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Everything MEN NEED to KNOW About PORN

Everything Men Need to Know About Porn with J.K. Emezi

Today our show is about porn, sex, and masturbation addiction. This subject constantly comes up in The Dad Edge community and our episodes about pornography have massive downloads. In this age where we can watch it anytime and anywhere on our phone, it is becoming a huge problem. This crucial, controversial topic is not discussed enough because of the taboo, but porn addiction is real and we need answers.

J.K. Emezi is a sex and porn addiction coach for the last 9 years and is the founder of Elevated Recovery, where he helps men overcome sexually compulsive disorders. He tells us everything men need to know about porn—how it changes our brains, affects our relationships, and alters our perspectives. He gets real about how to tell if porn is a problem and what to do about it. He also tells us how we can prepare our kids for their inevitable encounter with porn, which is happening at startlingly earlier ages.

Pornography changes your values as a man.—J.K. Emezi

 

The Porn Addiction Problem

When it comes to internet porn, we have no idea what we’re up against. In the olden days, porn was hard to get. It was in the magazine rack behind the counter or the back room of a video store. Now it is available at anytime of day, in any place, at the tip of our fingers. J.K. Emezi says the most common place men watch pornography is at work.

The most disturbing thing about internet porn is that our kids are being exposed to it before they understand what they are looking at. In decades past, kids may not have run into porn until their teens, but in 2016, 11 was the average age of a child’s first exposure. Now, the age is 8.

J.K. Emezi had his own struggle with pornography and discovered that many of the men he worked with did too. Forums were filled with men who were seeking help, but there weren’t any resources. J.K. first began blogging anonymously about recovering from his porn addiction, but he eventually came out into the open to help others end their out-of-control behavior with porn, sex and masturbation.

What You’ll Learn

  • J.K. Emezi’s background as a bible salesman
  • Where and when the porn problem begins
  • How parents are getting too lax with computers and devices
  • How there is actually Minecraft porn now
  • Why one talk with your kids about porn is not enough. It must be randomly brought up from time to time.
  • Why porn is just as bad as drugs or alcohol
  • When porn is okay
  • Why men watch porn, especially at work
  • The role of brain chemicals in porn addiction
  • How to rewire your brain for monogamy
  • How to reconnect and become aroused again by your partner
  • How porn addiction, little by little, destroys your values
  • Why some women view porn as cheating and suffer ‘betrayal trauma’
  • How to define a compulsive sexual behavior
  • If, when, and how to disclose a porn problem to your spouse
  • Why masturbation is normal, but porn is not
  • What can men do when their wife is pregnant or has just given birth and can’t have sex
  • Why watching unrealistic bodies is unfair to your wife
  • How to use a rubber band to snap out of physical urges
  • How to anchor yourself in the morning to stick to your recovery goals
  • How to clean up your online environment to avoid triggers
  • How to interrupt porn urges by journaling and visualization
  • Advice for men in sexless marriages

 

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly

Porn Addiction and Affair Recovery Mentoring

How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography with Kristen Jenson

Video Game, Porn, and Social Media Addiction with Cam Adair


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J.K. Emezi’s Links

elevatedrecovery.org

Private Facebook Group

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Youtube

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Why Kids Lie and What Dads Can Do About It

Why Kids Lie and What Dads Can Do About It

We usually interview an alliance member on Thursday Throwdown, but this week’s going to be a little different. This is about being a human and fallible dad in the midst of some challenges with my 11-year-old son. He’s been caught in a few lies lately, and that’s the type of behavior a dad wants to get in front of right away.

Why do kids lie and what can dads do about it? How do we punish them without making them feel as if we only exist to make their lives miserable? How can we make our kids understand how difficult it is to be a parent? You’ll find out my personal experience in this episode.

 

 

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Resources

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Extreme Ownership for Fathers with Leif Babin

Extreme Ownership for Fathers with Leif Babin

What’s the most important quality of a leader? How can we use leadership to become a more effective father, husband, and man? And how can we teach our kids to be responsible and accountable for their actions?

Our guest needs no introduction. Former US Navy seal officer Leif Babin. He coauthored the #1 NY Time bestseller, Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win, and The Dichotomy of Leadership with Jocko Willink. He is also cofounder of Echelon Front, a premier leadership consulting company that helps others build their own high-performance winning teams.

