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extraordinary marriage larry hagner

Toolkit for an Extraordinary Marriage with Larry Hagner


How many hours have you spent training to be a husband? We expect marriage to work out without ever learning the skills to maintain a successful relationship. We want more sex and intimacy as well as better communication and connection, but we are missing the tactics.

Today I am with Nate Bagley from the Growth Marriage podcast to talk about elevating your marriage. We go over the tools you need to take the relationship with your wife to the next level.

“Marriage is a skill. Communication is a skill. Connection is a skill.”

What You’ll Learn

Extraordinary Marriage

[4:28]

The four elements to a legendary marriage are taking care of yourself, the friendship, the partnership, and the lovers’ aspect.

[5:03]

The foundation that those elements sit on is communication. The most important thing is creating an environment of psychological safety, tactical empathy, emotional validation, active listening—all these things that we don’t know how to do.

Larry’s Mission

[7:13]

Growing up in a fatherless environment most of his life, Larry had a wake-up call and realized he didn’t have a reference for how to be the dad he wanted to be.

[7:30]

Larry is on a mission to ensure that dads have all the tools and resources they need to be the absolute best husbands and fathers that they can be.

The Dad Edge

[17:46]

Struggling in marriage for the first part, he figured he needs to learn patience, anger resolution, emotional resilience, and communication within marriage.

Life’s Lessons

[18:55]

Larry shared that the Dad Edge Project encompasses five elements of being a husband, father, and man. One of those is mastering personal and family finances because 50% of divorces that happen are due to financial distress that causes a lot of stress to people. The second element is optimizing physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Creating an extraordinary marriage is the third element. The fourth is an epic connection with your kids with psychological safety. The last element is being a leader.

[19:42]

According to him, there are skills to learn, master, and practice that are going to help you optimize those elements.

[21:06]

Skill are not feelings. If he feels like losing his patience, he can use the skill to create space between response and reaction or reaction and response. He learned to put all these into practice.

Daily Basis to be in Peak Condition

[29:19]

Larry shared that when he’s the healthiest, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, he can serve his wife profoundly.

[30:10]

He added that his wife’s three biggest needs are to be seen, heard, and cherished. Attention is important in the relationship, so his wife can feel she is important.

[30:47]

He shared that his job in the relationship is not to fix his wife’s problems, but to validate, support, and create space for her.

[32:11]

Larry said that they a routine in his family because they want to make sure everyone gets ample attention.

Appreciative Inquiry

[37:37]

Larry discussed that appreciative inquiry is a way of taking teams, culture, relationships, and focusing on the best of what was, the best of what is, and what the best of what could be.

[41:17]

It’s about creating epic connection through psychological safety, communication, physical touch, words of affirmation, date nights, and asking future generative questions that elevates the entire relationship and fixes communication problems.

[44:49]

Larry added that most people will approach and interact with agenda and expectation. It’s important to approach any interaction with appreciation and curiosity.

[45:40]

He shared that when there’s wrongdoing in the family, especially with his kids, he doesn’t punish them. He would celebrate their courageous behavior but letting them know that there will be a conversation and natural consequences. This creates an important environment for relationships. Psychological safety is about knowing that they can come to you without feeling guilty or shameful.

RELATED EPISODES:

21 Days to an Extraordinary Marriage

How to Build a Ridiculously Fulfilling Marriage with Nate Bagley

4 Elements of a Legendary Marriage Part 1—The Individual


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Nate Bagley’s Links

areweroommates.com

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Our biggest regrets in life happen
when we’ve lost our patience. 

how to have more patience

Stop Reacting and Start Living

Do the work. Make a plan. Follow along with simple, yet powerful exercises and tap into the patience that is within you.

Get the Patience eCourse Plus 1 FREE Month in the Dad Edge Alliance

Create an action plan to help you thrive in life and build the legacy you want.

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE


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fulfilling marriage

How to Build a Ridiculously Fulfilling Marriage with Nate Bagley


Marriages have taken a beating during the pandemic. We are under a constant generalized stress that keeps our nerves on edge and lowers our emotional capacity. But we can use this time to build a ridiculously fulfilling marriage, and our guest today teaches us how.

Nate Bagley is a marriage researcher, educator, husband, and a new dad. He is the founder of the Growth Marriage Community and podcast and his mission is to rid the world of mediocre love.

Nate has an incredible story. Before he got married, he quit his job and toured the country to gather information that 99% of us do not get. What do madly in love couples do that everyone else is missing out on?

Let’s find out!

 

What You’ll Learn

  • Nate sold everything he had, rose 30K on Kickstarter, and went cross-country to interview 100 couples.
  • Your marriage is the sum of all the couples you’re surrounded with.
  • Just because people are married doesn’t mean they have a good marriage.
  • Most fulfilled couples don’t pursue happiness. The goal is not to be happy. Pursue growth and happiness will be the result.
  • You cannot depend on your partner to validate your existence.
  • Going through struggles together increases joy and connection.
  • It’s your job to make you happy, not your partner’s.
  • Our body chemicals trick us into expecting happiness from our partner because that’s what we experience when we first fall in love.
  • We go from yearning to earning affection.
  • There are different stages of love that we must accept.
  • The idea that couples are supposed to become one is mistaken. That is codependency or enmeshment.
  • You are two separate individuals with different desires who support each other.
  • How to tell if you are integrated with your partner in an unhealthy way
  • The paradox of marriage—you have to meet opposing needs at the same time.
  • Sometimes you need swing from closeness to independence, or from novelty to predictability, and back again.
  • If you’re not having great sex, your marriage is probably not great.
  • There is an emotional and spiritual aspect of sex beyond physical satisfaction.
  • When marriage becomes like work, it’s important to make sex a priority.
  • Find a balance between safety and pleasure in the bedroom.
  • Most people have stale sex lives because it consists of whatever they’re comfortable with without rocking the boat.
  • Sex becomes a routine that feels boring because it feels safe. Expand your comfort zone to improve your sex life.
  • Manage your anxiety. Self-soothe. Learn to recognize what is legitimate fear. Then you can tolerate uncomfortable conversations and be curious instead of anxious about new experiences in the bedroom.
  • Part of having a great sex life is to handle rejection with grace.

RELATED EPISODES:

Secrets to an Awesome Marriage with Dr. Kim Kimberling

How to Fix Your Unhappy Marriage with Seth and Melanie Studley

Love Languages and Other Marriage Tips for the Pandemic with Gary Chapman

 


Our biggest regrets in life happen
when we’ve lost our patience. 

how to have more patience

Stop Reacting and Start Living

Do the work. Make a plan. Follow along with simple, yet powerful exercises and tap into the patience that is within you.

Get the Patience eCourse
Plus 1 FREE Month in the Dad Edge Alliance

Create an action plan to help you thrive in life and build the legacy you want.

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE


Nate Bagley’s Links

areweroommates.com

Facebook

Instagram

YouTube

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOKHERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS



 

Follow The Dad Edge


LIVE LEGENDARY

Join over 457 men becoming their best selves
in The Dad Edge Alliance.

APPLY HERE!

 


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge