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4 Questions to Crush Self-Sabotaging Thoughts

4 Questions to Crush Self-Sabotaging Thoughts

In our last episode, Wes Chapman shared his horrific story of trauma and how his whole life he had been told that he would never be a normal, successful, happy person because of what he went through. Wes healed and soared above his past. If he believed in his heart what all the doctors and adults told him, he would never be able to become the extraordinary man he is today.

It’s bad enough when other people are putting us down, but for many of us, our worst enemy is ourselves. We tell ourselves we’re not good enough, that we’re not capable, or that we’re inadequate. This negative self-talk silently kills us every day.

In today’s short episode I give four questions we can ask ourselves to crush self-sabotaging thoughts.

Crush your self-sabotaging thoughts with these 4 questions. #dads #men Click To Tweet

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Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

 

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MENTIONED EPISODE: Wake Up the Hero with Wes Chapman

Process to Build Unshakable Confidence

The 4-Step Process to Build Unshakable Confidence

In this episode of Thursday Throwdown, I’m going to share with you some very powerful information from former Navy SEAL Larry Yatch and outline his 4-step process to build unshakable confidence in every aspect of your life. You don’t want to miss this short, simple, yet life-changing podcast.

Mentioned Episodes:

How to Break the Cycle of the Fixed Mindset with Larry Yatch

How to Instill the Growth Mindset in Your Kids with Larry Yatch

Secrets of the Navy SEAL Mindset: Courage, Confidence, Perseverance and Resilience

Reversing Generations of Bad Parenting with 6-Time Muay Thai Champion Chris Romulo


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Create an Epic Life

join The Dad Edge Alliance

CLICK HERE!

Dad Edge Alliance


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links

The Art of Charm and Professional Relationships with Jordan Harbinger

The Art of Charm and Professional Relationships with Jordan Harbinger

Work relationship issues can lead to broken deals, missed promotions, and lost jobs. Today, Jordan Harbinger from the Art of Charm Podcast uncovers the truths and smashes the myths about building relationships at work. He also tells us how our body language dictates how we are treated, and gives us his drill to start appearing more confident and competent right away.

Jordan Harbinger’s Story

Jordan is not a dad, but course, he had a dad. He got into trouble as a kid because his dad was always working. Working hard was how he showed love to his kids. Jordan says this was not a great way to be a father. Every kid would rather have time with their dad.

Jordan started skipping school. He wasn’t cool, so he didn’t go hang out with the other kids. He went home to his computer and spent all his time on the internet – the internet of 1993. It was nothing like the world wide web we know today. Jordan figured out ways to tap phone calls. At the age of thirteen, he was exposed to conversations about real emotions and problems. The world of adults became three-dimensional to him and it opened him up to how complex human relationships are. It became his obsession.

After he graduated law school, he got internship at an old prestigious white-shoe firm. Jordan noticed one of the partners was never there. One day he asked him, “why are you always out of the office? And how do you still make so much money?” The man told Jordan that he didn’t worry about billing hours because he brought in a lot of deals. He focused on business generation, not so much client service. He went out to enjoy golf, jujitsu, cruises, and events for charities. His socializing generated the relationships that brought the firm revenue.

At that moment, Jordan’s mind imploded. All patterns he had in his head about how work works were turned upside down. He realized that the way you network is through generating and putting energy into relationships, and, like parenting and marriage, something grows out of that.

What Happens if We Don’t Work on Professional Relationships?

Jordan keeps tabs on his old buddies who are finding themselves behind. They keep hitting barricades and never get the promotions they’re expecting. They work hard and wonder why they’re stuck.

Jordan says, ninety-nine times the guy didn’t outperform you, but out-networked you.

If you’re in an organization, and you’re not mindfully working on relationships, you’re being willfully ignorant of the secret game being played around you.

Why We’ve Ignored the Social Aspects of Business

Most of our dads taught us to work as hard as we can and never give up. Eventually, our hard work gets noticed. We get promoted and promoted again. Maybe we even get to the top. Or, maybe not.

Myth

This old-school mindset leads us to believe that:

  • We should be getting promoted for work ethic and skill – nothing else.
  • If we didn’t sweat and grind for it, it isn’t ours.
  • Getting something as a result of our relationships is wrong.

This way of thinking is setting us up for failure. Relationships with people in our career-life are just as important as the ones with our wife and family. If we put time and effort into connecting with people, there is nothing wrong with enjoying the success we may achieve as a result. If we fail to build rapport with the people in our professional lives, we will lose out.

Face It.

People are going to choose the people they like. If there are three candidates with roughly the same qualifications, the person in charge will choose the one they feel most comfortable with. They will choose someone they work well with and have fun with.

It’s not just about likeability, it’s about productivity and success. It’s very rare that a team who is qualified and gets along doesn’t succeed. But we see the disaster that happens when teams that do NOT get along. One poorly chosen team member can ruin a whole project, and everyone fails. This is why sometimes highly-qualified candidates get passed over for a better team player or someone with better social and management skills.

Building Rapport and Self-confidence

We receive first impressions visually. Nonverbal communication is our first way to show confidence and competence. Appearing confident will cause people to treat you differently. Once we’re treated with respect, we act accordingly. When we carry ourselves differently, we’re treated differently. When we’re treated differently, we’ll act differently. We actually grow into those personality characteristics.

Project Confidence, not Ego

Projecting confidence is not trying to be the emotionless Rambo-type. Some of us developed emotional toughness in our school days to protect us and never outgrew it. But now it’s time to drop the tough-guy act. We want to act confident, not egotistical.

Be the First One to Be Vulnerable

People bond over shared experiences. Knowing, liking, and trusting has to do with vulnerability. Be the first person to display weakness with confidence. Share a relatable problem. This helps generate rapport and people feel they can trust you. No one will feel safe sharing with you if you don’t share with them.

Body Language and Confidence

Stand up straight with your chin up, shoulders back, and with a smile on your face. This is open, positive body language, but it’s hard to manage nonverbal when you’re in the middle of interacting. You can’t remember all the time. It needs to be a habit so you don’t have to think about it anymore.How can we condition ourselves to use confident body language without thinking about it?

Jordan Harbinger’s Doorway Drill

You can do this drill in your own house. Every time you walk through a doorway, remember to stand up, put your chin up, put your shoulders back, and smile. If you have trouble remembering to do this, take a pad of post it notes and leave them on all the doorways. Every time you see the post it, you’ll wonder why it’s there and you’ll remember the drill. By the time you become blind to the post it notes, you will get the doorway drill.

Jordan Harbinger’s Dad Wisdom (as a son)

Don’t think that talking about your day is boring to your kids.

Many men don’t want to talk about work to our families. We think it’s stressful or uninteresting. But as a boy, Jordan said he would have loved to hear about his dad’s work and about what grown men are supposed to do day to day.

Being a dad is not just provide, provide, provide. Part of being vulnerable is sharing daily challenges with our kids. Spend some time with your kids. Use it to build a bond with them.  Take advantage of the fact they want to listen to you. When they’re older, they might not.

 


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Jordan Harbinger’s Links

Theartofcharm.com

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Podcast


The #1 Reason Kids Quit Sports is Because of the Coach

Learn how to coach baseball right with 7 days of FREE access.

 

 

 

 

 

how to approach life as a man and a father

How to Approach Life as a Man and a Father

In this week’s Thursday Throwdown, I follow up on episode 100 with Ryan Holiday and his profound insights on how to approach life as a student.

As men and fathers, we want to believe we have everything figured out, but in reality that’s impossible. That’s why it’s important to drop our egos and admit to ourselves, “I don’t know everything, but I’m going to learn as much as I can.”

Once you open yourself to learning and begin to approach life situations as lessons, the more knowledge you acquire, the more confidence you build, and the more fulfilling your life becomes.

Referenced Episode: Why Your Ego is the Enemy with Ryan Holiday


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


SEALed Mindset Exclusive GDP Offer


Get access to the SEALed Mindset Membership Platform

Normal price: $150-$250 a month

DISCOUNT EXTENDED: $25 a month for GDP listeners (90% lifetime discount)

Extra bonus: For FREE new lesson click here> SMLdad.com


The #1 Reason Kids Quit Sports is Because of the Coach.

Learn How to Coach Baseball right with 7 days of FREE access for GDP listeners.

ego is the enemy

Why Your Ego is the Enemy with Ryan Holiday

What’s the difference between confidence and ego, and how does ego hinder us from our own greatness both professionally and as a father? My guest today on episode 100 of the Good Dad Project is Ryan Holiday, NY Times Bestselling author of Ego is the Enemy. He’s also a brand new dad to a three-month-old son. Listen as he illuminates us on the difference between being confident and being egotistical, and how to surrender the ego to become a student of life.

Ryan Holiday

RYAN HOLIDAY is a strategist and writer. He dropped out of college at nineteen to apprentice under Robert Greene, author of The 48 Laws of Power, and later served as the director of marketing for American Apparel. His company, Brass Check, has advised clients like Google, TASER, and Complex, as well as many prominent bestselling authors. Holiday has written five books, and now lives on a ranch outside Austin, Texas where he does his writing and work in between raising cattle, donkeys, goats, and his son.

When Ryan’s life crashed and burned, he became fascinated by the ego. Influenced by stoic philosophy, he got a quote tattooed on each arm. One says, “the obstacle is the way,” and the other says, “ego is the enemy.” Ryan says that our ego changes during our lives and that each one of us is experiencing one of three stages – aspiring to be something great, achieving success, or in the midst of a downfall and facing adversity.” During each of these stages, there are few situations where ego is helpful.

 

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

― Marcus Aurelius

 

Envy and Ego

Technology has seemed to create the age of the ego, and on social media, it’s easy to create an ideal looking life. We only post the most interesting moments with enhanced with filters that make our reality seem better and brighter to the outside world. In reality, our day-to-day routine is usually pretty boring and we might not be having the exciting life we portray on social media.

At the same time, we look at the wonderful lives others have crafted on their social media profiles and fail to remember that they curate the best parts to share just like we do. We compare our real lives to their contrived ones feel inferior. This can make us experience envy and jealousy that isn’t even real, and amplifies our ego in a toxic way.

Confidence versus Ego

  • Confidence is the belief that you can do something. You know what you are good and bad at, and are fully aware of what’s outside your control.
  • Ego is denying the possibility of failure and creates a sense of entitlement to success. Ego sets up unrealistic expectations so that when reality sets in, it causes a huge disruption.

Success and Ego

There are many notorious egoists are also extremely successful. Muhammad Ali, Steve Jobs, and Donald Trump are known for their huge egos, and looking at their great success leads one to believe that their egos had a hand in getting them to the top, but Ryan Holiday says you will also see that for these successful people, their ego is a constant source of disruption. In addition to the public controversies, there are private costs of ego that we never see. Most of us fail to consider how much more successful these people would be if their egos didn’t cause them so many unnecessary problems.

Why Your Ego is the Enemy

Ego and Failure

The ego gives us an unwarranted certainty about outcomes. We fail to make the distinction of what we can and cannot control. Like the fate of talented boxers who rise to fame, but are eventually defeated in an upset. They were overly confident in their ability to win and underestimated their opponent. If we overestimate our abilities, we leave ourselves vulnerable to unforeseen blows, and our downfall baffles us.

Ego and Relationships

Ego disconnects us from the people and the world around us. We don’t allow ourselves to be authentic and vulnerable, we lose touch with what’s going on inside us and fail to empathize with others.

Ego and Personal Growth

Ego blocks our ability to learn. If we think we already know everything, are the best at everything, and control everything, then we’re not going to learn anything new. We become stagnant in our lives and wonder why we’re not getting anywhere.

 

“It is impossible to begin to learn that which one thinks one already knows.”

Epictetus

 

Fatherhood and Ego

How do we buffer our ego and increase our genuine confidence?

Focus on Your Personal Life

Most of us believe that if only we can get our professional lives in order, everything else will fall into place. Ryan Holiday says that we’ve got it all backwards. When our personal lives are in order, we are centered and balanced and everything we do comes from a good place. The rest comes together.

Be Open to Feedback

Ryan warns against making the mistake of reading a few books about parenting and acting like you know everything. Rather than judge other parents against what you think you know, focus on the areas you don’t know about. Apply same rigor and openness to feedback to your personal life as you do in your professional life.

Being a Dad is Not Doing. It’s Being.

Dads are busy and driven. We’re always working on something, but Ryan Holiday says ours kid are not going to understand why we’re distracted by a phone call or meeting. Make a commitment, even if it’s only five minutes, to instead of doing something you think needs to be done, to be present with your kid.

Surrendering Your Ego

Counterintuitively, the secret to building more confidence is surrendering the ego. Once we let go of the ego, we open the ability to learn. The more we learn, the more confident we become.

Ryan suggest to learn as much as possible. Every person you meet, everything you do is going to teach you.

Explicitly seek our situations where you can learn and ask yourself “what is the lesson here?” Become a student of life.

 

 

Referenced Episodes

Being a Good Dad with “The Miracle Morning”

 


Resources

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Guest Links

Ryan Holiday

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Amazon


The #1 Reason Kids Quit Sports is Because of the Coach

Learn how to coach baseball right with 7 days of FREE access.