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When a Father Commits Suicide

When a Father Commits Suicide

We all go through dark times in our lives. Whether it’s financial difficulties, marital tension, struggles with our children, or failures in our work, we may sometimes wonder if we’re simply a burden to all those around us.

Today’s guest is Adam Schafer. He is a host on Mind Pump, one of the biggest podcasts on iTunes. Adam is not a dad, but he was the son of a father who committed suicide. Adam was seven years old when his dad shot himself, and the tragedy created a shock wave that still reverberates in his life today.

Children whose fathers commit suicide have a 50/50 chance of being suicidal themselves. Adam struggled with isolation and depression because of the impact of his father’s suicide. He shares how he uses times of darkness to forge himself into the man he is today.

'When you decide to exit out of this place early, I don’t think you realize the collateral damage that truly comes from that.'—Adam Schafer #suicide #depression #mentalhealth #men #dads #fathers Click To Tweet

Adam Schafer’s Story

One day, Adam’s uncle came to pick him up from school. He didn’t see his uncle often, so it was a nice surprise for Adam. But instead of going home, he was taken to a neighbor’s house where the whole family was waiting in tears. Adam was told his father shot himself on accident while cleaning his gun. Of course, this wasn’t the truth.

Adam couldn’t process the emotions. He felt guilty because he didn’t cry at the funeral. When Adam returned to school, he didn’t know what to tell the other kids about his father. He told them his dad died in the Air Force and let them fill in the blanks.

His young mom was at a loss as to what to do. She had to take care of Adam and his younger sister. A year later, she married the first man who came into her life. It was an abusive relationship, and at as young as 8 years old, Adam was between his mom and stepdad breaking up fights.

At the same time, they were a very Christian family. Adam learned and listened in church how people were supposed to treat each other, but he would see the opposite at home. He remembers trying to teach his mom and step dad how to communicate with each other. At the age of 10, he felt like he was the most mature person in the household.

Adam’s mother isolated them, avoiding the stigma that came with the suicide. Because of this, Adam never developed certain social skills that most people take for granted, like how to enjoy family gatherings and how to receive gifts. These experiences were never part of his life.

Adam is now 37 years old. Till this day, he is still sifting through the fallout from his dad’s suicide. It has been a complex and difficult journey but it has also helped Adam become more empathetic and self-aware. He has learned to smirk at times of darkness, knowing that the best times of his life are waiting for him on the other side.

'You create so much damage that a person can’t even unpack and figure out.'—Adam Schafer #suicide #depression #loss #grief #children #families #relationships Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • Why you don’t have to have a kid to be in the role of a father
  • How suicide sets up kids for failure later in life
  • How Adam pieced together his father’s suicide
  • What circumstances led to his father’s suicide
  • How the suicide destroyed Adam’s relationship with his mom
  • Why he doesn’t know how to respond to getting gifts
  • His challenges in being part of his wife’s close-knit family
  • How the Bible laid a foundation for his healing
  • How the ripple effect of his dad’s suicide trickles down to younger siblings and to generations past, present, and future
  • Adam’s battle with depression after getting off testosterone
  • His message for dads who are suffering in a pit of darkness
'You’re better off here for sure. In the darkest times, the other side of that is always the best times of my life.'—Adam Schafer #mentalhealth #mentalillness #suicide #suicideawareness #dads #men #fathers Click To Tweet

 

MENTIONED EPISODE: Mind Pump Ep. 837 – Larry Hagner of the Dad Edge Podcast


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Adam Schafer’s Links

mindpumpmedia.com

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iTunes

Resources

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How to Stop Obsessing Over Life’s Trivial Problems

How to Stop Obsessing Over Life’s Trivial Problems


Our previous episode was called A Father’s Last words and it was something TDE has never done before. Brian Froneyberger bravely and generously gave of the perspective of a father who was dying of cancer. It was a true privilege to listen to his wisdom about what really matters to a person who knows their time is running out. Tragically, he passed away between the recording and release of the show and his funeral service was held the very day his episode came out.

Having this conversation with Brian forced things into perspective. We often get frustrated with our kids. We get irritable with our spouses. We stress about work. Most of us feel like we’re under a burden of obligations, but we have the choice to turn this around. Brian would give anything to be here having the problems we are facing right now.

It’s not what happens to us, it’s how we respond to it. We can be the calm in the middle of the storm if we don’t obsess over life’s trivial problems. When we’re feeling stressed, depressed, or hopeless, we must ask ourselves:

  • Is worrying really worthy of our precious time?
  • Wouldn’t it be better to focus our emotions on what really matters in life?
  • Shouldn’t we be giving our energy to the things that we love instead of those we hate?
The time we spend dwelling on life's trivial problems robs us of the time we have with the people who mean most to us. #life #death #gratitude #dads #men #fathers #wisdom Click To Tweet

HELP BRIAN FRONEYBERGER’S FAMILY

Donate via their GoFundMe page.

LISTEN TO BRIAN’S EPISODE: A Father’s Last Words


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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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video game addiction

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair


This is a hugely important episode. Video games are part of almost every kids life, but there is a difference between playing for fun and using them to replace real life. Games like Minecraft and Fortnite have become part of our popular culture and make up a large part of kids’ social lives.

According to the World Health Organization, video game addiction is now an official mental health condition. It changes a child’s brain chemistry and can lead to depression and isolation.

In this episode, TEDx speaker Cam Adair talks about his experience with gaming disorder. He also tells us why video games are so addictive, how to recognize the signs of video game addiction in our kids, and how parents can set healthy boundaries for gaming.

'Kids are always going to push your boundaries, but you have to stay firm. And especially for parents, you have to do your own emotional intelligence work yourself.'—@camerondare #gaming #gamingdisorder #videogameaddiction #kids… Click To Tweet

 

About Cam Adair

Cam was raised by a loving mother and father, but he always struggled with anxiety and depression. He used video games as an escape, and they provided him relief for a time. The problem was that escaping his mental health issues didn’t fix anything. Cam became so depressed that at nineteen years old, he didn’t feel like there was any point in continuing his life anymore. He wrote a suicide note and was going to kill himself that night.

Luckily, his friends invited him to go watch a movie. That was enough to distract him from his plans so he could think about what he was doing. He knew that there was a big difference between thinking about suicide and actually planning it. It was serious, and he went home to ask his father to get him counseling.

Cam still struggles with his issues but has found healthier ways to deal with them. He’s also founded GameQuitters.com, a resource for parents and teens on how to prevent video game addiction and how to detox from gaming to get back into a real, fulfilling life.

'The thing that’s always kept me alive is knowing my parents’ love and knowing that ending my life wasn’t just about me…'—@camerondare #dads #men #fathers #moms #mothers #parenting #suicide Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • That 13% of kids between grades 7 and 12 have reported a problem with game addiction
  • The negative impact on the brain every year earlier a child starts with games and screen time
  • How gaming prevents kids from developing the intangible skills they need
  • Why video games are entertaining and fun, but cannot fulfill us in life
  • The paradigm of instant gratification that makes normal life boring
  • The emotional needs gaming and tech fulfill
    • escape
    • social connection
    • measurable progress
    • certainty and purpose
  • How the stimulation of gaming far exceeds what you can get in real life
  • Why kids addicted to video games experience withdrawal
  • The 3 structural brain changes that take place during video game addiction
    • Numbed pleasure response
    • Hyper reactivity
    • Willpower erosion
  • How it takes 90 days for brain to come back to normal levels after quitting gaming
  • Which games are more addictive than others and why
  • The incorporation of ads, in-game offers, and gambling type games online
  • How kids face being a social outcast if they don’t participate in gaming
  • Is there a healthy way to game?
  • What can parents do?
  • The dangers of video game binging
  • Why you should let your kid get bored
  • How to help kids during transition phases during the day
  • How to talk to your child about video game addiction
  • Why knowing what you stand for as a parent will help your child
  • Why you should connect with other parents who share the same goals
'Parents need to live an inspired life to be an example to their kids.'—@camerondare #parenting #parents #moms #dads #children #kids #gaming #fortnite #minecraft Click To Tweet

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Cam Adair’s Links

gamequitters.com

Facebook Page

Facebook Group

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


What did you think of the show?

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Tag us when you share on social media!

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @good_dad_project

The Dangers of Perfection

The Dangers of Perfection


Do you go at life alone? If you’re like 99% of the men out there, you probably are. Most men bear the weight of the world on their shoulders and tell everyone who asks that they’re “good” and “fine”. They don’t want to ask for advice or help because their afraid of looking weak.

But the dangers of perfection are real and the stress that accumulates from internalizing our fears and worries seeps into everything we do as men, husbands, and fathers.

Thursday Throwdown is our short show with everyday, relatable dads. Today we have Dad Edge Alliance member Brian Auten on to share his experience.

Being raised in a church, Brian was taught that he was supposed to be a good boy, the nice guy who took everything with a smile. It was important to not have any issues and to maintain the appearance of perfection, but the truth was that he was living a lie. Brian did get angry about things. He did have stress and worries. He realized that he didn’t have the perfect marriage, and he wasn’t the perfect dad either.

He decided that enough was enough. Holding in negative emotions put him in a bad mood with his wife and kids. Pretending everything was okay made his life stagnant. He needed help, and he needed to be proactive about getting it.

'I’m not going to tolerate crap in my life anymore.'—Brian Auten, The Dad Edge Alliance #men #dads #fathers #brotherhood #ownership #tribe Click To Tweet

'It’s like priming the pump. If you give a little, you realize there’s a lot more inside you to give.'—Brian Auten, The Dad Edge Alliance #mastermind #men #manhood #brotherhood Click To Tweet

 

MENTIONED EPISODES: 
How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood

Showing Leadership to Your Kids by Going First

7 Reasons Why Men Don’t Ask for Help

Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @good_dad_project

Wake Up Warrior with Garrett J White

Wake Up Warrior with Garrett J. White

Brace yourself. This show is going to be like a punch in the face, but it’s a punch in the face that we men need.

We are born warriors with big dreams for our lives, but many of us are getting beat down and overwhelmed. We suffer silently and alone, with no idea how or if we can break out to become the man we want to be.

In this explicit episode, I talk to Garrett J. White. He is the founder of Wake Up Warrior and Warrior Week. He is also the author of the Warrior Book.

With his stripped-down, brutal delivery, Garrett tells us how to get past the lies we tell ourselves to break free from the person we used to be so that we can get out of our own way and finally step into our own greatness.

This is by far the most intense interview we’ve had on The Dad Edge podcast!

'You want a better life? A better marriage? You want a bigger life for you as a father? You’re going to have to literally f*ckin’ let go of who you believe you are right now.' – Garrett J. White #men #manhood #masculinity #dreams… Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • How Garrett was resigned to the fact he’d miserable in his sexless marraige for the rest of his life
  • Why he was terrified of sex as a child
  • The Baby Rhino  – why you need to kill certain aspects of your life or let them die
  • The question that changed him from employee to entrepreneur
  • That many men know they’re unhappy, but they don’t know who to talk to and are not clear on what would make them happy
  • The silent epidemic of miserable men and the recent suicide of his friend
  • How Garrett got past the rage and realized he was a liar, especially to himself
  • What the first step to reaching the truth about yourself
  • How our culture has taught young men not to feel
  • How pain unites men
  • How and why he cheated on his wife
  • About the porn issue for men
  • How having more sex made Garrett realize that sex wasn’t the problem
  • How he used alcohol to extinguish his sex drive
  • How to have a conversation with your woman about sex
  • What finally helped him and his wife save their sex life
  • How a miscarriage actually helped his marriage
  • How he tracked and gamified his life
  • Why he built the warior process to set him free
  • About his 30-day Warrior Week Experience, plus 5-day immersion
  • The Warrior’s Way – In order for a man to live he had to stop lying. The only way to stop lying is to tell the truth to himself and to tell the truth to a small group of other men he trusts.
'Burn it all to the ground and start from the truth.' – Garrett J. White #men #dads #fathers #marriage #manhood #warriors Click To Tweet

JOIN THE DAD EDGE ALLIANCE


Magnesium Matters.

Special link for listeners:

SLOWMAG.COM/GOODDAD

slowmag

 

We appreciate all the support!

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.

We read a review on the show each week. The next one could be yours!


Garrett J. Whites’s Links

warriorbook.com

warriorweeknow.com

dateyourwifenow.com

Facebook

Instagram

 


Resources

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance