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strong men strong marriages

Strong Men, Strong Marriages with Dr. Mike Frazier


Our guest today believes the saying “happy wife, happy life” is a lie. If you feel like you’re doing everything right in your marriage and wonder why it’s not working, this show is for you.

In this episode, we have invited Dr. Mike Frazier, the founder of Strong Men, Strong Marriages. Today, we talk about what it really means to be a man and a husband and how you need to define that for yourself. We’ll go through communication, connection, intimacy, and all the secrets you can use to make your marriage strong and exciting.

My marriage looked good from the outside. But inside it was a nightmare.

Dr. Mike Frazier

Mike’s been married since 2005 to his beautiful wife Elizabeth. He graduated Magna Cum Laude in neuroscience from the Brigham Young University, attended UCLA medical school, and went through the psychiatry residency training program at UC Irvine.

What You’ll Learn

How did Mike get involved in being a doctor?

[19:22]

Around age 16, Mike felt like he wanted to go into a counseling type of profession. He did couples counseling as part of his training in psychiatry. But what really pointed Mike in that direction was his own struggles in his marriage. Mike’s wife was actually sex trafficked by her family for many years, from a child up until were married.

[23:53]

Mike’s wife didn’t really trust him. It was hard for her to talk about sex. And so Mike felt like he was feeling not doing a good job. The other side of happy wife, happy life is that if you do enough to make her happy, it’s her turn to make you happy. And so Mike felt like since he’s doing his part, now it’s his wife’s turn.

[25:20]

He realized it was more about building up his strength, becoming more attractive, and that’s what actually worked to create a better and stronger marriage.

It’s impossible that we can make someone else happy

[29:50]

That was the kind of a real breakthrough moment for Mike was he remember he was listening to a podcast by someone named Jody Moore. And she just said this phrase, you are not responsible for your wife’s emotions. And he was like, “what? I’m not responsible for emotions.” Mike felt like he had been let out of jail.

[30:38]

Where do emotions come from? What Mike teaches and believes is that they actually come from thoughts, beliefs, and experiences and that creates a certain emotion.

Moving the “Win”

[32:59]

Moving the win. So instead of the win being “my wife’s happy” the win is “I behaved in a way that I want to impact as a husband.” A lot of really good things happen when you do that.

[36:30]

A lot of men are under that impression of like, if I do X, hopefully, she’ll do Y. And if she doesn’t, it’s going to rub me the wrong way. And after that happens so many times, that’s when that animosity builds.

[40:55]

What you have to do is you have to ask for what you need, want, desire. Do it in a confident way. Do it in a secure way. Do it in an empowering way. Not an overpowering way.

[44:46]

It’s a risk. You have to give up the relationship you have now to get the relationship you want.

What kind of husband do you want to be?

[46:47]

What Mike recommends is you actually write what kind of husband you want to be and visualize it. You start your day with that and it’s clear to you.

[47:31]

The other element that Mike shares is this idea of how are you trying to move your wife? Are you trying to move her into a position of subservience and obedience, or are you trying to move her into a place of freedom and choice?

[50:02]

You have to control the controllable and you have to measure the tactics, behaviors, the things that you do that are going right to help move that relationship forward.

[58:14]

A great way to look at conflicts is it is an opportunity actually for more connections. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

RELATED EPISODES:

Toolkit for an Extraordinary Marriage with Larry Hagner

How to Build a Ridiculously Fulfilling Marriage with Nate Bagley

21 Days to an Extraordinary Marriage


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Dr. Mike Frazier’s Links

mikefraziermd.com

Resources

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Our biggest regrets in life happen
when we’ve lost our patience. 

how to have more patience

Stop Reacting and Start Living

Do the work. Make a plan. Follow along with simple, yet powerful exercises and tap into the patience that is within you.

Get the Patience eCourse Plus 1 FREE Month in the Dad Edge Alliance

Create an action plan to help you thrive in life and build the legacy you want.

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shana james

How to Access Your Power, Confidence, and Clarity with Shana James

Many of us are frustrated with our relationships. We’re settling for mediocre marriages that we don’t know how to revive. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Our relationships are not the problem. The problem is that we lack the skills to make them into what they could be. Today you will be empowered with those skills.

We are fired up to talk to Shana James. She is a coach, TEDx speaker, author, and the host of the Man Alive podcast. She is here to help us understand what women love most about their men. She is going to teach us how to ask for what we need and what we desire without fear. She also shows us how to access our power, confidence, and clarity so that we can live truly extraordinary lives.

Shana James

For 15 years Shana has coached more than a thousand leaders, CEOs, authors, speakers, and people with big visions who step into more powerful leadership, start and grow businesses, create more effective teams, increase their impact, get promoted, find love, rekindle the spark, create a legacy, and become more personally inspired and fulfilled.

She’s been known for her ability to assess, in just a few minutes, the cause of dissatisfaction and stuck points in her clients’ professions and love lives. Then she creates a clear and unique path for them to have true success and incredible love.

Referred to as a secret weapon, she cuts through distraction and provides direct access to your confidence, power and clarity. She is also a translator between women and men, providing effective tools to transform conversations and dynamics that have gone awry into connection and collaboration.

With an M.A. in psychology, DISC certification, Coaching training, more than a decade facilitating groups and workshops, starting multiple businesses, and helping hundreds of entrepreneurs start their own, her range of skills is unlike many other coaches.

What You’ll Learn

About Shana

[11:14] Shana had a hard time connecting during the pandemic. One thing that brings Shana joy is nature, getting out, and hiking.

[12:30] Shana tries not to take life too seriously as a parent.

 

Things she finds attractive about a man

[13:43] Shana finds it attractive when a man expresses a range of strength, and at the same time, expresses emotions of sadness and fear. She also feels attracted to honesty and communication, and a man with a vision and purpose.

 

Vulnerability among men

[19:34] What surprises Shana is men’s vulnerability towards how they feel. A lot of men don’t have an opportunity to share without fear. This shows up through frustration.

[23:33] It is not just about physicality, it is even harder for men to say that they need love.

 

The biggest problem of a relationship

[25:54] Shana said that one of the biggest pain points of a relationship is communication and be willing to take the risk of having a difficult conversation. What happens outside of the bedroom affects what happens inside the bedroom.

 

Problems and factors that affect sex

[28:46] Women often fall out of the mood when they have on their minds. Sometimes we need to put ourselves in our wife’s shoes in order for us to realize what is affecting their reactions to us asking for physical attention.

 

Difference between Masculine and Feminine Energy

[32:20] Men often slow down if their wife is a stronger woman, but for men, getting things done gives us a more empowered feeling.

 

Listening to your partner

[37:52] Listening to your partner is important. You need to understand how they feel and what they have to say in order for you to understand where they are coming from. This connection will help loosen each other up and lead to understanding.

[40:52] Context of the conversation is important as well. You need to make your partner feel that you will listen to understand, and you need to tell them where your mind is. This will remove her fears and anxiety.

[43:34] On the opposite side of every complaint is a desire. Women tend to have the stereotype to nag. Instead of letting it go, seek to understand why something is wrong.

 

Knowing you can explore more in your relationship

[45:12] You don’t need to know what you are supposed to do. You can explore together. Stay humble and curious.

 

Men Asking for What They Need

[46:34] Men often do not want to feel inferior, so they resist asking for what they need.

[52:41] Rejection does not feel good, especially when you feel that it’s personal.

 

Receiving and accepting your partner’s feedback

[56:37] You need to take in what is happening with your partner, not just in an intellectual way, but in physical and emotional way.

Shana James’s Links

ShanaJamesCoaching.com

Facebook

Man Alive Podcast

TEDx Talk


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If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

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Stop Being the “Nice Guy” with Dr. Robert Glover

Many of us take pride in being the “nice guy.” But could being the nice guy be ruining our lives?

