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When a Father Commits Suicide

When a Father Commits Suicide

We all go through dark times in our lives. Whether it’s financial difficulties, marital tension, struggles with our children, or failures in our work, we may sometimes wonder if we’re simply a burden to all those around us.

Today’s guest is Adam Schafer. He is a host on Mind Pump, one of the biggest podcasts on iTunes. Adam is not a dad, but he was the son of a father who committed suicide. Adam was seven years old when his dad shot himself, and the tragedy created a shock wave that still reverberates in his life today.

Children whose fathers commit suicide have a 50/50 chance of being suicidal themselves. Adam struggled with isolation and depression because of the impact of his father’s suicide. He shares how he uses times of darkness to forge himself into the man he is today.

'When you decide to exit out of this place early, I don’t think you realize the collateral damage that truly comes from that.'—Adam Schafer #suicide #depression #mentalhealth #men #dads #fathers Click To Tweet

Adam Schafer’s Story

One day, Adam’s uncle came to pick him up from school. He didn’t see his uncle often, so it was a nice surprise for Adam. But instead of going home, he was taken to a neighbor’s house where the whole family was waiting in tears. Adam was told his father shot himself on accident while cleaning his gun. Of course, this wasn’t the truth.

Adam couldn’t process the emotions. He felt guilty because he didn’t cry at the funeral. When Adam returned to school, he didn’t know what to tell the other kids about his father. He told them his dad died in the Air Force and let them fill in the blanks.

His young mom was at a loss as to what to do. She had to take care of Adam and his younger sister. A year later, she married the first man who came into her life. It was an abusive relationship, and at as young as 8 years old, Adam was between his mom and stepdad breaking up fights.

At the same time, they were a very Christian family. Adam learned and listened in church how people were supposed to treat each other, but he would see the opposite at home. He remembers trying to teach his mom and step dad how to communicate with each other. At the age of 10, he felt like he was the most mature person in the household.

Adam’s mother isolated them, avoiding the stigma that came with the suicide. Because of this, Adam never developed certain social skills that most people take for granted, like how to enjoy family gatherings and how to receive gifts. These experiences were never part of his life.

Adam is now 37 years old. Till this day, he is still sifting through the fallout from his dad’s suicide. It has been a complex and difficult journey but it has also helped Adam become more empathetic and self-aware. He has learned to smirk at times of darkness, knowing that the best times of his life are waiting for him on the other side.

'You create so much damage that a person can’t even unpack and figure out.'—Adam Schafer #suicide #depression #loss #grief #children #families #relationships Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • Why you don’t have to have a kid to be in the role of a father
  • How suicide sets up kids for failure later in life
  • How Adam pieced together his father’s suicide
  • What circumstances led to his father’s suicide
  • How the suicide destroyed Adam’s relationship with his mom
  • Why he doesn’t know how to respond to getting gifts
  • His challenges in being part of his wife’s close-knit family
  • How the Bible laid a foundation for his healing
  • How the ripple effect of his dad’s suicide trickles down to younger siblings and to generations past, present, and future
  • Adam’s battle with depression after getting off testosterone
  • His message for dads who are suffering in a pit of darkness
'You’re better off here for sure. In the darkest times, the other side of that is always the best times of my life.'—Adam Schafer #mentalhealth #mentalillness #suicide #suicideawareness #dads #men #fathers Click To Tweet

 

MENTIONED EPISODE: Mind Pump Ep. 837 – Larry Hagner of the Dad Edge Podcast


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Adam Schafer’s Links

mindpumpmedia.com

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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

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Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

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TDE Brian - A Father's Last Words

A Father’s Last Words


Our guest today is Brian Froneyberger. He battled stage 4 incurable head and neck cancer. Ten days after recording this show, Brian lost the fight and passed away. He was only forty-six years old. He left behind a wife, a son, and a daughter.

What you will hear today are a father’s last words. They are a gift to all of those who listen. No man knows how much time he has left. Brian bravely opens up about facing death, how it puts life in perspective, and what really matters most before the last goodbye.

His family is now coping with the loss. They are also in trouble financially. The Dad Edge Alliance has donated $1000 to their Go Fund Me campaign. You can help too by clicking the link below.

HELP BRIAN’S FAMILY

Donate via their GoFundMe page.

'You take for granted what being here means ... being able to pick up a phone and talk to your kids.'—Brian Froneyberger #brianstrong #dads #men #fathers #family Click To Tweet

'My gratitude for me is seeing other people smile.'—Brian Froneyberger #lastwords #gratitude #death #dying #parents Click To Tweet

Brian’s Story

Brian was the typical dad and a healthy guy. He coached, worked out, and ate clean. He didn’t drink or smoke. Then in 2015, Brian noticed a spot on the back of his throat. He thought he might have to have a tonsil removed. Then a few months later, he noticed the lymph nodes in his neck were swollen. When he went for a biopsy, they told him the news that no one, especially a father, wants to hear. He had squamous cell carcinoma.

Brian had tell his wife, his kids, and his parents. The good news was that doctors assured him that it was treatable with a very high success rate of being cured. Brian had a great outlook as he began treatment.

His particular type of cancer was caused by the HPV virus. HPV a very common virus that most humans will have at some point in their lives. Most peoples’ immune systems will fight the virus and eventually clear it, but in some cases the virus can remain, causing cancer.

Unfortunately, the chemotherapy and radiation were not effective. Brian’s lymph nodes swelled even more, and he was forced to undergo a surgery called a radical dissection of the neck where doctors removed 23 lymph nodes, muscle, nerves and a section of Brian’s jugular vein. Recovery was brutal, especially because the radiation therapy made Brian’s skin weak, but all in all, it went well and the family was hopeful.

Tragically, within five months his cancer came back. This time, Brian was told that squamous cell carcinoma that recurred was incurable and that he had a year to two years to live. It was a crushing blow after being under the impression that he could beat the disease. It was a conversation he didn’t know how to have with his family.

With new treatments coming out every day, Brian went back to his normal life as much as he could as he waited for a miracle. Eventually, he couldn’t work anymore and his family fell into financial turmoil from the lack of income and the enormous amount of medical bills. Still, Brian tells us how he spent his last days, not by trying to finish a crazy bucket list, but by appreciating the simple moments in life with his family.

What You’ll Learn

  • How Brian and his wife divorced and remarried
  • How his perspective on daily life changed after his diagnosis
  • How important it is to love each other, get a long, solve problems, and talk through them
  • How it is just as important to know when not to talk
  • The balance between teaching kids accountability and also teaching them nurturing and love
  • What inspired him to make memories with his family
  • The amazing t-shirt campaign students and their families organized to help him
  • What Brian wanted to be remembered for
'My ambition to live daily is to live with love.'—Brian Froneyberger #BrianStrong #cancer #dads #fathers #parents Click To Tweet

HELP BRIAN’S FAMILY

Donate via their GoFundMe page.


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @good_dad_project

How to Use Problems as Opportunities

How to Use Problems as Opportunities


Life is full of challenges. We all will go through times of adversity. If we’re going through them alone, we might feel hopeless and cope in negative ways. How can we get away from a fearful victim mentality, and instead, use problems as opportunities?

Thursday Throwdown is our short show where we feature regular dads. Today we have Jason Palmer as our guest. He has faced adversity and loss, including the death of a child.

At first, he reached for alcohol to ease the pain, often drinking a whole bottle of whiskey just to be able to sleep at night. But deep down inside, he knew that he was meant for more. Life didn’t have to be this way.

Then Jason discovered our episode about giving up alcohol. It inspired him to give up drinking and join the Dad Edge Alliance.

He tells us how he took ownership of his life and trained himself to look at his problems as opportunities and to move from fear-based to solution-based thinking.

'You have to sit down an intentionally focus on what’s serving you and what’s not.'—Jason Palmer, The Dad Edge Alliance #dads #men #fathers #alcohol #drinking Click To Tweet

MENTIONED EPISODES: 

How Giving Up Alcohol Will Revolutionize Your Life with Ruari Fairbairns

The Life Lessons Learned from Going One Year Without Drinking

How to Conquer Alcohol Addiction with Ruari Fairbains

 

Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.


Connect with Jason Palmer

Facebook

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @good_dad_project

 

Teaching Your Kids How to Cope with Grief

Teaching Your Kids How to Cope with Grief


The sudden death of a spouse is one of the worst tragedies imaginable. What’s even more painful to think about is the effect it would have on our children. How do we teach our kids how to cope with grief?

Today we have one of our Dad Edge Alliance members Scott Tewell on the show. His wife and daughter were in a serious car accident in January of 2017. His daughter made it. His wife did not.

Scott is now a single dad raising a 13-year-old boy and a 10-year-old girl. He talks about how he’s helping his kids cope with the loss of their mother and how he’s managing to rebuild himself as a man and father after such incredible heartbreak.

How would your life change for you and your kids if you lost your spouse unexpectedly? #dads #men #fathers #husbands #wives #death #loss #grief #parenting Click To Tweet

 


Like the show? Leave and iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.


Scott’s Link

Facebook

Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance