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Bonding with Sons and Daughters

A Father’s Guide to Bonding with Sons and Daughters with Michael Gurian

According to Columbia University, children who have a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to drink, smoke, or use drugs. How we can strengthen the bond between father and son and father and daughter?

Michael Gurian is one of the world’s foremost experts on gender and the brain and has been called “The People’s Philosopher” for his ability to bring together people’s ordinary lives and scientific ideas. He is the NY Times bestselling author of thirty-two books, a keynote speaker, a husband and a father.

Michael tells us the top three reasons why today’s kids aren’t connecting with their dads. He teaches us to discover our assets as fathers and how to invite our kids to utilize them. He also shares the neuroscience behind the differences between bonding with sons and daughters, and how we be the best father to each gender.

Michael Gurian

Dr. Michael Gurian is the New York Times bestselling author of thirty two books published in twenty three languages. He provides counseling services in private practice.  The Gurian Institute, which he co-founded, conducts research internationally, launches pilot programs and trains professionals.

Michael has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, schools, corporations, and public policy. A number of his books have sparked national debate, including THE WONDER OF GIRLS, THE WONDER OF BOYS, BOYS AND GIRLS LEARN DIFFERENTLY!, THE MINDS OF BOYS and LEADERSHIP AND THE SEXES.

In the 1990s, Michael and his colleagues at the University of Missouri-Kansas City completed a two year pilot study that established best practices for educating boys and girls.  These strategies and Michael’s nature-based gender theory are now used in schools and communities worldwide.

One of the world’s foremost gender experts, Michael travels to approximately 25 cities per year to provide keynotes at conferences and speak at schools and in communities. Michael has served as a trainer and consultant to colleges, corporations, school districts, community agencies, faith communities, criminal justice personnel, and other professionals. His philosophy reflects the diverse cultures (European, Asian, Middle Eastern and American) in which he has lived, worked and studied.

Michael’s work has been featured in nearly all the major media, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, People Magazine, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes Magazine, Psychology Today, the Christian Science Monitor, Educational Leadership, the American School Board Journal, Family Therapy, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and on the Today Show, Good Morning America, the 700 Club, CNN, PBS and National Public Radio.

What You’ll Learn

  • Michael’s mom had mental illness, and he grew up in an environment of violence and sexual abuse.
  • Michael’s father was mostly absent in his life until his dad was eighty years old.
  • It took 10 years of therapy for Michael to process his trauma. Therapy helped him recover and inspired him to become a counselor.
  • He’s been married to his wife 34 years, who is also a mental health counselor. They have two girls, aged 29 and 26.
  • Michael’s marriage advice: Establish domains as a couple. Figure out what each of you are good at and give each other space to do that. This prevents you trying to control each other.
  • Why you should compliment your spouse publicly.
  • Michael’s book, The Stone Boys, and why he wrote a story about traumatized boys.
  • The brain is not gender neutral. It shows differences according to sex beginning in utero.
  • Why we need to understand the male experience better
  • How culture is over-judging males and has lost the sense of value in a fathers’ masculinity
  • Dads are 50% of their kids support and development. They need to claim role in their kids’ lives.
  • Why kids aren’t connecting with dads
    • Divorce and child custody processes typically vilify the father.
    • The father abdicates to the mother or others because he doesn’t understand his role. He is afraid to assert himself as a father.
    • The father fails to invite the child to utilize him for the assets he has. He must be a presence. It doesn’t have to be deep conversation. Fathers and kids can bond with sports, movies, video games, and other activities.
  • Don’t be too permissive. Kids want structure.
  • How to be authoritative, not authoritarian.
  • The structure of a boy’s brain is wired to be more active. More blood flow goes to the doing part of the brain.
  • Females have more blood flow to the front and top of the brain. They solve problems internally by thinking and connect to emotive parts of brain.
  • Why females create rumination loops, leading to depression and anxiety.
  • How dads can listen to their daughters for ruminating, find the right time to step in, do a reality check, and offer suggestions.
  • Boys don’t have as many words for feelings as girls.
  • How dads can help their boys get their feelings out
  • What special activities dads can do with their daughters and sons to make the bond strong.
  • Figure out who you are as a dad and what your assets are.
  • Find common interests with your kids. Ritualize doing these things with your kids so you can establish your presence as the dad.
  • Gauge what your spouse is doing. What has she got covered? Where can you fill in the gaps as a husband and father?
  • The difference between maternal and paternal nurturing
  • How trauma effects boys and girls
  • Signs of trauma—if your child suddenly becomes withdrawn, angry, or isolated, he or she may have been traumatized.
  • More kids are traumatized than we realize.
  • How the dad spirit organically works in the family dynamic. Trust it and embrace it.

RELATED EPISODES:

Taking Action as the Head of Your Family

Modern Manhood: What it Means to Be a Good Man Today with Cleo Stiller

Imposter Syndrome: Defeating Your Inner Bully with Dr. Jamie Hope


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Michael Gurian’s Links

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Letting Go of Resentment Toward Your Father

The Power of Letting Go of Resentment Toward Your Father with Cody McBroom

What type of father did you have growing up? How does it affect you as the man you are today? If you had a great dad, you’ll want to follow in his footsteps. But what if your dad didn’t give you what you needed? Will you fall into the same pattern or choose to change it?

Today’s dynamic guest is podcaster and founder of Boom Boom Performance, Cody McBroom. His dad was a workaholic who rarely spent time with the family, and Cody thought this meant his father didn’t care. Whenever anything went wrong in Cody’s life he would blame his dad.

As Cody got older, he began to notice that this grudge held him back in life. This inspired him to embark on a journey of self-improvement to reframe his life and transform his mindset.

Cody McBroom is now a successful, thriving entrepreneur and demonstrates the power of letting go of resentment toward your father or anyone else in your life.

He also shares his no-nonsense fitness and nutrition tips so you can build a foundation of health that will empower you to become your best self.

'The first step in seeing success in your personal being is recognition of both the positive and negative.'—@Cody_BoomBoom #personalgrowth #selfdevelopment #coaching #dads #men Click To Tweet

Cody McBroom

Cody McBroom was a fat kid whose dad ran multiple companies for the oil industry. His father worked and traveled so much, Cody sadly doesn’t have many memories with him and he always resented his father for not being there.

Now Cody is twenty-six years old, going on fifty in his self-awareness. He has a business, a fiance, and a baby daughter. Taking on the role of a provider, he finally understands his father on a deeper level.

In the previous generation, men gauged their success by how much money they made. His dad thought he was doing his duty as a father by making enough income so that his wife could stay at home and his children could have whatever they wanted.

Cody now has the same urge to prioritize work, and has to constantly remind himself to put business away and be present with his family.

'Balance is bullsh*t. To say that I can split my time evenly across everything in my life and give equal attention constantly to everything, there’s no way to do that. Something is always going to take more focus at a certain time in… Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • Cody’s amazing journey of self-exploration
  • How he remains open to personal growth
  • How to let go of ego to tap into the emotional side to surmount what’s holding you back
  • The experience that brought him clarity and caused a complete mental shift when it came to judging his father and everyone else
  • Why his business took off when he was able to cultivate empathy
  • How he resented money because it took his dad away from him
  • How he accepted money as a positive thing and allowed himself to enjoy it
  • Why he believes work life balance is a myth
  • How he keeps moving forward at incredible speed
  • How to use coaches as a shortcut and see immediate results in fitness, business, and relationships
  • Why you don’t need to be an extremist to get fit
  • His drilled-down, essential health tips for men
    • Making a green drink every morning – for the placebo effect
    • Moving in the morning – why it’s better to exercise before work
    • Tracking nutrition – acknowledging that you’re putting crap in your body
    • Investing in coaching – using the power of accountability
  • How to set up for a good New Year in December

RELATED EPISODES

Why Your Ego is the Enemy with Ryan Holiday

Coming to Terms with Your Own Bullsh*t with Gary John Bishop

Wake Up Warrior with Garrett J. White

 


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Cody McBroom’s Links

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Ego is the Enemy Book

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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGEHERE

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We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

APPLY HERE!

the dad edge alliance

 


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Tag us when you share on social media!

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Fatherhood is Leadership

How Fatherhood is Leadership with TEDx Speaker Devon Bandison

We had high performance coach and TEDx speaker Devon Bandison on the show way back in the beginning of GDP. Almost 100 episodes later, Devon is back to explain how fatherhood is leadership on so many levels – in our homes and in our communities. He also talks about how to live life to the fullest without burning out and how to control our thoughts so we can control the emotions that are holding us back. This interview is full of heavy-hitting wisdom. Make sure you take notes!

Devon Bandison

Devon Bandison was born and raised in New York City. He grew up with addiction in his home. One day when he came home, his dad had turned their home into a drug house. He felt guilt and shame. He vowed that when he became a dad, whenever that would be, he would become a better father.

That day soon came when he was twenty-three years old and his daughter was born. He was determined and he was present as a new dad, but he had no clue as to what he was doing. His father didn’t give him the tools or the skillsets for life. But he grew up in the unhealthy belief that men don’t tell men when they need help.

Eventually, Devon began working in the trenches of New York in the Bronx with troubled youth. He helped create programs for new dads that showed them how to navigate everything from diaper changing to communication.

Fathers are showing up more today, and are more intimate with their children than any other time in history.

Devon’s Turning Point

After his third kid was born and during a difficult divorce, Devon took a promotion that made him miserable. He was in a scarcity mindset and thought his wife would take everything. He feared he would end up broke and stuck at a job he hated.

It was this turning point that sent him seeking more. He attended a training seminar where the speaker noticed something special about Devon and offered him a free ticket to a retreat in California. Devon made excuses to himself of why he couldn’t go, but he also knew that if he didn’t take the opportunity, he would regret if for the rest of his life.

There, his mentor told him to build his business around his passion. That’s when Devon took his passion for fatherhood and leadership and created the speaking event that would quickly catapult him into his dream life.

Fatherhood is Leadership

In Devon’s coaching career, he managed lots of men who had every definition of outward success. These same men were also silently suffering inside. They had no fulfillment in their everyday life. They had no true connection to their kids, their wife, or their community.

Most dads burn the candle at both ends and end up breaking down their relationships. Their cup is empty. They become stressed, angry, and frustrated, behaving in ways they don’t want to. They feel like they never had time for anything.

Devon knew that there was a big difference between time management and people pleasing. Most of us say yes to things we really don’t want to do. In doing that, we are saying no to the things that are important to us and die a little inside every time we do it.

This inspired Devon to write a book about how a man can become the best version of himself. He wanted to give fathers the tools they needed to live a life beyond their wildest dreams. He wanted to show them that the more you pour into yourself, the better father you will be. Only by investing in yourself can you be an effective agent of change in the world.

Mentioned Episode: The Art of Charm and Professional Relationships with Jordan Harbinger


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Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Devon’s Links:

Website:  devonbandison.com

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Devon’s TEDx Talk “Fatherhood is Leadership”

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How to be the rock for your kids

How to Be the Rock for Your Kids

As much as we want to encourage our kids to do their best, we might be unintentionally causing them undue stress. That is why it’s crucial – whether in sports, school, or life – that our kids see the same us when they look to us for support.


This means that no matter what our kids are going through, we should always be a safe place for them to turn to. We have to be aware of our reactions. When our kids fail, will we look ashamed or disappointed? Do we tell them what they should’ve done? Do we seem overly protective? Or will we always be open, receptive, listening – the rock for our kids?

 

Referenced Episode: How to Instill the Growth Mindset in Your Kids with Larry Yatch


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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Why Fathers Need to Ask for Help

Why Fathers Need to Ask for Help

As men, we hate to admit when we don’t know all the answers. We don’t want to seem weak and vulnerable, but fathers need to ask for help sometimes, and here is why.

None of us want to be at a loss when it comes to what to do about job struggles and relationship issues. We especially don’t want to be failing as fathers. Parenting is an intimate thing. That’s why it’s so difficult to ask for help when we need it. But we need to learn that it’s okay to ask for help. We can’t do it all alone and we don’t have to.

We’ve had the honor of interviewing several Navy SEALs on The Good Dad Project. The SEALs are one of the most successful organizations in the world. They are elite performers who accomplish amazing goals in the most stressful and dangerous situations. How do they successfully complete these extreme missions?

As a team.

They work together solving problems and helping each other, and would not be able to do what they do without their teammates by their side.

Just striving to be a better father and man means you are part of an elite group of men too. Join a local group, a mastermind group, or our Dad Edge Private Facebook Group. Seek out a mentor or a friend. Find a place where you feel safe and ask for help.

 

Referenced Episode: Leading Our Family With Confidence with Chris Sajnog


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


SEALed Mindset Exclusive GDP Offer


Get access to the SEALed Mindset Membership Platform

Normal price: $150-$250 a month

DISCOUNT EXTENDED: $25 a month for GDP listeners (90% lifetime discount)

Extra bonus: For FREE new lesson click here>  .com


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