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modern manhood

Modern Manhood: What it Means to Be a Good Man Today with Cleo Stiller


Do you consider yourself to be one of the “good guys?” What is the truth about masculinity? What does it mean to be a good man in today’s rapidly changing society? The old ideas of the male being a lone pursuer, protector, and provider are evolving, leaving many men confused about their role in family and society.

Today we have Cleo Stiller on The Dad Edge. She is the author of Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today. Cleo has had conversations with men all over the cultural, economic, and geographical spectrum, along with experts in psychology and sociology, to get a deeper understanding of what men really want and need.

In this episode, Cleo Stiller provides context for men and women when it comes to friendship, sex, parenting, money, and work. She also tells us how dads can become better human beings and raise their sons to confidently navigate the modern world.

There’s no way you’re going to raise a son who is comfortable expressing himself if you aren’t comfortable expressing yourself.—Cleo Stiller

 

Cleo Stiller

Cleo Stiller is a Peabody Award and Emmy Award-nominated journalist, speaker and television host on a mission to inspire positive social action around the world — and now an author with Simon & Schuster.

Stiller’s latest project is a new book Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today based off of years of Stiller’s reporting with men as they reconcile what it means to be “a good man” in a #MeToo era.

Modern Manhood is a #1 New Release on Amazon and has received coverage in Fortune Magazine, Rolling Stone, ABC News, The Independent, PBS, LinkedIn’s Weekend Essay and many more.

Prior to this, Stiller spearheaded health-focused digital and social video content for Univision’s cable news network for Millennials, Fusion. This culminated in the creation of an original docuseries about relationships, technology and culture. It’s the network’s second highest performing original series and has received multiple award nominations, including a prestigious Peabody Award for public service.

Stiller is an Emmy nominated and Gracie winning journalist with a background in digital video reporting — and a passion for women’s health. She’s a frequent conference speaker, most recently at New York University’s Center for Global Affairs Women’s Global Health Conference and her work has been covered by The New York Times, Self.com, Variety,Bustle, Essence,LifeHacker and a Reddit AMA.

Stiller now consults with media companies, brands and organizations to create and execute video campaigns optimized for digital reach that educate, humor and inspire viewers.

Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today

Emmy and Peabody Award–nominated health reporter Cleo Stiller’s fun(ny) and informative collection of advice and perspectives about what it means to be a good guy in the era of #MeToo.

Here are a few self-evident truths: Predatory men need to go, sexual assault is wrong, and women and men should be equal. If you’re a man and disagree with any of the aforementioned, then this book isn’t for you.

But if you agree, you’re probably one of the “good guys.” That said, you might also be feeling frustrated, exasperated, and perhaps even skeptical about the current national conversation surrounding #MeToo (among many other things). You’ve likely found yourself in countless experiences or conversations lately where the situation feels gray, at best. You have a lot to say, but you’re afraid to say it and worried that one wrong move will land you in the hot seat. From money and sex to dating and work and everything in between—it can all be so confusing! And when do we start talking about solutions instead of putting each other down?

In Modern Manhood, reporter Cleo Stiller sheds light on all the gray areas out there, using conversations that real men and women are having with their friends, their dates, their family, and themselves. Free of judgment, preaching, and sugarcoating, Modern Manhood is engaging, provocative, and, ultimately, a great resource for gaining a deeper understanding of what it means to genuinely be a good man today.

What You’ll Learn

  • Why Cleo doesn’t use the phrase “toxic masculinity”
  • This is the most progressive generation and cultural norms are changing quickly.
  • Cleo’s book, Modern Manhood, seeks to provide context for men and women all over the country about gray areas when it comes to dating, parenting, money, and work.
  • Class, ethnic, and regional background affect our ideas of what being a good man means.
  • The loss of friendship and loneliness of modern men
  • The reason men don’t have meaningful friendships once they reach adulthood
  • “Woke,” the new term for politically aware
  • Should you call out a friend for being inappropriate?
  • Men don’t know how to talk about their problems, so they turn to humor (sometimes inappropriate) to bond.
  • Women are increasingly out earning their male partners.
  • Men are hardwired to provide, but most men don’t want to be THE provider, but a provider.
  • Men being the sole provider is new in human history. Historically, it was a dual income society, where men hunted and women gathered, both providing food.
  • Single income households developed after agriculture started.
  • Strip the idea from your mind that the only way you can provide as a man is through money. There are so many other ways.
  • Questioning stereotypical idea of masculinity as the lone wolf, stoic, protector, and pursuer
  • Most men get their idea of what being a good man means from their father for what he did or did not do.
  • If there is something about your idea of a being good man that is making you miserable, you can reframe it.
  • We often equate work with misery and feel like we’re doing something wrong if we’re happy.
  • Sex and dating in the age of the #metoo movement
  • We don’t see connected, intimate sexual interactions in media and in our culture, so we don’t practice them either.
  • Get comfortable with your feelings within. Everything that makes you uncomfortable will come out in your children. If you’re afraid of your feelings, they will be too.
  • How to teach your sons to process emotion.
  • It’s not so much about what a good guy does, but what a good person does. You are a human, you should be able to rely on and open up to the people that you love.

MENTIONED EPISODES

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood

Stop Drifting and Consciously Design Your Future with Dominick Quartuccio

Become Irresistible to Your Woman with Allana Pratt

 


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Chloe Stiller’s Links

cleostiller.net

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Transition from Boy to Man

The Transition from Boy to Man


The transition from boy to man is an epic time in the lives of our sons. As fathers, it’s our job to teach them what it means to be a man as they close the chapter on childhood and embark on the next stage of life as an adult.

In recent episodes, I talked about a rite of passage experience I created for my 11-year-old son, Mason. He hiked with me and the Elite Elevation Dad Edge Mastermind to the top of Mount Quandary in Breckenridge Colorado. I also shared the letter I read to him about The Pillars of Manhood when we reached the summit.

Today, Mason is here to share his perspective of what it was like to take on such a tough physical and mental challenge, how he felt among a tribe of men, and the life lessons that he will carry into manhood.

Mason Tells Us:

  • What it was like to start the hike in the dark at 3 a.m.
  • Logistics of pooping and peeing when there is no cover
  • What it felt like to get to the top of the mountain
  • What happened when he told his friends he completed a eleven-and-a-half hour, 14,265 feet hike
  • The pillars of being a young man
  • How Mason uses a practice of gratitude to get over anxiety and depression
  • Modern dating culture in elementary school
  • Thoughts on friendship

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Creating a Rite of Passage Experience for Your Son

How to Know if You’ve Been a Good Dad

#DoEpicShit – Sharing Amazing Experiences with Your Kids

Never Give Up No Matter What with Mason Hagner


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We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
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Buy Mason’s Book

Never Give Up No Matter What children's book

And don’t forget you can support Mason with a book review on Amazon!


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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Download a free chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE book on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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How to Stop Being A Miserable F*ck with John Kim

How to Stop Being A Miserable F*ck with John Kim

Sometimes, the men who seem to have it all together are the ones who are suffering the most. Today’s guest John Kim was a licensed therapist and a life coach who was unfulfilled and hating life. A divorce forced him to begin looking inward and start his blog called The Angry Therapist to share his journey from being a boy to becoming a man.

John Kim just published his book, I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck: An Everyman’s Guide to a Meaningful Life, in which he shares his “self-help in a shot glass” tips on how to step into manhood and live a life of purpose and passion! Learn about man dates, bedroom mistakes, and why you shouldn’t pee in the shower.

'Now’s the time men are making their return.'—John Kim @angrytherapist #men #dads #fathers #manhood #fatherhood Click To Tweet

John Kim

John Kim practices complete authenticity and transparency with his many clients (frowned upon in the clinical world) and continues to look for new and unconventional ways to help people. He created the Catalyst Life Coaching Course, an online life coaching certification program, and recently started a new platform called SHFT, an app that gives people support in their pocket when they need it and the chance to become a life coach themselves. John Kim lives in Los Angeles where he makes videos on his phone, CrossFits, and rides his motorcycle to coffee shops to do sessions.

His parents did the best with what they had. They came to America from Korea with no money. They were always working and living in survival mode. His father wasn’t available emotionally and was an alcoholic. A child of the 80s, pop culture raised John and he found self-worth in skateboarding and breakdancing.

As John became and adult, he realized that all he thought he wanted wasn’t bringing him happiness. When he became a therapist and began working for non-profits, he witnessed the byproducts of dads being absent—physically and emotionally. He thought about his own childhood and how the cycle of dysfunction, codependency, and addiction starts with fatherless homes. He often wondered, what are men missing?

'We live in a fatherless nation.'—John Kim @angrytherapist #men #dads #fathers Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • The difference between responding and reacting
  • How being reactive recreates damaging patterns of the past
  • How to respond in order to change all your human collisions throughout the day
  • How to create emotional space by trying to understand before trying to be understood
  • The most toxic sentences for men—be a man, or man up
  • Why instead of being a man you should practice being human
  • How to give yourself a break when you react negatively
  • How to”re-worth” yourself
  • Why men resist the idea of self-care
  • Why self care helps you to create a stronger life-container so that you can show up better for everyone else
  • How the silliest white lies create hairline cracks of trust in a relationship
  • Why you shouldn’t perform in the bedroom
  • How porn gives a warped definition of what good sex looks like
  • How performing during sex disconnects you and breeds resentment with your partner
  • The goal of John Kim’s book
  • The best way to teach your kids not to lie
  • How to get your kids’ respect by adding an extra layer of vulnerability
  • His parting piece of wisdom for dads—look inward

MENTIONED EPISODES:

All the Money You Will Ever Need with Grant Sabatier

F*ck Your Feelings with Ryan Munsey

How to Unf*ck Yourself with Gary John Bishop


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
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John Kim’s Links

theangrytherapist.com

Facebook Page

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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

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Learn More About Our Live Event!

June 6th – 8th 2019

CLICK HERE.


What did you think of the show?

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better man

How Your Tribe Will Make You a Better Man with Ryan Michler

Ryan Michler is the creator of the Order of Man Community and Podcast, which teaches men how to live with purpose, achieve self-mastery, and create a legacy. Today he tells why it’s important for men to become part of a tribe and how that tribe will help you become a better man.

Ryan Michler and the Order of Man

Ryan Michler’s father left when he was three-years-old. His first step dad was an alcoholic, and though he wasn’t abusive, he was not present as a parent. His second stepfather was successful, but emotionally abusive, controlling, and manipulative. Still, Ryan didn’t didn’t know what a good dad was supposed to be, so he didn’t know what he was missing. It wasn’t until high school when he saw how his friends’ dads’ behaved that he became aware of the void in his life.

This lack of a father caused Ryan to suffer from a lack of confidence and self-esteem issues. He wanted to be liked and accepted by everyone and changed himself to fit in. After his first marriage failed, he endured the darkest time of his life. He knew he wasn’t operating like a man should. This convinced him to go to work on improving himself.

Now Ryan Michler has been married for twelve years and is a father of four kids. As a dad who grew up without a true father figure, he saw a huge need for learning about what it means to be a man. He started Order of Man to form a tribe of men who can learn from each other and support one another.

Why do men need a tribe?

Women are there for us in a nurturing way, but sometimes we tough love and the insights of other men who have gone what we’ve gone through. Men get emotionally attached to their situations and decisions, it’s difficult to look at our own problems objectively. We need a third-party perspective to give us advice when our thoughts and feelings are clouding our judgement.

How does a tribe work?

Men are raised to be self-reliant and wary of people. We hate to expose our weaknesses or admit when we’re not on top of everything. A tribe is a safe place to share fears and worries about subjects we don’t normally talk about. When we’re going through a time of uncertainty and weakness, we can turn to those with the qualities we’re lacking and learn from them. When we’re feeling strong in life, we can help others by sharing how we’ve overcome a similar experience.

How do we find a tribe?

Operating in packs is how men thrive. To be strong, we need to tie into other people, but it’s up to us to seek out a tribe and be consistent. Ryan suggest dipping your toe in the water. Look at your immediate circle. Who is doing well in areas you’re struggling with? Ask for advice where you see strength in others. Share something light and then build on that. You can also start by joining an online tribe like Order of Man and The Good Dad Project.

Ryan Michler’s Parting Piece of Dad Wisdom

Don’t ever use your kids and family as an excuse not to take care of yourself.

This sounds selfish at first, but it’s actually the most unselfish thing you can do. If you’re constantly draining yourself, you won’t have the mental or physical energy to be a good dad or husband. Begin burned out all the time will build resentment and put a strain on your marriage.

Ryan recommends carving out a time to get together with other men doings something you enjoy. Schedule it in advance. Communicate it to your wife and family so they are in on it you won’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself. He also says it won’t work if you just go through the motions. Give your attention fully to the activity so you’re invigorated and mentally restored when you come home. Then you’ll have refilled your tank so you can serve others again.


RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Connect with Ryan Michler

Website:

orderofman.com

Podcast:

Order of Man

Social Media:

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube