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parenting through uncertainty

Resilience Parenting Through Uncertainty with Holly and Chris Santillo


If we don’t have the parenting tools to remain calm in stressful situations, we will default into panic mode. How can we keep our cool and make the right call when everything goes wrong?

Holly and Chris Santillo return to The Dad Edge today. They are both blackbelt Kempo karate instructors and the authors of Resilience Parenting: Raising Resilient Children in an Era of Detachment and Dependence. They share the strategies they use to lead their family through the unexpected and remain flexible when operating out of their comfort zone.

We have never needed to be more resilient than right now. After this episode, you will know how to navigate through uncertainty so your kids can learn how too.

“When parenting is the hardest, that is the time to do it the right way.”—Holly Santillo

Chris and Holly Santillo

Chris and Holly Santillo are not your regular authors.

Chris has a degree in Computer Science from Harvey Mudd College and an MBA from Georgetown University. Holly has a degree in Anthropology from Williamette University.

They are the epitome of the Latin phrase “Mens sana in corpore sano,” which means “A healthy mind in a healthy body.”

Having strong backgrounds in Martial Arts with Chris being the founder and Head Instructor at Potomac Kempo in Alexandria, Virginia, and Holly being a Senior Instructor, they have managed to develop the principles of Martial Arts into a cohesive parenting methodology.

They believe that children (and parents) with broader horizons and an open mind can sow the seeds for future generations of confident, strong, and resilient adults.

Now, you can find them gliding through the Siberian steppes on the Trans-Siberian Railway, visiting the buzzing markets of Samarkand on the Silk Road, or wondering at the vastness of the Gobi Desert in Mongolia. They have decided to live a nomadic life and explore the world with their three boys in order to bring back memories, ideas, experiences, and a fresh view on life.

What You’ll Learn

  • Creating your own story deliberately—not living your life according to what everyone else is doing
  • Why living intentionally is an ongoing process
  • Why the Santillos choose an environment that has two requirements:
    • forces family time
    • creates uncertainty in life
  • When life becomes too certain, it becomes too easy and growth stops.
  • How to deal with the fear of not making the right choices for your family
  • How to pivot when plans go wrong
  • Battling imposter syndrome
  • How your kids can become your teachers
  • Restart your life when you find you’re not living in alignment with what’s important to you.
  • Kids force us to be the best version of ourselves, giving us an opportunity to rise up and be better.
  • Stop trying to just get through another day. Take time to define your family values. Lean on them when things become uncertain.
  • All the times you don’t give into your child for the sake of convenience pay off bigtime in the future.
  • Approach parenting as a teacher.
  • How to talk to your kids about the state of the world.
  • How to lead even if you don’t know what to do.
  • How to not lose it when your kids have worn your patience down to nothing
  • When you should and should not shout
  • We don’t want to pretend to our kids that we always have the answer. If we don’t share our failures with our kids, they will think something is wrong with them whenever they aren’t perfect.
  • You should not tell kids everything is going to be okay when it isn’t.
  • Comfort is not the goal.

Our job is not to keep someone alive for eighteen years, but to send out an independent, fulfilled human being.—Chris Santillo

MENTIONED EPISODES:

The Three Pillars of Resilience Parenting: Exclusive Q&A with Chris and Holly Santillo

Resilience Parenting with Chris Santillo


Protect your kids with the Bark App

  • cyberbullying
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  • suicidal ideation
  • online predators


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Holly and Chris Santillo’s Links

fivebackpacks.family

potomackempo.com

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A Champion’s Uprising with Muay Thai Champion Chris Romulo

How do you learn how to make something of your life when you never had an example to follow?

Today’s guest knew he wanted to make a name for himself in the world, but he didn’t know how. Growing up with an unavailable, addicted father, he was filled with anger and took it out on those around him. But he says that we are all born with the champion spirit within. All we need to do is tap into it.

Muay Thai legend Chris Romulo returns to the show to share his story of a champion’s uprising. He talks about how he grew from a frustrated, depressed young man into a world-renowned fighter, and how he’s used what he’s learned in the ring to become the husband, father, entrepreneur and community leader he is today.

