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haters

How to Deal with HATERS

Haters…if there is one thing for sure in life…Haters will always be there ready to drag you down when you are making big moves in your life.

At some point or another, we’ve been a victim of bullies. The thing is, the stereotypical schoolyard bully permeates into adulthood and, if we let them, can upset our adult lives. This sets us up for a lifetime of allowing one person’s actions or words dictate our lives.

Haters Gonna Hate

When someone perceives a lack in their own life, it is sometimes easier to point out the faults in someone else’s. Enter bully syndrome. This is when the person takes some action to put the other person down just to make themselves feel better. Even as adults, this can happen. As a matter of fact, sometimes adults are worse because they’ve had more years to perfect the art of bullying.

Take Out the Plank

So what do we do with this? First, identify that it’s not you, it’s them. These bullies prey on your weaknesses and insecurities. It’s not your job to make them feel better about themselves, so stop giving them your energy. Acknowledge what they are doing, look at own strengths and weaknesses and stop measuring yourself against other’s beliefs.

It’s a Matter of Perspective

Sometimes, when we seek to better ourselves, those close to us or those who interact with us on a regular basis, may respond negatively. This can manifest itself in remarks to demean our endeavors or make sure they “keep us in our place”.  Really, all this is is their own insecurity that you will change and no longer be what they need you to be. That’s simply selfish. What’s worse, they may not even realize what they are doing. This is where you need to make a tough decision: express to them that you do not appreciate what they are doing and work with them to resolve the behavior, or remove them from your life. It’s tough love.

Set the Example

As always, how we respond in life has a significant impact on how our kids will respond as well. Standing up for your own beliefs and remaining firmly grounded in your principles, despite what others say, shows your kids that no one can bully you into changing. You will lay the groundwork for an emotionally healthy, well-balanced child. So, look at bullies for what they really are: people who are not secure enough in themselves. Free yourself from the insecurities of others.

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abundance

Abundance versus Scarcity


Hey guys for this week’s “Five Minute Thursday” I wanted to highlight a few takeaways from our interview with Jason Mackenzie, founder of the The Book of Open.

Abundance Empowerment through Vulnerability

For most men, we associate vulnerability with weakness.  To be honest, even hearing the word “vulnerable” my first thought is “unwanted exposure to weakness.”  However, vulnerability is a strength.  Vulnerability is empowerment through authenticity, which is being true to one’s self.

I have been working with men/fathers for the past three years, and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that if men are going to be “vulnerable” with each other, it has to be in an atmosphere or situation where it “cool thing.”

I can tell you from experience that men will check out when you start talking about sensitive stuff like “let’s share our feelings.”  Men simply don’t respond to that when in the presence of another man.  In fact, it’s even hard for us to do this with our wives for the most part.

However, men are good at one thing…problem solving.  We love to problem solve.  We feel empowered when we share our wisdom and give advice.  To be honest, being vulnerable is sharing a struggle or an obstacle and simply asking for input.

The way to kick start a “cool atmosphere” of vulnerability is to ask for advice from a friend.

Here’s an example that will really hit this home…If you are sitting across that table with a friend and he says:

“Hey Mike, I am struggling in my marriage and I need to share my feelings with you about it.”

OR

“Hey Mike…man…so check this out, Jen and I are having some tough times lately.  There is a ton of tension between Jen and me.  I can’t really figure out how to get things back in the groove.  Have you and Becky been through this?  If so, how can you help me out man?”

Which one of those sounds better and would be received better?  It’s the same dilemma and situation…just teed up better.

Abundance versus Scarcity

Jason hit upon a great topic that is powerful for all of us and that is having the right mentality.  Our brains are wired up to default to fear and keep us from danger.  This part of our brain is the amygdala and it has been a part of our hardwired DNA since the beginning.  This is the part of our brain where we hear the voice of fear and consequences.  It’s the same part of your brain that will talk you out of risks and tells you are not good enough.  It’s not our fault; it’s just part of our hardwiring.

It takes a trained and disciplined mind to look at our lives with abundance vs. scarcity.  Successful people don’t think about what they are going to lose by taking a calculated risk.  Successful people consider what they will lose if they don’t take a calculated risk and move forward.

So, the next time that fear voice starts to bend your ear, remember the words of wisdom from Jason Mackenzie on this subject.  It’s all about perspective and reframing.

No One Relates to Perfection

I grew up in the 80’s and I was a die-hard WWF professional wrestling fan.  Hulk Hogan, Rick Flair, Jimmy Superfly, and so-on were my heroes.  The most hated guys in that sport at that time was “Mr. Perfect and Mr. Wonderful.”  Want to know why?  It’s because no one can relate to inflated egos and perfection.

People relate to real-life authenticity and transparency.  Our greatest human need is the need for community and relationships.  It’s impossible for us to relate to others that view themselves as superhuman or “perfect.”

The big lesson here is there is connection and empowerment through being authentic, vulnerable, and transparent.  People relate to us better in that mindset and we are more willing to accept ourselves.

Guys, thanks for checking out this week’s “Five Minute Thursday.”  See you next week and have an awesome weekend!

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Thank you for checking out this week’s show, Abundance versus Scarcity, with Jason MacKenzie, Founder of the Book of Open.