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why should i forgive

Why Should I Forgive? with Derek Stone


Is there someone in your life that you are finding it hard to forgive. A sibling, friend, or parent? We all have grudges, but we don’t realize how much emotional and mental bandwidth they’re stealing from us.

Derek Stone is the author of Why Should I Forgive? He grew up in poverty and was sexually abused by his stepfather. His bitterness led him into drugs, alcohol, and dysfunctional relationships. But he found the faith he needed to forgive and move on. Now his mission is to empower people to transform their lives and walk them through the hell of confronting past trauma and teaching them to forgive.

Derek talks about his painful journey out of hate, anger, and shame and how the power of forgiveness can free us to create the full and happy lives we were meant live.

“For true forgiveness to happen, something has to die.”—Derek Stone

Derek Stone

Derek Stone is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of Stone’s Repair and Remodel, LLC. He’s been married to his high school sweetheart, Crystal for the past 17 years and together they have two boys: Ashton, 14 years old and Noah, 7 years old.

Derek came from humble beginnings and grew up in Section-8 housing located in Mobile, AL. Derek has a fraternal twin brother and was the youngest of 4 children growing up. His parents divorced when he was 5 years old and had to raise himself when his mom started working 3 jobs to keep the lights on. He moved to North East Mississippi at age 16 when his mother re-married for the 3rd time and started his life over.

He gives all the credit for his success to one decision he made while a senior in high school. He says, “I started looking back at my life to figure out what made me so different from my other three siblings. I chose to forgive my dad and not take the same paths my parents did. I blamed dad for every bad thing I went through as a child: from being sexually abused, going hungry (thank God for school lunches), to having to take cold showers because the power got cut off. I was very bitter as a teenager and wanted a better life, so when the opportunity presented itself, I took it!”

36 years since the beginning of his story and he is currently living his best life, not someone else’s. He enjoys hunting, fishing, knife making, and hanging out with his family. He loves helping people re-tool to change their lives and empowering them to do so. He loves God, loves his family, and loves people.

Why Should I Forgive?

Why Should I Forgive? came from a place of discontent. It drove me to change my behavior, relationships, and habits. When I asked myself that question, I was met with a choice. Do I forgive, and be free of the burden of bitterness I was carrying around, or do I live in it, locking myself in a prison of torment and anger?

My passion is to empower people to change their own lives. I personally know the poison that bitterness injects into your body, mind, and spirit. I know the deep hate, anger, and shame that can drive you to your breaking point. I know how you can hurt the people who love you the most, or, even worse, yourself.

I have no Ph.D, M.D., or Doctorate degree in psychology. This is real. It’s my story of how I overcame bitterness, and now I want to give you the tools to walk you through your own journey. I want you to know that if you choose to forgive, it will lead to your freedom.

Join me on this journey. We will laugh, cry, and share life for a moment. This is my story of why and how. At the beginning of this book, the question is “Why should I forgive?” By the end of it, I will have given you the tools to help you in your quest to forgive. These tools will help you to forgive and start your path to spiritual freedom.”

 

What You’ll Learn

  • How to stop thinking of yourself as a victim
  • The process and benefits of forgiveness
  • How to forgive someone without giving them access to you
  • When and how to get rid of toxic people
  • Derek’s favorite quote: “If I associate with chickens, I will learn to scratch at the ground and squabble over crumbs. If I associate with eagles, I will learn to soar to great heights. I am an eagle. It is my destiny to fly.”— Andy Andrews
  • How Derek re-established the relationship with his father
  • Abusive people are repeating what was done to them. They serve as an example of what not to be.
  • How forgiveness set Derek’s stagnant life in motion
  • Forgiveness is a choice. If you’re not forgiving people, you’re opening yourself up to torment.
  • The difference between forgiveness and being taken advantage of
  • Why you should never go to your pastor, friends, or family for marriage advice
  • The 4 signs that spell doom for your marriage
  • Your spouse is not an enemy, but a gift.
  • Going with your gut when it comes to letting people into your life
  • How to use your purpose as a filter for all of your relationships. Does this person help or hinder your purpose?
  • Neutralize negative thoughts by telling them that you don’t need them anymore.
  • On challenges—we never know how they’re preparing us for what’s to come.
  • Having patience in “the waiting room” when we feel plagued by setbacks and delays

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Wake Up the Hero with Wes Chapman


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Wild at Heart with John Eldredge

Wild at Heart with John Eldredge

The Dad Edge Podcast is honored beyond words to have John Eldredge on the show. He is the author of the bestselling book Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul and is here to talk about our core needs as men and our constant quest for validation.

