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ego is the enemy

Why Your Ego is the Enemy with Ryan Holiday

What’s the difference between confidence and ego, and how does ego hinder us from our own greatness both professionally and as a father? My guest today on episode 100 of the Good Dad Project is Ryan Holiday, NY Times Bestselling author of Ego is the Enemy. He’s also a brand new dad to a three-month-old son. Listen as he illuminates us on the difference between being confident and being egotistical, and how to surrender the ego to become a student of life.

Ryan Holiday

RYAN HOLIDAY is a strategist and writer. He dropped out of college at nineteen to apprentice under Robert Greene, author of The 48 Laws of Power, and later served as the director of marketing for American Apparel. His company, Brass Check, has advised clients like Google, TASER, and Complex, as well as many prominent bestselling authors. Holiday has written five books, and now lives on a ranch outside Austin, Texas where he does his writing and work in between raising cattle, donkeys, goats, and his son.

When Ryan’s life crashed and burned, he became fascinated by the ego. Influenced by stoic philosophy, he got a quote tattooed on each arm. One says, “the obstacle is the way,” and the other says, “ego is the enemy.” Ryan says that our ego changes during our lives and that each one of us is experiencing one of three stages – aspiring to be something great, achieving success, or in the midst of a downfall and facing adversity.” During each of these stages, there are few situations where ego is helpful.

 

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

― Marcus Aurelius

 

Envy and Ego

Technology has seemed to create the age of the ego, and on social media, it’s easy to create an ideal looking life. We only post the most interesting moments with enhanced with filters that make our reality seem better and brighter to the outside world. In reality, our day-to-day routine is usually pretty boring and we might not be having the exciting life we portray on social media.

At the same time, we look at the wonderful lives others have crafted on their social media profiles and fail to remember that they curate the best parts to share just like we do. We compare our real lives to their contrived ones feel inferior. This can make us experience envy and jealousy that isn’t even real, and amplifies our ego in a toxic way.

Confidence versus Ego

  • Confidence is the belief that you can do something. You know what you are good and bad at, and are fully aware of what’s outside your control.
  • Ego is denying the possibility of failure and creates a sense of entitlement to success. Ego sets up unrealistic expectations so that when reality sets in, it causes a huge disruption.

Success and Ego

There are many notorious egoists are also extremely successful. Muhammad Ali, Steve Jobs, and Donald Trump are known for their huge egos, and looking at their great success leads one to believe that their egos had a hand in getting them to the top, but Ryan Holiday says you will also see that for these successful people, their ego is a constant source of disruption. In addition to the public controversies, there are private costs of ego that we never see. Most of us fail to consider how much more successful these people would be if their egos didn’t cause them so many unnecessary problems.

Why Your Ego is the Enemy

Ego and Failure

The ego gives us an unwarranted certainty about outcomes. We fail to make the distinction of what we can and cannot control. Like the fate of talented boxers who rise to fame, but are eventually defeated in an upset. They were overly confident in their ability to win and underestimated their opponent. If we overestimate our abilities, we leave ourselves vulnerable to unforeseen blows, and our downfall baffles us.

Ego and Relationships

Ego disconnects us from the people and the world around us. We don’t allow ourselves to be authentic and vulnerable, we lose touch with what’s going on inside us and fail to empathize with others.

Ego and Personal Growth

Ego blocks our ability to learn. If we think we already know everything, are the best at everything, and control everything, then we’re not going to learn anything new. We become stagnant in our lives and wonder why we’re not getting anywhere.

 

“It is impossible to begin to learn that which one thinks one already knows.”

Epictetus

 

Fatherhood and Ego

How do we buffer our ego and increase our genuine confidence?

Focus on Your Personal Life

Most of us believe that if only we can get our professional lives in order, everything else will fall into place. Ryan Holiday says that we’ve got it all backwards. When our personal lives are in order, we are centered and balanced and everything we do comes from a good place. The rest comes together.

Be Open to Feedback

Ryan warns against making the mistake of reading a few books about parenting and acting like you know everything. Rather than judge other parents against what you think you know, focus on the areas you don’t know about. Apply same rigor and openness to feedback to your personal life as you do in your professional life.

Being a Dad is Not Doing. It’s Being.

Dads are busy and driven. We’re always working on something, but Ryan Holiday says ours kid are not going to understand why we’re distracted by a phone call or meeting. Make a commitment, even if it’s only five minutes, to instead of doing something you think needs to be done, to be present with your kid.

