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Bonding with Sons and Daughters

A Father’s Guide to Bonding with Sons and Daughters with Michael Gurian

According to Columbia University, children who have a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to drink, smoke, or use drugs. How we can strengthen the bond between father and son and father and daughter?

Michael Gurian is one of the world’s foremost experts on gender and the brain and has been called “The People’s Philosopher” for his ability to bring together people’s ordinary lives and scientific ideas. He is the NY Times bestselling author of thirty-two books, a keynote speaker, a husband and a father.

Michael tells us the top three reasons why today’s kids aren’t connecting with their dads. He teaches us to discover our assets as fathers and how to invite our kids to utilize them. He also shares the neuroscience behind the differences between bonding with sons and daughters, and how we be the best father to each gender.

Michael Gurian

Dr. Michael Gurian is the New York Times bestselling author of thirty two books published in twenty three languages. He provides counseling services in private practice.  The Gurian Institute, which he co-founded, conducts research internationally, launches pilot programs and trains professionals.

Michael has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, schools, corporations, and public policy. A number of his books have sparked national debate, including THE WONDER OF GIRLS, THE WONDER OF BOYS, BOYS AND GIRLS LEARN DIFFERENTLY!, THE MINDS OF BOYS and LEADERSHIP AND THE SEXES.

In the 1990s, Michael and his colleagues at the University of Missouri-Kansas City completed a two year pilot study that established best practices for educating boys and girls.  These strategies and Michael’s nature-based gender theory are now used in schools and communities worldwide.

One of the world’s foremost gender experts, Michael travels to approximately 25 cities per year to provide keynotes at conferences and speak at schools and in communities. Michael has served as a trainer and consultant to colleges, corporations, school districts, community agencies, faith communities, criminal justice personnel, and other professionals. His philosophy reflects the diverse cultures (European, Asian, Middle Eastern and American) in which he has lived, worked and studied.

Michael’s work has been featured in nearly all the major media, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, People Magazine, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes Magazine, Psychology Today, the Christian Science Monitor, Educational Leadership, the American School Board Journal, Family Therapy, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and on the Today Show, Good Morning America, the 700 Club, CNN, PBS and National Public Radio.

What You’ll Learn

  • Michael’s mom had mental illness, and he grew up in an environment of violence and sexual abuse.
  • Michael’s father was mostly absent in his life until his dad was eighty years old.
  • It took 10 years of therapy for Michael to process his trauma. Therapy helped him recover and inspired him to become a counselor.
  • He’s been married to his wife 34 years, who is also a mental health counselor. They have two girls, aged 29 and 26.
  • Michael’s marriage advice: Establish domains as a couple. Figure out what each of you are good at and give each other space to do that. This prevents you trying to control each other.
  • Why you should compliment your spouse publicly.
  • Michael’s book, The Stone Boys, and why he wrote a story about traumatized boys.
  • The brain is not gender neutral. It shows differences according to sex beginning in utero.
  • Why we need to understand the male experience better
  • How culture is over-judging males and has lost the sense of value in a fathers’ masculinity
  • Dads are 50% of their kids support and development. They need to claim role in their kids’ lives.
  • Why kids aren’t connecting with dads
    • Divorce and child custody processes typically vilify the father.
    • The father abdicates to the mother or others because he doesn’t understand his role. He is afraid to assert himself as a father.
    • The father fails to invite the child to utilize him for the assets he has. He must be a presence. It doesn’t have to be deep conversation. Fathers and kids can bond with sports, movies, video games, and other activities.
  • Don’t be too permissive. Kids want structure.
  • How to be authoritative, not authoritarian.
  • The structure of a boy’s brain is wired to be more active. More blood flow goes to the doing part of the brain.
  • Females have more blood flow to the front and top of the brain. They solve problems internally by thinking and connect to emotive parts of brain.
  • Why females create rumination loops, leading to depression and anxiety.
  • How dads can listen to their daughters for ruminating, find the right time to step in, do a reality check, and offer suggestions.
  • Boys don’t have as many words for feelings as girls.
  • How dads can help their boys get their feelings out
  • What special activities dads can do with their daughters and sons to make the bond strong.
  • Figure out who you are as a dad and what your assets are.
  • Find common interests with your kids. Ritualize doing these things with your kids so you can establish your presence as the dad.
  • Gauge what your spouse is doing. What has she got covered? Where can you fill in the gaps as a husband and father?
  • The difference between maternal and paternal nurturing
  • How trauma effects boys and girls
  • Signs of trauma—if your child suddenly becomes withdrawn, angry, or isolated, he or she may have been traumatized.
  • More kids are traumatized than we realize.
  • How the dad spirit organically works in the family dynamic. Trust it and embrace it.

RELATED EPISODES:

Taking Action as the Head of Your Family

Modern Manhood: What it Means to Be a Good Man Today with Cleo Stiller

Imposter Syndrome: Defeating Your Inner Bully with Dr. Jamie Hope


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The Smart Way to Keep Kids Safer Online

Bark’s affordable, award-winning dashboard proactively monitors
text messages, YouTube, emails, and 24 different social networks
for potential safety concerns,
so busy parents can save time and gain peace of mind.

CLICK HERE TO GET BARK
Use coupon code GOODDAD at checkout for 10% off


Michael Gurian’s Links

MichaelGurian.com

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lifelong learner

The World’s Toughest Lifelong Learner


Today, Charlie “The Spaniard” Brenneman revisits The Dad Edge. He is a former Spanish teacher turned UFC Champion who now hosts The Spaniard Show podcast and is the author of Driven: My Unlikely Journey from Classroom to Cage.

Charlie is here to talk about his new book, Becoming the World’s Toughest Lifelong Learner: A Book for Anyone Who Wants to Pursue Anything. He shares his principles for overcoming the fear of starting something new and pushing through obstacles in business, health, and relationships. He gives us a template on how to tap into courage and the mental tools we need to keep moving forward not matter what. Learn how to become the world’s toughest lifelong learner in this episode!

 

Becoming the World’s Toughest Lifelong Learner

Whatever idea or passion you pursue, you’ll face obstacles, mess and doubt. I know because I’m chronicling the ups and downs in real time as I build my life and career: TOP 7 ranked UFC fighter, reality TV champion, nationally-ranked Division I wrestler / 1st Team All-Academic, podcaster with 1200+ episodes. This book is a combination memoir and how-to for hanging tough as you find the best way forward. In it, I share 11 principles that have helped me transition from professional fighting into podcasting, speaking and writing. I hope you’ll join me in trying to live them out and learn from the best. In the first three years of my podcast, I’ve recorded 128 talks with world-class guests, and I’ve systematically shared insights from studying 89 books. This is how I pursue my mission to embody and inspire lifelong learning that will help you make the most of your life. I’m out to sharpen the same hunger in you so you can take my title: World’s Toughest Lifelong Learner.


RELATED EPISODES:

How to Persevere In Spite of Fear with Charlie “The Spaniard” Brenneman

Brenneman vs. Hagner: The Good Dad Project Interview

Raising Kids with the Dichotomy of Leadership with Jocko Willink

How To Dream Big and Conquer Your ​Aspirations with Diamond Dallas Page​

Pulling the Positive from Failures with UFC Champion Frankie Edgar


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.

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The Smart Way to Keep Kids Safer Online

Bark’s affordable, award-winning dashboard proactively monitors
text messages, YouTube, emails, and 24 different social networks
for potential safety concerns,
so busy parents can save time and gain peace of mind.

CLICK HERE TO GET BARK
Use coupon code GOODDAD at checkout for 10% off

 


Charlie “The Spaniard” Brenneman

charliespaniard.com

The Spaniard Show

Facebook

Twitter

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Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE book on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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Daniel Amen

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life with Dr. Daniel Amen


We obsess over nutrition and fitness for a strong physique, but we ignore the most important organ in the body—the brain. The brain manages every function of the human body and is also in charge of our focus, mood, and ability to learn.

In this episode of The Dad Edge, America’s Most Popular Psychiatrist, Dr. Daniel Amen, talks about how we can improve the lives of ourselves and our children by making the brain a priority. He tells us how to eat to optimize brain power, how to create a bedtime routine for the best sleep, and how to stop the negative thoughts and behaviors that sabotage our progress in life.

This show will transform the way you think, literally. Prepare to Change Your Brain, Change Your Life!

Get the brain right and your mind will follow.–Dr. Daniel Amen

Dr. Daniel Amen

“Dr. Amen believes that brain health is central to all health and success. His work is dedicated to helping people have better brains and better lives.

Patients love him…viewers worship him…and thousands of people say they owe their lives to Dr. Amen.

His health clinics across the country see over 4,000 patient visits each month and continue to grow. And his breakthrough public television programs on various issues of brain and mental health have aired over 80,000 times and have been watched by millions of people.

He is a distinguished fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, and as a pioneer in brain SPECT imaging, he introduced a whole new way of looking at the brain. His research on brain imaging was ranked #19 out of the top 100 stories in science in 2015 by Discover Magazine.

Dr. Amen is a #1 New York Times best-selling author, double board-certified psychiatrist, professor and brain health expert.”

Your brain is involved in everything you do, every decision you make, and everything you are. And when your brain works right, you work right.–Dr. Daniel Amen

What You’ll Learn

  • How Dr. Amen went from average C student to graduating medical school
  • Depression and suicide increase with inadequate sleep.
  • The brain washes itself and consolidates information from the day during sleep
  • More people die on the road from sleep deprivation than alcohol.
  • How to honor a child’s circadian rhythm
  • Using a light box to reset your kids’ circadian rhythm to wake up early
  • How ADD kids are usually night owls
  • How to create a calming routine for your kids, engaging all 5 senses with relaxation before bedtime
  • Getting your kids to fall in love with their brains
  • How gadgets keep us awake by flooding us with blue light
  • The more secure the attachment to your kids, the safer they feel and the better they sleep.
  • How to bond with your child by spending 20 minutes each day listening to your him/her without giving your opinion.
  • The best brain breakfasts
  • Why eggs are the perfect food
  • The great cholesterol myth
  • How very low levels of cholesterol are associated with mental illness
  • Finding foods you love that love you back
  • Amen’s house rule: never spend money on food that will harm the kids
  • Getting your kids to eat brain healthy foods
  • Teaching kids to read food labels
  • When blood sugar is low, blood flow to your frontal lobe is slow.
  • Healthy snacks for after school
  • Why apple juice is a bad food
  • The truth about dairy
  • How most people don’t have the enzyme to process lactose (dairy sugar)
  • Healthy Brain Diet: 70% plants 30% healthy protein and a lot of healthy fats
  • Cultures who eat the most fish have the least depression.
  • The younger you start giving children fish, the better.
  • Preparing the brain for learning
  • How to proactively get ready for class to reduce study time and increase retention
  • Studying the day’s lesson before class to ask smarter questions
  • How and why kids should make an effort to develop a good relationship with teachers
  • Why interacting in a group setting is so helpful in learning
  • How to limit distractions and reward yourself for staying focused
  • Why it’s crucial to define your life and what you want for all aspects of it
  • How to ensure your behavior fits the goals you have
  • Consistent thinking or acting over time gets you what you want.
  • Why you must base your activities around what will matter most in the future
  • The smallest, most effective thing you can do today is to ask yourself, “Is the consequence of this decision the best for my brain?”
  • Whenever you feel sad, mad, or out of control, write your feelings down and question the negative thinking.
  • Avoiding psychiatric medication when possible.
  • The power of nutritional supplements


RELATED EPISODES:

Strategy Guide for Parenting ADHD Kids with Brian King

How to Unlock ADHD Superpowers with Peter Shankman

Faster than Normal: Secrets of the ADHD Brain with Peter Shankman


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Brain Directed Supplements for a Better Mind and Body

Dad Edge Listeners Get 15% off

Visit gooddadproject.com/edge15

ENTER COUPON CODE: EDGE15


Dr. Amen’s Links

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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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resilience parenting

Resilience Parenting with Chris Santillo


How can we teach our kids to navigate hardships and adversity while also raising them to be well-behaved? Today’s guest is Chris Santillo, the author of Resilience Parenting: Raising Resilient Children in an Era of Detachment and Dependence.

Chris is a black belt instructor of Kempo karate and has established a foundation of three pillars in parenting—learning, service, and integrity. You will find out what snowplow parenting is and why it’s so damaging. You’ll also learn why you should formulate a family creed, how to teach ownership and independence, and how to give kids space to overcome challenges to become constant learners in life.

If you don’t intentionally communicate your values to your children, then they’re either going to end up with no values or someone else is going to shove their values onto your kids.—Chris Santillo

Chris Santillo

Chris Santillo is founder and head instructor at Potomac Kempo, a martial arts studio with four locations in Alexandria, Virginia. Holly is his co-author and the founding conductor of Mount Vernon Children’s Choir and a Senior Instructor at Potomac Kempo. Together, they have been working with and educating children for more than thirty-five years. Chris has a degree in computer science from Harvey Mudd College and an MBA from Georgetown University; Holly has a degree in anthropology from Willamette University. As of the date of publication they are nomadic, exploring the world and worldschooling their three sons.

Anything they figure out by themselves sticks a little bit better than anything I can say.—Chris Santillo

Resilience Parenting

Your children will face many challenges in the years ahead, so you want to raise them to be resilient—strong, adaptable, and able to recover. It is your mission to empower your son or daughter to cultivate a functional and fulfilling life. This essential handbook will help you achieve that goal.

In Resilience Parenting, martial arts instructors Chris and Holly Santillo share the insights they have gained as teachers and parents. They offer positive alternatives to lecturing, bribing, and punishing; focusing instead on three Pillars: Learning, Integrity, and Service. By applying these powerful principles, you can inspire your children to develop the independence they need to succeed as adults, while renewing their connection to family and community.

Whether you are raising a teenager or just starting your family, the methods prescribed in this book will help you unlock your greatest potential as a parent.

The world is a better experience with children.—Chris Santillo

What You’ll Learn

  • What snowplow parenting is and why it leaves kids dangerously unprepared when they go out into the world
  • How we need to give kids opportunities to grow and develop and not do everything for them
  • Letting kids learn to take care of themselves
  • How to raise responsible kids who follow directions
  • Letting go of the constant need to look perfect in front of your kids
  • Why kids need us to talk about our failures as well as our successes
  • How to teach kids on their level
  • How to encourage kids to find solutions
  • The importance of understanding your values as a parent
  • Creating a family creed to reiterate on a daily basis, and making sure behavior is consistent with the creed
  • The Three Pillars of Parenting—Learning, integrity, service
    • Learning–How it’s not about kids learning stuff. It’s about them developing the confidence that they can learn stuff and overcoming challenges even if they don’t have tools readily available.
    • Integrity to self–if you don’t have integrity with yourself, you won’t have it anywhere in your life. You must follow through with the promises you make to yourself.
    • Integrity to others–if you promise something, you must keep your word.
    • Service–Building connections with other people and performing a service for them to have a fulfilling life.
    • Staying connected to other people while preserving independence
  • As dads, when we don’t have the perfect answer to a question, we blow it off or diminish it instead of admitting we don’t know and exploring it together with our child
  • Developing mental and physical strength, adaptability, and recovery
  • Learning to develop strength to approach problems better, then adapting to adversity and setbacks
  • Recovery–knowing that when everything goes wrong and you’re broken down, you possess the confidence that you’ll get back up again
  • Leading by example–Don’t tell kids to do homework or practice their instrument while you go watch Netflix. Show them you’re a lifelong learner too.
  • How to help kids be better at failure
  • Pulling lessons out of books and real life to show our kids
  • The importance of repeating these lessons
  • If kids are not participating in the family chores, you become their servant
  • How to address kids who do not obey
  • Setting rules–reasonable, unambiguous, consistent, and age appropriate
  • How to undo bad parenting habits with kids
  • Chris’s proudest moment in his martial arts career
  • What we all want to know—who would win a sparring match between Chris and his wife?

Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

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Chris Santillo’s links

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Resources

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We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

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the dad edge alliance


Learn More About Our Live Event!

June 6th – 8th 2019

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What did you think of the show?

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how to persevere in spite of fear

How to Persevere In Spite of Fear with Charlie “The Spaniard” Brenneman


Today I’m having a conversation with former UFC fighter and bestselling author of Driven: The Unlikely Journey from Classroom to Cage. He is also a podcast host, a speaker, a husband and a dad. Charlie “The Spaniard” Brenneman is back on the show for his third episode!

We’re going to have an authentic conversation about how to approach life as a constant learner, how to live by your core values, and how to find work that makes you come alive. We also discuss how to teach our kids extreme ownership, how to accept our fears and take action in spite of them, and how to keep momentum while pursuing our goals even when we feel like giving up.

I’m talking to the inner voice in all of us that feels alone and that feels like we can’t do it.

 

Charlie “The Spaniard” Brenneman

Charlie “The Spaniard” Brenneman is a professional mixed martial arts fighter, speaker and mentor. Following a successful high school wrestling career, Charlie took his talents to Lock Haven University where he achieved a top 12 finish at Division I Nationals and 1st Team All-Academic. After teaching Spanish for three years and winning Spike TV’s Pros vs. Joes, Charlie decided to leave his job to pursue a master’s degree and begin his professional fighting career—“The Spaniard” was born. In 2011, he was ranked as high as #7 in the world. “The Spaniard” has fought at the highest level of the sport in three countries. He currently lives in PA with his wife, daughter and son where he has transitioned to speaking, writing, and hosting The Spaniard Podcast about learning, acquiring wisdom and toughness through books, conversations and interviews, and training.

To do anything great, to pursue anything worthy, it takes hard work, it takes consistency, and it takes commitment. Sometimes people need an example.

What You’ll Learn

  • How to be physically and mentally primed to be a dad and husband
  • Charlie’s 3 fitness goals
    • to be able to kick butt
    • to defend himself and his family
    • be able to run a 15 mile obstacle race on any day
  • How he does 1000 pushups in 40 minutes
  • How physical fitness instills confidence
  • How Charlie transitioned to speaking and writing after his fighting career was over
  • About his 7 episode-a-week podcast, The Spaniard
  • How, contrary to belief, fighters do experience fear
  • How Charlie acknowledges that he is afraid, self-conscious, and anxious and keeps going anyway
  • Why we need to get over the idea that fear is weakness
  • How to distract yourself from negative thoughts
  • Charlie’s greatest fears as a father
  • How he had to reframe his ideas about his kids, allowing them to become what they want and not who he wants them to be
  • Resisting the trap of living vicariously through your kids’ activities
  • How to teach kids integrity and live that example as well
  • Why as a father, you must be open an honest when you make a mistake, explaining things and admitting your faults not matter how young your kids are
  • How to find the work that makes you come alive
  • Charlie’s mission for his podcast—to help listeners of all ages develop character, perseverance, and resilience
  • His advice for those who want to create something
  • How to have the courage to keep going even when times get tough
  • How to get beyond surface doubt and tap into your heart and soul
  • How to overcome the overwhelm of getting started
  • Being prepared to play the long game
  • How to enjoy the moment of the success in the face of new goals
  • His best marital advice—Read The 5 Love Languages
  • The best part of his marriage—How his wife’s body has changed since becoming a mother
  • The most satisfying part of being a father and the most challenging parts
  • Charlie’s challenge! Read a book, take a pic, post it tagging Charlie, and he’ll retweet/share it to his audience @charliespaniard.

Don’t take your frustrations out on other people, especially your kids


MENTIONED EPISODES:

Charlie Brenneman: How to Live a Life of Excellence

Brenneman vs. Hagner: The Good Dad Project Interview

How to Break the Cycle of the Fixed Mindset with Larry Yatch

How to Instill the Growth Mindset in Your Kids with Larry Yatch

Secrets of the Navy SEAL Mindset: Courage, Confidence, Perseverance and Resilience

Extreme Ownership for Fathers with Leif Babin


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.

CLICK HERE.


Charlie “The Spaniard” Brenneman’s links

Website

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Podcast

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

APPLY HERE!

the dad edge alliance


Learn More About Our Live Event!

June 6th – 8th 2019

CLICK HERE.


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge