Posts

parenting through uncertainty

Resilience Parenting Through Uncertainty with Holly and Chris Santillo


If we don’t have the parenting tools to remain calm in stressful situations, we will default into panic mode. How can we keep our cool and make the right call when everything goes wrong?

Holly and Chris Santillo return to The Dad Edge today. They are both blackbelt Kempo karate instructors and the authors of Resilience Parenting: Raising Resilient Children in an Era of Detachment and Dependence. They share the strategies they use to lead their family through the unexpected and remain flexible when operating out of their comfort zone.

We have never needed to be more resilient than right now. After this episode, you will know how to navigate through uncertainty so your kids can learn how too.

“When parenting is the hardest, that is the time to do it the right way.”—Holly Santillo

Chris and Holly Santillo

Chris and Holly Santillo are not your regular authors.

Chris has a degree in Computer Science from Harvey Mudd College and an MBA from Georgetown University. Holly has a degree in Anthropology from Williamette University.

They are the epitome of the Latin phrase “Mens sana in corpore sano,” which means “A healthy mind in a healthy body.”

Having strong backgrounds in Martial Arts with Chris being the founder and Head Instructor at Potomac Kempo in Alexandria, Virginia, and Holly being a Senior Instructor, they have managed to develop the principles of Martial Arts into a cohesive parenting methodology.

They believe that children (and parents) with broader horizons and an open mind can sow the seeds for future generations of confident, strong, and resilient adults.

Now, you can find them gliding through the Siberian steppes on the Trans-Siberian Railway, visiting the buzzing markets of Samarkand on the Silk Road, or wondering at the vastness of the Gobi Desert in Mongolia. They have decided to live a nomadic life and explore the world with their three boys in order to bring back memories, ideas, experiences, and a fresh view on life.

What You’ll Learn

  • Creating your own story deliberately—not living your life according to what everyone else is doing
  • Why living intentionally is an ongoing process
  • Why the Santillos choose an environment that has two requirements:
    • forces family time
    • creates uncertainty in life
  • When life becomes too certain, it becomes too easy and growth stops.
  • How to deal with the fear of not making the right choices for your family
  • How to pivot when plans go wrong
  • Battling imposter syndrome
  • How your kids can become your teachers
  • Restart your life when you find you’re not living in alignment with what’s important to you.
  • Kids force us to be the best version of ourselves, giving us an opportunity to rise up and be better.
  • Stop trying to just get through another day. Take time to define your family values. Lean on them when things become uncertain.
  • All the times you don’t give into your child for the sake of convenience pay off bigtime in the future.
  • Approach parenting as a teacher.
  • How to talk to your kids about the state of the world.
  • How to lead even if you don’t know what to do.
  • How to not lose it when your kids have worn your patience down to nothing
  • When you should and should not shout
  • We don’t want to pretend to our kids that we always have the answer. If we don’t share our failures with our kids, they will think something is wrong with them whenever they aren’t perfect.
  • You should not tell kids everything is going to be okay when it isn’t.
  • Comfort is not the goal.

Our job is not to keep someone alive for eighteen years, but to send out an independent, fulfilled human being.—Chris Santillo

MENTIONED EPISODES:

The Three Pillars of Resilience Parenting: Exclusive Q&A with Chris and Holly Santillo

Resilience Parenting with Chris Santillo


Protect your kids with the Bark App

  • cyberbullying
  • sexual content
  • suicidal ideation
  • online predators


Leave an iTunes review.
Get a FREE book!

If you’re enjoying the show, leave us an itunes reviewIf your review is chosen as the iTunes Review-of-the Week, we’ll send you the free book of your choice!

What to do: send an email to support@gooddadproject.com notifying us about your review, your mailing address, and your choice of a guest book from our Books Page!

Thanks for the support!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE YOUR REVIEW.


Holly and Chris Santillo’s Links

fivebackpacks.family

potomackempo.com

Facebook

Instagram

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE BOOK HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

FREE chapter from THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE

FREE EBOOK: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

FREE EBOOK:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Follow The Dad Edge


Don’t settle for a mediocre life.

Join over 400 men becoming their best selves
in The Dad Edge Alliance.

APPLY HERE!


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge

The Three Pillars of Resilience Parenting: Exclusive Q&A with Chris and Holly Santillo

The Three Pillars of Resilience Parenting: Exclusive Q&A with Chris and Holly Santillo


Having resilient kids is something all parents want. We want our kids to be confident, make smart decisions, and have the ability to triumph over challenges in life. What we often forget is that in order to raise resilient kids, we have to be resilient ourselves.

Chris and Holly Santillo joined us for a live Q&A in our Dad Edge Alliance Mastermind. They are the authors of Resilience Parenting: Raising Resilient Children in an Era of Detachment and Dependence. They are also karate instructors with a combined thirty-five years of experience educating children in their dojos and are raising three boys of their own.

Chris and Holly answer real questions from everyday dads about kids when it comes to failure, respect, and communication. They also share the Three Pillars of Resilience Parenting that will build a strong mental and emotional foundation for parents as well as their children.

 

Some Topics Covered

  • What to do when your kid gets discouraged when trying something new
  • Why you and your kid should learn a new skill together so you can be a beginner at it with them
  • What parents can do to grow more resilient along with their children
  • How to earn the trust and respect of your teenagers
  • Why you should develop a family credo
  • The Santillo’s quest to “worldschool” their children

MENTIONED EPISODE: Dad Edge Alliance Q&A: Coming to Terms with Your Own Bullsh*t with Gary John Bishop


Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.

CLICK HERE.


Chris and Holly Santillo’s links

fivebackpacks.family

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

APPLY HERE!

the dad edge alliance


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge

resilience parenting

Resilience Parenting with Chris Santillo


How can we teach our kids to navigate hardships and adversity while also raising them to be well-behaved? Today’s guest is Chris Santillo, the author of Resilience Parenting: Raising Resilient Children in an Era of Detachment and Dependence.

Chris is a black belt instructor of Kempo karate and has established a foundation of three pillars in parenting—learning, service, and integrity. You will find out what snowplow parenting is and why it’s so damaging. You’ll also learn why you should formulate a family creed, how to teach ownership and independence, and how to give kids space to overcome challenges to become constant learners in life.

If you don’t intentionally communicate your values to your children, then they’re either going to end up with no values or someone else is going to shove their values onto your kids.—Chris Santillo

Chris Santillo

Chris Santillo is founder and head instructor at Potomac Kempo, a martial arts studio with four locations in Alexandria, Virginia. Holly is his co-author and the founding conductor of Mount Vernon Children’s Choir and a Senior Instructor at Potomac Kempo. Together, they have been working with and educating children for more than thirty-five years. Chris has a degree in computer science from Harvey Mudd College and an MBA from Georgetown University; Holly has a degree in anthropology from Willamette University. As of the date of publication they are nomadic, exploring the world and worldschooling their three sons.

Anything they figure out by themselves sticks a little bit better than anything I can say.—Chris Santillo

Resilience Parenting

Your children will face many challenges in the years ahead, so you want to raise them to be resilient—strong, adaptable, and able to recover. It is your mission to empower your son or daughter to cultivate a functional and fulfilling life. This essential handbook will help you achieve that goal.

In Resilience Parenting, martial arts instructors Chris and Holly Santillo share the insights they have gained as teachers and parents. They offer positive alternatives to lecturing, bribing, and punishing; focusing instead on three Pillars: Learning, Integrity, and Service. By applying these powerful principles, you can inspire your children to develop the independence they need to succeed as adults, while renewing their connection to family and community.

Whether you are raising a teenager or just starting your family, the methods prescribed in this book will help you unlock your greatest potential as a parent.

The world is a better experience with children.—Chris Santillo

What You’ll Learn

  • What snowplow parenting is and why it leaves kids dangerously unprepared when they go out into the world
  • How we need to give kids opportunities to grow and develop and not do everything for them
  • Letting kids learn to take care of themselves
  • How to raise responsible kids who follow directions
  • Letting go of the constant need to look perfect in front of your kids
  • Why kids need us to talk about our failures as well as our successes
  • How to teach kids on their level
  • How to encourage kids to find solutions
  • The importance of understanding your values as a parent
  • Creating a family creed to reiterate on a daily basis, and making sure behavior is consistent with the creed
  • The Three Pillars of Parenting—Learning, integrity, service
    • Learning–How it’s not about kids learning stuff. It’s about them developing the confidence that they can learn stuff and overcoming challenges even if they don’t have tools readily available.
    • Integrity to self–if you don’t have integrity with yourself, you won’t have it anywhere in your life. You must follow through with the promises you make to yourself.
    • Integrity to others–if you promise something, you must keep your word.
    • Service–Building connections with other people and performing a service for them to have a fulfilling life.
    • Staying connected to other people while preserving independence
  • As dads, when we don’t have the perfect answer to a question, we blow it off or diminish it instead of admitting we don’t know and exploring it together with our child
  • Developing mental and physical strength, adaptability, and recovery
  • Learning to develop strength to approach problems better, then adapting to adversity and setbacks
  • Recovery–knowing that when everything goes wrong and you’re broken down, you possess the confidence that you’ll get back up again
  • Leading by example–Don’t tell kids to do homework or practice their instrument while you go watch Netflix. Show them you’re a lifelong learner too.
  • How to help kids be better at failure
  • Pulling lessons out of books and real life to show our kids
  • The importance of repeating these lessons
  • If kids are not participating in the family chores, you become their servant
  • How to address kids who do not obey
  • Setting rules–reasonable, unambiguous, consistent, and age appropriate
  • How to undo bad parenting habits with kids
  • Chris’s proudest moment in his martial arts career
  • What we all want to know—who would win a sparring match between Chris and his wife?

Like the show? Leave an iTunes review.

If you’re enjoying the show, we encourage you to leave an itunes review.
We read reviews on the show every week. The next one might be yours!
Thanks for the support.

CLICK HERE.


Chris Santillo’s links

Website

Amazon

Resources

Fill out an application for The Dad Edge Alliance

Grab a copy of The Dad’s Edge AUDIOBOOK on iTunes or Audible

GRAB A COPY OF THE DAD’S EDGE HERE

Join our Dad Edge Group on Facebook Request Entry Here

We have Dad Edge T-Shirts!  Grab one HERE

Download a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Download this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS

Links


Hungry for more out of life?

Become a member of The Dad Edge Alliance

APPLY HERE!

the dad edge alliance


Learn More About Our Live Event!

June 6th – 8th 2019

CLICK HERE.


What did you think of the show?

What was your biggest take away?

Tag us when you share on social media!

#TheDadEdge

Twitter @gooddadprojct

Instagram @thedadedge