Chris Romulo

From the humblest of beginnings in Queens Village, Queens, it was Chris Romulo’s dream to make a name for himself. While he was physically present, Chris’ father was not emotionally or psychologically there for Chris or his family. This took a toll on Chris as he struggled with abandonment, depression, and bouts of anger. Watching his father struggle with a gambling addiction provided Chris the drive to achieve something greater for his life as he inched and clawed his way through his early years. But, it was a near death street fight that turned out to be the decisive moment that turned Chris to Muay Thai, setting him on a path to personal growth and success, in both the sport and life.

Muay Thai was the perfect outlet for Chris’ natural physicality. With this newfound passion, Romulo became a true pioneer of the sport in 1995. Despite limited opportunities to showcase his skills in New York City, his successes were many. Romulo was determined to learn and gain as much experience as possible training and fighting up and down the East coast. At the start of his career he racked up an impressive amateur record of 18-3-1(7), earning 5 WKA state and national titles.  His bronze medal performance at the 2004 IFMA tournament in Bangkok was the launching point for his jump to professional fighting.

In 2011, after an illustrious career in which he posted a remarkable pro record of 13-3 (10KO) and, his crowning achievement, earned the Professional North American Super Middleweight title in 2010, Romulo made the momentous decision to retire from fighting and pay his passion for the sport forward. Due to his successes in the ring, many of today’s young athletes grew up watching Chris, were inspired by him, and continue to look to him as a foundation of the East coast Muay Thai community.

The year 2009 was a pivotal year for Romulo in his desire to extend his reach beyond the ring. He decided to bring his passion and respect for the culture of Muay Thai to a more mainstream audience as he opened CROM Physical Culture in Rockaway Beach, Queens. Through CROM PC, Chris has been able to continue his work with the youth by partnering with the Muay Thai Preservation Project, offering scholarships to at risk youth for no cost. Romulo and CROM PC have helped shape and guide the lives of countless youth that have gone on to winning national Muay Thai championships, excelled in their education, and have become competent and confident individuals in their community.

Chris Romulo is a product of his resiliency and Muay Thai. In 2012, Hurricane Sandy wreaked havoc to Rockaway Beach. Romulo and his wife, as well as many others in the community, lost everything. Their home and their business were destroyed. The entire peninsula was devastated. But, Chris’, and his wife’s, resiliency powered them through this time period. While living in a friend’s basement, Chris and his wife, Sarah, rebuilt their gym and became a central part of the Rockaway community as it tried to climb out of the hole that Sandy left. Today, CROM PC has a permanent home, incorporated new programming, and has a 300+ member community.

While reflecting on his 20+ years as a Muay Thai fighter and coach, Chris felt the need to increase his reach beyond the four walls of his gym and NYC to try to help change as many lives as possible.  In 2015, Chris began offering online training programs that focused on martial arts, fitness, and mindset. Chris’ projects in 2016 included creating the first ever World Muay Thai Summit, featuring superstars John Wayne Parr, Bazooka Joe Valtelini and Chris Algieri.

Champions Uprising

In May of 2017, Chris’ memoir, Champions Uprising, will be published. His story displays his unwavering mindset of determination, grit, and the perseverance of the human spirit. Chris Romulo grew up in a broken home. His mother Lucita, a Filipino immigrant, wanted Chris to go to college and live the American Dream. His father Carlito, also a Filipino immigrant, detached himself from the family and turned to gambling.

After a series of unfortunate events in grammar school, Chris took to the streets of Queens, New York, where at twenty years old a near-death street fight redirected his life and purpose. Chris then set off on a twenty-year journey through the study of Muay Thai, which took him from New York City to Bangkok, Thailand and back again. As a fighter, Chris went on to become the first professional North American Super-Middleweight Muay Thai Champion in 2010. But after retiring, Chris was forced to make one more comeback when Hurricane Sandy destroyed his home and gym in 2012.

Chris is convinced that struggle and setbacks can be the fuel to future success. He also believes that by understanding how the mind works, you can use your thoughts as weapons for hunting down your dreams rather than digging yourself into a hole. “Control your thoughts. Control your reality,” is a mantra Chris likes to live by. And he is eager to share his story with the world and uncover stories of “champions” of other industries, to show how we all have the tools inside us to overcome adversity when we tap into our fighting spirit. So while continuing to coach at CROM, Chris now motivates people outside of the gym’s four walls through public speaking.