Surrendering Your Ego

Counterintuitively, the secret to building more confidence is surrendering the ego. Once we let go of the ego, we open the ability to learn. The more we learn, the more confident we become.

Ryan suggest to learn as much as possible. Every person you meet, everything you do is going to teach you.

Explicitly seek our situations where you can learn and ask yourself “what is the lesson here?” Become a student of life.

 

 

Referenced Episodes

Being a Good Dad with “The Miracle Morning”

 


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

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Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Guest Links

Ryan Holiday

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Amazon


The #1 Reason Kids Quit Sports is Because of the Coach

Learn how to coach baseball right with 7 days of FREE access.

show confidence with body language

7 Ways to Show and Feel More Confidence with Your Body Language

Did you know that 93% of our communication is through body language? Having the wrong body language will not only make you look less confident, it will make you feel less confident too. Here are 7 quick fixes to show and feel more confidence with your body language.

  1. Slow the pace of your walk and lengthen your stride.
  2. Raise your chest up slightly.
  3. Roll your shoulders back.
  4. Never look at the ground. Look up and around at your surroundings.
  5. Make eye contact with those you approach.
  6. Smile with your mouth and your eyes.
  7. Pay attention, be present, and connect to the person you’re speaking with.

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RESOURCES

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


 

 

raise strong girls

How to Raise Strong, Confident, Resilient Girls with Bas Rutten

Bas Rutten is retired UFC Heavyweight Champion and three-time King of Pancrase world champion. He’s a regular on TV, has also appeared in movies, and even makes a cameo in the Grand Theft Auto video game.

It’s hard to believe that Bas Rutten, also known as “El Guapo” or The Handsome One, suffered extreme eczema and asthma during his childhood. He was bullied on a regular basis in his native country of Holland. One day when he was on vacation with his family in France, he snuck into the movie theatre to see Enter the Dragon. Bas knew that if he became like Bruce Lee, the bullying would stop. This sparked a passion for martial arts that took him through a glorious career and taught him many life lessons he would pass on to his three daughters.

How to raise strong girls

Learn to say “no”

Bas admits to being a sucker for the sad look he gets from his girls when he refuses to give into them. But it’s important to put your foot down. If they know they can influence you early on, they will never take you seriously in the future. Bas’s parents instilled good morals and work ethic in him. If he wanted something, he had to work for it and started delivering newspapers and washing dishes at a very young age. He has done this with his daughters as well.

Don’t lose your girls to social media

In this world of Instagram and Snapchat, it can be challenging to get your daughters’ attention. Bas Rutten says that it is important to connect with your daughters on social media. This might seem daunting for those of us who didn’t grow up with social media, but Bas says fathers must evolve with technology so they are fully aware of what is going on.

Bas also knows that being obsessed with social media diminishes the present moment. When you’re taking a video of the moment instead of absorbing it with all your senses, you don’t experience it fully. You’re not likely to watch the video again anyway, so he teaches his family to put the phone down and disconnect.

Be consistent

If you give your daughters multiple warnings and they still fail to meet their obligations, you must follow through with the punishment you decided on. Bas recalls one time when he warned his daughter that if she didn’t finish her homework, he wouldn’t allow her to go to prom. She didn’t finish her homework, and even though it broke his heart to do it, he stood his ground and did not allow her to go to prom. It wasn’t an easy lesson, but it changed everything. Bas says, “If they don’t take you seriously, they won’t take life seriously.”

Teach them to speak up

Girls are taught to be quite and submissive. “If you set yourself up for being bullied, you’ll get it,” Bas says. The best way to teach daughters to be strong is to show them how to project confidence. If someone speaks the them or treats them the wrong way, teach your daughters to speak up. They must say something right away before others think they can get away with treating them that way.

He also says girls need to stand their ground when it comes to relationships. They should project what they expect, maintain their independence, and not cave into their partner’s wishes all the time. It’s important for them to establish this behavior from the beginning so that they don’t become the weak person in the relationship.

Have fun with life

Although Bas struggle with his health problems throughout his childhood, he didn’t feel sorry for himself. It actually made him more optimistic because he knew there were people even worse off than him. He also developed a great sense of humor to cope with and compensate for the ostracization he suffered from his peers. Bas considers his childhood curses a blessing. His experiences shaped him and after the challenges he faced as a kid, his life is easy now. He feels it’s important for daughters to be strong and disciplined, but it’s also important to remember to have fun. Life goes by quickly and no one knows how much time we have.

Bas Rutten’s Parting Piece of Dad Wisdom

Bas recalls how he surprised his daughter with a puppy by coming up with an elaborate trick. A small effort and a little ingenuity on his part created and unforgettable memory for her. Make memories with your kids. Do a little more to make an impact.


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Bas Rutten’s links

BasRutten.com

O2Trainer.com

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Secrets of the Navy SEALs mindset - courage, confidence perseverance and resilience

Secrets of the Navy SEAL Mindset: Courage, Confidence, Perseverance and Resilience

In this episode, I talk with retired Navy SEALs, Eric Davis and Larry Yatch, about how we normal dads can apply the Navy SEAL mindset to develop Courage, Confidence, Perseverance and Resilience.

The SEALED MINDSET

The Navy SEALs are the most elite warriors on the planet. Eric Davis and Larry Yatch worked together as SEALs and known each other over 16 years. They now teach the SEALed Mindset proven performance principles and will share some amazing tactics and formulas so we can become better men and open ourselves up to greater opportunity in life.

Eric Davis

Eric Davis served our country as a U.S. Navy SEAL and decorated veteran of the Global War on Terror. Eric has been recognized as one of the premier sniper instructors in the U.S. military and has served as a Master Training Specialist at the SEAL sniper school in Coronado, CA. Since departing from the SEAL teams, Eric has worked in corporate performance, sales and leadership training bringing an unprecedented amount of innovation, efficiency and structure to the domain of business and personal performance. Eric is the author of “Raising Men: Lessons Navy SEALs learned from their training and taught to their sons”.

Larry Yatch

Larry was determined to follow a path to the military elite ever since 3rd grade when he first saw Top Gun. He eventually spent 10 years as an officer in the Navy SEAL teams after graduating with an engineering degree from the United States Naval Academy. His service to our country ended when Larry was critically injured in the line of duty and medically retired from the Navy SEALs. Larry is experienced with managing high-performing individuals and building high-functioning teams. He believes the most important team you’re on is your family

Fear

Navy SEAls routinely execute missions in life or death scenarios. They don’t have the luxury of giving into fear. If they’re not successful, they are dead. Our modern life situations are not so critical, but managing fear and self-doubt can mean the life or death of your dreams for you and your family.

We men always question ourselves. In stressful or uncertain situations, we go to our default emotions and make decisions based on fear. If we can know how to build confidence and overcome fear, not only can we learn to become more and more confident and resilient, we can give our children the tools to do the same.

Courage

The common understanding of courage is to be fearless enough to do something crazy, like jump out of a plane. However, Larry Yatch explains that courage is not an absence of fear. Courage only exists in the face of fear. Most of us feel fear is a negative emotion, that being scared means we are weak, but we can think of fear as an opportunity to show courage and gain confidence. Fear is simply a cue to exercise an action.

Confidence

Confidence is developed when we repeatedly exercise courage to conquer fear. It’s not born, it builds like a muscle and gets stronger every time we believe we can do something we’ve never done before. Our confidence multiplies each time we learn, practice, and gain experience.

Perseverance

We can also teach ourselves perseverance. The more we learn how to regulate our mental, emotional, and physical reactions, the more resistant we are to giving up, and purpose and passion can drive us to accomplish anything.

Resilience

Courage, confidence, and perseverance make us more resilient. Knowing we have the ability to exercise courage, move forward despite fear, draw upon our confidence, and persevere, no matter the obstacle, the more mentally, emotionally, and physically resilient we are to the challenges in life.

The SEALed Mindset and Parenting

Eric Davis and Larry Yatch created a simple toolbox for men and fathers to gain control over fear and become empowered by reacting with science and strategy. Learning how to lead, follow, and manage the family you’re in is critical to your success in life. None of us gets handed instructions when we have kids. The SEALed Mindset is a manual on how to build effective character, not only to be effective yourself, but to be a reliable leader to your family and a father your kids can depend on to help them turn fearful situations into building moments.

SEALed Mindset Exclusive GDP Offer


Get access to the SEALed Mindset Membership Platform.

Normal price: $150-$250 a month

$25 a month for GDP listeners (90% lifetime discount)

Extra bonus: For FREE first lesson click here> SMLdad.com

 


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Guest links

Sealed Mindset

Twitter

Facebook

Raising Men: Lessons Navy SEALs Learned from Their Training and Taught to Their Sons by Eric Davis on Amazon


 

 

overcome obstacles

Have More Confidence and Overcome Any Obstacle


Overcome Obstacles with relentless determination!  In this episode, I go over three critical ways to develop more confidence, more self-esteem, and more emotional resiliency!

 

Resources:

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Check out our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links