical spectrum, along with experts in psychology and sociology, to get a deeper understanding of what men really want and need.

In this episode, Cleo Stiller provides context for men and women when it comes to friendship, sex, parenting, money, and work. She also tells us how dads can become better human beings and raise their sons to confidently navigate the modern world.

There’s no way you’re going to raise a son who is comfortable expressing himself if you aren’t comfortable expressing yourself.—Cleo Stiller

 

Cleo Stiller

Cleo Stiller is a Peabody Award and Emmy Award-nominated journalist, speaker and television host on a mission to inspire positive social action around the world — and now an author with Simon & Schuster.

Stiller’s latest project is a new book Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today based off of years of Stiller’s reporting with men as they reconcile what it means to be “a good man” in a #MeToo era.

Modern Manhood is a #1 New Release on Amazon and has received coverage in Fortune Magazine, Rolling Stone, ABC News, The Independent, PBS, LinkedIn’s Weekend Essay and many more.

Prior to this, Stiller spearheaded health-focused digital and social video content for Univision’s cable news network for Millennials, Fusion. This culminated in the creation of an original docuseries about relationships, technology and culture. It’s the network’s second highest performing original series and has received multiple award nominations, including a prestigious Peabody Award for public service.

Stiller is an Emmy nominated and Gracie winning journalist with a background in digital video reporting — and a passion for women’s health. She’s a frequent conference speaker, most recently at New York University’s Center for Global Affairs Women’s Global Health Conference and her work has been covered by The New York Times, Self.com, Variety,Bustle, Essence,LifeHacker and a Reddit AMA.

Stiller now consults with media companies, brands and organizations to create and execute video campaigns optimized for digital reach that educate, humor and inspire viewers.

Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today

Emmy and Peabody Award–nominated health reporter Cleo Stiller’s fun(ny) and informative collection of advice and perspectives about what it means to be a good guy in the era of #MeToo.

Here are a few self-evident truths: Predatory men need to go, sexual assault is wrong, and women and men should be equal. If you’re a man and disagree with any of the aforementioned, then this book isn’t for you.

But if you agree, you’re probably one of the “good guys.” That said, you might also be feeling frustrated, exasperated, and perhaps even skeptical about the current national conversation surrounding #MeToo (among many other things). You’ve likely found yourself in countless experiences or conversations lately where the situation feels gray, at best. You have a lot to say, but you’re afraid to say it and worried that one wrong move will land you in the hot seat. From money and sex to dating and work and everything in between—it can all be so confusing! And when do we start talking about solutions instead of putting each other down?

In Modern Manhood, reporter Cleo Stiller sheds light on all the gray areas out there, using conversations that real men and women are having with their friends, their dates, their family, and themselves. Free of judgment, preaching, and sugarcoating, Modern Manhood is engaging, provocative, and, ultimately, a great resource for gaining a deeper understanding of what it means to genuinely be a good man today.

What You’ll Learn

  • Why Cleo doesn’t use the phrase “toxic masculinity”
  • This is the most progressive generation and cultural norms are changing quickly.
  • Cleo’s book, Modern Manhood, seeks to provide context for men and women all over the country about gray areas when it comes to dating, parenting, money, and work.
  • Class, ethnic, and regional background affect our ideas of what being a good man means.
  • The loss of friendship and loneliness of modern men
  • The reason men don’t have meaningful friendships once they reach adulthood
  • “Woke,” the new term for politically aware
  • Should you call out a friend for being inappropriate?
  • Men don’t know how to talk about their problems, so they turn to humor (sometimes inappropriate) to bond.
  • Women are increasingly out earning their male partners.
  • Men are hardwired to provide, but most men don’t want to be THE provider, but a provider.
  • Men being the sole provider is new in human history. Historically, it was a dual income society, where men hunted and women gathered, both providing food.
  • Single income households developed after agriculture started.
  • Strip the idea from your mind that the only way you can provide as a man is through money. There are so many other ways.
  • Questioning stereotypical idea of masculinity as the lone wolf, stoic, protector, and pursuer
  • Most men get their idea of what being a good man means from their father for what he did or did not do.
  • If there is something about your idea of a being good man that is making you miserable, you can reframe it.
  • We often equate work with misery and feel like we’re doing something wrong if we’re happy.
  • Sex and dating in the age of the #metoo movement
  • We don’t see connected, intimate sexual interactions in media and in our culture, so we don’t practice them either.
  • Get comfortable with your feelings within. Everything that makes you uncomfortable will come out in your children. If you’re afraid of your feelings, they will be too.
  • How to teach your sons to process emotion.
  • It’s not so much about what a good guy does, but what a good person does. You are a human, you should be able to rely on and open up to the people that you love.

MENTIONED EPISODES

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood

Stop Drifting and Consciously Design Your Future with Dominick Quartuccio

Become Irresistible to Your Woman with Allana Pratt

 


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guide to women

Ultimate Guide to Demystifying Women with Robert Kandell


Men are supposed to be strong and silent, right? We think if we work hard and provide we will be rewarded. This is what our culture has taught us, and this is what we think women want. But this idea is becoming obsolete in today’s society.

The world has changed drastically when it comes to the roles of men and women. The patriarchy humans lived in for thousands of years has shifted. Women have evolved but men have stayed the same. It’s time for us to catch up.

Today’s guest, Robert Kandell, is the host of the Tuff Love podcast and the author of the upcoming book unHIDDEN: A Book for Men & Those Confused by Them. He gives us the ultimate guide to demystifying women and tells us how to connect to ourselves so that our women can have what they want most, which is all of us.

'Women want the evolved man. The complicated man. The dynamic man ... They want to see all of you.'—@RobertKandell #men #marriage #women #relationships #vulnerability #masculinity Click To Tweet

Robert Kandell

Robert Kandell is a veteran of many worlds. He has spent time in corporate America, a start-up, a small computer shop, and then built an international 8-figure business based on relationship, intimacy and sexuality. He currently runs a successful consulting firm helping small businesses to become marketable and profitable. In addition to his business and management skills, Robert is an accomplished teacher, coach, and lecturer, helping men find themselves and utilize their internal power.

What You’ll Learn

  • Why men are so quiet about what’s going on in their minds
  • How most men know something is wrong with themselves and their relationships, but they can’t tell what it is
  • How hiding your fears and weaknesses from your woman hurts your relationship
  • How women want both Spartan strength and little-boy vulnerability at the right times
  • Why women want all aspects of their men
  • Why men need to connect to all aspects of themselves to give their woman everything she needs
  • What judgements block you from making those connections
  • How to get into the flow of self-discovery instead of fighting it
  • Confronting issues with your partner
  • Investigating different ways around communication
  • Practicing ways to implement new information
  • Integrating all you’ve learned into your life
  • Why withholding your struggles from your wife is an unconscious form of chauvinism
  • Difference between connecting with your wife and being a whiny baby
  • Why shaking things up is a huge turn on
  • The shame that runs our lives and blocks us from growing
  • Confronting sexual shame and guilt
  • How Robert Kandell opened up to his wife about his porn issue
  • The butterfly effect of free porn and how it leads to erectile dysfunction and prevents us from connecting with our wives
  • How porn activates the hunter and trains our brain to be addicted to novelty
  • The magical powers of communication
  • How to create communication containers
  • How to be a listener as well as a communicator
  • Robert Kandell’s most important advice as a dad raising two preteen step daughters


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Robert Kandell’s Links

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The Masculine, the Man, and the Mountain with Traver Boehm

The Masculine, the Man, and the Mountain with Traver Boehm


Traver Boehm has a story unlike anything you’ve ever heard. He put himself through an experience most of us would find absolutely terrifying. This interview will inspire you to dig deep inside yourself and look at life in a completely new way.

Traver Boehm is an author, speaker, and founder of the Man Uncivilized Movement, which aims to inspire millions of men to balance their primal and divine masculine traits. He is not a dad or a husband at the moment. He was previously married with a child on the way, but everything came to a crushing end.

This sent Traver on a wild and painful physical, mental, and spiritual journey to discover who he truly was inside and what it means to be the masculine, the man, and the mountain.

'What would I need to do so that on taking that very last breath I would be in peace and I would be whole?'—Traver Boehm #life #death #bucketlist #adversity #selfdiscovery #noregrets Click To Tweet

Traver Boehm’s Story

When Traver talks about his life, you feel like you’re listening to the stories of ten men. In his 5th grade year, his family moved from their small town in Connecticut to Tokyo. He spent the late 80s as a blond-haired kid immersed in Japanese culture. He returned to the US to finish high school, but ended up moving to California where he became a bodyguard for celebrities and millionaires.

Traver left the job though. As exciting as it sounds, guarding a door for twelve hours was a bore, no matter how famous the person he worked for was. He went to the opposite end of the spectrum and enrolled in acupuncture school.

In the midst of his studies, he flew to Thailand to learn Muy Thai and then explored MMA fighting when he returned to Los Angeles. During his training, he discovered crossfit and opened his own gym.

He even started up a chocolate company that combine traditional Chinese herbs with chocolate. Whatever came to his mind, he went out and did it.

His life was full and active. He got married and had a baby on the way. Then it all came to an abrupt end.

And this is just the beginning of his story.

'What is underneath all of me? What happens when you take away my future kid, my wife, my business, my dog, when you take everything from me?'—Traver Boehm #loss #depression #identity #crisis #men #manhood #masculinity Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn About

  • Traver’s herbal chocolate for female libido called “Hungry Kitty”
  • The Year to Live Project, when he decided to live 2016 as if it was his last year on Earth
  • How he decided to spend his hypothetical last moments on Earth
  • How he thought this would heal his past
  • Why he called up all his exes to find out where he was deficient as a man
  • His experience volunteering for hospice and what wisdom dying people shared with him
  • What it means to ‘hold space’ in your daily interactions
  • His dark retreat where he spent 28 days in a completely lightless dome not much bigger than arm’s width wide
  • What prolonged absolute darkness did to his mind
  • How the dark retreat changed his life
  • The difference between divine and primal masculinity and why men need both
  • His advice for raising strong daughters and sons
Think, 'I’m the masculine. I’m the man. I’m the mountain.' It gives you the ability to hold just a bit of space between stimulus and response.—Traver Boehm #men #manhood #dads #fathers #parenting #family #patience #anger Click To Tweet

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Traver Boehm’s Links

How To Make Pain Your Guru | Traver Boehm | TEDxSantaBarbara

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The Modern Revolution of the Masculine Heart with John Eldredge

Dad Edge Alliance Q&A: The Modern Revolution of the Masculine Heart with John Eldredge

What you’re going to hear today will hit you right in the chest and speak to your soul. You might question the direction of your life, and that’s a good thing. Beneath the negative events portrayed in the media, there is a modern revolution of the masculine heart taking place. Do you feel a call to adventure and a deeper, more fulfilling life?

Today we give you a sneak peek behind the curtains of one of our Dad Edge Alliance group calls. Bestselling author of Wild at Heart John Eldredge agreed to do a live Q&A with our guys. This is an emotional show full of incredible wisdom and answers to questions we might not have even known we had. Don’t miss this special episode of the Dad Edge Podcast!

'Adventure is not just fun. It’s a spiritual longing for a masculine soul. It is food, it is nourishment, it is sustenance.' – @ransomedheart #masculinity #men #adventure #fulfillment Click To Tweet

John Eldredge and Wild at Heart

John Eldredge’s story begins when he was thirty-one years old, working in DC in the political circle. He was a good husband and a good father to a toddler at the time. He had opportunities most men would dream of, like of sitting in on Supreme Court hearings, rubbing shoulders with the elite, and having lunch at the White House. He remembers after just having had the premier Washington experience and noticing there was something wrong with his reaction. He couldn’t care less.

John realized he was in a job he didn’t love, in a city he didn’t relate to, and in a life that wasn’t his. He had lost heart.

John was trying to sort through where to go, when one day, a friend asked him what kind of books he read. Were they about politics and government? John said no. He read books about the human heart and soul. It was clear that he had been in the absolute wrong line of work.

At the age of thirty-two, he went back to grad school and got a degree in counseling. He moved back to Colorado and built a practice. No matter who walked through his door, John noticed every guy, whether they had depression, addiction, marriage problems, etc., had the same core problem. They had lost their connection to their heart and their divine destiny.

John began to write and do lectures on the subject. He organized some retreats, and the idea began to resonate with men everywhere. He and his friend Brent Curtis wrote Sacred Romance together. Tragically, Brent was killed in a climbing accident, but John continued his mission and eventually wrote Wild at Heart.

His publisher actually rejected the manuscript first. This was a big mistake. The book became a phenomenon, outlining the universal central issues of masculinity. John was able to quit his private practice to write more and he is now also part of Ransomed Heart Ministries.

John says that despite the bad news we hear every day, there is a masculine revolution going on.

'Men are getting better. Men are healing. There is a company of warriors that is being raised up. It is the greatest untold story of our day.' –@ransomedheart #dads #men #fathers #fatherhood #manhood #spirituality Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • How to approach huge, overwhelming goals
  • The three types of adventures: casual adventure, crucial adventures, and critical adventures
  • How to express to our wives we need adventure without upsetting them
  • How and why to make adventures approachable
  • The ramifications of doing the masculine journey of life without divine guidance
  • How in most life issues, the core need is fathering
  • Why a father’s physical affection in the early years is critical
  • How the concept of masculinity has drastically changed for young men
  • How to help young men transition to the work force while still holding onto the principles you’ve taught them
  • Why young men need a craft or skill, not just for employment, but for a sense of self and satisfaction to the soul
  • Why we need to detach young people from technology
  • How to give our kids the father we never had
  • Why the ability to make mistakes is critical to good fathering
  • How to construct rites of passage for your kids
  • How to make up for not being a good father in the past
  • How to help a fearful child embrace adventure
  • The balance between protecting your kids while giving them room for adventure


'You can’t amass enough information without a conversational relationship with the divine.' – @ransomedheart #christianity #god #selfimprovement #personaldevelopment #lifespurpose Click To Tweet

MENTIONED EPISODE: Wild at Heart with John Eldredge


We appreciate all the support!

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.

We read a review on the show each week. The next one could be yours!


John Eldredge’s Links

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Resources

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

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Dad Edge Alliance

Wild at Heart with John Eldredge

Wild at Heart with John Eldredge

The Dad Edge Podcast is honored beyond words to have John Eldredge on the show. He is the author of the bestselling book Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul and is here to talk about our core needs as men and our constant quest for validation.

He also shares life-changing insights on how to become a student of our child’s heart and interpret their experiences for them so that they can become happier, stronger adults.

 

On being a dad: 'It’s not about perfection. It’s about love.' – John Eldredge @ransomedheart #dads #fathers #fatherhood #parenting Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • The inspiration for John Eldredge’s book, Wild at Heart
  • How we are in the midst of the collapse of gender
  • Why guys are confused on what it means to be a man
  • How men can be restored by doing internal work
  • Why most men don’t know they have a genuine strength to offer the world
  • How most of us ‘fake it’ through life, but inside, we doubt who we are
  • What things men are compensating for
  • Why men are so afraid to fail
'The number one ingredient for a child's success is having a dad who cares and who is involved.' – John Eldredge @ransomedheart #dads #fathers #fatherhood #parenting Click To Tweet
  • What it means to be a student of your child’s heart and why you need to become one
  • How to start giving your kids low-grade challenges to build their confidence
  • How to also implement low-grade failures so they can discover that they will survive through setbacks
  • How looking to your kid as a source of personal validation is damaging
  • How to wire your parenting for each child
  • How to be a dad to daughters
  • How a father defines his daughters identity
  • What a father can do to ensure his daughter trusts masculine strength
  • What to do when you blow up and anger
  • How to not let your child’s feelings turn into ‘agreements’ or negative conclusions about life
  • How to take the power of validation away from high-pressure situations
'A man will design his entire life to avoid anything that might expose him, and to only stay in the areas where he is getting some validation.' – John Eldredge @ransomedheart #men #dads #fathers #masculinity #comfortzone #fear… Click To Tweet

We appreciate all the support!

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.

We read a review on the show each week. The next one could be yours!

 


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THE DAD EDGE SUMMIT 2018

JUNE 7TH – 9TH – ST. LOUIS

Are you an extraordinary father looking to accelerate in all aspects of your life?
Are you looking to connect to like-minded Dads that want to come together to strengthen and grow in their abilities both personally and professionally?
The Dad Edge 2018 Summit (Live Event) will set you up to do exactly that.

LEARN MORE


Resources

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance