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screen kids

Taking Your Kids Back from Their Screens with Arlene Pellicane


It has been extremely difficult during lockdown and virtual schooling to limit screen time for our kids. That is why we have Arlene Pellicane back on the show to talk about Screen Kids, the latest book she’s co-written with Gary Chapman.

Arlene Pellicane tells us what too much screen time will do to our kids’ brains. She explains us how the internet trains kids to become accustomed to instant gratification and how that affects their wellbeing and behavior over time. Most importantly, she teaches us how to set non-negotiable boundaries around computers and devices in our homes.

Learn how to keep screen time balanced for you and your kids once and for all in this episode!

 

Arlene Pellicane

If you didn’t get to listen to Arlene’s first show, The Cool, Calm, and Connected Family, click here. She is a speaker and author of several books including Parents Rising, 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom, and Calm, Cool and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life. Arlene has been featured on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Focus on the Family, and FamilyLife Today. She’s the host of the Happy Home Podcast and regular contributor to Proverbs 31 Ministries.

Now she’s co-written Screen Kids and Grandparenting Screen Kids with Gary Chapman.

Arlene lives in San Diego with her husband James and their three children. You too can have a happy home – Arlene’s books will show you how.

Screen Kids: 5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World

Has Technology Taken Over Your Home?

In this digital age, children spend more time interacting with screens and less time playing outside, reading a book, or interacting with family. Though technology has its benefits, it also has its harms.

In Screen Kids Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane will empower you with the tools you need to make positive changes. Through stories, science, and wisdom, you’ll discover how to take back your home from an overdependence on screens. Plus, you’ll learn to teach the five A+ skills that every child needs to master: affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention. Learn how to:

  • Protect and nurture your child’s growing brain
  • Establish simple boundaries that make a huge difference
  • Recognize the warning signs of gaming too much
  • Raise a child who won’t gauge success through social media
  • Teach your child to be safe online

This newly revised edition features the latest research and interactive assessments, so you can best confront the issues technology create in your home. Now is the time to equip your child with a healthy relationship with screens and an even healthier relationship with others.

What You’ll Learn

  • Your device is designed to be sticky. Everything is created on purpose so you and your child will check it frequently.
  • A bicycle is a tool that waits for you to use it. Tech is not. It keeps prompting you to pick it up.
  • You’re not a bad parent and your kid is not without self-control. But it’s up to you to empower yourself.
  • None of Arlene’s kids have smartphones. How does she do it?
  • Children want devices to be like everyone else.
  • Kids gauge their worth on how many followers and fans they have.
  • There is an increase of suicide, depression, and self-harm in kids. Followers are not friends. The relationships are not satisfying.
  • Boys can be exposed to porn.
  • Girls are exposed to social media that always makes them feel less-than.
  • There are workarounds to raising kids with no devices.
  • Every kid is different. Some kids can limit themselves and others can’t.
  • Parents must set separate rules for each child if necessary.
  • It’s okay to show kids that life can be unfair.
  • Teach your kids to use the phone for a purpose.
  • When wondering if your child should be online, ask yourself are youR kids consuming or creating? Is what they’re doing digital vegetable (learning, creating) or digital candy (passive consumption, gaming)?
  • Screen time reduces kids’ tolerance to waiting, and they are used to being entertained all the time.
  • There is a difference between watching movies together as a family and your kids watching what they want by themselves.
  • Dopamine can be overdone. That’s why kids who are amused by games all day are moody and unhappy.
  • When your kid plays a video game that triggers flight or flight, blood flow to the prefrontal cortex is reduced. The decision-making center for self-control is dark.
  • When kids are constantly in survival mode, they lose practice of the executive center of their brains.
  • Devices are too accessible. Location is the key to regulation.
    • Make barriers.
    • Collect phones at night.
    • Keep screens in common areas.
    • Delay giving your child a device for as long as you can.
    • Take a digital sabbath, one day completely screen free. If your kids freak out during 24 hours without WIFI, you know you have a problem

RELATED EPISODES:

The Cool, Calm, and Connected Family with Arlene Pellicane

Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair

Love Languages and Other Marriage Tips for the Pandemic with Gary Chapman

 


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


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Saying “Yes” to your Kids’ Requests

Saying “Yes” to your Kids’ Requests

This show was recorded right after The Dad Edge Live Summit and we’re going to share a quick thought from the event that is so important to our kids.

We might not even notice it, but much of the time, when our kid asks us to do something with them, our default answer is “no.” We’re busy. Maybe later. After we get one more thing checked off our endless to-do list.

What we don’t think about is how badly our kids just want to hang out and spend time with us.

Today we talk about changing our default setting. We always have things going on, but we need to stop and think about what matters most. What would happen if next time your kid asks you to play with them or take them out, that your default answer is “yes?”


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Late Bloomers

Late Bloomers: Giving Your Kids Space to Grow with Richard Karlgaard


Our society is obsessed with early achievement. We want our kids to become incredible athletes, advanced students, and high-earners. We have a tendency to compare them with their peers and if they aren’t at the same level, we worry that they won’t succeed.

Our guest is Richard Karlgaard. He’s a journalist, award-winning entrepreneur, and speaker. He is the author of bestselling book, Late Bloomers: The Power of Patience in a World Obsessed with Early Achievement. He talks about how today’s kids are under huge pressure to perform and feel like failures if they don’t meet society’s expectations. This coincides with a 70% rise in depression and anxiety in teenagers in the past 25 years.

It’s natural for every parent to wish the best for their child’s future, but Richard Karlgaard explains how kids develop in different ways at different ages. He teaches us how to meet our kids where they are and give them space to grow. He also tells us how allowing them to find their way later in life can be an advantage to long-term achievement and happiness.

Blooming happens early or late, but it happens. When you meet that intersection of your native gifts, your deepest passions, and your sense of purpose, you can bloom.—Richard Karlgaard

Richard Karlgaard and Late Bloomers

We live in a society where kids and parents are obsessed with early achievement, from getting perfect scores on SATs to getting into Ivy League colleges to landing an amazing job at Google or Facebook—or even better, creating a start-up with the potential to be the next Google or Facebook or Uber. We see software coders become millionaires or billionaires before age thirty and feel we are failing if we are not one of them.

Late bloomers, on the other hand, are undervalued in popular culture—by educators and employers, and even unwittingly by parents. Yet the fact is, a lot of us—most of us—do not explode out of the gates in life. We have to discover our passions and talents and gifts.

That was true for author Rich Karlgaard, who had a mediocre academic career at Stanford (which he got into by a fluke) and, after graduating, worked as a dish – washer and nightwatchman before finally finding the inner motivation and drive that ultimately led him to start up a high-tech magazine in Silicon Valley, and eventually to become the publisher of Forbes magazine.

There is a scientific explanation for why so many of us bloom later in life. The executive function of our brains doesn’t mature until age twenty-five—and later for some. In fact, our brain’s capabilities peak at different ages. We actually experience multiple periods of blooming in our lives. Moreover, late bloomers enjoy hidden strengths due to taking the time to discover their way in life—strengths coveted by many employers and partners, including curiosity, insight, compassion, resilience, and wisdom.

Based on years of research, personal experience, interviews with neuroscientists, psychologists, and countless people at different stages of their careers, Late Bloomers reveals how and when we achieve our full potential—and why today’s focus on early success is so misguided, and even harmful.

What You’ll Learn

  • The emphasis on elite colleges makes schools obsessed with putting kids on a conveyor belt to early achievement
  • Teens nowadays feel like a second-rate citizen if they’re a B student.
  • Some kids would prefer to learn a skill or trade but feel inferior if they don’t go to college.
  • Neuroscience proves we bloom in multiple ways at different times throughout our lives.
  • There is a correlation between late bloomers and highly-motivated people.
  • How parents can be better at communicating that their kid’s value isn’t tied to getting into college
  • Too many parents outsource parenting their kids’ futures to educators.
  • 94% of prescriptions written for ADHD are given in the US.
  • Why parents feel so much pressure for their kids to succeed
  • How to prevent wrapping up our identity in our kids’ futures
  • How to honor your kids’ dreams
  • The fine line between pushing your kid out of their comfort zone and pushing them too far
  • Why it’s harmful when your kid feels pushed to perform
  • When you’re blooming you feel like you’re being pulled by your gifts, passion, and purpose. Not pushed.
  • What’s “repotting” and when to do it.
  • How to provide unconditional love while not acting as your kids’ best friend
  • Why the “never quit” attitude is fallible. In some cases, quitting is the smart choice.
  • Why you can outwork anybody when you’re blooming!

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Richard Karlgaard’s Links

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How to Raise Resilient Kids

Hard Love: How to Raise Resilient Kids


None of us likes to see our kids hurt or disappointed. We dads have the natural urge to keep them in a protective bubble, to make sure they are shielded from harm, but one of the biggest mistakes we can make as parents is to not let our kids make mistakes.

Today we have Dad Edge Alliance member Daniel Nolan on the show. He is a self-confessed helicopter parent in recovery and the creator of the Hard Love Project. Helicopter parenting is when we hover over our children to make sure nothing bad happens to them.

We’re all guilty of this at times, but Daniel tells us how to raise resilient kids by challenging them to step out of their comfort zone and exposing them to life. He also talks about how we can design regular emotional, social, and physical challenges for our kids to boost their confidence and independence.

'They’re going to face a lot of difficulties in life, and if we don’t allow them to be uncomfortable, they’re never going to be resilient enough to bounce back.'—Daniel Nolan #dads #fathers #helicopterparenting #parentingtips Click To Tweet

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Hardlove Project Facebook Page 

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video game addiction

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair


This is a hugely important episode. Video games are part of almost every kids life, but there is a difference between playing for fun and using them to replace real life. Games like Minecraft and Fortnite have become part of our popular culture and make up a large part of kids’ social lives.

According to the World Health Organization, video game addiction is now an official mental health condition. It changes a child’s brain chemistry and can lead to depression and isolation.

In this episode, TEDx speaker Cam Adair talks about his experience with gaming disorder. He also tells us why video games are so addictive, how to recognize the signs of video game addiction in our kids, and how parents can set healthy boundaries for gaming.

'Kids are always going to push your boundaries, but you have to stay firm. And especially for parents, you have to do your own emotional intelligence work yourself.'—@camerondare #gaming #gamingdisorder #videogameaddiction #kids… Click To Tweet

 

About Cam Adair

Cam was raised by a loving mother and father, but he always struggled with anxiety and depression. He used video games as an escape, and they provided him relief for a time. The problem was that escaping his mental health issues didn’t fix anything. Cam became so depressed that at nineteen years old, he didn’t feel like there was any point in continuing his life anymore. He wrote a suicide note and was going to kill himself that night.

Luckily, his friends invited him to go watch a movie. That was enough to distract him from his plans so he could think about what he was doing. He knew that there was a big difference between thinking about suicide and actually planning it. It was serious, and he went home to ask his father to get him counseling.

Cam still struggles with his issues but has found healthier ways to deal with them. He’s also founded GameQuitters.com, a resource for parents and teens on how to prevent video game addiction and how to detox from gaming to get back into a real, fulfilling life.

'The thing that’s always kept me alive is knowing my parents’ love and knowing that ending my life wasn’t just about me…'—@camerondare #dads #men #fathers #moms #mothers #parenting #suicide Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • That 13% of kids between grades 7 and 12 have reported a problem with game addiction
  • The negative impact on the brain every year earlier a child starts with games and screen time
  • How gaming prevents kids from developing the intangible skills they need
  • Why video games are entertaining and fun, but cannot fulfill us in life
  • The paradigm of instant gratification that makes normal life boring
  • The emotional needs gaming and tech fulfill
    • escape
    • social connection
    • measurable progress
    • certainty and purpose
  • How the stimulation of gaming far exceeds what you can get in real life
  • Why kids addicted to video games experience withdrawal
  • The 3 structural brain changes that take place during video game addiction
    • Numbed pleasure response
    • Hyper reactivity
    • Willpower erosion
  • How it takes 90 days for brain to come back to normal levels after quitting gaming
  • Which games are more addictive than others and why
  • The incorporation of ads, in-game offers, and gambling type games online
  • How kids face being a social outcast if they don’t participate in gaming
  • Is there a healthy way to game?
  • What can parents do?
  • The dangers of video game binging
  • Why you should let your kid get bored
  • How to help kids during transition phases during the day
  • How to talk to your child about video game addiction
  • Why knowing what you stand for as a parent will help your child
  • Why you should connect with other parents who share the same goals
'Parents need to live an inspired life to be an example to their kids.'—@camerondare #parenting #parents #moms #dads #children #kids #gaming #fortnite #minecraft Click To Tweet

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Cam Adair’s Links

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