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staring down the wolf leadership

Staring Down the Wolf with ex-Navy SEAL Mark Divine


Each day, we have a choice to do things the way we’ve always done them, or to stare down the wolf of fear until he backs off.

Even if we’re not a former Navy SEAL Commander like today’s guest, as fathers, we are the heads of our families. We need to learn how to operate like an elite leader for them, and more importantly, ourselves.

This means we need to be strong enough to face our insecurities, confront our shadows, admit where we’re wrong, adopt a learning mindset, and be willing to ask help.

We are truly honored to have ex-Navy SEAL, Mark Divine, on the show for his fourth time. Among his many accomplishments, he is the creator of SEALFIT and the author of Unbeatable Mind. His new book is Staring Down the Wolf: 7 Leadership Commitments That Forge Elite Teams.

Today Mark talks about how becoming an elite leader starts with a deep understanding of who we are and why we behave the way we do. He reveals that elite leadership is not about pretending we’re perfect and indestructible. It’s about being honest about our weaknesses and failures.

Mark also teaches us how to get a team to commit to one cause and align communication on an intuitive level so that we can better our lives as well as generate a positive change in the world.

Mark Divine

Mark Divine is an expert in elite performance, mental toughness, and leader-team development. His renowned SEALFIT and Unbeatable Mind training programs have transformed tens of thousands from all walks of life.

Mark’s own leadership skills were initially honed in the SEALs, where he was the honor man of his BUDS class while leading his entire boat crew to success — which has never been repeated in BUDS history. He later built several successful operations, two of which have scaled into 8-figure businesses. His mission now is to lead 100 million to the path of integrated development through his motivational speaking, Unbeatable Mind podcasts and books, by 2045. The SEAL students he teaches make it through training with a 90% success rate, and the breathing, visualization and concentration practices he has taught are now standard at BUDS and in Air Force Special Ops training. Mark helps others to motivate in order to achieve maximum levels of success, mentally and physically.

Mark addresses integration and training of the whole body-mind-spirit system in his approach which he calls the Five Mountains. He teaches this unique philosophy to executives, corporate and elite sports teams and entrepreneurs through motivational speeches. His keynotes and training have all been rated five stars or “best ever” – with topics he draws from his best selling books including The Way of the SEAL, Unbeatable Mind and Staring Down the Wolf.

Staring Down the Wolf

What does it take to command a team of elite individuals? It requires a commitment to seven key principles: Courage, Trust, Respect, Growth, Excellence, Resiliency, and Alignment. All of these are present in an elite team which commits to them deeply in order to forge the character worthy of uncommon success.

Retired Navy SEAL Commander, entrepreneur and New York Times best-selling author Mark Divine (founder of SEALFIT, NavySeal.com, and Unbeatable Mind) reveals what makes the culture of an elite team, and how to get your own team to commit to serve at an elite level. Using principles he learned on the battlefield, training SEALs, and in his own entrepreneurial and growth company ventures, Mark knows what it is to lead elite teams, and how easily the team can fail by breaching these commitments.

Elite teams challenge themselves to step up everyday to do the uncommon. Developing the principles yourself and aligning your team around these commitments will allow you to thrive in VUCA (volatility, uncertainty, complexity, ambiguity) environments, no matter your background or leadership experience. Drawing from his 20 years leading SEALs, and 25 years of success and failure in entrepreneurship and 10 years coaching corporate clients, Mark Divine shares a very unique perspective that will allow you to unlock the tremendous power of your team.


What You’ll Learn

  • Leaders should never try to act like they are perfect.
  • If you show up as the strongest, smartest, and most perfect, you will shut your team down.
  • Your team will prefer if you admit when you’re scared and don’t have all the answers
  • We are all flawed humans, but when we commit to a team, we can execute impossible missions.
  • Mission success depends on making the team members grow as people.
  • True leadership is in the messy parts.
  • Leading an elite team in the civilian world is a lot harder than in the military.
  • In all cases, YOU become your biggest limiting factor.
  • Emotional development is the biggest and most avoided obstacle for leaders. It’s also the most important.
  • Emotional baggage from your childhood becomes part of your shadow.
  • Most people won’t face the trauma from their past.
  • Look at emotional work just like a fitness, diet, or business plan.
  • Confront codependence and people pleasing.
  • The importance of a meditation practice
  • How we create protective masks to cover our shadow side
  • Mark Divine admits that he could’ve easily become a highly successful, materialistic jerk.
  • What’s the primary purpose of life? It’s not to fulfill a calling. That is the secondary mission.
  • The primary purpose of life is to evolve, to uncover our negative qualities and cultivate positive ones so that we can serve others.
  • How to be humble and transparent without holding yourself and others from risk
  • Don’t blame others when the team fails. Tell them, “I’m in charge. It’s my responsibility. How can we learn from this?”
  • Showing up as your true self
  • Being supportive of your team instead of taking all the glory
  • Mark’s experience with his adopted son
  • Why kids lose trust in their parents
  • How to trigger accelerated growth
  • Bringing mindfulness exercises into your team culture
  • Alignment is how you communicate and create shared consciousness amongst the team. The team becomes the new leader.
  • How operating as an elite leader will benefit you, the world, and the planet.
  • You will always get more profit from serving others first.
  • Communicate your alignment daily.
  • Developing world-centric care and concern
  • Post COVID: How can we do this better and not go back to the way we were before?
  • Create a new “uncommon” normal
  • Why Mark Divine does not have email in his phone
  • Taking every other week off the internet to remove distraction
  • The clever auto-responders Mark uses when he’s detoxing from the office

RELATED EPISODES:

The Secrets to Achieving Wildly Important Goals with Mark Divine

Create an Unbeatable Mind, Body, and Become Sealfit with Mark Divine

How To Create An Unbeatable Mind with Navy Seal Mark Divine

 


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Mark’s Daily Brief on YouTube

staringdownthewolf.com

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communication mastery for fathers

Communication Mastery for Fathers with Chris Voss


Get ready to be trained to communicate and negotiate by the most qualified man in the country.

Chris Voss is the former Chief Negotiating Officer of the FBI, the CEO & Founder of the Black Swan Group, and the author of Never Split The Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It.

Chris is back on the show to tell us some surprising things about communication based on decades of experience, modern psychology, and neuroscience. He explains why we want to get people to say “no” instead of “yes” and teaches us advanced techniques for developing tactical empathy. Chris also reveals the skill set we need for communication mastery as fathers, arming us with the tools we need to be effective leaders in our households and communities.

“When you negotiate properly, you allow the other side to have your way.”—Chris Voss

Chris Voss

Chris Voss is CEO of the Black Swan Group and author of the national best-seller “Never Split The Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It,” which was named one of the seven best books on negotiation. A 24-year veteran of the FBI, Chris retired as the lead international kidnapping negotiator. Drawing on his experience in high-stakes negotiations, his company specializes in solving business communication problems using hostage negotiation solutions. Their negotiation methodology focuses on discovering the “Black Swans,” small pieces of information that have a huge effect on an outcome. Chris and his team have helped companies secure and close better deals, save money, and solve internal communication problems.

Chris has been featured in TIME, Business Insider, Entrepreneur, Inc., Fast Company,
Fortune, The Washington Post, SUCCESS Magazine, Squawk Box, CNN, ABC News and
more.

Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

A former international hostage negotiator for the FBI offers a new, field-tested approach to high-stakes negotiations—whether in the boardroom or at home.

After a stint policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Missouri, Chris Voss joined the FBI, where his career as a hostage negotiator brought him face-to-face with a range of criminals, including bank robbers and terrorists. Reaching the pinnacle of his profession, he became the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator. Never Split the Difference takes you inside the world of high-stakes negotiations and into Voss’s head, revealing the skills that helped him and his colleagues succeed where it mattered most: saving lives. In this practical guide, he shares the nine effective principles—counterintuitive tactics and strategies—you too can use to become more persuasive in both your professional and personal life.

Life is a series of negotiations you should be prepared for: buying a car, negotiating a salary, buying a home, renegotiating rent, deliberating with your partner. Taking emotional intelligence and intuition to the next level, Never Split the Difference gives you the competitive edge in any discussion.

What You’ll Learn

  • Why you always want to get a person to say ‘no’ first.
  • The fallacy of micro-agreements
  • Why people feel like they’ve been taken hostage when you convince them to say “yes”
  • People feel safe, protected, in control, and ready to move forward when they are given space to say “no.”
  • Without action, agreement is useless.
  • The 3 Yeses: Commitment, confirmation, and counterfeit
  • What is tactical empathy
  • Why tactical empathy is a self-reinforcing skill
  • Why empathy is neither sympathy nor agreement
  • Moving from denial to observation when listening to another’s side
  • You get rid of the elephant in the room by admitting it’s there.
  • Over-demonizing a problem will diminish it.
  • Calling out negatives is an effective way to communicate with people.
  • Genuine curiosity is a highly positive state of mind.
  • The “flow state” and other positive states of mind make you smarter.
  • Gamifying allows you to detach from stressful situations and helps you to perform better.
  • How to use your tone of voice
  • No matter how a discussion ends, people appreciate integrity.
  • The difference between someone telling you “you’re right” and “that’s right”
  • How someone uses the phrase “you’re right” to create distance
  • How getting someone to say “that’s right” triggers oxytocin
  • The magic of the one-sentence email (that triggers a “no”)

MENTIONED EPISODES:

The Art of Negotiating with Your Kids with Chris Voss


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COVID-19: How to Protect and Lead Your Family Through Crisis with Retired Navy SEAL Jason Redman


COVID-19 has put us into a situation that we have never experienced before, and we’re unprepared as fathers. Fear, anxiety, and stress can wear on us. Our spouses and children are struggling to adjust as we are confined to our homes. The challenge for us as the leaders of our households is to learn how to best protect and lead our families through this pandemic.

Jason Redman is back on The Dad Edge for this crucial episode. He is a retired Navy SEAL and author of The Trident: The Forging and Reforging of a Navy Seal Officer and Overcome: Crush Adversity with the Leadership Techniques of America’s Toughest Warriors. He is a husband, a father of three, and now teaches people from every walk of life how to overcome any “life ambush” they may face.

These unprecedented times call for unprecedented measures. Jason tells fathers what we need to do mentally, emotionally, physically to show up as the best leaders for our families and communities. He tells us how to be honest and realistic with our kids about what’s going on in the world while keeping them calm, productive, and at ease. He gives us a list on how to prepare for the worst while hoping for the best, making sure we choose positivity over negativity in everything we do.

This is a handbook for every dad on how to best protect and lead your family through crisis.

The most powerful asset you have in any crisis—in any moment where leadership truly kicks in—is your ability to project positivity in the face of negativity, in the face of uncertainty, and in the face of chaos.—Jason Redman

Jason Redman

Former Lieutenant Jason Redman spent 11 years as an enlisted Navy SEAL. For his bravery in battle, he was awarded the Bronze Star Medal with Valor, the Purple Heart, the Navy Commendation Medal, Joint Service Achievement Medal, Navy Achievement Medal (five awards), and the Combat Action Ribbon (two awards). After being severely wounded in Iraq while acting as Assault Force Commander, Redman returned to active duty with the Navy SEALs, retiring in 2013. He has founded a non-profit corporation called Wounded Wear, which provides clothing tailored for wounded warriors. He is also the creator of GetOffX.com. He and his wife Erica live with their children in Virginia.

Overcome

Retired Navy SEAL and New York Times bestselling author Jason Redman divulges how to triumph over adversity using proven Special Operations habits and mindsets.

Adversity can often catch you by surprise and leave you struggling with what to do next. What if you could confront any adversity, from the biggest challenges — the loss of your job, divorce, health issues, bankruptcy — to normal daily challenges — a late flight, a disappointing phone call, a missed promotion, a bad day — and not just survive it, but thrive afterwards?

Redman was horrifically wounded in Iraq in 2007 when he was shot at close range through the face and arm. After 40 surgeries, including extensive facial reconstruction and skin grafts, he came back from this experience stronger than ever — despite carrying scars and injuries he will have for the rest of his life. Redman went on to launch two successful companies and speaks all over the country on how to build better leaders through his Overcome mindset.

Overcome is based on extensive research and interviews with America’s toughest warriors, including retired 4-star Admiral William McRaven, retired Navy SEAL Jocko Willink, retired 4-star General Stanley McChrystal, and others. In this book, Redman teaches:

  • How to survive any life ambush
  • How to move from defense to offense using the proactive techniques of SEAL teams
  • How to strengthen your endurance during long-term trials
  • How to rediscover and thrive in your life purpose
  • How to lead your team (whether in business or family) to success
  • How to compete with the top 1% in your field
  • How to stay the course even when you want to quit
  • And more

Some people move through adversity and others fall underneath it. Learn how you can be counted among those who will Overcome.

What You’ll Learn

  • Be careful of the seeds you plant in your kids.
  • You can lead from any situation. Oftentimes we tell ourselves don’t have the ability to lead or we don’t have the ability to influence people. I had learned that when I was laying on the hospital bed that you can even lead from there.
  • Gathering intelligence on the situation.
  • Let your family know the truth of what’s going on while projecting calm, confidence, and positivity.
  • How Jason put his own family in quarantine and what his rules are.
  • How to keep sane in quarantine: No lying around in pajamas all day. Every day, family members have to do at least one productive thing.
  • Jason’s family’s plan to livestream a rock band concert from home
  • Dealing with homeschooling and restless kids.
  • Humans crave structure and accomplishing things. We are task oriented. Clean and organize your home.
  • Let your kids see you doing something proactive every day in business, home, and community.
  • What to do when your kids come to you worried.
  • Mindset: Hope for the best, plan for the worst.
  • Keeping in mind that when humans get down to their basic levels that they will do drastic and unpredictable things.
  • If the situation gets to its worst, first responders won’t be able to come and help.
  • A plan and preparedness puts your kids in the comfort zone.
  • Jason packs bags for the whole family with 6 weeks of food, water, water purification, weapons, and camping gear.
  • The of the community is one of the most powerful things we have. In the past, tribes were the best source of protection. It’s the team that makes the difference, not the individual.
  • Why we should reconnect with neighbors (from a distance). It’s never too late to start forging relationships. Every person brings their own skillset for survival.
  • The Pentagon of Peak Performance – leading yourself to balance in life
    • Physical leadership – nutrition, sleep, and fitness
    • Mental leadership – reading, expanding education, learning outside your comfort zone
    • Emotional leadership – keeping calm in chaos, choosing positivity in negativity
    • Social leadership – how we build our reach of influence
    • Spiritual leadership – tapping into a higher power
  • It is not abnormal to feel out of sorts. Do one thing to move the needle forward.
  • It’s dangerous for us to devolve out of our routine. Focusing on the crisis will compound the problem.
  • Give the medical community your support. They are the Special Forces for the war against the virus.

Sign up for Jason Redman’s Live Webinar
6pm EST March 31st, 2020

 

We overcome. That’s what we do. This country has beat all the odds for 243 years, and we’re going to beat this too.—Jason Redmond

MENTIONED EPISODES:

The 6 Tenets of Success with Former Navy SEAL Jason Redman

Raising Kids with the Dichotomy of Leadership with Jocko Willink

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood

 


Jason Redman

jasonredman.com

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parenting with leadership

Parenting with Leadership with Stewart Friedman and Alyssa Westring


What’s the difference between managing your family and leading them? Do you know your values as a family and your vision of how it should operate?

If the answer is no, don’t worry. You’re pretty much just like everyone else.

We often have learned to be leaders in our work and our community, but rarely do we use these skills when we come home with our kids. With packed schedules and hectic days, it’s all we can do to make it to bedtime, but today we’re going to talk about how leading your family brings you closer together, makes decisions easier, and opens up new possibilities in other areas of your life.

Today we have Stewart Friedman and Alyssa Westring on the show. They are organizational psychologists and the authors of Parents Who Lead: The Leadership Approach You Need to Parent with Purpose, Fuel Your Career, and Create a Richer Life. They’re going to give us the skill set we need to lead our families and plan and prioritize our lives around what truly matters to us.

This show will totally change the way you look at your role as a father. Don’t miss this chance to create the family life you always dreamed of!

“Your challenge as a leader is to be conveying values and inspiring people. To do that you do indeed have to be intentional.”—Stewart Freidman

Parents Who Lead

Being a parent can be a disorienting experience filled with disruptive transitions, constant pushes and pulls at work, at home, and in the community, endless to-do lists, and identity crises. It’s easy to lose track of who you are and what really matters most when you’re balancing so much at once.

It doesn’t have to be this way. As a parent, you can harness the power of leadership principles and discover how to thrive in all aspects of your life.

Drawing on their experience as researchers, educators, consultants, coaches, and parents, Friedman and Westring offer a robust and proven method–designed specifically for parents–that will help you gain a greater sense of purpose and control. This method includes:

  • Designing a future based on your core values
  • Engaging with your children in meaningful ways
  • Cultivating a community of caregiving and support, in all parts of your life
  • Experimenting to discover better ways to live and work

Powerful, practical, and indispensable, Parents Who Lead is the guide you need to forge a better future, foster meaningful and mutually rewarding relationships, and design sustainable solutions for creating a richer life for yourself, your children, and your world.

What You’ll Learn

  • Leadership is seeing a better tomorrow and bringing people with you to get there.
  • The science behind leadership
  • Parents know what leadership looks like at work, but when they get home, they get frustrated and become obnoxious micromanagers that no one would want to work for.
  • We put out fires and are used to being reactive.
  • We’re not born with leadership capacities; we have to cultivate them.
  • How growing as a parent will help you become a better leader at work and in all your relationships.
  • Step back and reflect on situations to have meaningful conversations and be more proactive in finding solutions.
  • Ask yourself, what do you stand for? What do you really want your life to be about? Then take action on those beliefs.
  • Value exercise: Draft a list of your values and compare them with your partner’s. Then crystalize your combined vision.
  • Imagine a day 15 years from now? Your ideal day? What are you doing with whom and why?
  • How to get your kids onboard with your family vision
  • Why you should pay attention to the “shoulds” you tell yourself. Are they aligned with your values?
  • The 4-way wins for work, home, community, and self. What can you do within your control that will make things better for all different parts?
  • Engage kids to discover their values and articulate them too.
  • How to get you kids and family to tell you what they need from you.
  • Creating intentional time together in the age of technology
  • Pay attention to the impact you have on your kids and take your impact seriously

“If you do what you care about, you’ll be okay.”—Alyssa Westring

RELATED EPISODES:

No Bad Kids: The Psychology of Toddler Parenting with Janet Lansbury

Resilience Parenting with Chris Santillo

Your Values: Defining, Planning, and Taking Action


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Guest Links

parentswholead.net

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Stew Friedman

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Alyssa Westring

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LinkedIn

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

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jocko willink

Raising Kids with the Dichotomy of Leadership with Jocko Willink


How can we detach from chaos and our emotions so we can make the best decisions in our lives? How do we know when it’s time to lead and time to follow? How do we apply the balance of leadership and detachment to our family and work life to reach a victorious outcome in any situation?

Today we are pumped to have Jocko Willink on the show. He is a former Navy SEAL, powerhouse podcaster, and co-author of The Dichotomy of Leadership: Balancing the Challenges of Extreme Ownership to Lead and Win with our former guest, Leif Babin.

Jocko tells us how to navigate life with a mindset of extreme ownership, humility, and wisdom. He also talks about raising kids with the dichotomy of leadership so that they can become more resilient, independent, and make the smartest choices for themselves.

Your kids are not going to be who you want them to be, they’re going to be who they are.—Jocko Willink

 

Jocko Willink

JOCKO WILLINK is a decorated retired Navy SEAL officer, author of the book Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win, and co-founder of Echelon Front, where he is a leadership instructor, speaker, and executive coach.

Jocko spent 20 years in the U.S. Navy SEAL Teams, starting as an enlisted SEAL and rising through the ranks to become a SEAL officer. As commander of SEAL Team Three’s Task Unit Bruiser during the battle of Ramadi, he orchestrated SEAL operations that helped the “Ready First” Brigade of the US Army’s First Armored Division bring stability to the violent, war-torn city.

Task Unit Bruiser became the most highly decorated Special Operations Unit of the Iraq War. Jocko returned from Iraq to serve as Officer-in-Charge of training for all West Coast SEAL Teams. There, he spearheaded the development of leadership training and personally instructed and mentored the next generation of SEAL leaders who have continued to perform with great success on the battlefield.

During his career, Jocko Willink was awarded the Silver Star, the Bronze Star, and numerous other personal and unit awards. In 2010, Jocko retired from the Navy and launched Echelon Front with Leif Babin where he teaches the leadership principles he learned on the battlefield to help others lead and win. Clients include individuals, teams, companies, and organizations across a wide-range of industries and fields.

Jocko Willink had a fairly normal childhood. He grew up in a small new England town and his parents were school teachers. Jocko says he was a rebellious as a kid, and once he grew up, he joined the military to challenge himself and channel his headstrong personality. He chose the SEALs because he, “liked the water and heard it was really hard.”

Jocko is now a family man and has been married to his wife since 1997. He has four children—three daughters aged 19, 18, and 10 and a son who is 16. Jocko applies SEAL experience and leadership training to his household just as thoroughly as he did in the field. His secret is practicing a state of emotional detachment so that temporary feelings do not interfere with executing the best course of action.

When you detach, you make better decisions. You can see more. You’re just an infinitely better human being.—Jocko Willink

What You’ll Learn

  • How Jocko takes charge of his team and family by applying the same tools to both aspects of his life
  • Why it’s critical to distance yourself from chaos, mayhem, and your own emotions in order not to make rash decisions
  • How even though you may know the right course of action for your kids, you shouldn’t force decisions on them
  • Why you must explain to your kids the “why” behind everything you ask them to do and not to do
  • The red flags of emotion that signal it’s time to step back and reflect
  • How to think about the end result and the long game. How does your kid view you? How much leadership capital will you use one small argument? Be strategic.
  • Why yelling is self-defeating. Though there is a temporary outward respect for power, there is an inward disrespect and resentment.
  • Building trust by allowing your kids to execute things on their own
  • How to be realistic and recognize the limitations of your kids
  • How to push your kids beyond their limitations without overwhelming them
  • What happened when Jocko pushed his kids too hard
  • How to constantly modulate to make sure sports are fun
  • How sports and athletics help kids realize that suffering, discipline, and training will bring them fun (wins) and long-term gratification
  • Why specializing in one sport is not as effective as giving them a broad range of athletics
  • How to get your kids off screens and devices
  • The balance of ego and humility in parenting and leadership
  • Jocko’s guidance to his son about getting into fights (it will surprise you)
  • How to assess your kids for confidence, ego, and humility, fear
  • How to encourage low-confidence kids
  • How to humble cocky kids
  • Jocko’s most valuable lessons about marriage
  • Why he says that if you’re annoyed at your partner for something, it’s your fault
  • Why being 100% honest all the time is wrong
  • How to take ownership of what’s going on instead of blaming everyone else
  • How Jocko balances all the demands in his life to show up as the man he wants to be with his family
  • Why it’s not only about how Jocko interacts with his kids, but also about what they see from him
  • Why Jocko’s happy his family doesn’t need him
  • His advice to young SEALs who think about getting out of the military for their family
  • Why he wants his kids to see someone who succeeds from working hard and not because of natural gifts and abilities


MENTIONED EPISODES:

Extreme Ownership for Fathers with Leif Babin

Stop Drifting and Consciously Design Your Future with Dominick Quartuccio


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Jocko Willink’s Links

jockopodcast.com

Facebook

Twitter

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Amazon

Books

The Dichotomy of Leadership: Balancing the Challenges of Extreme Ownership to Lead and Win

Way of the Warrior Kid: From Wimpy to Warrior the Navy SEAL Way: A Novel

Marc’s Mission: Way of the Warrior Kid (A Novel)

Way of the Warrior Kid 3: Where there’s a Will… (A Novel)

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