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gary chapman

Love Languages and Other Marriage Tips for the Pandemic with Gary Chapman


Gary Chapman is the author of one of the most popular books on marriage in the world, The 5 Love Languages. Today he talks about his new book, 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage: …When You’re Stuck at Home Together.

Whether it has been challenging or delightful for you to be spending more time with your spouse during COVID-19, it’s the perfect time to troubleshoot and renew your love. If you have a good marriage, this will make it better. If you have a troubled marriage, this will tear down the walls and help you start rebuilding.

Get on the fast track to a loving, harmonious marriage with these 5 simple tips!

“Love is a choice you make every day.” – Dr. Gary Chapman

 

Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of the bestselling The 5 Love Languages® series, which has sold more than 12 million worldwide and has been translated into 50 languages. Dr. Chapman travels the world presenting seminars on marriage, family, and relationships, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. He lives in North Carolina with his wife, Karolyn.

5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage …When You’re Stuck at Home Together

Let Sheltering in Place Together be an Opportunity to Renew Your Relationship
The COVID-19 pandemic has affected all facets of life. The health crisis has overwhelmed medical workers, business closings have exacerbated financial stress, and—perhaps most unexpectedly—sheltering in place has placed married couples in endless, unprecedented proximity.

Whether this has been challenging or delightful for you and your spouse, let this time be an opportunity to renew your love. Learn how to do so in 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage… When You’re Stuck at Home Together by Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages®. This guide will help enrich your time stuck together by teaching you and your spouse how to:

  • Call a truce on throwing word bombs
  • Tear down emotional walls
  • Discover and speak each other’s love language
  • Learn the value of teamwork
  • Have a daily “sit down and listen” time

What You’ll Learn

  • Practice your spouse’s love language, not yours.
  • The biggest challenge is when your spouse’s love language is something you haven’t received as a child. But you can learn to speak them even if you didn’t receive them.
  • How to get back to loving each other intentionally
  • When we’re under stress, we throw verbal bombs at each other.
  • Verbal bombs burst inside the hearts of our spouses.
  • Call a truce, and vow not say anything negative for a week.
  • Replace negative comments with compliments.
  • Even if your spouse doesn’t agree to refrain from negative comments, call the truce on your side. It will automatically help.
  • Daily Sit Down and Listen Time (not Talk Time)—Ask your spouse to share 3 things that happened today and how they felt about them.
  • Even if you live together, you don’t know the person’s thoughts and how they feel about what’s going on.
  • Listening says, “I care about you.”
  • Listen long enough so you can honestly say that you understand. You do not have to agree.
  • Don’t criticize the way your partner feels.
  • Your spouse will be more likely to affirm you if you’ve taken the first step.
  • Use your energy to solve the problem instead of winning the argument.
  • How to be accommodating without becoming a doormat
  • If you win an argument with your spouse, you’ve created a loser. It’s no fun to live with a loser.
  • You’re a team. Each player on the team does something different. Use an attitude of service and play your strengths.
  • Love stimulates love.
  • There are no perfect husbands. When we fail in word or deed, we need to apologize to our spouses.
  • When we apologize and seek to speak her love language, it starts a process.
  • Don’t sit around waiting for a person to change. We as men, should make the decision to lead.
  • We can influence our spouse in a positive way using their love language.
  • Make a 6-month commitment to using these 5 tips.
  • When you start moving in a positive direction as a couple, you are likely to continue moving forward.

RELATED EPISODES:

Strong Fathers, Strong Kids with Meg Meeker

How to Argue and Other Marriage Tips with Zach Brittle

The 5 Love Languages and How They Made My Marriage Thrive

 


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Gary Chapman’s Links

5lovelanguages.com

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Lifequakes: Navigating Pivotal Times with Bruce Feiler


How are you handling all the change happening in our world? Homeschooling, job changes, financial challenges, social upheaval? We are living in tumultuous times, but our guest today tells us that we are in a constant cycle of transitions, and we can use major life changes as catalysts for huge growth that will serve us in the future.

Bruce Feiler is the bestselling author of Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age. He talks about these lifequake moments and how we can navigate through times of massive change. He tells about how we, as fathers, can apply this fluidity to our family dynamics. He also reveals the cyclical nature of our experience.

Life rarely works out the way we expect it to. Get mentally prepared to reap the most from transitions.

“Life transitions are a lifelong sport that no one knows how to play.”—Bruce Feiler

Bruce Feiler

BRUCE FEILER is the author of seven New York Times bestsellers; the presenter of two primetime series on PBS; and the inspiration for the drama series COUNCIL OF DADS on NBC. Bruce’s two TED Talks have been viewed more than two million times.

Employing a firsthand approach to his work, Bruce is known for living the experiences he writes about. His work combines timeless wisdom with timely knowledge to allow people to live with more meaning, passion, and joy.

For more than a decade, Bruce has explored the intersection of families, relationships, and well-being. THE SECRETS OF HAPPY FAMILIES collects best practices from some of the country’s most creative minds. The book was featured on World News, GMA, and TODAY and excerpted in the Wall Street Journal and Parade. THE COUNCIL OF DADS describes how faced with one of life’s greatest challenges, he asked six friends to support his daughters. The book was profiled in PEOPLE, USA Today, and Time and was the subject of a CNN documentary.

A native of Savannah, Georgia, Bruce lives in Brooklyn with wife, Linda Rottenberg, and their identical twin daughters. For more information, please visit www.brucefeiler.com.

Life is in the Transitions

A pioneering and timely study of how to navigate life’s biggest transitions with meaning, purpose, and skill

Bruce Feiler, author of the New York Times bestsellers The Secrets of Happy Families and Council of Dads, has long explored the stories that give our lives meaning. Galvanized by a personal crisis, he spent the last few years crisscrossing the country, collecting hundreds of life stories in all fifty states from Americans who’d been through major life changes—from losing jobs to losing loved ones; from changing careers to changing relationships; from getting sober to getting healthy to simply looking for a fresh start. He then spent a year coding these stories, identifying patterns and takeaways that can help all of us survive and thrive in times of change.

What Feiler discovered was a world in which transitions are becoming more plentiful and mastering the skills to manage them is more urgent for all of us. The idea that we’ll have one job, one relationship, one source of happiness is hopelessly outdated. We all feel unnerved by this upheaval. We’re concerned that our lives are not what we expected, that we’ve veered off course, living life out of order. But we’re not alone.

Life Is in the Transitions introduces the fresh, illuminating vision of the nonlinear life, in which each of us faces dozens of disruptors. One in ten of those becomes what Feiler calls a lifequake, a massive change that leads to a life transition. The average length of these transitions is five years. The upshot: We all spend half our lives in this unsettled state. You or someone you know is going through one now.

The most exciting thing Feiler identified is a powerful new tool kit for navigating these pivotal times. Drawing on his extraordinary trove of insights, he lays out specific strategies each of us can use to reimagine and rebuild our lives, often stronger than before.

From a master storyteller with an essential message, Life Is in the Transitions can move readers of any age to think deeply about times of change and how to transform them into periods of creativity and growth.

What You’ll Learn

  • Why Bruce likes to switch up traditional gender roles in his household
  • What it means to have dads much more involved in parenting
  • Dads have a role that’s not right or wrong, just different.
  • The home is the safe space to air grievances.
  • Each day, ask your family:
    • What worked well in our family this week?
    • What didn’t work well?
    • What are we going to work on this week?
  • Tell your family that we are going to talk about our feeling no matter how painful it is.
  • Who should take the lead as the parent?
  • Moms and dads are fluid, and so are our roles.
  • A LIFEQUAKE is a huge change, voluntary or involuntary, but the transition is our choice and each individual’s transitions will differ.
  • In the ancient world, life was considered a cycle. Today we look at life as a linear path, but this is not accurate. Life is not linear. It’s not predictable.
  • We go through 3 dozen disruptors in our lifetime. One in ten is a massive life change that takes 5 years to get through.
  • Bruce talks about tools to navigate these periods when we feel scared, alone, frustrated, and helpless.
  • People who know more about family history do better in the world. Kids can better cope when they know to expect ups and downs.
  • The ascending narrative, the descending narrative, and the oscillating narrative.
  • Normalize transitions. They are not unexpected.
  • What can we ask ourselves and our kids to help them in the time of change?
  • Use rituals to be open to what’s to come.
  • Life is the story we tell ourself. Listen to the story in your head.
  • What happens when something goes wrong in our story? We have to rewrite our story on the fly. That’s what it’s all about. Add a new chapter about us going through this period and find what is constructive in it. Keep the story moving forward.
  • We each have a transition power and a transition kryptonite. What are yours?
  • We miss huge periods of growth if we turn away from transition. Don’t close your eyes when the scary parts start.

Don’t close your eyes when the scary parts start.—Bruce Feiler

RELATED EPISODES:

Transform Your Pain into Explosive Inner Growth

Weird & Wonderful Ways to Build Mental Resilience with Ben Aldridge

How to Lead Your Family Through Crisis

 


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If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

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Bruce Feiler’s Links

brucefeiler.com

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modern fatherhood

Modern Fatherhood: Intentionality, Equality, and Vision

Lawrence Gordon grew up with a single mom who showed him how to be resilient, but his father was out of the picture. As he grew up, his priorities were misdirected, and his first marriage ended in divorce. As an adult, Lawrence realized that it was up to him to seek male role models and learn how to navigate the challenges of modern fatherhood.

Today, Lawrence is the happily remarried father of three. He is passionate about getting men involved in reading to their kids with children’s books that his kids help him create. He talks about the silver linings of the coronavirus pandemic when it comes to family. He also goes into how we can do our part to raise awareness about equality and give back to our communities to mentor the next generation of strong family leaders.

Lawrence Gordon

Lawrence M. Gordon II was born on March 17th in Columbia, SC, and grew up in Maple Hts in Cleveland, OH and spent his senior year in Newport News, VA graduating high school at Denbigh.

His late mom, Dacia, was a high school teacher and his late father, Morris Sr, served in the army where he retired. His older sibling Keione help him navigate through humble beginnings.

Lawrence’s passion for sharing stories with his children, family members, and the community is something he knows will help create an impact.  Lawrence knows the role of the male in children’s lives is necessary and wants to encourage men everywhere to read more to the children in their home, and communities.

Lawrence Gordon is married to Sarah Gordon.  They live in South Carolina with daughter, Lauren, Landen, and Henry who help inspire the content of his books.

Books by LG

Books By LG exist to inspire dads, uncles, grandfathers & male role models everywhere to read more books to children as a way of building bonds, inspiring dreams, and to be intentional about storytime.

What You’ll Learn

  • Being a dad is tough when you don’t have a male role model to teach you accountability, responsibility, and intentionality.
  • Being proactive about seeking and choosing men as role models
  • Lawrence used to think that obsessing over work was the highest priority.
  • He didn’t realize that as his family was neglected, and his first marriage ended in divorce.
  • You can save the world, but if you lose your family in the process, what is it worth?
  • If his children are not involved in his work, Lawrence won’t have anything to do with it.
  • Lawrence gets three nights out of the week to do what he wants. The other nights are family nights.
  • Make sure you are prepared for quality time, where you are present and energetic.
  • How the pandemic has shifted our view of what’s important
  • Sometimes through tragedy, you discover a gift inside of you, and if you give it space to grow and develop, it can change you.
  • His daughter helped him write his book, Unicorn Dreams.
  • His son helped him with his upcoming release about fear and bullies.
  • Why every father should give their son an heirloom gift
  • You should never tell your son to man up.
  • To all those who have a vision, go for it. Don’t give up because you don’t know how to get there. Learn how to make it happen.
  • As men, we have to build a community focused on inclusion, building a bridge to our kids.
  • What more can we do for #BlackLivesMatter?
  • Pay your successes forward. If you have the resources, put your money to work in community. Show up with finances, passion, and consistency.
  • Surround yourself with people who make you try your hardest.
  • Leave this life on empty. Don’t leave anything left in the tank!

MENTIONED EPISODES

Strong Fathers, Strong Kids with Meg Meeker

 


Protect your kids with the Bark App

cyberbullying

sexual content

suicidal ideation

online predators


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Lawrence Gordon’s Links

booksbylg.com

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Instagram

Resources

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FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

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in awe and on fire

In AWE and On FIRE with John O’Leary


We are going to be in awe and on fire with this powerful show! Our guest not only overcame extreme adversity but has used it as an opportunity to grow and touch the lives of thousands.

John O’Leary is a speaker and the host of the Live Inspired Podcast. He is the bestselling author of On Fire: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life. His new book is In Awe: Rediscover Your Childlike Wonder to Unleash Inspiration, Meaning, and Joy.

Today he talks about the horrific fire that burned nearly 100% of his body and how he turned it into a force to inspire. He tells us how the power of a father’s love can pull us through anything and how we as dads can be worthy examples for our kids. We also discuss how to regain our childlike wonder and curiosity to live a richer, more fulfilling life.

Are you ready to live in awe?

 

“You can be a victim or a victor.”

John O’Leary

John O’Leary has lived through worse than most can imagine.

At the age of nine, John was severely burned on 100% of his body. No one expected him to survive the first night. But he did. He then survived months in a hospital bed, dozens of surgeries, and years of therapy. Before his tenth birthday, John lost all of his fingers to amputation.

This wasn’t the end. John’s journey was just beginning. From this tragedy, John received the greatest gift – embracing the truth that regardless of our personal and professional challenges, we choose how to.

  • Navigate adversity through decision-making
  • Reveal a brighter vision for what’s possible
  • Live boldly to impact others

As a boy in that hospital bed, John could not have foreseen the amazing things he would accomplish. But his journey proved more empowering and rewarding than he could have ever imagined. It gave him strength. It fueled and drove him on. It provided hope. It taught him compassion and understanding, and it gave him a solid foundation for living.

Some call John a survivor, but he is so much more than that. John O’Leary is a beacon of hope, and he’s ready to share his message with you.

John now lives to share his story and to spark the stories of others living boldly, so that together we can forge an extraordinary future by finding the possibility in the present.

In Awe

There once was a time when we joyfully raised our hands to answer questions, connected easily with others, believed that anything was possible, and fearlessly jumped into new experiences. A time when we viewed each day not as something to endure, but as a marvelous gift to explore and savor—when we danced through our lives in awe of the ordinary moments and eager for the promise of tomorrow.

Unfortunately, that’s far from our experience today. Instead, we feel disconnected and jaded. Social media reminds us that we don’t measure up, and the mainstream media barrages us with constant negativity. Many of us find ourselves caught in a life of dogged responsibility and mind-numbing repetition. The daily struggle to earn a living has caused us to lose the sense of wonder with which we once greeted every day.

In his new book, bestselling author John O’Leary invites us to consider that it is possible to once again navigate the world as a child does. Identifying five senses children innately possess and that we’ve lost touch with as we age, O’Leary shares emotional, humorous, and inspirational stories intertwined with fascinating new research showing  how each of us can reclaim our childlike joy, and why doing so will change how we interact with the world.

In Awe reveals how we can regain that ability to see fresh insights, reach for new solutions, and live our best lives.

What You’ll Learn

  • Your kids are watching—not only how you handle success, but when we’re struggling. Give them an example that’s worthy.
  • The beautiful thing about tragedy is you come face to face with things that actually matter.
  • Life puts us in a storm every single day and a father’s love pulls us through.
  • Be bold enough to be real.
  • You can be a victim or a victor.
  • Kids constantly unleash meaning, inspiration, and joy.
  • Adults are less likely to climb, get back up when we fall, and move forward afterward.
  • Greatness is loving the one in front of you.
  • How COVID has been one of the most remarkable times of John’s marriage.
  • Adults endure the day, our relationships, waiting for vacation and missing life.
  • Kids are fearless and questioning. They want to know why.
  • Adults pursue happiness. Kids reflect it.
  • Getting back to a state of wonder.
  • Returning to childlike (not childish) behavior in the workplace
  • Think about the possibilities. What is now? What could be? And let’s go!
  • Go for the moonshot. Like Kennedy said, not because it’s easy, but because it’s hard.
  • Don’t ignore the taps on the shoulder life gives you.
  • Be open to saying yes.
  • Show kids generosity in action.
  • 5 million Americans attempted suicide.
  • Little steps can make a mighty difference. The best days are in front of you.
  • You are worthy, and you are enough. The more realize it, the more impact you have.
  • What you focus on grows.
  • If you’re trying to be a better dad, focus on the good. Track, record, celebrate and share.

Take the 21-Day In Awe Challenge!

MENTIONED EPISODES

How to Live INSPIRED an ON FIRE with John OLeary

The Seven Longest Yards with Chris Norton

COVID-19: How to Protect and Lead Your Family Through Crisis with Retired Navy SEAL Jason Redman


YNAB. You Need a Budget

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Leave an iTunes review.
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If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

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John O’Leary’s Links

johnolearyinspires.com

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube

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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

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parenting through uncertainty

Resilience Parenting Through Uncertainty with Holly and Chris Santillo


If we don’t have the parenting tools to remain calm in stressful situations, we will default into panic mode. How can we keep our cool and make the right call when everything goes wrong?

Holly and Chris Santillo return to The Dad Edge today. They are both blackbelt Kempo karate instructors and the authors of Resilience Parenting: Raising Resilient Children in an Era of Detachment and Dependence. They share the strategies they use to lead their family through the unexpected and remain flexible when operating out of their comfort zone.

We have never needed to be more resilient than right now. After this episode, you will know how to navigate through uncertainty so your kids can learn how too.

“When parenting is the hardest, that is the time to do it the right way.”—Holly Santillo

Chris and Holly Santillo

Chris and Holly Santillo are not your regular authors.

Chris has a degree in Computer Science from Harvey Mudd College and an MBA from Georgetown University. Holly has a degree in Anthropology from Williamette University.

They are the epitome of the Latin phrase “Mens sana in corpore sano,” which means “A healthy mind in a healthy body.”

Having strong backgrounds in Martial Arts with Chris being the founder and Head Instructor at Potomac Kempo in Alexandria, Virginia, and Holly being a Senior Instructor, they have managed to develop the principles of Martial Arts into a cohesive parenting methodology.

They believe that children (and parents) with broader horizons and an open mind can sow the seeds for future generations of confident, strong, and resilient adults.

Now, you can find them gliding through the Siberian steppes on the Trans-Siberian Railway, visiting the buzzing markets of Samarkand on the Silk Road, or wondering at the vastness of the Gobi Desert in Mongolia. They have decided to live a nomadic life and explore the world with their three boys in order to bring back memories, ideas, experiences, and a fresh view on life.

What You’ll Learn

  • Creating your own story deliberately—not living your life according to what everyone else is doing
  • Why living intentionally is an ongoing process
  • Why the Santillos choose an environment that has two requirements:
    • forces family time
    • creates uncertainty in life
  • When life becomes too certain, it becomes too easy and growth stops.
  • How to deal with the fear of not making the right choices for your family
  • How to pivot when plans go wrong
  • Battling imposter syndrome
  • How your kids can become your teachers
  • Restart your life when you find you’re not living in alignment with what’s important to you.
  • Kids force us to be the best version of ourselves, giving us an opportunity to rise up and be better.
  • Stop trying to just get through another day. Take time to define your family values. Lean on them when things become uncertain.
  • All the times you don’t give into your child for the sake of convenience pay off bigtime in the future.
  • Approach parenting as a teacher.
  • How to talk to your kids about the state of the world.
  • How to lead even if you don’t know what to do.
  • How to not lose it when your kids have worn your patience down to nothing
  • When you should and should not shout
  • We don’t want to pretend to our kids that we always have the answer. If we don’t share our failures with our kids, they will think something is wrong with them whenever they aren’t perfect.
  • You should not tell kids everything is going to be okay when it isn’t.
  • Comfort is not the goal.

Our job is not to keep someone alive for eighteen years, but to send out an independent, fulfilled human being.—Chris Santillo

MENTIONED EPISODES:

The Three Pillars of Resilience Parenting: Exclusive Q&A with Chris and Holly Santillo

Resilience Parenting with Chris Santillo


Protect your kids with the Bark App

  • cyberbullying
  • sexual content
  • suicidal ideation
  • online predators


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Holly and Chris Santillo’s Links

fivebackpacks.family

potomackempo.com

Facebook

Instagram

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


Don’t settle for a mediocre life.

Join over 400 men becoming their best selves
in The Dad Edge Alliance.

APPLY HERE!


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

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