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Fixing Your Marriage

Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage with Mort Fertel

We think that if our marriages take work, something’s wrong. Our culture makes love out to be a mystery. We believe we have to be lucky in love to find a happy relationship.

Today, we are going to debunk that mindset. There is a methodology to fixing your marriage.

Mort Fertel is the creator of Marriage Fitness, the most successful marriage crisis program in the world. He tells us that marriage is not something that comes naturally. It’s something that must be, and can be, learned.

Mort reveals the elements that destroy a marriage and gives us the tools we need to take our parenting and relationship skills to the next level.

We also invite listeners to a 30-day challenge that will make effective relationship behaviors a solid habit. Get the secrets to fixing your marriage and more in this episode!

Marriage is like anything else in life—hitting a golf ball, shooting a jump shot, arguing a case in court, or performing an operation. If we can understand and practice, we are more likely to succeed.—Mort Fertel

Mort Fertel

Mort Fertel is the creator of Marriage Fitness, a relationship renewal system that’s been used by millions of people in marital crisis. In addition to his success with couples, he pioneered the “Lone Ranger Track,” which offers people with an obstinate spouse a path to reconciliation.

People from all over the world schedule private tele-sessions with Mort Fertel and seek his counsel by joining the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp, the most comprehensive relationship home learning program in the world. Mort Fertel is the author of Marriage Fitness Audio Learning System and the host of the “Fix Your Marriage” podcast. Over 3 million people have subscribed to his free report “7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage.”

Mort Fertel is the subject of Back from the Brink, a documentary written and directed by Toroes Thomas, which chronicles people in marriage crisis.

Mort Fertel graduated from the University of Pennsylvania in 1987, was the CEO of an international non-profit organization, and a former marathon runner. He lives with his wife and 5 children (including triplets!) in Baltimore, Maryland.

We have to become experts at catching our spouse doing something right.—Mort Fertel

What You’ll Learn

  • Marriage and relationships work according to universal laws, like gravity.
  • Why people are resistant to get help when their marriage is in trouble
  • Why humility is the number one a quality you should look for in a partner
  • Three Cs that destroy a relationship, leading to the 4th C, cancer of the marriage:
    • Criticize
    • Condemn
    • Complain
  • How to discipline ourselves to not complain and criticize our spouses and children
  • How to express feelings and disappointment without condemning
  • Avoiding “You always… You never…” phrases
  • “The remember when…” technique to encourage more of what you want from your wife
  • How to set your wife up to be your hero
  • Highlight what she’s doing right.
  • Why we should never lie to our kids
  • How to parent our kids without being critical
  • A lack of self-esteem is the root of personal problems in adult life.
  • Punishment creates distance.
  • Connection is the most important thing in parenting.
  • It’s not possible to control a child, only to influence them.
  • Some moments with our kids are not teachable.
  • Sometimes the best thing for a parent to do is nothing.
  • When it comes to time with our kids, both quality AND quantity are important
  • Why we should let a child experience and see the natural consequences of their behavior
  • Always speak in a calm voice. Dignified people never yell.
  • The secret of practicing gratitude and appreciation in marriage.
  • Why we become numb to the qualities of our spouse that first attracted us
  • We pick out all the faults instead of what our spouse is doing right.
  • Being grateful and appreciative does not absolve our spouses from doing things we don’t like, but we should highlight and encourage the good.
  • Forming a new habit takes a tremendous amount of energy initially, but once we get momentum we keep going.
  • What it means to blend ourselves on the inside to stand out on the outside
  • Why we shouldn’t be flashy or behave in ways to try to attract attention to our external appearance.
  • Dress modestly to not make a statement and force people to get to know you inside.
  • Focus on becoming a tower of moral authority and a man of substantial character.
  • The ultimate fulfillment in life springs from character development, not physical and material accomplishments.
  • Gratitude, humbleness, discipline are the most important character traits.
  • The energy we spend on looking good on the outside should be spent reading, being introspective, and in prayer. Working on our flaws.
  • The quickest and easiest thing a guy can do to boost their marriage—catch your wife doing something right every day and make a big deal out of it.
  • The 30-day Challenge—add a reminder in your Google calendar every day to find something wonderful about your spouse and tell her.

MENTIONED EPISODES:

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood


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Mort Fertel’s Links

mortfertel.com/gooddad

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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

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Benefits of Practicing Gratitude

The Life-Changing Benefits of Practicing Gratitude


We all go through ups and downs, and it’s easy to focus on whatever is going wrong in our lives, but being stressed and worried all the time works against us. A negative mindset literally makes us dumber! But we can shift our attitude by appreciating what we do have going for us.

Today we have on new Dad Edge Alliance member, Dwayne. He came into the group at an all-time low. His marriage was in trouble, he was in debt, and he was depressed. As he began to target all aspects of his life in the alliance, he also adopted the habit of looking at all that was going right.

Within a few months, Dwayne made incredible progress. His marriage is in a good place, he paid off 6K in debt, and is smiling again. Discover the other life-changing benefits of practicing gratitude in this short episode!

 

Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @good_dad_project

 

managing happiness

Managing Happiness: Applying Business Success Principles to Family Life with David Henzel

David Henzel is a radically successful entrepreneur whose calling is to help people live happier lives. Most of us are trying to achieve a work life balance, but we tend to end up overwhelmed and stressed out. Our relationships with our family may be difficult or unfulfilling, but rarely do we give the same attention to detail to our home life as we do to our business. This show is about managing happiness by applying business success principles to your family life.

 

David Henzel

David Henzel is from Germany where his parents raised him in an unusual way – with no authority. David was given the freedom to make his own choices, good or bad, and deal with the consequences himself. He made a lot of stupid decisions, like beginning to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day at age twelve, but his parents gave him space to learn on his own while being a source of unconditional support. In his household, there was no violence or yelling. No matter what he did, he knew he could go to his parents. They were his allies, not adults to hide from.

My dad used to say, “If you have to yell, your argument is too weak.”

David always had the heart of an entrepreneur and dropped out of school early to pursue his dreams. He visited Los Angeles when he was eighteen years old, and felt the city was calling to him, but getting a visa was difficult. He had to open several businesses in Germany to raise enough money to set up his new life in the United States in 2009. David met his wife there, and they later they decided to move back to Europe to be closer to her family. They now live in Turkey with their three-year-old daughter.

Managing Happiness

At one point in their marriage, David’s wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully she is cured now, but that dark time forced David to reflect on his life. Although he was a successful entrepreneur, he felt he wasn’t living up to his purpose. He was afraid he might die with regrets.

He pondered over what his purpose was and did a funeral exercise, imagining everyone he knew getting up and making speeches about him. What did he most want them to say?

From this he crafted his personal mission statement.

To be a change agent who’s transforming individuals and organizations so they can reach their full potential and consciously life the life they desire.

Applying Business Success Principles to Family Life

It was during an argument with his wife over who was responsible for changing their daughter’s diaper that David realized that one of the reasons for friction in the household was that no one knew what their roles were. Responsibilities and expectations were not defined like they were in a business environment.

So David and his wife made a list of who took care of which duties. He says this simple exercise took away 80% of arguments out of the relationship. We all spend time and money improving business structure, efficiency, and flow, but most of us don’t spend 1% of our time to make our family work.

David saw the amazing effect his experiment had on his household, and became passionate about sharing his methods. This is why he developed the Managing Happiness course so he could make an impact and, with feedback from participants, let his idea evolve.

The Epidemic of Stress

There is a tendency to want to keep up with the Jones’s. It’s ingrained in our culture that “living the American Dream” means having the big house, the top-of-the-line car, the jewelry for your wife, the latest toys for your kids. But many of those who are lucky enough to achieve this kind of success remain unhappy and don’t know why.

David Henzel says not to buy into what society or your parents think you need to be happy. Figure out what you want in life. Once you know, it’s easy to walk in the direction of your happiness.

A lot of people frantically climb the ladder of success.

David’s Two-Step Approach

David Henzel says happiness really does come from the inside. You can’t control what happens in your life, but you’re in full control of how you react to it. He uses these two simple guides to manage his happiness:

  1. Accept things, no matter how bad the situation is. Then you can react and plan your chess moves. Once you come to terms with reality, the noise in your head goes away. David suggests the Serenity Prayer, God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
  2. Practice gratitude. David has a gratitude rock that he keeps in his pocket all day. We tend to look at the biggest problem of the moment, which six months from now we won’t even remember. At the end of the day, we tend to remember the stressful parts instead of what went right. When we practice gratitude, we build up a gratitude muscle. Focus on the awesome stuff in your day, not the annoying things. You will realize there is so much to be grateful for.

The Managing Happiness Course

David Henzel admits that running a successful business while managing a great family life isn’t easy. Some would say you can’t have it all. But, by applying business principles to your family life, he can help you achieve happiness. That is why he is offering The Good Dad Project listeners 25% off his course.

Visit managinghappiness.com
and enter coupon code DAD when you check out.

 

MENTIONED EPISODE: Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

David Henzel’s Links

davidhenzel.com

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

 


David Henzel will be joining us for a live discussion
in The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE TO ATTEND!

Dad Edge Alliance

veteran fathers

Honoring Our Veteran Fathers

Veteran Fathers have a special place in our heart.

For this show, it is just a THANK YOU from the Good Dad Project to our men (especially dads) and women who defend our country.  THANK YOU for putting your life on the line and defending the freedoms that we enjoy.

Thank you for all you do!  Thank you for your service!

Larry Hagner

 

RESOURCES

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Shane Ramer

Overcoming Addition and Becoming a Dad with Purpose with Shane Ramer


Shane Ramer, founder and host of That Sober Guy Podcast, comes on the GDP and shares an extremely raw interview on addiction, substance abuse, recovery, and being a dad with purpose.  Brace yourself for this amazing interview with Shane Ramer.

It’s the elephant in the room. Everyone knows it’s there, but no one wants to say anything; better to keep the status quo than rock the boat. No one knows what will happen if the boat is rocked and that is scary. At the same time, we hate the elephant; it is destroying our family, our other relationships and possibly our job. The elephant is addiction and addiction is hard to admit. Shane Ramer, founder of thatsoberguy.com, knows this reality all too well.

 

Shane Ramer’s Childhood and Background

Growing up, Shane turned to alcohol to soothe the pain he endured dealing with a troubled childhood. As he became an adult, Shane realized that he was using alcohol to escape life’s realities and soon came face-to-face with the fact that his own marriage was struggling because of it. He hit a wall. He could not longer stand the elephant in the room. With that, he sat down with his wife and said he needed help. Shane knew he was meant for something much more than where he was.

 

Going through intensive counseling and support from his family and friends, Shane learned to manage his life as an alcoholic. Knowing that he wasn’t the only one struggling, Shane started thatsoberguy.com in order to help other men struggling with similar issues. Today, Shane is a successful businessman, husband and father, dedicated to helping men voice their fears that keep them in the bonds of addiction.

 

But I’m Not an Addict

 

We’re not saying you are, but the lessons Shane discusses reach to all men. Society is great at telling boys that real men don’t cry, “suck it up” and never show emotion. So what do you do with all that pent-up emotion? Maybe you already have a healthy way of showing emotion, or maybe you need a little liquid courage to loosen up or just maybe you can’t get to work in the morning without your daily beer. Wherever you are on the spectrum, the learning to deal with fears and emotions without bottling them up will make you and those around you much happier.

 

It’s Ok to Talk About It

 

Again, we men are great at helping others solve their problems. That’s what we think we are here for. Our own problems? What problems? Oh! You mean the ones we don’t talk about? Well, we’ll be fine. Will we? Take a look at your own life and think about areas where your bottled-up emotions eat away at your true self. What is the worst thing that is going to happen if you talk to someone about your issues? You actually may deal with them? Whoa. What about your Man Card? Guess what, it’s safe and secure and probably in better condition than it was when you kept your fears and feelings to yourself.

 

Be A Man

 

Being a man means owning up to all areas of our lives. Even our fears. Showing up as the best dad, husband, employee and friend takes guts. Owning our issues takes even more guts and grit. You’ve got it in you, so be the best man you can be right now.

Resources:

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

Connect with Shane Ramer:

Shane Ramer Twitter

Shane Ramer Website

Shane Ramer That Sober Guy Podcast

Shane Ramer Private FB Page (invite/request entry only)