“It all takes heart.”—Chris Romulo

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Larry Hagner on The Eight Count Podcast with Chris Romulo

Reversing Generations of Bad Parenting with 6-Time Muay Thai Champion Chris Romulo

The 4-Step Process to Build Unshakable Confidence

 


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Chris Romulo

chrisromulo.com

The Eight Count Podcast

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IT’S TIME TO RE-INVENT HOW WE SHOW UP FOR OUR FAMILIES

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Kung Fu Parenting


How can you can cooperate—not compete—with your kids, set boundaries, focus on the positive, and make your parenting flow instead of it always being a struggle?

We are honored to have Jeremy Roadruck among our Dad Edge Alliance members. He’s a Kung Fu master, public speaker, and bestselling author. He’s also an empowerment coach for families and children, giving parents and kids the tools they need to feel seen, heard, felt, and understood.

Today, Jeremy talks about how we can add Kung Fu principles to our parenting skill set, allowing self-awareness and compassion to guide us, developing a deep rapport with our children that will give them the inner strength and joy to win in all areas of life.

What You’ll Learn

  • The importance of the way we store things internally
  • The power of detachment
  • How trials are a gift, helping us to develop self-awareness and compassion toward others
  • How to play games worth winning
  • Life is always a positive game. All roadblocks are self-generated.
  • The difference between patience and passive waiting
  • Why, like in Kung Fu, we should stop chasing the outcome
  • Balancing the masculine and feminine
  • The difference between winning and not losing
  • How judgement kills our rapport and our influence
  • The power of your story about yourself changes your behavior.
  • How to channel your kids’ energy to the positive
  • Why your spouse must come before your kids

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Jeremy Roadruck

theparentingprogram.com

Free Book—Your Best Child Ever: Is This Game Worth Winning?

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How to Teach Kids to Protect Themselves

How to Teach Kids to Protect Themselves


The world can be a dangerous place, and our kids are especially vulnerable. From bullying and abuse to abductions and shootings, how can we shield our children from danger? More importantly, how can we teach them to respond to violence when we aren’t with them?

Today we have Dad Edge Alliance member Adam Mitchell. He is a personal protection expert who specializes in tactical parenting. He is also the host of the Close Quarter Dad Podcast and Training Program.

In this episode, we do a live Q&A with our members on how to teach kids to protect themselves. Adam answers questions about why dads should train with their kids, when they should begin showing them self-protection strategies, and how to train kids to be vigilant, but not fearful.

This is a show every dad needs to hear to keep his family safe. Plus, look out for a special offer at the end of the interview.

Adam Mitchell and Close Quarter Dad

“My name is Adam Mitchell, I have been teaching children and families martial arts for over 20 years. About 13 years ago I started noticing a pattern. In most cases it would be the moms engaging in their kids’ martial arts classes, and the dads would usually stay away or wait out in the parking lot.

It turns out these dads where at loss with how to prepare their kids for facing difficulties in life. In fact, they felt a bit embarrassed that another man was teaching their kids how to defend themselves instead of them.

This feeling of being “replaced,” when their kids looked up to their martial arts teacher instead of their dad, was driving a split between the dads and their kids.

So after a lot of trial and error trying to get the dads involved, I came to the realization that I needed to empower the dads to take back the role of teaching their kids how to stand up for themselves. So that they would be the ones preparing their kids for the challenges they are going to face in their lives.

That slowly turned into the Close Quarter Dad program, giving dads parenting tactics to not only teach their kids how to defend themselves, but also how to achieve success, learn life and management skills, become decisive, and the many other aspects involved in raising happy, healthy and well-adjusted kids.”

I recognized that there are 5 tactics, or core areas of tactical parenting, that dads need to become the most important guardian in their kids’ lives.

MENTIONED EPISODES: How to Raise Confident, Mentally Tough Daughters with Emily McCarthy


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Adam Mitchell’s Links

CloseQuarterDad.com

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Dad Edge listeners! Get FREE lifetime access to the Close Quarter Dad Training Program. CONTACT ADAM NOW.

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Fighting the Battle Within with Chad Robichaux

Fighting the Battle Within with Chad Robichaux


Most of us have been in a dark place at some point in our lives. What is the first step to reclaiming ourselves? How can we find the courage to move forward when it seems like there is no way out?

Today’s guest is Chad Robichaux. He is a former Force Recon Marine, a professional MMA fighter, and a bestselling author. After coming home from deployment, he was diagnosed with PTSD.

Chad became lost, depressed, angry, and suicidal. It got to the point where his children were afraid of him and he and his wife were filing for a divorce.

But Chad experienced a moment of clarity that allowed him to make the choice to step out of the darkness and into his true purpose in life. Now he helps other men as they fight the battle within.

The definition of manhood—When you come to that point where you decide you’re not living yourself, but living for others.—Chad Robichaux

Chad Robichaux

Chad M. Robichaux is the President and Founder of the Mighty Oaks Foundation, a leading military non-profit serving the US Military active duty and veteran communities with highly successful peer-to-peer faith based combat trauma programs and combat resiliency conferences.

Chad and his team are dedicated to helping America’s military warriors and their families suffering from the “unseen wounds” of combat such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Their effort is on the front line to intercede and end the climbing 22 per day veteran suicide rate and the tragic divorce epidemic in military families. To date the program has over 1,000 alumni and has reached tens of thousands active duty service members through resiliency conferences.

Chad is a former Special Operations Force Recon Marine and DoD Contractor with eight deployments to Afghanistan as part of a Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC) Task Force. He has earned an MBA and is a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor with a focus on PTSD.

Chad and his wife, Kathy, have been married for 21 years, and have three children. After years of deployments their family personally faced the challenges of PTSD. They now share a story of a victory in Christ through the struggles our warriors face returning home and have dedicated their lives to sharing that story to mentor others like them.

Chad is a widely sought after public speaker and subject matter expert on PTSD, military and veterans’ issues. He has testified in Veterans’ Courts regarding combat trauma and PTSD, wrote a best-selling book on the subject and has been featured on such media outlets as Fox News, Forbes, The O’Reily Factor, USA Today, Christian Post, Focus on The Family, The 700 Club, and a short biography film by I Am Second.

In addition to Chad’s military service he has served our nation as a Special Agent with the US Federal Air Marshal Service and the US State Department as a Surveillance Detection Senior Program Manager. Chad is also a Medal of Valor Recipient for his bravery beyond the call of duty in law enforcement.

Outside of his work with veterans Chad and his sons train and teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. He is a 3 Degree Black Belt and a Former Pro MMA World Champion who has used his platform to advocate for civilian support of America’s Warriors returning home while competing in the sport’s biggest event.

If you have breath in your lungs, you have purpose. Despite what’s going on in your life, you can at any time step into that plan. All of this requires a choice, and intentionality, and calibrating your life to align with your purpose.

What You’ll Learn

  • Chad’s traumatic childhood and how it informed his military career
  • His start in martial arts
  • Why making a broad decision to change is not effective
  • How to segment your personal goals
  • How to make the decisions in advance before chaos strikes
  • Why Chad says that by nature, men are lazy and selfish. Men have to make a decision that it’s important to be a good dad and be intentional about it
  • How to raise our kids so that they can make healthy decisions and realign when they go off track in adulthood
  • Chad’s 2-point action plan when his kids do something wrong:
    1. Put time and space between when the incident happened and when you address it
    2. Find the lesson in it and pass on wisdom instead of acting out in anger
  • Why you should not take personal offense to your kids misbehaving
  • About his job as a Recon Marine
  • His story of being in a car chase with the Taliban and how it’s his metaphor for life
  • His unrelenting and terrifying experience with PTSD and his loss of identity
  • How he stayed with his internal battle for 3 years and almost lost everything
  • How his return to Jiu-Jitsu and success in MMA replaced the fix for his ego, but did nothing to repair the unseen wounds in his soul
  • Chad’s affair and near divorce
  • How he would sit in a closet with his family’s pictures on the floor holding a gun
  • The moment Chad realized he was the problem
  • What men need to do when they are hopeless and stuck
  • Why it’s a choice not to move forward
  • How he discovered that through all his tragedies and trauma, he did not have to let his past define his future
  • How he found hope and restoration in a new relationship with Christ
  • About his new book and upcoming film
  • His most humbling lessons he’s learned about fatherhood
  • Chad’s marriage advice
  • Using The Bible as the blueprint for marriage
  • His parting wisdom for men who are fighting the battle within
  • His mission to help military veterans find spiritual resilience


MENTIONED EPISODES

Episodes with SEALs

Episodes with MMA Fighters

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood


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Chad Robichaux’s Links

MightyOaksPrograms.org

Might Oaks Store

Free Help for Veterans

Facebook

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Instagram

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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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