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Counting the Reps to Resistance with Dan Johnson

Dan Johnson

Dan Johnson is a husband, father, and founder of the website New Paths. During his younger years, Dan was introduced to pornography by a friend. As he got older, the addiction intensified. During his college years, Dan used the internet as a way of accessing porn and felt the guilt and shame of his actions.

Before Dan got married, he told his then girlfriend that he was addicted to pornography. After the couple got married, they implemented filters on their devices to prevent him from falling into temptation. Unfortunately, he was unable to resist, and he fell off the wagon again. Once Dan realized that he had to make a change, he joined a peer group to keep him accountable.

With any addiction, it can be easy to fall back into temptation and continue the cycle. However, having a sense of community drives you to be better and helps you to understand that you are not alone. With porn especially, comes a great amount of guilt and shame. What Dan has done is implemented a three-step process that helps you recognize those urges, process them, and actively count the reps of your resistance. The action of recognizing the urges, saying them out loud, and then counting each rep that you resisted the urge to watch porn has allowed Dan and many other men to overcome their addiction.

What You’ll Learn: 

[5:08]

Dan recalls his childhood and how he had the best childhood ever; he was raised in the Church and attended youth group regularly. When he got to junior high, his friend showed him pornography on his computer.

[10:16]

Dan recalls his college years when he really got into pornography at an addicting level.

[12:10]

Dan talks about confessing to his wife of his addiction before he proposed.

[15:42]

Dan recalls confessing years later that he was still watching pornography. It takes a lot of courage to bring up a topic like that with your spouse.

[17:34]

After his first daughter was born, Dan’s wife had cancer in her uterus and had to have a hysterectomy. The couple looked at adoption and there was a question about sexual addiction in the application. Dan decided that it was time to tell the truth and come clean to his wife.

[20:45]

Community can make the biggest difference. Dan joined a peer group and saw a counselor.

[22:24]

In order to stop an unwanted behavior (such as watching porn), stopping the behavior is not the hard part. The difficult part has to do with the feeling you are left with when you don’t do the behavior.

[29:14]

When you feel the desire to do something, and you decide not to do it, you have to try to resist it. This relies on willpower, which can vary from day to day.

[30:30]

Instead of relying on willpower and rejecting that feeling, turn toward the feeling and face it head on. Acknowledge the urge and let it be there. The more you fight against the urge, you tend to turn toward it and give in.

[32:48]

Emotions and feelings are messengers. They have a message that wants to be heard. If you fight against it, you’re going to get more resistance.

[33:21]

There is a three-step process that allows you to process these messages and make decisions. Step one – You notice the feeling is there, and you acknowledge it. This allows to step outside the feeling and separate yourself from the feeling.

[35:56]

Step two is immediately setting a timer for 10 minutes. During this time, you allow that intense feeling to be there. You’re not going to give into it, but you’re also not going to try to resist it or push it away. You give it permission to be there and scream its message at you.

[39:02]

The third step is to count each rep that you’ve done so that you can see your progress, just like at the gym. Each of those reps is like a step to freedom.

[43:09]

Dan talks about replacement behaviors, which entails taking those emotions and directing them somewhere else.

[46:40]

Know when you’re going to be triggered and have a plan in place.

[48:45]

With porn, you tend to feel like no one else struggles with it, which generates a lot of shame. Community takes the edge off the struggle. It makes you feel like you aren’t alone and that other people are struggling with you.

RELATED EPISODES:

Porn Detox – The Truth Will Set You Free with Ted Shimer

Going Deeper: Battling Porn and Sexual Addiction with Eddie Capparucci

Everything Men Need to Know About Porn with J.K. Emezi

 


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Dan Johnson

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Embracing Fear and Living Life to the Fullest with Sal Frisella

Sal Frisella

Sal Frisella is a husband, father of three children, and the President of 1st Phorm Supplements, which was founded by his brother Andy. He was a Minor League Baseball player who was drafted by the St. Louis Cardinals and played for the Single A New Jersey Cardinals.

Sal went from a baseball player to selling copiers to medical sales where he worked for Johnson and Johnson as a successful sales agent. After these phases of his life, Sal realized that these jobs were not meant for him. Sal knew that he had to take a chance on himself and live the best possible life ever. Becoming the President of 1stPhorm gave him the best life that he could want.

However, Sal’s goals weren’t always clear. The fear of rejection and fear of the word “no” often held him back during his younger years. Yet, fear didn’t stop him from trying. Sal’s success in his life can attest to this because even through doubt and others negative opinions, he was able to push through and achieve the life he wanted. Sometimes, we are so afraid of rejection that we live with the regret of not trying at all.

Take advantage of every single day and live as if it were your last, or you’ll live with regret. The greatest strikeout of life is never stepping up to the plate. In order to live a fulfilling life, we have to embrace fear and live life to the fullest. 

What You’ll Learn: 

[3:45]

Sal begins talking about his wife and children.

[7:35]

Sal talks about the meaning behind his son’s name, “Enzo,” which means champion in Italian. He talks about how a name can be a unique identifier in a child’s life.

[11:29]

Time goes by so quickly when you have kids. Try to slow down and embrace the moments. Sal and his wife bought a farm to slow down in life.

[15:34]

COVID-19 caused a force to be present and break away from technology because we were home with our kids, and we had nothing but time to spend with them. Your phone becomes a pillar of your life and takes away your attention.

[17:53]

Sal talks about how he learned discipline when it comes to technology and putting the phone away in order to have quality time with his children.

[27:51]

Sal talks about how he makes his wife the Queen by letting her choose what they do because it’s her time to lead in the relationship. Setting boundaries is extremely healthy in a relationship.

[30:20]

Meeting in the middle goes a long way. It’s not always about being right. God gave you a mouth and two ears for a reason.

[32:44]

Guys don’t want to ask for help and admit that they’re struggling.

[38:04]

Sal talks about building a legacy so powerful that his stories and life lessons will live on beyond him. He wants to build relationships so meaningful that his kids will have someone to take care of them and tell them memories about their dad.

[43:37]

Sal talks about how he wasn’t always like this during his younger years. He recalls how he has been extremely blessed in the sense of having perspective. He says that his advantage has been being able to live a lot of really cool lives.

[45:58]

If you could treat every day as your last at bat, how hard would you swing?

[47:55]

Coming to 1st Phorm allowed Sal to go from being a jellyfish to being a shark; he got to hunt for what he wanted. With that, comes a little selfishness.

[50:01]

Most men are afraid of rejection and failure. You never know unless you try.

[53:33]

Sal says he would tell his younger self, 7 years ago, to be more adventurous in life. It gives you the opportunity to see what you like and what you don’t like.

[1:04:48]

Sal talks about what he and his family would be talking about in the next 25 years. He would want to say that he gave everything he could in order for them to have the best life.

RELATED EPISODES:

The Disease of Busyness

You Are More Than What You See with Darryll Stinson

How to Feed Your Courage and Starve Your Fear

 


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Sal Frisella

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Taking Care of Your Health, Body, and Mind with Marc Hildebrand

Marc Hildebrand

Marc Hildebrand is a husband, father, an LAPD Sergeant, and the creator of First Responder Fitness. He lost over 100 pounds and is in the best shape of his life at 43 years old. Marc is the founder of First Responder Fitness where he leads other First Responders to get in the best shape of their lives.

Marc decided to start taking care of his health after his first son was born. He blamed all the weight gain on the job and had been yo-yo dieting for years. After his son spent 73 days in the hospital, Marc had a mental breakdown and felt like he couldn’t show up for his kid. When he hit rock bottom, he realized that he had to change his mindset before anything else. If you have a never-give-up mindset, you can achieve anything in life, no matter what setbacks you may face. The point is to just keep going.

