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Surviving the Dark Night of the Soul

Surviving the Dark Night of the Soul

This is our last show for January 2019 and we are shutting it down with an intense topic, surviving the dark night of the soul.

We all fight inner battles. Most of us struggle alone. Today, one of our Dad Edge Alliance team leads opens up about how alcoholism and depression led him to the brink of suicide. He lost his job, his house, his wife, and was bankrupt. He was overweight and unhealthy from the constant booze, cocaine, and cigarettes. But one day, something clicked and he decided to fight his way back to the light.

Listen to his story from hopelessness to the heroic triumph over the battle within.

'It’s a powerful thing, to feel like you belong somewhere.'—Scott Brown, Dad Edge Alliance Team Lead #dads #men #fathers #addiction #mastermind Click To Tweet

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When a Father Commits Suicide

When a Father Commits Suicide

We all go through dark times in our lives. Whether it’s financial difficulties, marital tension, struggles with our children, or failures in our work, we may sometimes wonder if we’re simply a burden to all those around us.

Today’s guest is Adam Schafer. He is a host on Mind Pump, one of the biggest podcasts on iTunes. Adam is not a dad, but he was the son of a father who committed suicide. Adam was seven years old when his dad shot himself, and the tragedy created a shock wave that still reverberates in his life today.

Children whose fathers commit suicide have a 50/50 chance of being suicidal themselves. Adam struggled with isolation and depression because of the impact of his father’s suicide. He shares how he uses times of darkness to forge himself into the man he is today.

'When you decide to exit out of this place early, I don’t think you realize the collateral damage that truly comes from that.'—Adam Schafer #suicide #depression #mentalhealth #men #dads #fathers Click To Tweet

Adam Schafer’s Story

One day, Adam’s uncle came to pick him up from school. He didn’t see his uncle often, so it was a nice surprise for Adam. But instead of going home, he was taken to a neighbor’s house where the whole family was waiting in tears. Adam was told his father shot himself on accident while cleaning his gun. Of course, this wasn’t the truth.

Adam couldn’t process the emotions. He felt guilty because he didn’t cry at the funeral. When Adam returned to school, he didn’t know what to tell the other kids about his father. He told them his dad died in the Air Force and let them fill in the blanks.

His young mom was at a loss as to what to do. She had to take care of Adam and his younger sister. A year later, she married the first man who came into her life. It was an abusive relationship, and at as young as 8 years old, Adam was between his mom and stepdad breaking up fights.

At the same time, they were a very Christian family. Adam learned and listened in church how people were supposed to treat each other, but he would see the opposite at home. He remembers trying to teach his mom and step dad how to communicate with each other. At the age of 10, he felt like he was the most mature person in the household.

Adam’s mother isolated them, avoiding the stigma that came with the suicide. Because of this, Adam never developed certain social skills that most people take for granted, like how to enjoy family gatherings and how to receive gifts. These experiences were never part of his life.

Adam is now 37 years old. Till this day, he is still sifting through the fallout from his dad’s suicide. It has been a complex and difficult journey but it has also helped Adam become more empathetic and self-aware. He has learned to smirk at times of darkness, knowing that the best times of his life are waiting for him on the other side.

'You create so much damage that a person can’t even unpack and figure out.'—Adam Schafer #suicide #depression #loss #grief #children #families #relationships Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • Why you don’t have to have a kid to be in the role of a father
  • How suicide sets up kids for failure later in life
  • How Adam pieced together his father’s suicide
  • What circumstances led to his father’s suicide
  • How the suicide destroyed Adam’s relationship with his mom
  • Why he doesn’t know how to respond to getting gifts
  • His challenges in being part of his wife’s close-knit family
  • How the Bible laid a foundation for his healing
  • How the ripple effect of his dad’s suicide trickles down to younger siblings and to generations past, present, and future
  • Adam’s battle with depression after getting off testosterone
  • His message for dads who are suffering in a pit of darkness
'You’re better off here for sure. In the darkest times, the other side of that is always the best times of my life.'—Adam Schafer #mentalhealth #mentalillness #suicide #suicideawareness #dads #men #fathers Click To Tweet

 

MENTIONED EPISODE: Mind Pump Ep. 837 – Larry Hagner of the Dad Edge Podcast


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Adam Schafer’s Links

mindpumpmedia.com

Facebook

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Instagram

YouTube

iTunes

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

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Dad Edge Alliance


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How to Stop Obsessing Over Life’s Trivial Problems

How to Stop Obsessing Over Life’s Trivial Problems


Our previous episode was called A Father’s Last words and it was something TDE has never done before. Brian Froneyberger bravely and generously gave of the perspective of a father who was dying of cancer. It was a true privilege to listen to his wisdom about what really matters to a person who knows their time is running out. Tragically, he passed away between the recording and release of the show and his funeral service was held the very day his episode came out.

Having this conversation with Brian forced things into perspective. We often get frustrated with our kids. We get irritable with our spouses. We stress about work. Most of us feel like we’re under a burden of obligations, but we have the choice to turn this around. Brian would give anything to be here having the problems we are facing right now.

It’s not what happens to us, it’s how we respond to it. We can be the calm in the middle of the storm if we don’t obsess over life’s trivial problems. When we’re feeling stressed, depressed, or hopeless, we must ask ourselves:

  • Is worrying really worthy of our precious time?
  • Wouldn’t it be better to focus our emotions on what really matters in life?
  • Shouldn’t we be giving our energy to the things that we love instead of those we hate?
The time we spend dwelling on life's trivial problems robs us of the time we have with the people who mean most to us. #life #death #gratitude #dads #men #fathers #wisdom Click To Tweet

HELP BRIAN FRONEYBERGER’S FAMILY

Donate via their GoFundMe page.

LISTEN TO BRIAN’S EPISODE: A Father’s Last Words


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


What did you think of the show?

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Tag us when you share on social media!

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video game addiction

Parents’ Guide to Video Game Addiction with Cam Adair


This is a hugely important episode. Video games are part of almost every kids life, but there is a difference between playing for fun and using them to replace real life. Games like Minecraft and Fortnite have become part of our popular culture and make up a large part of kids’ social lives.

According to the World Health Organization, video game addiction is now an official mental health condition. It changes a child’s brain chemistry and can lead to depression and isolation.

In this episode, TEDx speaker Cam Adair talks about his experience with gaming disorder. He also tells us why video games are so addictive, how to recognize the signs of video game addiction in our kids, and how parents can set healthy boundaries for gaming.

'Kids are always going to push your boundaries, but you have to stay firm. And especially for parents, you have to do your own emotional intelligence work yourself.'—@camerondare #gaming #gamingdisorder #videogameaddiction #kids… Click To Tweet

 

About Cam Adair

Cam was raised by a loving mother and father, but he always struggled with anxiety and depression. He used video games as an escape, and they provided him relief for a time. The problem was that escaping his mental health issues didn’t fix anything. Cam became so depressed that at nineteen years old, he didn’t feel like there was any point in continuing his life anymore. He wrote a suicide note and was going to kill himself that night.

Luckily, his friends invited him to go watch a movie. That was enough to distract him from his plans so he could think about what he was doing. He knew that there was a big difference between thinking about suicide and actually planning it. It was serious, and he went home to ask his father to get him counseling.

Cam still struggles with his issues but has found healthier ways to deal with them. He’s also founded GameQuitters.com, a resource for parents and teens on how to prevent video game addiction and how to detox from gaming to get back into a real, fulfilling life.

'The thing that’s always kept me alive is knowing my parents’ love and knowing that ending my life wasn’t just about me…'—@camerondare #dads #men #fathers #moms #mothers #parenting #suicide Click To Tweet

What You’ll Learn

  • That 13% of kids between grades 7 and 12 have reported a problem with game addiction
  • The negative impact on the brain every year earlier a child starts with games and screen time
  • How gaming prevents kids from developing the intangible skills they need
  • Why video games are entertaining and fun, but cannot fulfill us in life
  • The paradigm of instant gratification that makes normal life boring
  • The emotional needs gaming and tech fulfill
    • escape
    • social connection
    • measurable progress
    • certainty and purpose
  • How the stimulation of gaming far exceeds what you can get in real life
  • Why kids addicted to video games experience withdrawal
  • The 3 structural brain changes that take place during video game addiction
    • Numbed pleasure response
    • Hyper reactivity
    • Willpower erosion
  • How it takes 90 days for brain to come back to normal levels after quitting gaming
  • Which games are more addictive than others and why
  • The incorporation of ads, in-game offers, and gambling type games online
  • How kids face being a social outcast if they don’t participate in gaming
  • Is there a healthy way to game?
  • What can parents do?
  • The dangers of video game binging
  • Why you should let your kid get bored
  • How to help kids during transition phases during the day
  • How to talk to your child about video game addiction
  • Why knowing what you stand for as a parent will help your child
  • Why you should connect with other parents who share the same goals
'Parents need to live an inspired life to be an example to their kids.'—@camerondare #parenting #parents #moms #dads #children #kids #gaming #fortnite #minecraft Click To Tweet

Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.


Cam Adair’s Links

gamequitters.com

Facebook Page

Facebook Group

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


What did you think of the show?

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Tag us when you share on social media!

Twitter @gooddadprojct

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The Dangers of Perfection

The Dangers of Perfection


Do you go at life alone? If you’re like 99% of the men out there, you probably are. Most men bear the weight of the world on their shoulders and tell everyone who asks that they’re “good” and “fine”. They don’t want to ask for advice or help because their afraid of looking weak.

But the dangers of perfection are real and the stress that accumulates from internalizing our fears and worries seeps into everything we do as men, husbands, and fathers.

Thursday Throwdown is our short show with everyday, relatable dads. Today we have Dad Edge Alliance member Brian Auten on to share his experience.

Being raised in a church, Brian was taught that he was supposed to be a good boy, the nice guy who took everything with a smile. It was important to not have any issues and to maintain the appearance of perfection, but the truth was that he was living a lie. Brian did get angry about things. He did have stress and worries. He realized that he didn’t have the perfect marriage, and he wasn’t the perfect dad either.

He decided that enough was enough. Holding in negative emotions put him in a bad mood with his wife and kids. Pretending everything was okay made his life stagnant. He needed help, and he needed to be proactive about getting it.

'I’m not going to tolerate crap in my life anymore.'—Brian Auten, The Dad Edge Alliance #men #dads #fathers #brotherhood #ownership #tribe Click To Tweet

'It’s like priming the pump. If you give a little, you realize there’s a lot more inside you to give.'—Brian Auten, The Dad Edge Alliance #mastermind #men #manhood #brotherhood Click To Tweet

 

MENTIONED EPISODES: 
How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood

Showing Leadership to Your Kids by Going First

7 Reasons Why Men Don’t Ask for Help

Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.


Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @good_dad_project