Leif Babin is going to tell us the most important quality of a leader—whether it’s in SEAL teams or at home—and his answer will surprise you. He’s also going to talk about how he applies combat rules to family life, how to detach from emotions to be more effective, and how to be proactive to find solutions and get things done.

“The most humbling lesson of fatherhood is that your control is quite limited.”—Leif Babin

Leif Babin

Leif Babin served thirteen years in the Navy, including nine in the SEAL Teams. He is the recipient of the Silver Star, two Bronze Stars, and a Purple Heart. He left active duty with the Navy in 2011 to start Echelon Front, which offers unmatched solutions in leadership, strategy, innovation, safety and risk mitigation, team building, and crisis management developed and proven in combat. He’s also the father of two “free-spirited” kids, a four year old son and a two year old daughter. Leif says from the moment they were born, it’s been a clash of wills and he now appreciates what he put his parents through.

“Humility is the most important quality in a leader.”—Leif Babin

What You’ll Learn

  • Why humility is the most important key to leadership
  • Why our ego prevents of from asking for help
  • How our ego makes us complacent and prevents us from innovating and adapting
  • How to do a brutally honest assessment in the mirror to improve and succeed
  • Why fathers must check their ego in conflicts with their kids
  • How to lead and communicate or set a better example for your kids
  • Why Leif says raising kids is harder than leading SEAL teams
  • How fatherhood is like combat leadership
  • Why you’ve got to come up with a flexible plan to adapt and react
  • The greatest lesson for Leif as a husband
  • Using the second law of combat in marriage – communication must be simple, clear, and concise
  • Why an indirect approach is more effective in communication with your wife
  • How Leif leans on his mom, dad, and Jocko Willink
  • Why strong people are the ones who ask for help
  • The cover and move technique – How can I cover my spouse so she can move?
  • Why you shouldn’t wait for you wife to ask for help
  • How day to day family issues are not about you, it’s about the mission
  • How to be proactive in getting things done
  • The mistake of waiting for society to solve your kids’ problems
  • Leif’s thoughts on bullying
  • How to let your kids brush up against the guardrails of failure from a young age
  • How to teach ownership and responsibility
  • To spank or not to spank?
  • Why as a father, it’s not what you preach, it’s what you tolerate
  • The importance of following through with your punishments
  • Setting reasonable expectations for little kids
  • Why constant yelling is ineffective and can be dangerous
  • How to prioritize your discipline and guidance
  • How to build resilience against emotional outbursts
  • How to detach from outcomes, analyze, and make the call on the highest priority action
  • Why Leif and Jocko Willink wrote The Dichotomy of Leadership
  • Leif Babin’s plans for the future for Echelon Front

“If you’re solving all your kids problems, they’re not learning how to solve problems themselves.”—Leif Babin

 


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Leif Babin’s Links

echelonfront.com

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Resources

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June 5th – 8th 2019

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andy stumpf

Ultimate Mastery of Your Emotional State with Navy SEAL Andy Stumpf


Emotions like fear and anger lead to shortsightedness and poor decision-making. How can you gain ultimate mastery of your emotional state?

Andy Stumpf is a former Navy SEAL who executed hundreds of combat operations all over the world. He is now a sought after public speaker and the host of the Cleared Hot podcast. Andy is an avid base jumper who holds the world record for having flown more than 18 miles in a wing suit. He is also a dad.

Listen to his amazing story—from the Navy SEALs, to base jumper, to father—and how he keeps his cool through it all!

'Don’t watch people doing amazing things. Go out there and do them yourself.' – @AndyStumpf77 #motivation #inspiration #men #dads #fathers Click To Tweet

About Andy Stumpf

Andy Stumpf considers his background to be incredibly average. He grew up in a beach town in a solid middle-class family. His mom worked in the administrative field and his father owned a masonry company. Andy began to learn the value of hard work when he started working for his dad at the age of eleven. It was also during that time that he dreamed of becoming a Navy SEAL. He read books and watched movies about the SEALs and was drawn in by the combination of intrigue and challenge.

As Andy grew older, he developed his comfort level in the water as a junior life guard and a water polo player. The SEAL dream never faded and he didn’t have a plan B. He brought home a waiver to his parents to leave school early and enlist in the military. He trained like a madman and passed the BUD/s training. He was pipelined straight through the SEAL program and served just one month shy of 17 years. Andy medically retired on the last day of June 2013.

'If there is one thing I’d change about our society, specifically for the men, I would advocate strongly for them getting out and struggling on their terms every day. Have a visceral physical experience.' – @AndyStumpf77 #men #dads… Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • What inspired him to fly more than 18 miles in a wingsuit
  • About his 7,000 sky dives
  • Why base jumping is so much more dangerous than skydiving
  • How base jumping calms him down and makes him a happier person for months
  • Andy’s advice for guys who do have an outlet like base-jumping in their lives
  • The difference in the way he fathers his sons and daughters
  • How his background experience with his own father and the Navy SEALs influenced him as a father
  • How he uses the morning drive to school as contained ‘dad time’
  • The motivational words he says to his kids every morning
  • How we must execute leadership
  • How to think through your problems
  • Why we shouldn’t detach from our emotions
  • How to find a healthy way to express your emotions
  • Why we should never make decisions in a heightened emotional state
  • What’s next for Andy Stumpf
'The things that come out of your mouth are important, but if you don’t back them up with action, they’re meaningless.' – @AndyStumpf77 #dads #men #fathers #leadership #fatherhood #manhood Click To Tweet

MENTIONED EPISODES:

Dad Edge Alliance Q&A: The Modern Revolution of the Masculine Heart with John Eldredge

Wild at Heart with John Eldredge


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If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.

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Andy Stumpf’s Links

andystumpf.com

Cleared Hot Podcast

Facebook

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Instagram


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

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We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

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Create an Epic Life

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Essentialism Greg McKeown

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less with Greg McKeown

Do you ever feel the urge to declutter your life? Have you ever found yourself stretched too thin? Do you sometimes feel overworked and underutilized? Are you frequently busy without getting any closer to your goals?

Most of us in this day and age feel perpetually busy and overwhelmed with little energy and time to spend on the things in life that matter the most to us.

Today we have a very special guest, Greg McKeown, the NY Times bestselling author of Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. He shares astonishing insights on how family life has changed throughout the centuries, how our behavioral systems impact future generations, and how to design our lives to focus on essentials so we can stay connected with our long-term visions. You’ll want to save this epic episode!

'You’re not going to get everything done. You can get the right things done and feel like you did what really matters.' – @GregoryMcKeown #essentialism #busyness #overwhelm #dreams #goals #family #parenting Click To Tweet

'LIFE – there is less of it left than we think.' – @GregoryMcKeown #dads #men #fathers #time #life #death #inspiration #motivation #discipline Click To Tweet

Greg McKeown

Greg McKeown is married with four children, but to him the word ‘family’ includes parents, in-laws, siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, and in-laws. Greg says only recently has the meaning of family shifted from the extended intergenerational family to today’s idea of the nuclear family. Growing up as one of six children, it’s important for Greg to think of himself as part of this larger familial structure.

Greg’s driving force to write Essentialism was when he realized how pathetically short life is. The older we get, the more quickly it seems to fly by. We are constantly busy and distracted. He cites the stoic philosopher Seneca, who wrote about the dangers of busyness 2,000 years ago. Our culture values an existence where we feel like we have to do everything. Our lives are crammed, pushing out the few vital things that will mean the most to us at the end of our lives.

What You’ll Learn

  • The Planning Fallacy – no matter how well you plan, things will take much longer than you thought
  • How to figure out which projects to take on
  • How to push past the guilt factor of not “doing it all”
  • Practicing the 100 Years Value Exercise: How to envision the impact your life will have in this world by imagining 100 years into the past and future
  • How your role as a dad can impact future generations, even if they won’t remember you
  • How to build systems for your role as a dad with cascading priorities
  • How to hold sacred time to design each week according to your essentials
  • Why you should write on paper instead of a digital device
  • 3 Things to Write Down Each Day
    • One insight
    • One memory
    • One decision
  • How the Industrial Revolution shifted our focus from family to industry
  • How we follow obsolete living strategies that we didn’t choose
  • How to choose which parts of our cultural strategies work for us
  • How to analyze the ‘because’ part of a situation to drill down to what really matters
  • how every time we say ‘yes’ to something that won’t impact our future, we are robbing our time for what is essential
  • Why or why not Greg McKeown may write another book
'It’s not about us. We will soon be forgotten, but that doesn’t change our responsibility. In fact, it extends it.' – @GregoryMcKeown #dads #men #fathers #fatherhood #manhood #legacy #impact Click To Tweet

YNAB. You Need a Budget

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We appreciate all the support!

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.

We read a review on the show each week. The next one could be yours!


Greg McKeown’s Links

Website

Facebook

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Resources

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance