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Reignite Your Marriage After Having Kids

How to Reignite Your Marriage After Having Kids

When the kids are born, men focus on being a father. We cannot falter in our role as a provider and protector. Our spouses focus on being mothers, which is a twenty-four-hour, seven-days-a-week job. Our marriages inevitably suffer, but many parents feel guilty for leaving the kids.

On today’s short episode, I’m going share my personal experience and why you need to leave the kids behind and spend some time getting to know your spouse again.


Resources

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Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

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managing happiness

Managing Happiness: Applying Business Success Principles to Family Life with David Henzel

David Henzel is a radically successful entrepreneur whose calling is to help people live happier lives. Most of us are trying to achieve a work life balance, but we tend to end up overwhelmed and stressed out. Our relationships with our family may be difficult or unfulfilling, but rarely do we give the same attention to detail to our home life as we do to our business. This show is about managing happiness by applying business success principles to your family life.

 

David Henzel

David Henzel is from Germany where his parents raised him in an unusual way – with no authority. David was given the freedom to make his own choices, good or bad, and deal with the consequences himself. He made a lot of stupid decisions, like beginning to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day at age twelve, but his parents gave him space to learn on his own while being a source of unconditional support. In his household, there was no violence or yelling. No matter what he did, he knew he could go to his parents. They were his allies, not adults to hide from.

My dad used to say, “If you have to yell, your argument is too weak.”

David always had the heart of an entrepreneur and dropped out of school early to pursue his dreams. He visited Los Angeles when he was eighteen years old, and felt the city was calling to him, but getting a visa was difficult. He had to open several businesses in Germany to raise enough money to set up his new life in the United States in 2009. David met his wife there, and they later they decided to move back to Europe to be closer to her family. They now live in Turkey with their three-year-old daughter.

Managing Happiness

At one point in their marriage, David’s wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully she is cured now, but that dark time forced David to reflect on his life. Although he was a successful entrepreneur, he felt he wasn’t living up to his purpose. He was afraid he might die with regrets.

He pondered over what his purpose was and did a funeral exercise, imagining everyone he knew getting up and making speeches about him. What did he most want them to say?

From this he crafted his personal mission statement.

To be a change agent who’s transforming individuals and organizations so they can reach their full potential and consciously life the life they desire.

Applying Business Success Principles to Family Life

It was during an argument with his wife over who was responsible for changing their daughter’s diaper that David realized that one of the reasons for friction in the household was that no one knew what their roles were. Responsibilities and expectations were not defined like they were in a business environment.

So David and his wife made a list of who took care of which duties. He says this simple exercise took away 80% of arguments out of the relationship. We all spend time and money improving business structure, efficiency, and flow, but most of us don’t spend 1% of our time to make our family work.

David saw the amazing effect his experiment had on his household, and became passionate about sharing his methods. This is why he developed the Managing Happiness course so he could make an impact and, with feedback from participants, let his idea evolve.

The Epidemic of Stress

There is a tendency to want to keep up with the Jones’s. It’s ingrained in our culture that “living the American Dream” means having the big house, the top-of-the-line car, the jewelry for your wife, the latest toys for your kids. But many of those who are lucky enough to achieve this kind of success remain unhappy and don’t know why.

David Henzel says not to buy into what society or your parents think you need to be happy. Figure out what you want in life. Once you know, it’s easy to walk in the direction of your happiness.

A lot of people frantically climb the ladder of success.

David’s Two-Step Approach

David Henzel says happiness really does come from the inside. You can’t control what happens in your life, but you’re in full control of how you react to it. He uses these two simple guides to manage his happiness:

  1. Accept things, no matter how bad the situation is. Then you can react and plan your chess moves. Once you come to terms with reality, the noise in your head goes away. David suggests the Serenity Prayer, God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
  2. Practice gratitude. David has a gratitude rock that he keeps in his pocket all day. We tend to look at the biggest problem of the moment, which six months from now we won’t even remember. At the end of the day, we tend to remember the stressful parts instead of what went right. When we practice gratitude, we build up a gratitude muscle. Focus on the awesome stuff in your day, not the annoying things. You will realize there is so much to be grateful for.

The Managing Happiness Course

David Henzel admits that running a successful business while managing a great family life isn’t easy. Some would say you can’t have it all. But, by applying business principles to your family life, he can help you achieve happiness. That is why he is offering The Good Dad Project listeners 25% off his course.

Visit managinghappiness.com
and enter coupon code DAD when you check out.

 

MENTIONED EPISODE: Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

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David Henzel will be joining us for a live discussion
in The Dad Edge Alliance

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no more mr. nice guy

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

Why are we not getting our needs met when we seem to be going out of our way for everyone? Dr. Robert Glover talks to us today about Nice Guy Syndrome and why it’s actually not so nice for you and for those around you. This show will change everything you thought you knew about being Mr. Nice Guy.

Dr. Robert Glover

Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life.

Dr. Glover is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. He is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in numerous local and national publications.

Through his book, online classes, workshops, podcasts, blogs, consultation, and therapy groups, Dr. Glover has helped change the lives of countless men and women around the world.

As a result of his work, Dr. Glover has helped thousands of Nice Guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males. Along with these personal changes have come similar transformations in these men’s professional careers and intimate relationships.

Nice Guy Syndrome

Dr. Glover started discovering the dynamic of Nice Guy Syndrome in his thirties. He was in an unhappy marriage and couldn’t figure out what was wrong. He was doing everything to try to make his wife happy and avoid conflict. Somehow, no matter what he did it was never good enough. She was moody and had lost all interest in sex. Dr. Glover was bewildered why being a nice guy wasn’t working.

The problem was that being a nice guy on the outside made him hold in his frustrations. He became resentful and passive aggressive. His wife actually told him she’d rather be with an outright asshole than to be with him. He wanted to stay married so he went to support groups and therapy and began to understand what had happened to him.

A key piece to the development of Dr. Glover’s Nice Guy Syndrome was his childhood. He and his father were close and spent lots of time together, but there was one problem–his father was extremely moody. He would get angry for no reason and stay that way for weeks. Dr. Glover was determined not to be like his dad. He wanted to be different from all the jerks that women complained about. He would be the nice guy and women would desire him because of that.

Core of Nice Guy Syndrome

Nice guys live by three covert contracts. The problem is, no one knows they are operating by these unspoken rules.

  1. If I’m a good guy, I will be liked and loved (and women will desire me).
  2. If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
  3. If I do everything right, I’ll have a smooth problem free life.

When nice guys don’t get the results they hoped for, they don’t give up. They tend to double-down and try harder. That’s when they need to look outside for help.

Some Nice Guy Traits

  • seek the approval of others.
  • hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
  • put other people’s needs and wants before their own.
  • sacrifice their personal power and play the role of a victim.
  • tend to be disconnected from other men and from their own masculine energy.

How to Reclaim Your Personal Power

  1. Don’t try to do it alone.
  2. Don’t try to do it with your intimate partner.
  3. Find a safe person or safe place (friend, therapist, coach, mentor, support group).
  4. Practice talking about things you’ve hidden about yourself.
  5. Keep connected with a tribe.

 


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Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Dr. Robert Glover’s Links

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how to pay off mortgage

How to Pay Off Your Mortgage in Five Years with Andy Hill

Finances are a touchy subject that stresses the hell out of all of us. It can especially affect our relationships. Almost one out of every two marriages end in divorce, sixty percent of which are due to financial stress. For most dads, our main goal is to pay off our home mortgage. This seems impossible. How can we pay of a thirty-year mortgage in a matter of years? Today we have Andy Hill from MarriageKidsandMoney.com to tell us how he is paying off his mortgage in less than five years.

Pay Off Your Mortgage in Five Years?

Andy Hill and his wife have been married for seven years. They have two kids, a five-year-old girl and a three-year-old boy. Andy and his wife have been working hard since they’ve been married to create a life that is exciting and live their dreams. So when they bought their dream home, they knew they didn’t want to have the $200,000 debt hanging over them. They set an ambitious plan to work to pay the entire mortgage off in five years.

Today, they have only $29,000 left, which will be paid off at the end of the year. It sounds impossible, or painful, but Andy says it’s the little things that add up to big savings in their household budget that they funnel into paying off their house.

Budget Party

The first step is to get the spouse on board. This is not always easy, but Andy and his wife have a “budget party” once a month to discuss the budget strategy. Andy says not to start the conversation with what must be sacrificed. Make sure you highlight the benefits first. Imagine a life without a house payment? Where could you go? What could you do? Then do a detailed budget and see where all the money is going and start making cuts.

Where families can save money

  1. Pack lunches. You can stay healthier and not spend money this way. Andy saves $100 a month by packing his lunch for work.
  2. Analyzed grocery spending. Andy’s family spent an average of $900 a month on food. To cut back on this expense, they now shop once a week with a list and they stick to it. They switched from Kroger to Aldi and save about $300 a month now. Switch from more expensive stores to discount stores.
  3. Become an aspiring minimalist. Don’t let clutter accumulate. Don’t let things pile up in garage. Look around the house? Does anything you’re not using have value? Sell it online or have a garage sale. Spring cleaning can become profitable.
  4. Cut off the cable. There are so many alternatives to traditional cable. Look at your bill. Analyze the fees. Call and negotiate. Call all providers and find the best deal. Cut back to just internet service.
  5. Go to different stores for bulk items. Things like diapers and baby wipes tend to be more expensive at the grocery store. Go to bulk supermarkets like Costco for these items.

When you feel good about your money, you can do great things that make you feel like a great dad.

Structuring a Household Budget

Andy Hill and his wife set aside money for everything. They include date nights, vacations, and entertainment. Here is how he structures his budget categories:

  1. Transportation (car, public transport)
  2. Utilities, bills, cell phones
  3. Entertainment (game tickets, babysitters, dinners)
  4. Saving up for kids’ college
  5. IRA, retirement
  6. Food
  7. Giving (donations and charities, gifts)
  8. Health, doctor
  9. Home maintenance and improvement
  10. Kids activities (parties, swim lessons)
  11. Miscellaneous or forgotten stuff
  12. Emergency (three months of expenses saved up in case of job loss, natural disaster, etc.)

Andy Hill’s Dad Wisdom

Andy says it’s important to create dreams for yourself and put them out there. Set specific dates to get them done. Ask yourself how your financial goals can support the family you want to have. Do you want the next great thing? Or do you want to give to the world and have new life experiences?

 


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Andy Hill’s Links

marriagekidsandmoney.com

Facebook

Twitter


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance

How to Argue with Your Spouse with Peter Sacco

Most of us men have a tendency to accumulate build-up of anger and emotions. It’s easy for us to lose our temper and let a discussion turn into an argument. When we are angry, we can’t think logically. This is when we’re endanger of saying things or behaving in ways we regret towards our partner. Today, Peter Sacco is back on the show to tell you how to argue with your spouse without drama, anger, and resentment.

The most common problems with anger and fighting

It may sound cliche, but most anger problems arise from lack of communication, or poor quality communication. When a couple first meets, the guy tends to be the pursuer, and will tell the woman everything and anything to get her attention. A new couple can’t make enough time to spend together and they talk about everything.

Months, years, decades later, the conversation becomes mundane and repetitive. They think they have nothing to learn about each other anymore. They stop asking questions. It’s not just communication, it’s the quality of it. Simply put, anger and fighting result from procrastination, laziness, redundancy, complacency. It’s important to have the skills to bring up difficult subjects before they fester and blow up or silently destroy the relationship.

Getting out of the rut

How can we be more comfortable with being proactive and less complacent when it comes to things that are hard for us to talk about? At the beginning, when we’re intimate with somebody, we maintain boundaries. We hide a lot. As the relationship progresses, we start to release more and more stuff. We may not have farted or swore in front of our spouse at first, then we gradually let it go. We stretch those boundaries, and a couple must be willing to accept new things learned about each other and adapt.

Part of love is unconditional. People change and evolve. One partner may have grown, while the other one has remained the same. Two people have to refind each other.

How to argue without anger

What are the rules and boundaries for a disagreement between a couple? First of all, don’t have a meaningful or deep discussion if you’re angry. It won’t go anywhere or make it worse. Go away and cool off before talking about what’s upsetting you.

Power plays that will kill your communication, and ultimately, your marriage.

There are two ways couples use to overpower or manipulate each other.

Gunny sacking – Gunny sacking is the storing up of grievances and using them at a later date to try to get even. It’s a passive aggressive type of anger, and a way of reaching in and tearing out someone’s heart strings. Rather than address it rationally when you not so angry, you waiting for it to let it go, like a bomb.

Belt lining–  Belt lining is trying to gain power over the argument by being louder or physically intimidating. This can be done by raising the voice, screaming, yelling, or pounding fists. On the other end of the spectrum, crying or threatening self-harm can be used to manipulate the other person.

How to Walk Away from the Anger

How do we walk away saying, “I’m not going to talk about this right now,” without pissing someone off? You have to assume responsibility for your thoughts feelings and reactions. You can’t control how the other person is going to react. But you can be more detrimental by walking away. If someone storms off without a word, they are shutting down the argument and assuming control. This might leave the other person more hurt and angry.

Peter Sacco says that if you feel the anger welling up, say something like, “Right now I’m angry and I’m not thinking straight. I may say things I don’t mean, and you deserve better. I’m just going to go away and cool off.” In this way, you’ve assumed responsibility for your feelings, you’ve said it with integrity and dignity, and that’s the best you can do. Most people will say thank you in this case, and you’ll avoid a destructive blowout.

Low-blows 

What about couples who have a long history of name-calling or hitting below the belt? In a perfect world, both individuals would agree to fix the problem and get counseling. They would make sure they did not fight in front of the kids.

What do you do when you’re being verbally abused by your spouse? Look at the person who is calling you names. Turn it around and say, Thank you. That’s different. Are you talking dirty to me? Are you flirting? The person is going to be thrown from their axis. Their conditioned response will not be able to happen. They have to rethink what they’re saying. You shut down triggers for both of you.

Are Couples Supposed to Communicate Everything?

Two people who’ve been together for a long time will inevitably get on each other’s nerves. Are we really supposed to confront our partner about all the little things that drive us crazy?

Peter Sacco says that before broaching any touchy subject, take your emotions into account. Ask yourself, am I in a good place to have this discussion? Can my partner handle this right now? Don’t bring up a difficult conversation this before bed when you’re both tired. Don’t try it first thing in the morning before work. It could derail the whole day. Timing is everything.

Doomed Relationships

Are there relationships and marriages that are beyond help?  Peter Sacco says that if both people in the relationship are in denial that there is a problem and think there isn’t anything to be fixed, they are in trouble. Also, some couples have given up on trying. They are too set in their ways, and just do not care. However, he also says, that even if just one person in a couple wants it to work, there is hope. He or she might initiate a change in the other person.

Peter Sacco’s Special Offers

Anger Management, Bad Habits, and Addiction

Grab Peter Sacco’s Critically Acclaimed Anger Management Book
Plus 2 Other Books For Just $1. CLICK HERE.

Anti-bullying

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Related episodes:

Uncovering the Truth About Anger with Peter Sacco

5 Ways to Prevent Angry Outbursts


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Peter Sacco’s Links

PeterSacco.com

BullyingisfortheBirds.com

Twitter

Facebook


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance