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running your family as a team

Running Your Family as a Team with Marc Roberge from O.A.R.


Of a Revolution, or O.A.R., is a rock band that has been making music for over twenty years. Whether you know their name or not, chances are you’ve heard their songs on the radio. Today, we are honored to have O.A.R.’s lead singer Marc Roberge on the show for his second interview with The Dad Edge Podcast!

Marc talks about how dads can use this time of quarantine to reestablish the household hierarchy and start running the family as a team. He tells us what it’s like to be a dad on and off the road, how he keeps his marriage alive, and why he is open about his weaknesses and imperfections with his kids. He also shares stories about his own father and how the nostalgia of summers growing up in the neighborhood are the inspiration for his songs to this day.

This show is about the meaning of friends, family, and embracing the good and bad in life. Slow down and have a listen.

It takes work to run this household. If you work with me, it will run smoothly. If you battle me, we’re going to battle.—Marc Roberge

O.A.R.

What do you call a band whose twenty year-career spans sold-out stands at both Madison Square Garden and Red Rocks Amphitheater, millions of albums sold over the course of what will be nine full-length releases, and multiple chart-busting entries? In the case of O.A.R., two simple words suffice: “The Mighty.”

That’s the best way to sum up the Maryland quintet—Marc Roberge [lead vocals, rhythm guitar], Richard On [lead guitar, backing vocals], Chris Culos [drums], Benj Gershman [bass], and Jerry DePizzo [saxophone, guitar, backing vocals, additionally MikelParis [keys, backing vocals, percussion] and Jon Lampley [trumpet, backing vocals].

Since their emergence in 1996, the musicians have tirelessly delivered a signature brand of rock steeped in alternative scope, roots tradition, and pop ambition. Among many highlights, 2008’s All Sides yielded the platinum single “Shattered” and bowed in the Top 15 of the Billboard Top 200 a space they continually occupied with King [2011] and The Rockville LP [2014].

Beyond packing arenas and amphitheaters coast to coast, they’ve given inspiring performances on The Today Show, CONAN, the 2015 Special Olympics Opening Ceremony, the ESPYS, in addition to playing their hit song “Peace” at the coveted Times Square New Year’s Eve Celebration on the eve of 2016.

“Richie Sambora announced us at Red Rocks as ‘The Mighty O.A.R.’ a few years back,” recalls DePizzo. “Those two words just stuck with us, and Marc suggested we use it as the album title. We have a great sense of pride in the career we’ve had up to this point. The term wraps up who the band is in 2019. It feels good to us.”

“Our hope is everyone leaves our show feeling better than when they got there,” says Culos. “We make that happen by playing together as a unit, playing with a pulse. Through that pulse, we tell our story. It’s about friends and family – our brotherhood. The Mighty refers to our foundation.”

O.A.R. most definitely do that on their latest offering. They also tread uncharted territory. Rather than follow the same playbook and record during a set timeframe, they intermittently recorded throughout 2018, working on or writing a song only when inspired. Crafting all the songs simultaneously until the very last hours of the production deadline. In the studio, longtime producer Gregg Wattenberg would be joined by PomPom, who added a fresh take on the sound with an electronic sensibility and expanded soundscape.

“We used to rent a place for a month, go in, write music, take off for a break, and then record for another month,” says Roberge. “Thanks to Wattenberg, we now had access to a brand new studio and his guidance without the pressures of the clock. We could come and go when inspired, and fell into this comfortable experience. For the first time the schedule went out the window.”

“PomPom grew up around O.A.R. music,” DePizzo says. “To be able to bring someone into the fold who came up with your tunes and influence added a whole different perspective.”

Case in point is the first single, “Miss You All The Time.” Produced by Gregg Wattenberg and Derek Fuhrmann. Its lush keys and moving guitar riff uphold an orchestral admission, “I miss you all the time.” The emotionally charged send-off immediately resonated with fans as the official music video directed by Rudy Mancuso swiftly clocked over 5 million views on YouTube, and counting.

“Like anyone, we’ve seen tragic losses over the years,” says Roberge. “You have people in your life who are so important and influential, and then one day they’re gone. It happens quickly, and you’re left to pick up the pieces. We wanted to celebrate their greatness instead of mourn. ‘Miss You All The Time’ is a moment to honor those who aren’t with us anymore.”

Whether it’s the space and harmony of “Free”, the uplifting anthem “California”, or the addictive groove on “Knocking at Your Door,” O.A.R. ignite a bold, brilliant, and inspired next chapter.

“It’s a renewal of experiences,” says Roberge. “We’ve built the foundation, we’ve got the confidence to be who we are.”

And, who are they now?

Well, they’re The Mighty O.A.R.

What You’ll Learn

  • The tremendous influence of Stephen King and Stan By Me on Marc’s music
  • Through all the tours and fame, Marc always comes home “when the streetlights come on.”
  • Even as a successful musician on tour, Marc values being home with his wife and family above all.
  • Life encompasses moments of loss, sadness, weakness, but the moments in between are what counts and should be celebrated.
  • Marc admits that it’s hard to maintain the patriarchal role when he’s weak and flawed. It helps him to be open about this to his wife and kids.
  • As a dad, Marc believes dads shouldn’t float around and hope it all works out. Get in the trenches.
  • Why parents should encourage kids to do their own thing and get on board with it
  • When things go wrong, kids usually are afraid to tell their parents. How can we create a net of psychological safety so they will come to us first?
  • Marc talks about how he could go to his dad for anything, and so did the kids in his neighborhood.
  • How Marc’s father led by example—very few words, no BS.
  • How Marc maintains open communication in the home.
  • Cultivating the team mentality in the family
  • How running your family as a team helps siblings get along better
  • The most important habit for kids is learning to take responsibility.
  • How the quarantine situation has helped Marc’s family ignore little frustrations and learn how to communicate better
  • Marc sees this time as a silver lining to the virus. This is the most time many of us have ever spent with our family.
  • Fathers have time to reestablish the hierarchy in the house.
  • The best times Marc and his wife shared were not big, exotic vacations but simple road trips in the car.
  • Why his wife is his “final call” person
  • The purest songwriting experience Marc ever had
  • How O.A.R. has adapted to Covid-19 life by songwriting on Zoom and streaming concerts from home.
  • Marc’s plan for living through the coronavirus—stay home, write songs, take care of himself and his family

It’s all about neighborhood. It’s all about crew. It’s all about your friends. I believe in that stuff. We’re not alone.—Marc Roberge

RELATED EPISODES:

Of A Revolution with Marc Roberge

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood

 


Marc Roberge’s links

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modern manhood

Modern Manhood: What it Means to Be a Good Man Today with Cleo Stiller


Do you consider yourself to be one of the “good guys?” What is the truth about masculinity? What does it mean to be a good man in today’s rapidly changing society? The old ideas of the male being a lone pursuer, protector, and provider are evolving, leaving many men confused about their role in family and society.

Today we have Cleo Stiller on The Dad Edge. She is the author of Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today. Cleo has had conversations with men all over the cultural, economic, and geographical spectrum, along with experts in psychology and sociology, to get a deeper understanding of what men really want and need.

In this episode, Cleo Stiller provides context for men and women when it comes to friendship, sex, parenting, money, and work. She also tells us how dads can become better human beings and raise their sons to confidently navigate the modern world.

There’s no way you’re going to raise a son who is comfortable expressing himself if you aren’t comfortable expressing yourself.—Cleo Stiller

 

Cleo Stiller

Cleo Stiller is a Peabody Award and Emmy Award-nominated journalist, speaker and television host on a mission to inspire positive social action around the world — and now an author with Simon & Schuster.

Stiller’s latest project is a new book Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today based off of years of Stiller’s reporting with men as they reconcile what it means to be “a good man” in a #MeToo era.

Modern Manhood is a #1 New Release on Amazon and has received coverage in Fortune Magazine, Rolling Stone, ABC News, The Independent, PBS, LinkedIn’s Weekend Essay and many more.

Prior to this, Stiller spearheaded health-focused digital and social video content for Univision’s cable news network for Millennials, Fusion. This culminated in the creation of an original docuseries about relationships, technology and culture. It’s the network’s second highest performing original series and has received multiple award nominations, including a prestigious Peabody Award for public service.

Stiller is an Emmy nominated and Gracie winning journalist with a background in digital video reporting — and a passion for women’s health. She’s a frequent conference speaker, most recently at New York University’s Center for Global Affairs Women’s Global Health Conference and her work has been covered by The New York Times, Self.com, Variety,Bustle, Essence,LifeHacker and a Reddit AMA.

Stiller now consults with media companies, brands and organizations to create and execute video campaigns optimized for digital reach that educate, humor and inspire viewers.

Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today

Emmy and Peabody Award–nominated health reporter Cleo Stiller’s fun(ny) and informative collection of advice and perspectives about what it means to be a good guy in the era of #MeToo.

Here are a few self-evident truths: Predatory men need to go, sexual assault is wrong, and women and men should be equal. If you’re a man and disagree with any of the aforementioned, then this book isn’t for you.

But if you agree, you’re probably one of the “good guys.” That said, you might also be feeling frustrated, exasperated, and perhaps even skeptical about the current national conversation surrounding #MeToo (among many other things). You’ve likely found yourself in countless experiences or conversations lately where the situation feels gray, at best. You have a lot to say, but you’re afraid to say it and worried that one wrong move will land you in the hot seat. From money and sex to dating and work and everything in between—it can all be so confusing! And when do we start talking about solutions instead of putting each other down?

In Modern Manhood, reporter Cleo Stiller sheds light on all the gray areas out there, using conversations that real men and women are having with their friends, their dates, their family, and themselves. Free of judgment, preaching, and sugarcoating, Modern Manhood is engaging, provocative, and, ultimately, a great resource for gaining a deeper understanding of what it means to genuinely be a good man today.

What You’ll Learn

  • Why Cleo doesn’t use the phrase “toxic masculinity”
  • This is the most progressive generation and cultural norms are changing quickly.
  • Cleo’s book, Modern Manhood, seeks to provide context for men and women all over the country about gray areas when it comes to dating, parenting, money, and work.
  • Class, ethnic, and regional background affect our ideas of what being a good man means.
  • The loss of friendship and loneliness of modern men
  • The reason men don’t have meaningful friendships once they reach adulthood
  • “Woke,” the new term for politically aware
  • Should you call out a friend for being inappropriate?
  • Men don’t know how to talk about their problems, so they turn to humor (sometimes inappropriate) to bond.
  • Women are increasingly out earning their male partners.
  • Men are hardwired to provide, but most men don’t want to be THE provider, but a provider.
  • Men being the sole provider is new in human history. Historically, it was a dual income society, where men hunted and women gathered, both providing food.
  • Single income households developed after agriculture started.
  • Strip the idea from your mind that the only way you can provide as a man is through money. There are so many other ways.
  • Questioning stereotypical idea of masculinity as the lone wolf, stoic, protector, and pursuer
  • Most men get their idea of what being a good man means from their father for what he did or did not do.
  • If there is something about your idea of a being good man that is making you miserable, you can reframe it.
  • We often equate work with misery and feel like we’re doing something wrong if we’re happy.
  • Sex and dating in the age of the #metoo movement
  • We don’t see connected, intimate sexual interactions in media and in our culture, so we don’t practice them either.
  • Get comfortable with your feelings within. Everything that makes you uncomfortable will come out in your children. If you’re afraid of your feelings, they will be too.
  • How to teach your sons to process emotion.
  • It’s not so much about what a good guy does, but what a good person does. You are a human, you should be able to rely on and open up to the people that you love.

MENTIONED EPISODES

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood

Stop Drifting and Consciously Design Your Future with Dominick Quartuccio

Become Irresistible to Your Woman with Allana Pratt

 


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Chloe Stiller’s Links

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The Power in Sharing Your Struggle

The Power in Sharing Your Struggle


Henry David Thoreau wrote, “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” This was in 1854, but now it is truer than ever before.

Today, I have John Bauer on the show to talk about the power in sharing your struggle. John became a Dad Edge Alliance member in the summer of 2017 and has since grown in all aspects of his life. He now pays it forward by being a team lead and an inspiration to all the other members.

In this short episode, he talks about why men are afraid to connect and talk about their problems. He also reveals how getting over that fear and sharing your challenges with others helps you finally leave the life of quiet desperation behind!

'The things I struggled with I didn’t share with people because I was afraid of being judged and outcast.' – John Bauer, Team Lead, The Dad Edge Alliance #bauerpower #dads #men #fathers Click To Tweet

 

'This is something everyone could have, and everyone should have.' – John Bauer #community #sharing #brotherhood #friendship Click To Tweet

UPCOMING GUEST:
Hal Elrod
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THE DAD EDGE SUMMIT 2018

JUNE 7TH – 9TH – ST. LOUIS

Are you an extraordinary father looking to accelerate in all aspects of your life?
Are you looking to connect to like-minded Dads that want to come together to strengthen and grow in their abilities both personally and professionally?
The Dad Edge 2018 Summit (Live Event) will set you up to do exactly that.

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Why Fathers Need to Ask for Help

Why Fathers Need to Ask for Help

As men, we hate to admit when we don’t know all the answers. We don’t want to seem weak and vulnerable, but fathers need to ask for help sometimes, and here is why.

None of us want to be at a loss when it comes to what to do about job struggles and relationship issues. We especially don’t want to be failing as fathers. Parenting is an intimate thing. That’s why it’s so difficult to ask for help when we need it. But we need to learn that it’s okay to ask for help. We can’t do it all alone and we don’t have to.

We’ve had the honor of interviewing several Navy SEALs on The Good Dad Project. The SEALs are one of the most successful organizations in the world. They are elite performers who accomplish amazing goals in the most stressful and dangerous situations. How do they successfully complete these extreme missions?

As a team.

They work together solving problems and helping each other, and would not be able to do what they do without their teammates by their side.

Just striving to be a better father and man means you are part of an elite group of men too. Join a local group, a mastermind group, or our Dad Edge Private Facebook Group. Seek out a mentor or a friend. Find a place where you feel safe and ask for help.

 

Referenced Episode: Leading Our Family With Confidence with Chris Sajnog


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

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