The question we have to answer as fathers is: “How can we do the best we can at our jobs, family, kids, but also do the work that makes us come alive?” The problem that comes with this question is self-sabotage; we often try to avoid putting in the work, so we sabotage ourselves by making excuses. However, in order for us to be the best husbands, fathers, business owners, and version of ourselves, we have to try things that we’ve never done before to become something we’ve never been. The way you do this is to surround yourself with like-minded people who have similar goals to you. They will act as your support and your motivation to become better and achieve your goals. They will help you change your mindset from making excuses to taking action.

What You’ll Learn: 

[4:47]

Mark introduces himself and how he lost over 100 pounds simply by changing his mindset.

[9:55]

Self sabotage can ruin your mindset.

[12:39]

Marc addresses the setbacks he faced while trying to lose 100 pounds. He also recalls becoming part of a group of like-minded people with the same goals that kept him accountable.

[15:45]

Marc recalls one of his mentors telling him, “Your outward success reflects your inner growth.”

[20:09]

Surrender of Ego – Mark talks about how most law enforcement officers have egos that are hard to let go of on the job. It prevents them from growing and doing the things they need to do. Mark recalls going to a police psychologist to help him overcome the tragedies he saw on the job.

[24:56]

Surrounding yourself with good people is the key to success, along with mindset.

[28:41]

Marc talks about the growth of his business and how the Dad Edge Accelerator has changed his business and his energy.

[34:34]

Marc talks about his resources. The best way to become successful is to partner up with the people who have already paved the way for you.

RELATED EPISODES:

Mindset-Driven Fitness with Marc Hildebrand

Secrets of the Navy SEAL Mindset: Courage, Confidence, Perseverance and Resilience

No Excuses Fatherhood with Wes Watson

 


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Marc Hildebrand

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art of masculinity

The Art of Masculinity with Johnny Elsasser


If we don’t know who we are or what’s important to us, we will be driven by outside forces and will lack the strength to show up in our lives with purpose and integrity.

This can lead to a feeling of being lost, powerless, trapped, and alone. Worst of all, it can cause us to dislike the man in the mirror—if we can even recognize him at all.

Today’s guest is Johnny Elsasser. He is a former Army Ranger, a men’s leadership coach, and the host of The Art of Masculinity podcast. He is going to tell us how to create a Masculine Blueprint so that we can identify what kind of men we want to become. In living by our own code, we will always know who we are and where we stand.

Feel the power of living as the person you really are.

Johnny Elsasser

John served in the Elite 2nd Battalion 75th Ranger Regiment with 4 combat tours between Iraq and Afghanistan, and protected the U.S. Ambassador to Iraq for 5 years out of Baghdad. He lost his own sense of purpose when he came back to the U.S. full time and became depressed and alone. This emptiness ended in divorce.

Today, John’s found new purpose in starting his own podcast to shed the light of how alpha men struggle and how they can together. He’s been featured in podcasts such as Tuff Love, Destined to Be, Think Yourself Healthy, and others to teach men how to build a strong foundation in authentic masculinity. John Elsasser is truly on a mission to help as many men as possible own their masculinity in the way that honors them.

The Art of Masculinity

Through a quickly evolving world we are living in today, most men were shown at a young age to act, feel, and conduct their lives in a certain way. The Art of Maculinity helps empower men to embrace both forms of energy—the Masculine and Feminine—so that they can step out of their hard shells and create a life where there’s equal strength and toughness while still retaining fluidity and softness.

What You’ll Learn

  • How to transition out of occupations you identify with
  • If you lack direction, you will succumb to dark places.
  • You feel less than others when you don’t know who you are
  • Look into your subconscious. You’re acting on things you didn’t choose.
  • Knowing who you are, you can through anything.
  • Live and pay attention to the journey. You are having experiences you should be enjoying.
  • Drop the ego to evolve.
  • The toxicity of the bravado mentality
  • Your Masculine Blueprint:
    • Where were your values? Do they serve you right now? Keep the ones that still hold true. Get rid of the ones you don’t need anymore.
    • Look at whom you admire. What traits do they have?
    • Combine your old values that still serve you with the new ones you want.
    • Choose 3-5 of these traits to define the man you truly want to be.
  • You will never have regrets if you live as who you are. You will always love the man in the mirror.

Your Masculine Blueprint Challenge

What is your masculine blueprint? Share it on Instagram and tag us @jonnyelsasser and @thedadedge and we’ll share it in our story!


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Personal Evolution Through Trauma with Stefanos Sifandos


How far have you evolved as a person? Are you still struggling with the same issues you’ve had all your life? Are you turning to vices to distract and soothe you? Do you avoid those hard conversations with people who are important to you?

Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of all other aspects of your life, and if you haven’t confronted your demons, you will never be able to take your personal evolution to the next level.

Stefanos Sifandos is a relational alchemist, international speaker, author and change-maker dedicated to helping men create a life of meaning and purpose.

Not long ago, he was egotistical, dishonest, unfaithful, and above all, scared. He discovered that unresolved trauma from his toxic father was unconsciously and destructively influencing his behavior.

Today, Stefanos shares his journey into the depth of pain, and how we can drill to the truth of ourselves to become completely integrated and self-reliant.

He also reveals 6 steps that we can take to process, heal, and expand from the wounds of the past.

“Unconsciously, I used my childhood—my trauma, my wounding—as an excuse to be an asshole.”—Stefanos Sifandos

Stefanos Sifandos

Stefanos is a trained educator and relationships expert with a background in behavioral science. He is passionate about leading people closer to their highest potential and each other.

Stefanos’ philosophy merges the best of eastern and western methodologies to promote spiritual balance and empower people in life and love. From trauma release to navigating the murky waters of modern masculinity, to helping women understand the men in their lives, he helps people escape negative patterns and cultivate a positive sense of self.

Stefanos has worked with thousands of men and women from all walks of life; special forces soldiers, Olympic gold medalists, elite fighters, and everyday people have relied on him to restructure and reframe their relationships with themselves and their loved ones.

What You’ll Learn

  • Stefanos had a tumultuous childhood with a physically and emotionally abusive father.
  • He witnessed his dad and mom have a volatile relationship.
  • His life growing up was full of uncertainty, judgement, control, and pressure.
  • Many of us suppress our childhood memories.
  • Hate, anger, and fear are constrictive. Feeling is freeing, and freedom allows us to expand.
  • How Stefanos grieved his childhood, learned to accept his father, and let go of who he expected him to be.
  • Taking responsibility for dealing with your trauma.
  • Stefanos was hyper-aggressive, arrogant, and egotistical.
  • His business fluctuated and he had volatile relationships.
  • How he became aware of his unhealthy patterns
  • How men can stay on the path of ignorance or become aware and choose a new path
  • How Stefanos used physical challenges to begin growing his self-worth
  • 4 years ago, Stefanos was cleaning toilets and sweeping floors because he didn’t want the commitment of a business.
  • How we use the dopamine from vices to suppress emotions.
  • Other tools men use to cope—avoidance, projecting, codependency, and blame
  • Stefanos says that he had to go through multiple ego deaths to get to where he is.
  • Why “the masculine wants to be empty”
  • The one thing a woman needs most from a man is trustworthiness.
  • We can’t be trustworthy if we don’t do what we say.
  • Why you must have guides and support when you decide to go within.
  • You won’t solve your issues with the same perspective as you developed them.
  • Feeling is your way through the pain.
  • The 6 Step Cyclical Process of Healing
    • Depth-feeling – getting inside your emotions
    • Grounding – pull yourself out, immerse yourself in nature
    • Release – journal, empty your head
    • Reprieve – self-care, healthy pleasure
    • Introspection – stillness and silence
    • Social – reconnecting with friends and loved ones and being seen, respected, and appreciated
  • Why you should talk face to face with your woman.
  • Our issues with other people have little to do with them. We must deepen the connection to ourselves.
  • Confidence is a gate to self-worth.
  • How to improve your confidence level
  • Care less about what people think and more about being true to yourself.

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Their Needs Met

No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover

 


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