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toxic father

Making Peace with a Toxic Father

Our relationship with our fathers determines how we will be as fathers. But we have a choice. We can either repeat the cycle or use it as a lesson on how not to parent.

Forgiveness seems impossible when it comes to someone who hurt us so badly during the time that we needed them most, but it is the only way to not let the anger rule us as parents. Today we talk about making peace with a toxic father.

Justin Chester’s father was absent most of the time. When his dad was home, he was cold and mean. He’d lock Justin outside during rainstorms and pin him to the wall for not knowing how to tie his shoes.

Now Justin has been married for 3 years and is the father of two sons, a one-year-old and a newborn. He knew that holding onto the resentment and trauma was holding him back in life. In a heroic act of forgiveness, he reached out and confronted his dad to bury the pain. His toxic father cannot take back the past, but Justin is no longer letting it poison his future.

“Stay out of your head. Be okay with the unexpected. Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone, and enjoy life where you’re at.”

What You’ll Learn

  • Operate within the man that you are.
  • When it comes to a toxic father, what could be instead of what was done to me?
  • Children are supposed to need their fathers, but sometimes the roles reverse and the parent needs the relationship with the child more than the child does.
  • Holding onto anger doesn’t benefit either of person or their situation in life.
  • Justin didn’t seek agreement from his toxic father. He decided to move past it for himself.
  • How to defeat the victim mentality.
  • Stop getting stuck in thoughts about how angry you are. Stop buying into your obsession. Move past and get to a better place so it is no longer holding you back in life.
  • Getting back to having real, naturally flowing conversations with your spouse.
  • Working towards what you want together instead of what you alone want.
  • How to be excited about the adventure of marriage and fatherhood

MENTIONED EPISODES

How to Unf*ck Yourself with Gary John Bishop

Why Should I Forgive? with Derek Stone

Personal Evolution Through Trauma with Stefanos Sifandos

One Last Talk: Your Truth Matters with Philip McKernan


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


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Modern Man’s Ultimate Guide to Purpose, Passion and Power with David Wagner

Modern life demands a modern perspective. In a world where the meaning masculinity is in flux, it’s more important than ever to step back from life and dig beneath our protective layers to find out what we’re really all about.

Who are we as men?

How did we get this way?

How can we use our relationships with our own fathers to inform the men we will become?

Today’s guest is David Wagner. He is a transformational teacher, a father, and the author of Backbone: Modern Man’s Ultimate Guide to Purpose, Passion and Power.

David goes into several aspects of being a man, but most importantly he talks about the father wound. Even the best dads fall short in some way and create damage that follows their children into adulthood.

David teaches us how to get to know our fathers as men, to witness life through their eyes so that we can forgive them for their shortcomings and learn from their regrets.

Don’t miss this emotionally charged episode. It will forever alter the way you view your relationship with your father and and the way you show up for your children.

David Wagner

David Harshada Wagner is a teacher, pastor, author, and proud father who has dedicated more than 30 years of his life to the path of selfless service, spiritual awakening, and radical self-transformation.

He has been helping people from all walks of life all over the world walk the spiritual path for more than 25 years. His training is vast and varied, from traditional Christian teachings, to 12 Step Recovery training, to the Indian wisdom traditions of Yoga, Bhakti, Vedanta, and Tantric Shaivism. As a teacher and pastor he draws teachings not only from tradition and scripture, but from his decades of personal transformation and his experience serving others to find their authentic path to deep happiness. Most recently, David has been including Biblical teachings in his ministry and exploring a non-traditional approach to the Way of Christ.

In addition to his online global ministry, David serves on the faculties of YogaGlo, Kripalu, and Omega Institutes, and travels widely training teachers and working with people from all walks of life. He is the author of BACKBONE – the Modern Man’s Ultimate Guide to Purpose Passion and Power, and is currently authoring several books including one based on the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita, and one that explores the cross currents between traditionally eastern practices and the teachings of the Christian Bible. David currently is based in in Ojai, California and travels widely serving his worldwide community.

Backbone: The Modern Man’s Ultimate Guide to Purpose, Passion and Power

So many self-help books on the market have a feminine edge and do not speak directly to a man’s masculinity. The message that men have been given so far is that they have to get in touch with their feminine side if they want to embrace change. This book blows this theory out of the water and is a total game changer. It enables men to transform entirely, working with their masculinity instead of against it. Straight talking, down-to-earth and humorous Wagner addresses the challenges that modern men typically face, asking the reader to join him in a series of profound self-examination exercises and questions covering life purpose, male identity, spirituality, self-limitation, sexuality, relationships, fatherhood and more. Every chapter is highly practical and also includes observations and examples from David’s own life journey as well as insights gained from the many clients and groups he has worked with over the years. Men all over the world will be saying: ‘Finally a book that actually speaks to me in my language’.

What You’ll Learn

  • David’s past struggle with substance abuse
  • The power of a gathering of more than two people.
  • Why many dads have regret and remorse at the end of their lives.
  • What is a cis het man?
  • A child’s need for love is infinite. As parents our abilities are imperfect. This creates the father wound.
  • No matter how much we love our kids, we’ll hurt or disappoint them in some way.
  • How the father wound can create a deeper a spiritual relationship with a higher power
  • Though seemingly opposites, David realized how much he and his father were alike after he died.
  • His father lived inside the cage so that David could live outside the cage.
  • Why you should think of your dad by his first name in your mind
  • The power of seeing your dad as a man and getting to know him as a human being.
  • We know dads as gods, superheroes, and eventually, disappointments.
  • How to examine the way you live as a man and make it intentional
  • What inner work you need to do in order to reveal the right way to execute your whole life

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Getting More Done In 12 Weeks Than Others Do In 12 Months with Brian Moran

Stop Doing That Sh*t with Gary John Bishop


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David Wagner

davidhwagner.com

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traver boehm

Man Uncivilized with Traver Boehm

The fallout from coronavirus has put unbelievable stress on all of us, but what if the situation was worse?  Would we have the mental stamina to endure?

You may remember today’s guest for sharing his incredible story of going on a darkness retreat in the jungles of Guatemala, where he stayed in a 12 x 8 concrete room for 28 days in absolute black silence.

Traver Boehm is the author of Today I Rise and the founder of the Man Uncivilized Movement. He is back to tell us how he tapped into his inner strength to endure the unimaginable. He also talks about embracing our primal masculine gifts to squeeze the juice out of life, even while we’re up against a crisis like COVID-19.

Traver teaches us how to make the best of our situation, draw on our inner strengths, and connect with people in ways we never have before. He inspires us to look deep inside and view our lives in an empowered light.

This episode will have you pumped up. Let’s get uncivilized!

“We don’t get that much time here. Why don’t we squeeze the juice out of life?”—Traver Boehm

 

What You’ll Learn

  • The power of going one day without judging yourself
  • The mindset that will allow you to play life bigger and take more risks
  • How to channel aggressive energy
  • Honoring the primal masculinity of man
  • Owning your space and bringing your gifts into the world
  • How to feed your soul
  • Why you must be dangerous, but not a danger
  • Why your wife not be wanting to get intimate with you
  • What happens to repressed feelings
  • The difference between sharing your thoughts and feelings
  • The power of having access to your emotions

RELATED EPISODES:

The Masculine, the Man, and the Mountain with Traver Boehm

Stop Doing That Sh*t with Gary John Bishop


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Traver Boehm

manuncivilized.com

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IT’S TIME TO RE-INVENT HOW WE SHOW UP AS MEN

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modern manhood

Modern Manhood: What it Means to Be a Good Man Today with Cleo Stiller


Do you consider yourself to be one of the “good guys?” What is the truth about masculinity? What does it mean to be a good man in today’s rapidly changing society? The old ideas of the male being a lone pursuer, protector, and provider are evolving, leaving many men confused about their role in family and society.

Today we have Cleo Stiller on The Dad Edge. She is the author of Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today. Cleo has had conversations with men all over the cultural, economic, and geographical spectrum, along with experts in psychology and sociology, to get a deeper understanding of what men really want and need.

In this episode, Cleo Stiller provides context for men and women when it comes to friendship, sex, parenting, money, and work. She also tells us how dads can become better human beings and raise their sons to confidently navigate the modern world.

There’s no way you’re going to raise a son who is comfortable expressing himself if you aren’t comfortable expressing yourself.—Cleo Stiller

 

Cleo Stiller

Cleo Stiller is a Peabody Award and Emmy Award-nominated journalist, speaker and television host on a mission to inspire positive social action around the world — and now an author with Simon & Schuster.

Stiller’s latest project is a new book Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today based off of years of Stiller’s reporting with men as they reconcile what it means to be “a good man” in a #MeToo era.

Modern Manhood is a #1 New Release on Amazon and has received coverage in Fortune Magazine, Rolling Stone, ABC News, The Independent, PBS, LinkedIn’s Weekend Essay and many more.

Prior to this, Stiller spearheaded health-focused digital and social video content for Univision’s cable news network for Millennials, Fusion. This culminated in the creation of an original docuseries about relationships, technology and culture. It’s the network’s second highest performing original series and has received multiple award nominations, including a prestigious Peabody Award for public service.

Stiller is an Emmy nominated and Gracie winning journalist with a background in digital video reporting — and a passion for women’s health. She’s a frequent conference speaker, most recently at New York University’s Center for Global Affairs Women’s Global Health Conference and her work has been covered by The New York Times, Self.com, Variety,Bustle, Essence,LifeHacker and a Reddit AMA.

Stiller now consults with media companies, brands and organizations to create and execute video campaigns optimized for digital reach that educate, humor and inspire viewers.

Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today

Emmy and Peabody Award–nominated health reporter Cleo Stiller’s fun(ny) and informative collection of advice and perspectives about what it means to be a good guy in the era of #MeToo.

Here are a few self-evident truths: Predatory men need to go, sexual assault is wrong, and women and men should be equal. If you’re a man and disagree with any of the aforementioned, then this book isn’t for you.

But if you agree, you’re probably one of the “good guys.” That said, you might also be feeling frustrated, exasperated, and perhaps even skeptical about the current national conversation surrounding #MeToo (among many other things). You’ve likely found yourself in countless experiences or conversations lately where the situation feels gray, at best. You have a lot to say, but you’re afraid to say it and worried that one wrong move will land you in the hot seat. From money and sex to dating and work and everything in between—it can all be so confusing! And when do we start talking about solutions instead of putting each other down?

In Modern Manhood, reporter Cleo Stiller sheds light on all the gray areas out there, using conversations that real men and women are having with their friends, their dates, their family, and themselves. Free of judgment, preaching, and sugarcoating, Modern Manhood is engaging, provocative, and, ultimately, a great resource for gaining a deeper understanding of what it means to genuinely be a good man today.

What You’ll Learn

  • Why Cleo doesn’t use the phrase “toxic masculinity”
  • This is the most progressive generation and cultural norms are changing quickly.
  • Cleo’s book, Modern Manhood, seeks to provide context for men and women all over the country about gray areas when it comes to dating, parenting, money, and work.
  • Class, ethnic, and regional background affect our ideas of what being a good man means.
  • The loss of friendship and loneliness of modern men
  • The reason men don’t have meaningful friendships once they reach adulthood
  • “Woke,” the new term for politically aware
  • Should you call out a friend for being inappropriate?
  • Men don’t know how to talk about their problems, so they turn to humor (sometimes inappropriate) to bond.
  • Women are increasingly out earning their male partners.
  • Men are hardwired to provide, but most men don’t want to be THE provider, but a provider.
  • Men being the sole provider is new in human history. Historically, it was a dual income society, where men hunted and women gathered, both providing food.
  • Single income households developed after agriculture started.
  • Strip the idea from your mind that the only way you can provide as a man is through money. There are so many other ways.
  • Questioning stereotypical idea of masculinity as the lone wolf, stoic, protector, and pursuer
  • Most men get their idea of what being a good man means from their father for what he did or did not do.
  • If there is something about your idea of a being good man that is making you miserable, you can reframe it.
  • We often equate work with misery and feel like we’re doing something wrong if we’re happy.
  • Sex and dating in the age of the #metoo movement
  • We don’t see connected, intimate sexual interactions in media and in our culture, so we don’t practice them either.
  • Get comfortable with your feelings within. Everything that makes you uncomfortable will come out in your children. If you’re afraid of your feelings, they will be too.
  • How to teach your sons to process emotion.
  • It’s not so much about what a good guy does, but what a good person does. You are a human, you should be able to rely on and open up to the people that you love.

MENTIONED EPISODES

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood

Stop Drifting and Consciously Design Your Future with Dominick Quartuccio

Become Irresistible to Your Woman with Allana Pratt

 


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Chloe Stiller’s Links

cleostiller.net

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guide to women

Ultimate Guide to Demystifying Women with Robert Kandell


Men are supposed to be strong and silent, right? We think if we work hard and provide we will be rewarded. This is what our culture has taught us, and this is what we think women want. But this idea is becoming obsolete in today’s society.

The world has changed drastically when it comes to the roles of men and women. The patriarchy humans lived in for thousands of years has shifted. Women have evolved but men have stayed the same. It’s time for us to catch up.

Today’s guest, Robert Kandell, is the host of the Tuff Love podcast and the author of the upcoming book unHIDDEN: A Book for Men & Those Confused by Them. He gives us the ultimate guide to demystifying women and tells us how to connect to ourselves so that our women can have what they want most, which is all of us.

'Women want the evolved man. The complicated man. The dynamic man ... They want to see all of you.'—@RobertKandell #men #marriage #women #relationships #vulnerability #masculinity Click To Tweet

Robert Kandell

Robert Kandell is a veteran of many worlds. He has spent time in corporate America, a start-up, a small computer shop, and then built an international 8-figure business based on relationship, intimacy and sexuality. He currently runs a successful consulting firm helping small businesses to become marketable and profitable. In addition to his business and management skills, Robert is an accomplished teacher, coach, and lecturer, helping men find themselves and utilize their internal power.

What You’ll Learn

  • Why men are so quiet about what’s going on in their minds
  • How most men know something is wrong with themselves and their relationships, but they can’t tell what it is
  • How hiding your fears and weaknesses from your woman hurts your relationship
  • How women want both Spartan strength and little-boy vulnerability at the right times
  • Why women want all aspects of their men
  • Why men need to connect to all aspects of themselves to give their woman everything she needs
  • What judgements block you from making those connections
  • How to get into the flow of self-discovery instead of fighting it
  • Confronting issues with your partner
  • Investigating different ways around communication
  • Practicing ways to implement new information
  • Integrating all you’ve learned into your life
  • Why withholding your struggles from your wife is an unconscious form of chauvinism
  • Difference between connecting with your wife and being a whiny baby
  • Why shaking things up is a huge turn on
  • The shame that runs our lives and blocks us from growing
  • Confronting sexual shame and guilt
  • How Robert Kandell opened up to his wife about his porn issue
  • The butterfly effect of free porn and how it leads to erectile dysfunction and prevents us from connecting with our wives
  • How porn activates the hunter and trains our brain to be addicted to novelty
  • The magical powers of communication
  • How to create communication containers
  • How to be a listener as well as a communicator
  • Robert Kandell’s most important advice as a dad raising two preteen step daughters


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