He also shares life-changing insights on how to become a student of our child’s heart and interpret their experiences for them so that they can become happier, stronger adults.

 

On being a dad: 'It’s not about perfection. It’s about love.' – John Eldredge @ransomedheart #dads #fathers #fatherhood #parenting Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • The inspiration for John Eldredge’s book, Wild at Heart
  • How we are in the midst of the collapse of gender
  • Why guys are confused on what it means to be a man
  • How men can be restored by doing internal work
  • Why most men don’t know they have a genuine strength to offer the world
  • How most of us ‘fake it’ through life, but inside, we doubt who we are
  • What things men are compensating for
  • Why men are so afraid to fail
'The number one ingredient for a child's success is having a dad who cares and who is involved.' – John Eldredge @ransomedheart #dads #fathers #fatherhood #parenting Click To Tweet
  • What it means to be a student of your child’s heart and why you need to become one
  • How to start giving your kids low-grade challenges to build their confidence
  • How to also implement low-grade failures so they can discover that they will survive through setbacks
  • How looking to your kid as a source of personal validation is damaging
  • How to wire your parenting for each child
  • How to be a dad to daughters
  • How a father defines his daughters identity
  • What a father can do to ensure his daughter trusts masculine strength
  • What to do when you blow up and anger
  • How to not let your child’s feelings turn into ‘agreements’ or negative conclusions about life
  • How to take the power of validation away from high-pressure situations
'A man will design his entire life to avoid anything that might expose him, and to only stay in the areas where he is getting some validation.' – John Eldredge @ransomedheart #men #dads #fathers #masculinity #comfortzone #fear… Click To Tweet

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Wake Up the Hero with Wes Chapman

Wake Up the Hero with Wes Chapman

The story you’re about to hear is unlike anything we’ve ever had on this show before. Today we have mega-entrepreneur, Wes Chapman. He has been featured in Forbes, Inc., CBS, ABC, Tech Crunch and TEDx. He is a husband, a father of two, and the founder of A Human Project.

Wes may seem like the picture of success, but he has a dark and painful past that many would not survive. From the time he was born, Wes was physically, sexually, and mentally abused. He was abandoned by his father and then his mother. Then he was put into group homes and psych wards where doctors told him that his mental and emotional problems would prevent him from ever living a normal life.

Wes Chapman believes that absolute self-honesty is the key to healing and he is pure proof. In this episode, he shares the story of his incredible transformation, and how he triumphed over victimhood to wake up the hero within.

We only understand what we’ve endured. @wesleydchapman #abuse Click To Tweet

Wes Chapman

Wes Chapman was so neglected as an infant, that at 3 1/2 months old he was diagnosed as having failure to thrive, which means he didn’t grow and develop properly because his physical and emotional needs were not being met.

Shortly after that, his father left his mother and she married a man that Wes can only describe as pure evil. At the hands of this man, Wes endured physical, sexual, and emotional trauma until he was 6 years old.

Wes’s mom soon gave up on raising him. He was put into the system and spent the next year in and out of psych hospitals. Doctors considered him “broken” and that the best they could do was medicate him and keep him institutionalized, but one day, a woman walked into is life. She became Wes’s mom and hero.

Fast forward to today – Wes has overcome his trauma and victimhood and helps other children and adults do the same. He believes in what he calls H cubed.

  • Honesty
  • Healing
  • Hope
The important thing is not the stuff that happened, but the awakening that occurred. @wesleydchapman #trauma #abuse #healing Click To Tweet

Show Highlights

  • How Wes’s step father literally put him and his siblings in the doghouse. He made them wear a collar and chained them to the fence.
  • How Wes used to wake up in cold sweats watching his sister get molested.
  • How once in a psychiatric hospital, he beat the walls until his fists bled. This was in a padded room.
  • How a voice inside him decided not to tolerate his existence.
  • The remarkable story of the woman who took him in and cared for him.
  • The powerful idea behind H-cubed (Honesty, Healing, Hope).
  • How he finally got over his sexual abuse and was able to develop empathy toward the men who abused him.
  • How he became addicted to success in such a negative way that he had to walk away from everything.
  • His epiphany when he finally knew that his purpose and passion was to be like the woman who saved him and help others like him.
  • How he stalked Gary Vaynerchuk.
  • Why we need to stop wasting time and energy making up for our weaknesses and put all our effort into our gifts.
  • What manhood really is all about.
The only way you can take care of your own shit, is to take care of it with yourself. @wesleydchapman Click To Tweet

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Vulnerability is power. @wesleydchapman #vulnerability #dads #men #fathers Click To Tweet

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