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Bonding with Sons and Daughters

A Father’s Guide to Bonding with Sons and Daughters with Michael Gurian

According to Columbia University, children who have a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to drink, smoke, or use drugs. How we can strengthen the bond between father and son and father and daughter?

Michael Gurian is one of the world’s foremost experts on gender and the brain and has been called “The People’s Philosopher” for his ability to bring together people’s ordinary lives and scientific ideas. He is the NY Times bestselling author of thirty-two books, a keynote speaker, a husband and a father.

Michael tells us the top three reasons why today’s kids aren’t connecting with their dads. He teaches us to discover our assets as fathers and how to invite our kids to utilize them. He also shares the neuroscience behind the differences between bonding with sons and daughters, and how we be the best father to each gender.

Michael Gurian

Dr. Michael Gurian is the New York Times bestselling author of thirty two books published in twenty three languages. He provides counseling services in private practice.  The Gurian Institute, which he co-founded, conducts research internationally, launches pilot programs and trains professionals.

Michael has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, schools, corporations, and public policy. A number of his books have sparked national debate, including THE WONDER OF GIRLS, THE WONDER OF BOYS, BOYS AND GIRLS LEARN DIFFERENTLY!, THE MINDS OF BOYS and LEADERSHIP AND THE SEXES.

In the 1990s, Michael and his colleagues at the University of Missouri-Kansas City completed a two year pilot study that established best practices for educating boys and girls.  These strategies and Michael’s nature-based gender theory are now used in schools and communities worldwide.

One of the world’s foremost gender experts, Michael travels to approximately 25 cities per year to provide keynotes at conferences and speak at schools and in communities. Michael has served as a trainer and consultant to colleges, corporations, school districts, community agencies, faith communities, criminal justice personnel, and other professionals. His philosophy reflects the diverse cultures (European, Asian, Middle Eastern and American) in which he has lived, worked and studied.

Michael’s work has been featured in nearly all the major media, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, People Magazine, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes Magazine, Psychology Today, the Christian Science Monitor, Educational Leadership, the American School Board Journal, Family Therapy, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and on the Today Show, Good Morning America, the 700 Club, CNN, PBS and National Public Radio.

What You’ll Learn

  • Michael’s mom had mental illness, and he grew up in an environment of violence and sexual abuse.
  • Michael’s father was mostly absent in his life until his dad was eighty years old.
  • It took 10 years of therapy for Michael to process his trauma. Therapy helped him recover and inspired him to become a counselor.
  • He’s been married to his wife 34 years, who is also a mental health counselor. They have two girls, aged 29 and 26.
  • Michael’s marriage advice: Establish domains as a couple. Figure out what each of you are good at and give each other space to do that. This prevents you trying to control each other.
  • Why you should compliment your spouse publicly.
  • Michael’s book, The Stone Boys, and why he wrote a story about traumatized boys.
  • The brain is not gender neutral. It shows differences according to sex beginning in utero.
  • Why we need to understand the male experience better
  • How culture is over-judging males and has lost the sense of value in a fathers’ masculinity
  • Dads are 50% of their kids support and development. They need to claim role in their kids’ lives.
  • Why kids aren’t connecting with dads
    • Divorce and child custody processes typically vilify the father.
    • The father abdicates to the mother or others because he doesn’t understand his role. He is afraid to assert himself as a father.
    • The father fails to invite the child to utilize him for the assets he has. He must be a presence. It doesn’t have to be deep conversation. Fathers and kids can bond with sports, movies, video games, and other activities.
  • Don’t be too permissive. Kids want structure.
  • How to be authoritative, not authoritarian.
  • The structure of a boy’s brain is wired to be more active. More blood flow goes to the doing part of the brain.
  • Females have more blood flow to the front and top of the brain. They solve problems internally by thinking and connect to emotive parts of brain.
  • Why females create rumination loops, leading to depression and anxiety.
  • How dads can listen to their daughters for ruminating, find the right time to step in, do a reality check, and offer suggestions.
  • Boys don’t have as many words for feelings as girls.
  • How dads can help their boys get their feelings out
  • What special activities dads can do with their daughters and sons to make the bond strong.
  • Figure out who you are as a dad and what your assets are.
  • Find common interests with your kids. Ritualize doing these things with your kids so you can establish your presence as the dad.
  • Gauge what your spouse is doing. What has she got covered? Where can you fill in the gaps as a husband and father?
  • The difference between maternal and paternal nurturing
  • How trauma effects boys and girls
  • Signs of trauma—if your child suddenly becomes withdrawn, angry, or isolated, he or she may have been traumatized.
  • More kids are traumatized than we realize.
  • How the dad spirit organically works in the family dynamic. Trust it and embrace it.

RELATED EPISODES:

Taking Action as the Head of Your Family

Modern Manhood: What it Means to Be a Good Man Today with Cleo Stiller

Imposter Syndrome: Defeating Your Inner Bully with Dr. Jamie Hope


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Michael Gurian’s Links

MichaelGurian.com

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marriage tips

How to Argue and Other Marriage Tips with Zach Brittle


Today, we’re going to give you marriage tips that you can use to turn your marriage around or make it even better than it already is.

Many of us might say we have good marriages, but we don’t hear about a lot of great marriages that are full of happiness, connection, intimacy, and sexual desire. This is probably because most couples wait 6 years to seek help when they feel unhappy in their marriages, and by that time they’re often ready to give up.

Today we have Zach Brittle on The Dad Edge. He is a marriage counselor and the co-host of the Marriage Therapy Radio podcast. Zach is going to give us some marriage tips we’ve never heard before. We discuss the DNA of conflict, ingenious ways to navigate arguments, and how to break the same frustrating relational patterns. He also tells us how to create a marriage with absolutely no sexual rejection. All married men (and women) will benefit from the marriage tips in this episode!

 

 

RELATED EPISODES:

5 Rules for an Unshakable Marriage

Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage with Mort Fertel

One Extraordinary Marriage with Tony & Alisa DiLorenzo

 


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Zach Brittle

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MarriageTherapyJournal.com

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Techniques for Deep Communication with Your Spouse

3 Techniques for Deep Communication with Your Spouse


We feel like communication with our wives and children should come naturally. If we love them, and they love us, it should be easy to understand each other. Right?

Wrong. What most of us don’t realize is that communication is a skill that can be learned. If we master the way we approach conversations, we will drastically improve our relationships.

In this episode, we share three techniques for deep communication with your spouse. These simple skills will put an end to stress, arguments, and misunderstandings.

At the same time, they will create a space of connection, safety, and intimacy in your marriage. Don’t miss this short, incredibly effective episode!

What You’ll Learn

  • Why women get so frustrated when trying to talk to men
  • How to practice tactical empathy to create a space of psychological safety
  • How to ask generative questions
  • Why we should exclude the word “why” when our spouse is sharing with us

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The YNAB app. You Need a Budget

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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE book on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

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the dad edge alliance


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Fixing Your Marriage

Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage with Mort Fertel

We think that if our marriages take work, something’s wrong. Our culture makes love out to be a mystery. We believe we have to be lucky in love to find a happy relationship.

Today, we are going to debunk that mindset. There is a methodology to fixing your marriage.

Mort Fertel is the creator of Marriage Fitness, the most successful marriage crisis program in the world. He tells us that marriage is not something that comes naturally. It’s something that must be, and can be, learned.

Mort reveals the elements that destroy a marriage and gives us the tools we need to take our parenting and relationship skills to the next level.

We also invite listeners to a 30-day challenge that will make effective relationship behaviors a solid habit. Get the secrets to fixing your marriage and more in this episode!

Marriage is like anything else in life—hitting a golf ball, shooting a jump shot, arguing a case in court, or performing an operation. If we can understand and practice, we are more likely to succeed.—Mort Fertel

Mort Fertel

Mort Fertel is the creator of Marriage Fitness, a relationship renewal system that’s been used by millions of people in marital crisis. In addition to his success with couples, he pioneered the “Lone Ranger Track,” which offers people with an obstinate spouse a path to reconciliation.

People from all over the world schedule private tele-sessions with Mort Fertel and seek his counsel by joining the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp, the most comprehensive relationship home learning program in the world. Mort Fertel is the author of Marriage Fitness Audio Learning System and the host of the “Fix Your Marriage” podcast. Over 3 million people have subscribed to his free report “7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage.”

Mort Fertel is the subject of Back from the Brink, a documentary written and directed by Toroes Thomas, which chronicles people in marriage crisis.

Mort Fertel graduated from the University of Pennsylvania in 1987, was the CEO of an international non-profit organization, and a former marathon runner. He lives with his wife and 5 children (including triplets!) in Baltimore, Maryland.

We have to become experts at catching our spouse doing something right.—Mort Fertel

What You’ll Learn

  • Marriage and relationships work according to universal laws, like gravity.
  • Why people are resistant to get help when their marriage is in trouble
  • Why humility is the number one a quality you should look for in a partner
  • Three Cs that destroy a relationship, leading to the 4th C, cancer of the marriage:
    • Criticize
    • Condemn
    • Complain
  • How to discipline ourselves to not complain and criticize our spouses and children
  • How to express feelings and disappointment without condemning
  • Avoiding “You always… You never…” phrases
  • “The remember when…” technique to encourage more of what you want from your wife
  • How to set your wife up to be your hero
  • Highlight what she’s doing right.
  • Why we should never lie to our kids
  • How to parent our kids without being critical
  • A lack of self-esteem is the root of personal problems in adult life.
  • Punishment creates distance.
  • Connection is the most important thing in parenting.
  • It’s not possible to control a child, only to influence them.
  • Some moments with our kids are not teachable.
  • Sometimes the best thing for a parent to do is nothing.
  • When it comes to time with our kids, both quality AND quantity are important
  • Why we should let a child experience and see the natural consequences of their behavior
  • Always speak in a calm voice. Dignified people never yell.
  • The secret of practicing gratitude and appreciation in marriage.
  • Why we become numb to the qualities of our spouse that first attracted us
  • We pick out all the faults instead of what our spouse is doing right.
  • Being grateful and appreciative does not absolve our spouses from doing things we don’t like, but we should highlight and encourage the good.
  • Forming a new habit takes a tremendous amount of energy initially, but once we get momentum we keep going.
  • What it means to blend ourselves on the inside to stand out on the outside
  • Why we shouldn’t be flashy or behave in ways to try to attract attention to our external appearance.
  • Dress modestly to not make a statement and force people to get to know you inside.
  • Focus on becoming a tower of moral authority and a man of substantial character.
  • The ultimate fulfillment in life springs from character development, not physical and material accomplishments.
  • Gratitude, humbleness, discipline are the most important character traits.
  • The energy we spend on looking good on the outside should be spent reading, being introspective, and in prayer. Working on our flaws.
  • The quickest and easiest thing a guy can do to boost their marriage—catch your wife doing something right every day and make a big deal out of it.
  • The 30-day Challenge—add a reminder in your Google calendar every day to find something wonderful about your spouse and tell her.

MENTIONED EPISODES:

How to Optimize the 5 Dimensions of Manhood


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Mort Fertel’s Links

mortfertel.com/gooddad

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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

==>NEW!!<== Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

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We have new Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


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10 Questions to Deeper Connection with Your Teen


As our kids get into their teens, they tend to isolate and become more independent. Their thoughts and feelings grow more complex. Asking them about their day at school is not enough to get them to open up about what’s going on inside their heads, and they are not going to volunteer information. How can we better connect with our teenagers?

This is a crucial time for our kids, and the quality of our relationships depends on the quality of the questions we ask. If we want our teenagers to feel free to communicate with us, we have to be proactive about getting to know the person they’re becoming.

In this short episode, we list ten questions to a deeper connection with your teen.

10 Questions to Deeper Connection with Your Teen

1. Would you rather receive 1 million dollars in one month or one cent doubled every day for 30 days?

2. Would you rather be a boss or an employee?

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

4. Describe yourself in five words or less.

5. If you could give every person in the world a gift, what would it be?

6. If you were president and had to choose three people to assist you, who would you pick and why?

7. If you could set one rule for our family to follow, what would it be?

8. Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world?

9. When do you think a teen becomes and adult?

10. What lesson have you learned in life do you feel has been the most useful?

Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
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Thanks for the support.

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Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE book on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

APPLY HERE!

the dad edge alliance


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

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