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gary chapman

Love Languages and Other Marriage Tips for the Pandemic with Gary Chapman


Gary Chapman is the author of one of the most popular books on marriage in the world, The 5 Love Languages. Today he talks about his new book, 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage: …When You’re Stuck at Home Together.

Whether it has been challenging or delightful for you to be spending more time with your spouse during COVID-19, it’s the perfect time to troubleshoot and renew your love. If you have a good marriage, this will make it better. If you have a troubled marriage, this will tear down the walls and help you start rebuilding.

Get on the fast track to a loving, harmonious marriage with these 5 simple tips!

“Love is a choice you make every day.” – Dr. Gary Chapman

 

Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of the bestselling The 5 Love Languages® series, which has sold more than 12 million worldwide and has been translated into 50 languages. Dr. Chapman travels the world presenting seminars on marriage, family, and relationships, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. He lives in North Carolina with his wife, Karolyn.

5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage …When You’re Stuck at Home Together

Let Sheltering in Place Together be an Opportunity to Renew Your Relationship
The COVID-19 pandemic has affected all facets of life. The health crisis has overwhelmed medical workers, business closings have exacerbated financial stress, and—perhaps most unexpectedly—sheltering in place has placed married couples in endless, unprecedented proximity.

Whether this has been challenging or delightful for you and your spouse, let this time be an opportunity to renew your love. Learn how to do so in 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage… When You’re Stuck at Home Together by Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages®. This guide will help enrich your time stuck together by teaching you and your spouse how to:

  • Call a truce on throwing word bombs
  • Tear down emotional walls
  • Discover and speak each other’s love language
  • Learn the value of teamwork
  • Have a daily “sit down and listen” time

What You’ll Learn

  • Practice your spouse’s love language, not yours.
  • The biggest challenge is when your spouse’s love language is something you haven’t received as a child. But you can learn to speak them even if you didn’t receive them.
  • How to get back to loving each other intentionally
  • When we’re under stress, we throw verbal bombs at each other.
  • Verbal bombs burst inside the hearts of our spouses.
  • Call a truce, and vow not say anything negative for a week.
  • Replace negative comments with compliments.
  • Even if your spouse doesn’t agree to refrain from negative comments, call the truce on your side. It will automatically help.
  • Daily Sit Down and Listen Time (not Talk Time)—Ask your spouse to share 3 things that happened today and how they felt about them.
  • Even if you live together, you don’t know the person’s thoughts and how they feel about what’s going on.
  • Listening says, “I care about you.”
  • Listen long enough so you can honestly say that you understand. You do not have to agree.
  • Don’t criticize the way your partner feels.
  • Your spouse will be more likely to affirm you if you’ve taken the first step.
  • Use your energy to solve the problem instead of winning the argument.
  • How to be accommodating without becoming a doormat
  • If you win an argument with your spouse, you’ve created a loser. It’s no fun to live with a loser.
  • You’re a team. Each player on the team does something different. Use an attitude of service and play your strengths.
  • Love stimulates love.
  • There are no perfect husbands. When we fail in word or deed, we need to apologize to our spouses.
  • When we apologize and seek to speak her love language, it starts a process.
  • Don’t sit around waiting for a person to change. We as men, should make the decision to lead.
  • We can influence our spouse in a positive way using their love language.
  • Make a 6-month commitment to using these 5 tips.
  • When you start moving in a positive direction as a couple, you are likely to continue moving forward.

RELATED EPISODES:

Strong Fathers, Strong Kids with Meg Meeker

How to Argue and Other Marriage Tips with Zach Brittle

The 5 Love Languages and How They Made My Marriage Thrive

 


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Gary Chapman’s Links

5lovelanguages.com

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Personal Evolution Through Trauma with Stefanos Sifandos


How far have you evolved as a person? Are you still struggling with the same issues you’ve had all your life? Are you turning to vices to distract and soothe you? Do you avoid those hard conversations with people who are important to you?

Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of all other aspects of your life, and if you haven’t confronted your demons, you will never be able to take your personal evolution to the next level.

Stefanos Sifandos is a relational alchemist, international speaker, author and change-maker dedicated to helping men create a life of meaning and purpose.

Not long ago, he was egotistical, dishonest, unfaithful, and above all, scared. He discovered that unresolved trauma from his toxic father was unconsciously and destructively influencing his behavior.

Today, Stefanos shares his journey into the depth of pain, and how we can drill to the truth of ourselves to become completely integrated and self-reliant.

He also reveals 6 steps that we can take to process, heal, and expand from the wounds of the past.

“Unconsciously, I used my childhood—my trauma, my wounding—as an excuse to be an asshole.”—Stefanos Sifandos

Stefanos Sifandos

Stefanos is a trained educator and relationships expert with a background in behavioral science. He is passionate about leading people closer to their highest potential and each other.

Stefanos’ philosophy merges the best of eastern and western methodologies to promote spiritual balance and empower people in life and love. From trauma release to navigating the murky waters of modern masculinity, to helping women understand the men in their lives, he helps people escape negative patterns and cultivate a positive sense of self.

Stefanos has worked with thousands of men and women from all walks of life; special forces soldiers, Olympic gold medalists, elite fighters, and everyday people have relied on him to restructure and reframe their relationships with themselves and their loved ones.

What You’ll Learn

  • Stefanos had a tumultuous childhood with a physically and emotionally abusive father.
  • He witnessed his dad and mom have a volatile relationship.
  • His life growing up was full of uncertainty, judgement, control, and pressure.
  • Many of us suppress our childhood memories.
  • Hate, anger, and fear are constrictive. Feeling is freeing, and freedom allows us to expand.
  • How Stefanos grieved his childhood, learned to accept his father, and let go of who he expected him to be.
  • Taking responsibility for dealing with your trauma.
  • Stefanos was hyper-aggressive, arrogant, and egotistical.
  • His business fluctuated and he had volatile relationships.
  • How he became aware of his unhealthy patterns
  • How men can stay on the path of ignorance or become aware and choose a new path
  • How Stefanos used physical challenges to begin growing his self-worth
  • 4 years ago, Stefanos was cleaning toilets and sweeping floors because he didn’t want the commitment of a business.
  • How we use the dopamine from vices to suppress emotions.
  • Other tools men use to cope—avoidance, projecting, codependency, and blame
  • Stefanos says that he had to go through multiple ego deaths to get to where he is.
  • Why “the masculine wants to be empty”
  • The one thing a woman needs most from a man is trustworthiness.
  • We can’t be trustworthy if we don’t do what we say.
  • Why you must have guides and support when you decide to go within.
  • You won’t solve your issues with the same perspective as you developed them.
  • Feeling is your way through the pain.
  • The 6 Step Cyclical Process of Healing
    • Depth-feeling – getting inside your emotions
    • Grounding – pull yourself out, immerse yourself in nature
    • Release – journal, empty your head
    • Reprieve – self-care, healthy pleasure
    • Introspection – stillness and silence
    • Social – reconnecting with friends and loved ones and being seen, respected, and appreciated
  • Why you should talk face to face with your woman.
  • Our issues with other people have little to do with them. We must deepen the connection to ourselves.
  • Confidence is a gate to self-worth.
  • How to improve your confidence level
  • Care less about what people think and more about being true to yourself.

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Their Needs Met

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

 


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Stefanos Sifandos’s Links

stefanossifandos.com

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dad life overhaul

The Dad Life Overhaul


This one’s for the guy who is miserable with his life. Maybe your marriage isn’t working, you feel stuck in your job, and you can’t remember who you are anymore. Something’s got to give, but you don’t know what to do to make things change.

Craig Mills used to be miserable. He got into his profession by default, thinking it was what he was supposed to do. He neglected his needs and desires to accommodate an unhappy marriage. He lived an empty life and felt like a shell of a human being.

Today, Craig is blissfully remarried with a stepdaughter and a baby. He’s excited about life and has found the work that makes him comes alive.

How did he make this complete dad life overhaul? Don’t waste another minute being miserable. Listen in!

What You’ll Learn

  • Craig endured an acne problem growing up that traumatized him.
  • He didn’t feel deserving of love or that he belonged with people.
  • He lost his identity trying to please his first wife, but he doesn’t consider his first marriage a waste.
  • Craig knew there was more out there for him. His life needed an overhaul.
  • Follow your energy to the life you’re drawn to.
  • Stop and seriously think about what’s God’s purpose for you?
  • Craig spent two summers in a row “couch surfing” on strangers’ couches.
  • How to live your life without fear
  • Go a little outside of comfortable every single day.
  • What it is like taking on a stepchild
  • Having confidence in your ability to father
  • Our huge impact as dads
  • How a husband and wife develop each other
  • Become a better person for your spouse. Show her the kind of man you are.
  • How he and his wife play naked tag!

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Get Lit: Forget the Pressure to Find Your Why with Dominick Quartuccio

 


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


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Craig Mill’s Links

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your values

Your Values: Defining, Planning, and Taking Action

Our journey if life is not linear. It’s unpredictable. We might be okay when things are going our way, but what happens when we face adversity? How can we know the next right thing to do? How do we pivot and act with grace when we are tested?

A legendary life is about your values—not only knowing what they are, but also defining, planning, and taking action.

Today we have long-time mastermind member, Judd. He joined The Dad Edge Alliance when his marriage was in trouble. He was so programed to avoid confrontation that he didn’t know who he was or what he wanted anymore. He was making his decisions based on others’ expectations and living a life that wasn’t his own.

Judd finally got real and faced the truth. He stopped the lies he was telling himself and looked deep inside to discover what mattered most to him.

Today, Judd lives according to his values. He knows who he is and what he stands for, no matter what happens.

What You’ll Learn

  • The damage of avoiding conflict
  • Why real intimacy can only happen if you really share yourself
  • Using friction as an opportunity to go deeper
  • The practice of naming emotions and expressing yourself
  • How to cope with going through a divorce
  • Why making decisions based on what’s important to you gives you hope for the future
  • Why you must accept that life doesn’t go according to plan
  • Knowing you will be okay no matter what happens
  • Being brutally honest about where you are so you can get to where you want to go

Don’t give up. There is such power in thinking through what’s important, making a plan to live it out, and just doing it. You learn so much, and it becomes part of you.


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YNAB. You Need a Budget

Get a FREE Trial at YNAB.com/dads


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living your authentic life

Living Your Authentic Life


Are you living your authentic life? What if you have everything that’s supposed to make you happy and you’re still miserable?

On today’s show, we have Dad Edge Alliance member and everyday dad, Josh Long. Josh had a very successful 16-year career that he hated. He was so hungry for significance in his life, that he threw himself into volunteering for his community. He eventually ran for city council and won. Everything looked very admirable on the outside, but inside he was dying.

Josh was overcommitted and stressed. He began to rely on alcohol to cope. His marriage was in crisis, and he started investing emotionally in another woman. He was living a life of quiet desperation, until he took a hard look at what he was giving his time and energy to and realized he was living for the wrong reasons.

Listen to how Josh saved his marriage, became a better father, and started living a life according to his true values.

“We have to rebuild ourselves before we rebuild our marriages.”—Josh Long, The Dad Edge Alliance

 

RELATED EPISODES:

5 Rules for an Unshakable Marriage

Why Your Ego is the Enemy with Ryan Holiday

How to Stop Being A Miserable F*ck with John Kim


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