We are all probably guilty of Nice Guy Syndrome on some level. We sometimes give only to receive in a passive attempt to get what we want without directly asking for it. We avoid conflict to get the acceptance, validation, approval, and even the sex that we need. Some of us might not even realize we suffer from Nice Guy Syndrome and wonder why we are anxious and unhappy.

Dr. Robert Glover is back on The Dad Edge for a discussion we all need to hear. He talks about how to stop being dependent on external things for our happiness. He shows us how to reclaim our identities after losing ourselves in relationships. He also explains why we need to get comfortable with our existential fears to become empowered men.

Stop being a nice guy and start living true to yourself!

If you have to give up anything that’s important to you to be in a relationship, it’s going to create a toxic environment.

Dr. Robert Glover

Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life. Dr. Glover is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. He is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in numerous local and national publications. As a result of his work, Dr. Glover has helped thousands of Nice Guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males. Along with these personal changes have come similar transformations in these men’s professional careers and intimate relationships. Dr. Glover is the creator of Dating Essentials for Men, the director of TPI University, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of Washington. Dr. Glover divides his year between Bellevue, WA and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

What You’ll Learn

  • Nice Guy Syndrome, at its core, is codependency.
  • Borrowed functioning means your wellbeing depends on the happiness of those around you.
  • It’s an anxiety and shame-based disorder. You manage people and situations to avoid anxiety or feelings of worthlessness.
  • Losing ourselves in relationships is not healthy, even though we’ve been taught that it’s noble to throw ourselves on the sword for our wives and kids.
  • The difference between fusion and differentiation
  • What most of us call “intimacy” is losing ourselves in another person so much that there is no distinct otherness anymore.
  • Fusion kills sexual passion.
  • The “Alpha Male” in human society who takes all is a myth. Things (including women) were shared.
  • Marriage emerged much more recently with the patriarchy.
  • Up until 100 years ago, marriage was an economical arrangement. Romantic love is a new idea.
  • Pair bonding in modern times doesn’t work well for happiness.
  • What you can count on in a relationship is that your childhood baggage is going to reveal itself.
  • Tension is healthy. Anytime there is tension, there is growth.
  • It used to take a whole tribe to meet our needs. Expecting one person to fulfill all our needs is impossible and unfair.
  • Differentiation is two complete adults who choose to be together.
  • If we are acting as an independent person, we are more attractive to the opposite sex.
  • Almost no one is sexually monogamous, even if they aren’t physically cheating on their spouse.
  • Men give up control in their marriage and then get resentful. Then we sneak around to get our needs met.
  • Friends are often the first thing men sacrifice.
  • Angst from being disconnection from our tribe
  • It’s human nature to try to find connection because we’re afraid of disappearing into nothingness. Practice getting comfortable with existential fears to be more self-reliant.
  • Men load up their to-do lists, don’t get everything done, go to bed stressed, and wake up the next day with even more to do. If we stay busy, we don’t have to feel anything.
  • Learn to be with stillness.
  • Schedule unscheduled time. Build chunks of time into your day for unscheduled things and things that matter.
  • Appreciate life right now. Today is the best day of your life.

 

RELATED EPISODES:

Love Languages and Other Marriage Tips for the Pandemic with Gary Chapman

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Their Needs Met

 


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Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Dr. Robert Glover’s Links

drglover.com

Facebook

Twitter

 


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EMAIL SERIES: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


Don’t settle for a mediocre life.

Join over 457 men becoming their best selves
in The Dad Edge Alliance.

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AWESOME marriage

Secrets to an Awesome Marriage with Dr. Kim Kimberling

Marriage is one of the most challenging and important relationships in our lives, yet most of us come into it completely unprepared. So many men struggle to connect with their wives. Maybe we’re giving it all we have, and it seems like nothing works. We might wonder if it was ever meant to be, and we must decide whether we should divorce or settle for a lifelong roommate.

We want neither.

We want an awesome marriage.

