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Shane Ramer

Overcoming Addition and Becoming a Dad with Purpose with Shane Ramer


Shane Ramer, founder and host of That Sober Guy Podcast, comes on the GDP and shares an extremely raw interview on addiction, substance abuse, recovery, and being a dad with purpose.  Brace yourself for this amazing interview with Shane Ramer.

It’s the elephant in the room. Everyone knows it’s there, but no one wants to say anything; better to keep the status quo than rock the boat. No one knows what will happen if the boat is rocked and that is scary. At the same time, we hate the elephant; it is destroying our family, our other relationships and possibly our job. The elephant is addiction and addiction is hard to admit. Shane Ramer, founder of thatsoberguy.com, knows this reality all too well.

 

Shane Ramer’s Childhood and Background

Growing up, Shane turned to alcohol to soothe the pain he endured dealing with a troubled childhood. As he became an adult, Shane realized that he was using alcohol to escape life’s realities and soon came face-to-face with the fact that his own marriage was struggling because of it. He hit a wall. He could not longer stand the elephant in the room. With that, he sat down with his wife and said he needed help. Shane knew he was meant for something much more than where he was.

 

Going through intensive counseling and support from his family and friends, Shane learned to manage his life as an alcoholic. Knowing that he wasn’t the only one struggling, Shane started thatsoberguy.com in order to help other men struggling with similar issues. Today, Shane is a successful businessman, husband and father, dedicated to helping men voice their fears that keep them in the bonds of addiction.

 

But I’m Not an Addict

 

We’re not saying you are, but the lessons Shane discusses reach to all men. Society is great at telling boys that real men don’t cry, “suck it up” and never show emotion. So what do you do with all that pent-up emotion? Maybe you already have a healthy way of showing emotion, or maybe you need a little liquid courage to loosen up or just maybe you can’t get to work in the morning without your daily beer. Wherever you are on the spectrum, the learning to deal with fears and emotions without bottling them up will make you and those around you much happier.

 

It’s Ok to Talk About It

 

Again, we men are great at helping others solve their problems. That’s what we think we are here for. Our own problems? What problems? Oh! You mean the ones we don’t talk about? Well, we’ll be fine. Will we? Take a look at your own life and think about areas where your bottled-up emotions eat away at your true self. What is the worst thing that is going to happen if you talk to someone about your issues? You actually may deal with them? Whoa. What about your Man Card? Guess what, it’s safe and secure and probably in better condition than it was when you kept your fears and feelings to yourself.

 

Be A Man

 

Being a man means owning up to all areas of our lives. Even our fears. Showing up as the best dad, husband, employee and friend takes guts. Owning our issues takes even more guts and grit. You’ve got it in you, so be the best man you can be right now.

Resources:

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Connect with Shane Ramer:

Shane Ramer Twitter

Shane Ramer Website

Shane Ramer That Sober Guy Podcast

Shane Ramer Private FB Page (invite/request entry only)

new dad

Being a New Dad in the Early Years by Chris Cottle

As I think back over the last 10 years of being a father, I reflect on the joys and the struggles of the early days. There have been many joyous moments such as being there when my son was born, watching him smile as he woke up from a nap, his first words, his first steps and I can go on and on. But the biggest struggle through all those joyous moments was I physically could not tell him that I loved him. It is even difficult for me to type those words, that I couldn’t. It’s not that I didn’t. Because I truly did and still do. I was able to overcome this difficulty with the help of my friends and my wife. I now have three kids and I tell them every day that they are loved. Now let’s take a difficult walk down memory lane.

 

As a child I don’t recall my father being present much, mostly due to the fact that he was in the Navy as an officer. He was out to sea quite often. Even when he retired from the Navy he was going to work early and coming home late. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not knocking my dad in any way. He was doing what he had to at the time. The more I think about it I don’t recall many of the men in my family telling myself or my brother I love you. We heard “I’m proud of you” when the time called for it, but not those three important words. I never knew how they would affect me later down the line.

 

It was the summer of 2005 and my wife was due with our first child. We were the typical first time parents. We had read all the books we could find, bubble wrapped the entire house, and had prepped for this day for weeks in advance. The day had come and we were officially parents! I held my son for the first time and everything changed. My whole world was fixed on him. While at the hospital I felt the need to say I love you to my boy, but the words physically wouldn’t cross my lips. I shrugged it off and hid it from my wife, she was a ball of emotion and I didn’t want to blemish this moment. Flash forward to a few weeks later. I felt the urge to express my endearment yet again, but nothing but “I” would come out of my mouth. I was heartbroken and thought what kind of father can’t tell his son I love you.

 

I talked to my wife about my issue and believe it or not she was understanding considering my history of being emotionally inept (In the past I have not been one to express emotion much). I spent a lot of time discussing my lack of verbal communication with my best friend at the time, who was also quite supportive. Finally I came to a conclusion. I chose to show my son I loved him despite the lack of words. I was constantly holding him and taking care of him on my off shifts. I knew that if he felt loved I wouldn’t have to say it. If I remember correctly, with the more I showed him, the easier it was to say it down the road. Once he began making noise and communicating in his own way, I was able to tell him I loved him as well as show him. My wife began calling me the baby whisperer as I was able to soothe him on occasion when she could not.

 

After everything was said and done, I found comfort in my wife and friends. Because I felt comforted I in turn discover a solution to my issue. If I couldn’t say the words like I wanted to, I was able to wrap him in my loving arms showing my love. Sometimes you have to find other solutions that may not show themselves in the beginning, give it time and you will discover them where you least expect.

 

Resources:

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

teach grit

How to Teach Grit

Teach GRIT!

The Good Dad Project Podcast with Frankie Edgar was a game changer for so many reasons.  The coolest thing about the GDP and having a dad podcast is that no matter fame nor fortune, men jump at the chance to share their views, their journey, and even their struggles.

For this week’s five minute Thursday, I wanted to recap some highlights from the interview with Frankie.

When under pressure, be calm, cool, and collected

When the UFC Octagon cage doors close…anything can happen.  The secret to a successful outcome in the octagon is being prepared for anything because anything can happen.  Frankie shares that being calm, cool, and collected is absolutely necessary to be able to think rationally.

Being calm, cool, and collected is a skill that transfers from the cage to the family.  Through our journey of fatherhood, there will be situations that test us under pressure.  When we respond calmly and avoid a knee-jerk panic reaction, it illustrates our emotional resiliency.

How to teach GRIT

Teaching grit is probably one the most difficult lessons to teach our kids.  Our instinct is to protect them from anything that is difficult.  Our society also puts such an emphasis on winning at all costs.

Frankie mentioned that he loves leveraging sports to teach his kids grit.  For example, he doesn’t really care if his kids win or lose a wrestling match.  What he wants to see if how hard they fight for the win.  If there isn’t a desire and a fire in the belly to win, that is a bigger problem.  None of us can coach desire.  Desire is either there or it’s not.  However, we can teach how to leverage our desire to win to tap into our grit.  We can even leverage our losses to teach us lessons on how to win in the future.  Finally, we can teach grit through losing and failure.  A victory is even sweeter when we have to work at it extremely hard.  Lessons of grit are learned through sports and as parents we can use situations like losses to teach these lessons.

For Parents of Youth Sports:  Take a Seat and Enjoy

Frankie had some excellent advice for parents of youth sports and that’s “take a seat and enjoy.”  Be the silent voice of love and support when it comes to sports.  Its extremely difficult to not get emotionally wrapped up in our kids sports performance.  I am speaking from a father who is a parent and a coach of my kids sports teams and I see it all the time.

Parents can be extremely tough on their kids even when they think they are helping.  I didn’t really get this mentality until I read The Matheny Manifesto by Mike Matheny, manager of the St. Louis Cardinals.  If you really want to see your child love sports and if you want to see peak performance…take a seat, enjoy, and let the coaches do their jobs.

Free Resources:

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

 

 

Links

Connect with Frankie Edgar:

Frankie Edgar Website

Frankie Edgar Twitter

Frankie Edgar UFC Profile

leading your kids

The Power of Leading Your Kids By Example with Devon Bandison – GDP026

Episode Overview:

“Leadership isn’t about your title…leadership is about your influence.” – John Maxwell

Our kids will get their first life lessons on leadership through their fathers.  In this episode, we interview Devon Bandison, founder of “Fatherhood is Leadership.”  This episode is truly remarkable because Devon shares so many pearls of wisdom of how you can lead your kids by example.

About Devon Bandison

Devon Bandison was born and raised in NYC and shares the same energetic heartbeat, big personality, and commitment to excellence as his hometown. Devon is a high performance coach, speaker and author who has spoken all around the world to clients that include Fortune 100 companies, professional sports teams and business owners. He is a recognized authority and thought leader in fatherhood; teaching leadership through personal transformation. Devon’s recent TEDx Talk “Fatherhood is Leadership” has gained national recognition and was featured at TEDx Boca Raton in March 2015. He is also the host of a top rated podcast on iTunes. Devon earned his Master of Public Administration and holds a B.A. in Psychology. His keynotes and seminars connect real life experiences to the power of transformation. Devon shows participants how they can transform their own challenges into a legacy of leadership, meaning, and purpose. Devon is a loving father of three wonderful children (ages 17, 13, and 5) who inspire him daily to create a legacy of greatness.

Key Takeaways:

  • Discover how fatherhood is leadership

  • Learn ways to lead your kids in a positive way through elite leadership skills

  • How can we dads lead their kids by example?

Leading your kids through your example

Devon shares how we can raise our kids with a “leadership mentality.”

1.        Create a vision – discover your own personal vision of what successful fatherhood looks like for you.  What do you value?  What characteristics do you want to instill in your kids?

2.        What is your strategy?  At the end of every success, there was a successful strategy.  At the end of every success, there was a well executed plan of action.  As fathers, we have to have a strategy.  We have to have a plan of action in order to succeed.

3.        Having big presence – Kids really don’t care about what we buy them, how much money we have, or what we do for a living.  Kids truly care about how we show up and our purposeful presence.

4.        Forget perfection – there is no need to be perfect to inspire your kids.  Lead your kids by inspiring them to handle their own imperfections.  Our kids will always learn by example, so let’s strive to manage our imperfections and our shortcomings openly and without shame.

5.        “Does your audio match your video?”  Devon shared this quote during our show and it was truly an enlightening moment.   Our kids truly learn by example.  So, are you truly practicing what you preaching?  Our kids will learn more from our actions versus our words.

How to teach our kids about leadership?

1.        Good leaders know how to be honest – leading your kids means teaching them about honesty.  Honesty is an empowering quality of any great leader.

2.        Ability to be positive in a chaotic situation –  One of the best ways to teach our kids leadership is teaching them how to handle their own stress.  A rare and empowering quality for any great leader is being able to stay calm in a stressful situation.

3.        Achieve Abundance by Serving Others – Life is a lot bigger than just ourselves.  Great leaders find abundance in helping and serving others.  Teaching our kids to serve and help others is critical.

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Devon’s Links:

Thank You!

Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!

Drew Manning On Health and Fitness

How Your Health and Fitness Impacts Your Kids and Relationships with Drew Manning – GDP022

Episode Overview

We had the pleasure of interviewing New York Times Best Seller, Personal Trainer, and all-around amazing dad, Drew Manning.

In this episode, Drew teaches us how our health can have a direct impact on every aspect of our life.  Drew went on an incredible twelve-month journey from being incredibly fit at 190 pounds,  low body fat, and peak physique state to gaining 70 pounds and completely out of shape in six months.  He then took the ladder six months in his twelve-month journey and got back into shape at a lean 190 pounds once again.

Drew

In his bestselling book, “Fit 2 Fat 2 Fit” he explains his journey in detail and how getting completely out of shape impacted every aspect of his life.  By going on this journey, it has made Drew a better trainer and life coach for his clients.  He has been a fit athlete his whole life.  When he took six months to walk in the shoes of the typical American diet and lifestyle, he quickly learned how devastating it can be.

Key Takeaways:

  • You will discover what the typical American diet did to Drew’s health and well-being
  • How this journey impacted his Dad journey
  • How he got himself back into shape after gaining 70 pounds and not stepping into a gym for six months.
  • Drew gives essential strategies of how you can balance parenthood and self-care
  • Why taking care of your health is one of the best investments you can make as a parent

“I have always been a guy who loved sports growing up.  I was a football player and a wrestler during most of my years growing up.  I have always had a passion for health and fitness.  When I became a personal trainer, I noticed there was a “disconnect” from time to time with my clients.  Since I have eaten healthy most of my life, I have never really understood how addictive processed foods could be.  It wasn’t until I decided to go on my six-month journey of eating unhealthy and not working out did I fully understand what my clients were going through.” – Drew Manning

Drew ManningDrew Manning purposively decided to take six months and become an unhealthy individual.  He didn’t really eat fast food, but he did stop eating veggies, stopped going to the gym, and simply ate the typical American diet for six months straight.  He simply ate things like chips, soda, cereal, mac and cheese, pizza, burgers, etc.  He completely got away from his healthy lifestyle.

The impact of gaining 70 pounds in six months

Drew explains how gaining 70 pounds impacted his enjoyment of being a father and husband.  He admitted that he had a much harder time playing with his two-year-old daughter.  He got tired a lot faster than usual.  He also noticed that when he would need to take breaks from playing and that his daughter would get her feelings hurt.  He also noticed he argued with his wife a bit more than usual.  Finally, he really noticed his self-esteem really took a beating as well.

Drew’s journey back to being fit:

After Drew Manning gained 70 pounds within the first six months, it was now time to get back to his healthy lifestyle.  He started eating healthy again, but didn’t set foot in the gym for the first thirty days.  He lost nearly twenty pounds within the first thirty days.  The fact that he lost twenty pounds in the first thirty days demonstrates how proper nutrition can truly make a huge impact.

Why it is critical that parents take care of themselves first

Drew openly talks about why parents need to take care of themselves first.  Most parents feel a sense of guilt and shame at the very thought of taking time away from family to take care of their health.  In reality, taking time to take care of your health is the most unselfish thing you can do for your family.  When you put your health as a top priority, you are setting your parenting journey up for ultimate success.

When you feel better, you will show up better for your kids.  When you have optimal health, your relationships will improve tremendously.  Don’t use your kids as a reason to not take care of yourself.  When it comes to being an amazing mom or dad, quality is better than quantity.  Its better to have thirty minutes of high quality time with your kids versus sixty minutes of low quality time.  If you really want to improve the quality of life with the whole family, include the kids in your healthy lifestyle.  Stay active and eat healthy as a whole family.

 

Books Mentioned In This Episode

Thank You!

Thank you so much for checking out this episode of The Good Dad Project. If you haven’t done so already, please take a minute to subscribe and leave a quick rating and review of the show on iTunes by clicking on the link below. It will help us to keep delivering life-changing information for you every week!