Today we have Dr. Kim Kimberling on the show to reveal the secrets to an awesome marriage. He is going to teach us to empower ourselves with simple tools that we can use everyday to build trust, communication, and sexual intimacy.

A strong marriage is the best gift we can give our kids.

It’s time to build an awesome marriage you believe in.

Dr. Kim Kimberling

Dr. Kim has been a professional counselor for over thirty years. He holds a Ph.D. and a Doctor of Ministry in Christian Counseling. He also holds Masters Degrees in Christian Ministry and Theological Studies, and a Bachelors of Business Administration. Dr. Kim is President and co-founder of Awesome Marriage. Awesome Marriage reaches thousands of people each month with God’s plan for marriage and relationships.

Dr. Kim has been married to his lovely wife Nancy for over 40 years. Together they have two adult married children and five awesome grandchildren.

7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage: Strengthen Your Most Intimate Relationship

All of us want an enduring marriage, a beautiful marriage we can believe in. That kind of marriage happens through intimacy. Intimacy requires hard work and a guide. Dr. Kim Kimberling is that guide and this book and its tools will show you how communication and intimacy in marriage can be yours.

Kimberling offers insights like connecting every day in spite of what’s in the way, learning how to fight in the right ways, stopping the insanity of doing the same thing over and over even when it isn’t working, and finding that the best sex ever is well within the context of Christian marriages.

Once these 7 secrets are a part of your marriage, you can stand together and fight anything that would ever try to tear your marriage apart.

Whether you have just celebrated your first anniversary or your fiftieth, 7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage by Dr. Kim Kimberling is for you.  If you have a good marriage, this book can help you have a great marriage.  If you are struggling, Kim Kimberling will help you turn the corner and make your marriage into what you want it to be.

What You’ll Learn

  • The best gift for kids is a strong marriage
  • Your kids need to see you dating
  • You can’t put your marriage on hiatus
  • We’re all vulnerable to affairs if we leave our marriage unattended
  • We work very hard to put the ring on the girl’s finger, but then we slack off.
  • We have to keep pursuing our wives.
  • Your wife wants to have a relational conversation with you. Communicate 30 minutes a day.
  • Be a good listener. Focus and respond and engage.
  • You have to know your spouse. What makes her feel loved and care for?
  • She must know that you are there for her today, tomorrow, and always.
  • Women must completely trust you to open up sexually
  • Affirm your spouse in public.
  • How to express your needs as a man without feeling shame, guilt, or needy
  • Do not minimize what is important to you.
  • Reinforce what you like from her.
  • Keep your expectations realistic.
  • Being a bad communicator is not in your DNA. You can learn how to communicate.
  • The simplest way to start communication is to ask basic questions. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? What’s the worst thing? How did you see God work in the world today?
  • It’s not her against you or vice versa. You’re a team.
  • Try this for 30 days and see what results you get.
  • How to evaluate if your marriage has improved?
  • Stay true to the values you share with your spouse.
  • Get an accountability partner to help you avoid temptation to pornography or other women.
  • Use this time of social distancing to grow your marriage instead of destroying it.

RELATED EPISODES:

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

Ultimate Guide to Demystifying Women with Robert Kandell

Sexploration and Intimacy Tips for Married Men with Dr. Corey Allan



Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Dr. Kim Kimberling’s Links

Podcast

Blog

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

YouTube

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


Don’t settle for a mediocre life.

Join over 457 men becoming their best selves
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intimacy tips for married men

Sexploration and Intimacy Tips for Married Men with Dr. Corey Allan


Do you want more sex in your marriage? Many of us do, but have you ever asked yourself if the sex in your marriage is even worth having more of? Today, our guest gives us the intimacy tips for married men to have both MORE sex and BETTER sex with our spouses.

Dr. Corey Allan is the host of Sexy Marriage Radio and is back on The Dad Edge to teach us everything we’re doing wrong when it comes to approaching our wives about sex. He tells us to stop trying to fix our women and how to fix ourselves. Corey reveals women’s most common complaints on how their men derail their arousal, and what we can do to make sure our desire is clear without being needy or demanding. He also talks about how to get your woman on board with sexploration and games to fire up the bedroom.

Get ready to become the sexpert in your marriage!

Dr. Corey Allan

Dr. Corey Allan is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Professional Life and Relationship Coach. He’s also an author, blogger, speaker, husband, and father. His podcast, Sexy Marriage Radio, features straight-forward, honest conversations about what goes on behind closed doors in your marriage.

Naked Marriage

Many couples have a false notion of what married life truly is – and these rose-colored assumptions tend to heighten expectations to such unrealistic levels that couples find themselves frustrated and feeling alone.

What if marriage were designed for a specific purpose?
What if some of the problems faced in marriage are not meant to be solved, they’re meant to be lived through?

Because many people don’t understand what marriage is and could be, they hide from each other. To keep the peace, they continue the charades, each spouse reluctantly believing, “I guess this is just how it’s supposed to be.” Consequently, they refuse to get naked with each other in all of that word’s scary yet glorious permutations: emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

Naked Marriage encourages you to find yourself and fully reveal yourself, so you and your marriage can become fully alive.

What You’ll Learn

  • The dynamic of higher vs. lower desire partners
  • In 60-70% of marriages, the man is higher desire partner
  • Men have more testosterone (the horny hormone) and are visually aroused
  • Men associate their sex life with their identity and tie self-worth to their appendage and performance
  • Is the sex you’re having together right now even worth wanting more of?
  • Men think the woman is broken if they do not need as much sex, but being the lower desire person is not wrong.
  • What women really need to be enthusiastic about having sex
  • A women’s body takes more time to catch up biologically and her desire can easily get derailed.
  • However, the woman must play her part in getting into the mood. It’s not just the man who is responsible for arousing her.
  • To get a wife going, work on yourself. Do you display consistency, character, and integrity?
  • Trust equals lust! Men must live trustworthy in all ways, big and small.
  • You can’t overly try to not disappoint the woman. Don’t try to be the nice guy. Be honest and real.
  • To truly have something of meaning and value there has to be some conflict.
  • The feminine is a security seeking creature. A woman needs the man be the captain.
  • Foreplay begins right after orgasm.
  • Should you accept mercy sex from your wife?
  • It’s not what you do. It’s how you operate and who you are.
  • Whenever your wife presents you with an option, make a decision. Do not defer to her. She is looking to you to make the call.
  • How to make sure your wife knows you’re into her without scaring her away
  • Husband’s do a bad job of setting the tone of the family. Don’t be a dictator. Be a decision maker.
  • Are you conscious and engaged with your family? Don’t try to split your attention when you are with them.
  • Stop with manipulative coverts and hints. A woman knows when a man wants to have sex with her.
  • Is it about satisfying your needs or being with her? Are you looking to get off or have an experience? She will be able to tell if you don’t want to connect more than just physically.
  • Sexploration techniques and bedroom games that add variety, spice, and opportunities to connect
  • Recovering from sexual experiences that didn’t turn out as expected is part of the intimate connection.
  • Laughter is a great aphrodisiac.
  • Corey Allan’s new Intimately Us app that makes conversations, date ideas, and sexploration easy.
  • How to present Intimately Us or any new sex ideas to your wife

RELATED EPISODES

Simple, Sexy Marriage with Dr. Corey Allan

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Their Needs Met


how to have more patience

BECOME A PATIENT FATHER IN 37 MINUTES

Learn how to understand, predict, and neutralize your temper in this quick, actionable eCourse.

Includes print offs, templates, plus a 30-day membership in THE DAD EDGE MASTERMIND.

Get support, motivation, and advice from other men who’ve been there. With the accountability of the community, you will not fail!


Dr. Corey Allan’s Links

smrnation.com

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOKHERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


LIVE LEGENDARY

Join over 457 men becoming their best selves
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What did you think of the show?

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